Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba has been extremely kind and loving in giving me the chance of being a student in His Institute (and hopefully for life too). I would like to share personal experiences with Swami and thoughts that He has inspired via many episodes through this blog.
The students in the final year postgraduate class in the Prasanthi Nilayam campus of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning (SSSIHL) were an excited lot. The day was going to be a very special and memorable one for them. The 16th of March in 2009 had been chosen by destiny for them to express their feelings towards their Chancellor and their Swami, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. The ‘Gratitude Programme’ had become an annual opportunity wherein every batch which was passing out (School students from Grade 12, 3rd year Undergraduates and 2nd year Postgraduates) would, via skits, songs and speaking, convey their gratitude to Swami. On His part, Swami would often make this into the most memorable session for all the students. It was therefore natural that Siddhartha’s heart was bursting at the seams with excitement.
However, mixed with that excitement was also a tinge of nervousness regarding his participation in this programme. Every year, the students try to get increasingly innovative in the portrayal of their gratitude to Swami and Siddhartha (aka Sid), with a few of his classmates, had evolved a novel idea. The plan was to play a game of pass-the-parcel in its classic version in Swami’s presence where a ‘punishment’ lay hidden within each layer of wrapping over a ‘gift’. Each of these punishments would be something interesting which Swami enjoyed seeing. For instance, one of the participants in the game was a mimicry artist and he was ‘fixed’ as the second boy to get ‘punished’ with the task of performing mimicry. Sid had got this idea while seeing an old tape of Swami’s visit to Kodaikanal where Baba had thoroughly enjoyed the game which the students played. But this was not the cause of Sid’s nervousness.
An evening when Swami gave great joy to Sid and Sid gave great joy to Swami...
A particular punishment had been fixed for Sid - to sing the verse which Swami composed as a teenager to market a wonder medicine called Bala Bhaskara. The rationale behind the punishment was twofold - that Sid was a good singer and that the verse seemed very dear to Swami’s heart. To add Swami’s involvement in this, Sid was to act as if he had forgotten a few lines of the verse hoping that Swami would ‘help’ him with the lines. It was a nice and sweet plot to involve Swami but the warden had his own worries,
“See, the plan can backfire if Swami chooses to remain stoic. So, don’t overact. In case you do not get any reaction within a few moments, act as if you have suddenly remembered and complete the verse...”
Sid had agreed to it But secretly, he actually memorised only the first two lines of the verse:
"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."
For long, it was the story of Kalpagiri stood testimony to the truth in this statement for me. After I became a student at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, I came to know of many more such stories. Among the hundreds of stories of Swami’s grace and love that I had heard in my student days, one story stuck in my heart for its uniqueness. And that story brought new meaning to the Oscar Wilde quote. It showed that there are instances where even a sinner has a glorious past. But that glorious past is forgotten due to complete indulgence in the world. The soul starts blundering and floundering in life till God's compassion descends and reveals the Truth.
A file photograph of Sanjay Sahni speaking in the Divine Presence at Brindavan, Bengaluru.
I first heard of this experience in Swami’s presence, in Trayee Brindavan, narrated by lecturer Sri.Sanjay Sahni who is the principal of the Brindavan campus of SSSIHL as on the date of writing of this article. Listening to the incident and seeing Baba’s rapt attention was such an experience in itself. I again heard this incident narrated in Prasanthi Nilayam a few years later, this time by another lecturer, Sri Ruchir Desai. His was a 15-minute speech and so he didn’t go into the details the way Sahni sir had done in his 45-minute talk. But since then, the incident was etched in me and what a wonderful opportunity it was to hear about it from the protagonist-witness himself! The first-hand narrative from Mr.Prithviraj is definitely a story of Himalayan proportions.
Mr. Prithviraj was an advocate from the Indian state of Orissa and he had prospered well in his career to soon find himself serving at the apex court in India. As an advocate of the Supreme Court of India, he had a very busy and fulfilling life. The fulfilling part came from his devotion to his God and master, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba and his annual service at Prasanthi Nilayam in Puttaparthi. He came face to face with the most fantastic and thrilling story of his life during one such visit to the abode of highest peace (that is what Prasanthi Nilayam translates into) as a member of the Seva Dal (the service corps of the Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organization).
It was the year 1989 and as always, he was serving at the South Indian canteen of the Prasanthi Nilayam ashram. He was accosted with great familiarity by a man in a white shirt and a white pant.
“Sairam sir, do you remember me?”, he asked with a gentle smile, “you had given me tea.”
Having tea with strangers in order to extract their story with Swami was nothing new to Prithviraj and so, he was unable to recollect this face.
“I am Mohammad... remember? The cigarettes...”
In a flash, he remembered everything. A quick travel down memory lane brought before his mind’s eye everything about Mohammad and his extraordinary life. The time was about five years ago, in 1984.
God's Award: The only singer with the rare distinction of having sung during both, Baba's 60th Birthday and Baba's 85th Birthday. Here, Swami gives Ravi a shield in December 2010.
The qawwali nears completion
Time seems to fly very quickly when one is enjoying oneself. Every time that I have heard Ravi sing this beautiful qawwali, it has always felt too short. I am sure there are many that would have resisted the temptation to seek an encore because of two reasons:
1. It would look so undignified to do so in Swami’s presence.
2. The only way Ravi would do an encore was when Swami asked him to. In fact, the only time Ravi sings the qawwali is also when Swami asks him to.
Thus, every time the qawwali nears completion, one is always left wanting for more. On one occasion however, things took a different turn. I can never forget that day.
It was the 21st of May, 2006. Summer vacations were on and the students who had decided to stay back and not go home were enjoying the wonderful Trayee sessions at Brindavan in Bangalore. When Swami used to be in Brindavan, staff members from the various institutions in Puttaparthi would travel to Bangalore on the Sunday holiday to enjoy a day in His physical presence. May 21st was a Sunday and the staff from the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Medical Sciences had come to Brindavan. Among them was Ravikumar too. After the evening bhajan session, all of us went into Trayee Brindavan. Swami arrived and sat on the jhoola (ornate swing). He spoke with a few people seated nearby for a few minutes. As soon as He saw Ravi, He asked,
“How are you Ravi?”
As always, the response was just a smile. Swami turned to a student and asked him to sing a song. As soon as that song was complete, He told Ravi to sing and the mellifluous notes of the qawwali filled the air. The next five minutes passed like a breeze everyone in the hall was devotionally charged. Swami smiled, looked at Ravi and said,
“Sing a high-pitched bhajan now.”
“Krishna.... Krishna... Krishna...” began Ravi and followed it with the bhajan - Madhava Mohana Shyama Gopala.
“Nice, now sing another high-pitched song”, was the divine command.
Ravi responded with the Telugu song, “Namo Sathya Sai Baba.”
Swami now asked him to sing another song, one which everyone could follow and sing. Ravi waited for further clarification on the song which Swami wanted. Swami added instructions,
“The song goes high in pitch and fast in beat.”
Ravi was still silent. All of us began to whisper and mutter, guessing the probable song which Swami was hinting at. Swami then said that it was a qawwali. Sri.B.N.Narasimhamoorthy, the then warden of the Brindavan campus made a guess,
“Sai Ke Darbar Mein?”
“No, not that”, said Swami. Looking at Ravi, He again said,
“Sing...”
Ravi smiled at indicated the pitch of the song to the harmonium player. He sat up straight, closed his eyes and began the song Swami was seeking:
“Mohabbat Ki Kami Dil Mein...”
It was the SAME qawwali that he had sung right at the beginning. So, that was Swami way of asking for an encore. As Ravi hit the high notes of the qawwali, Swami closed His eyes too and lost in a trance! Needless to say, the following was thumping and the whole Brindavan reverberated with the qawwali. Even as he completed the qawwali, Swami got up with a satisfied look. He asked for Arati! The session was over because Swami seemed to have felt that it was ‘complete’!
In the bhajan hall, as Ravi came to the last line of the qawwali, he hoped that Swami would get up and leave. However, Swami did not get up to leave this time. He continued to stay.
Man Mandir Se, Jao Na Sai...
Chain Na Aaye Mohe, Chain Na Aaye.
(Oh Sai! Please do not leave the temple of my heart. Without you, I will be restless, without peace of mind.)
Ravi at once realized that in his song, he was actually asking Swami to stay in the mandir - the mandir of his heart! His thoughts quickly travelled back to the day when Swami had apparently tested him.
Nearness or dearness?
Ravi had got delayed at hospital (where he worked) that day. By the time he reached the mandir, the bhajan had begun. He sat in the last row and sang no bhajans that day. After the Arati, Swami sent for him and asked him,
“Why did you not come for bhajans?”
“Swami, I came. I was late and so I sat behind.”
“So what if you are late? You should have walked up to the front and sat in your place...”
Ravi gave no response. He only smiled and shook his head to indicate that he would not do that.
Swami egged him on saying that it would not be a problem if he came front.
Now here was an opportunity of a lifetime. Swami was saying that no matter what time he arrived, Ravi could royally walk up to the front and sit near Swami. Anybody in his place would have jumped at it and why not? Was it not the Lord Himself making the offer? But Ravi stuck to his stance. He again smiled to Swami and mentally said,
“No Swami, that isn’t right. The bhajan session is always the most important and not me. The song is more important than the singer. The Lord is always the top priority and nobody else.”
Swami had read his thoughts. Though no words had been exchanged, a lot had been communicated. Swami had patted him, smiled and said,
“Good boy.”
Ravi definitely had given up the chance to sit near Him but had grabbed the opportunity to be dear to Him with both hands! And that is another important lesson - strive to be dear to the Lord. To be dear means to follow what He says - to do things the way He would like them to be done even when nobody is watching or even when the Lord permits you to ‘violate’ the norm! And that requires great wisdom, humility and maturity. But if one manages to do that, Swami gifts him/her with the greatest blessing ever - Himself.
A Mother of mothers
The most poignant memory of the qawwali for Ravi however remains the 27th of September, 2004. Having been diagnosed with serious illness, his mother had been bravely battling on the health front. Swami had stood as a strong pillar of support during these troubled times. In fact, Swami had told the legendary Dr. H.S.Bhat to take charge of his mother. Though a Urologist, Dr.Bhat had invoked his numerous contacts and Ravi’s mother was receiving the best possible medical care. A major surgery had been scheduled for the 27th of September, 2004 at the SSSIHMS specially for her (at Swami’s behest).
That evening, as Ravi sat outside the operation theater in the hospital waiting for his mother, Swami had sat on the dais in Kulwant hall waiting for Ravi! In between the bhajans, He even asked about Ravi and was told that he had not yet come to the mandir. As the operation concluded successfully, Ravi rushed to the mandir in joy. He was not sure if he would make it in time for the Arati. He actually just made it in time!
Swami, having received Arati, had just got up to leave. Ravi, as was his practice, walked in from behind and sat in a corner. Sri Nitin Acharya, who was assisting Swami then, saw Ravi from the corner of his eye. He told Swami,
“Swami, Ravi has come.”
Immediately, Swami beckoned to him and Ravi moved up to Him on the dais. Swami enquired as to how the surgery had been and Ravi update Swami with a smile saying that everything was fine by His grace. Swami sat back on the chair and told Ravi to sit in front of him, in the first line of the bhajan group. Looking into his eyes, He made a subtle movement. Ravi closed his eyes and began the qawwali.
Ravi’s heart was filled with gratitude at what his divine mother had done for his earthly mother. He had been so nervous and worried about his mother and Swami had quelled all his worries. At a time when it seemed that everything was wrong, Swami had indeed shown him that He was always by his side. The words flowed out effortlessly,
Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye.
When he completed the qawwali that day, there was pin drop silence and Swami seemed to be drinking deep into the beauty of that silence. In fact, when the priest rose to give a second Arati (for every session, as a rule, must conclude with Arati), Swami told him to sit down. As though carrying the beautiful vibrations of the qawwali, Swami just retired for the day without speaking a word with anyone else.
“Swami has that special ability - to make you feel that you are the world for Him. I felt it that day and I knew that He was the world for me!” completed Ravi.
The Lord and devotee share a moment through their eyes during the Prema Pravaham programme, performed during the 85th Birthday Celebrations.
Parting thoughts - ones to treasure
Ravi’s parting statement reminded me of my own experience where I felt that I was the world for Swami. I am sure that each and every one has received an experience like this in some way or the other where Swami has shown him/her that he/she is the world for Him. Isn’t that the reason why we too join in the qawwali, singing aloud,
Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye
Chain Na Aaye Mohe Chain Na Aaye
Even as the qawwali gathers momentum, the singer climaxes into an Alaap,
“Aaaa....aaaa....”
Isn’t that so natural? When the heart is full, words are few but when the heart overflows, there are no words at all!
Little wonder that Ravi realized the secret of life through the song of his life. The song begins with an apparent mourning,
“Mohabbat Ki Kami Dil Mein” (the absolute lack of love in the heart).
But it concludes with the state of ecstasy where there are no words because the heart is overflowing with His love and grace - Aaaa....aaa....
Sitting in the bhajan hall and singing the qawwali of his life in front of the goal of his life, Ravi realized that he would never ever feel a lacuna in his heart because his Sai was always there. He only had to turn inward and he would see that his Swami is waiting for him there. There was no need for a separate and special darshan session any more - every moment of his life would be a darshan session for Swami.
Is it any surprise that he rarely sings this qawwali any more?
...because he is internally singing it every day of his life.
After his final programme performance in Swami's physical presence, Swami materialized a gold chain for Ravi and placed it close to his heart. A symbolic gesture indeed.
Wouldn't it be great to learn bhajan singing from this humble devotee of the Lord? Radiosai offers more than 150 bhajans taught by brother Ravikumar in its popular Bhajan Tutor page. Do check it out. For all readers:
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Ravikumar sat in the bhajan hall at Prasanthi Nilayam. This was a place that was so dear to him for it held in its bosom a million of his most cherished memories - his memories with his God and Guide, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba or Swami as Ravi refers to Him. The ten avatars of Lord Vishnu seemed to look down at him from their mini altars on the northern and southern walls of the hall with the same benign attention as they had done so for the past 25 years or so. The main altar at the western end of the hall was decked and resplendent as always and the two Babas, Shirdi and Parthi, stood in calm poise in their silver-framed, life-sized portraits. The whole hall was silent as the harmonium churned out the introductory notes for the special song that he was about to sing.
A song becomes ‘special’ because of several reasons. Either the lyrics are unforgettable or the tune touches deep within one’s very soul; either it has magical memories associated with it or it has the ability to clear one’s mind completely, rendering it almost thoughtless. The song that Ravi was about to sing had all the above reasons to be called special. And yet, none of the above reasons were what made it truly special for him. The actual reason why the song was (and is) so special for him was because whenever he had sung the song, he had done so at the personal behest of his Swami! A subtle flick of His finger, a gentle nod of His head, a knowing smile from His lips or even that direct gaze of His eyes - any one or a combination of these served to indicate to Ravi that his Swami wanted him to sing that special song.
And today, it was another occasion where he prepared himself to sing that song. But Ravi was not happy! He was feeling a severe vacuum within himself. As sorrow enveloped his entire being but tears refused to flow down his cheeks because the eyes seemed numbed by shock. After nearly three and a half decades of singing bhajans and songs for his Swami, he never had thought that he would be singing on such an occasion. And that too, the special song! It seemed so unreal. He was singing ‘Swami’s song’ without any of the usual indications from Him. But how could He give an indication? He was lying peacefully in the ice-cold casket in the very same bhajan hall which He tread energetically for decades!
The Mahasamadhi of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba had numbed Ravikumar into a state of near thoughtlessness like it had done to millions around the globe. The one whom he had considered as all, apparently was no more. But Ravi had got His indication. It had arrived very mysteriously as Ravi battled between the simultaneous experience of a longing loneliness and a serene solitude.It had arrived as a whisper from deep within, a whisper from eternity. And he had decided to sing the song before the supine form of his Swami.
“Mohabbat Ki Kami Dil Mein
Agar Ehsaas Hota Hain
Zara Jhanko To Paaoge
Ki Sai Paas Hota Hain.”
Listen to Ravikumar's soulful rendering of the qawwali
Those were the lines that served as a slow prelude to the actual qawwali that he was about to sing. He had sung this qawwali at least five hundred times before. But the meaning of the first two lines of the prelude had never hit him so hard as they did today for they spelt,
“Whenever you feel a lack of love (an emptiness) in your heart, (don’t despair), just look within you and you will find Sai there.”
If anybody (other than Swami) could 'patent' this qawwali, it had to be Ravikumar because, believe it or not, 'almost nobody' other than him has sung it in the physical presence of Swami. It was as if this qawwali and Ravi were meant to be together like a word and its meaning. And today, for the first time, Ravi was able to gauge the depth of meaning in the qawwali.
Suddenly, the next two lines seemed to flow out of him with renewed energy,
“O Karishma Ye Usi Ka Hain
Ki Duniya Khoobsurat Lagti Hain.”
“It is indeed the miracle (of Love) of Sai that the whole world feels so beautiful!”
The emptiness of Ravi’s heart slowly began to fill with Swami’s love and he sang on.
With Swami, one's heart and hands are always filled! (At Kodaikanal, 1992)
Swami’s “unexpected” entry
It was in the summer of 1978, when Ravi was a 7-year old, that his father decided to send him to Swami’s new primary school at Ooty. The letter inviting little Ravi for the entrance examination had reached their family home in Madikeri (Coorg). Mistaking this to be a confirmation of admission, his father had taken him out of his previous school and got his luggage packed for the hostel life in the Sri Sathya Sai School at Ooty.
Ravi’s doting mother was not at all comfortable with sending her son to a hostel. It was not as if his father was any pleased to be away from him. He felt that being in Swami’s school was the best thing that could happen to his son. The mother, however, had allowed her heart to rule over her head and was probably secretly hoping that her son is not admitted at Ooty! The family got into the Ambassador car and started the 250 km journey to Ooty. Along with them was a family friend, a staunch devotee of Baba. Enroute, they were driving through the Mudumalai bio reserve, when they saw a red color Mercedez Benz in front. Through a gap between the window curtains of Benz car, Ravi’s father espied on the orange-robed, curly-haired figure in the back seat. Realizing that this was Swami’s car, he told their driver to follow it as closely as possible, without allowing any other vehicles to come in between them!
Swami’s car took a little detour in the Mudumalai reserve and the Ambassador car followed Him to the forest lodge He drove up to. They alighted from the car and stood outside the lodge. Soon, Swami walked out and spoke to the family friend. He enquired into his well-being and the reason for his presence. On getting to know that they were enroute to the Ooty school, He said,
“I too am going there - to inaugurate the school!” Then, He asked Ravi's father where they were coming from. The question was in Kannada and so the reply too was given in that tongue, "From Madikeri, Swami... in Coorg."
Swami nodded. He then told them that food would be arranged for them before going back in.
Ravi’s mother whispered to his father,
“Swami is supposed to know everything. And yet He asked about our plan? He knows we are Tamil-speaking. And yet, He addresses us in Kannada?”
The father replied, "We also speak Kannada right? How does it matter what language Swami speaks to us in?" Soon, a hearty meal was brought to all those who were sitting outside the lodge. The only people there were the occupants of the Ambassador car. What good fortune indeed!
After their lunch was done, the family waited for Swami to leave. Not knowing the precise location of Nandanavanam where the school was located, Ravi’s father thought it best to follow the Lord’s car - a great idea indeed. (A wonderful idea for life too because, often, we are not aware of our destination. If we just follow the Lord, we can reach surely and safely!)
Nandanavanam, Ooty, in 1978. This is a picture taken by Ravi's father as he sat in the darshan lines.
Swami walked out after a few minutes. Coming straight to Ravi’s mother, Swami asked,
“Saaptacha?” (“Have you had your food?” in Tamil!)
She nodded as she exchanged a meaningful glance with her husband. Ravi was enjoying this journey which had included a nice picnic. It only got better as they drove on towards the school along the beautiful, winding mountainous road. When Ravi went in to write the entrance exam for admission into 3rd grade, his father realized the mistake he had made by getting Ravi’s transfer certificate from the previous school - Ravi was actually not assured of a seat in Swami’s school. That however, made Ravi’s mother happy for there was actually a chance for her to take back the apple of her eye home.
It was destiny that Ravi cleared the entrance exam and was selected to join 3rd grade. All the selected children gathered in Swami’s presence. Ravi had no idea that it was going to be a defining day of his life - the day when Swami would choose him as His singer! It happened so simply. From the chair, Swami looked at Ravi who was wearing a woolen skull cap to shield himself from the cold.
“Ay monkey cap!” Swami called out.
Ravi looked behind him and to his sides.
“I am calling you only”, said Swami pointing to him.
The little boy stood up in his place in the Ooty bhajan hall.
“Sing a bhajan.”
Taken aback at this request, Ravikumar sang the first-ever bhajan of his life in the Divine Presence. Closing his eyes, he sang in his shrill boyish voice,
“Bolo Narayana Jai Jai Vitthala.”
The parents were filled with joy. Ravi was also happy. The school would be beginning the next day and he was liking this place. That night he slept like a baby. However, there were two people crying in his room - his father and mother. Though they both hid their tears from the other, they were finding it hard to return to Madikeri without their beloved little son. The next morning, something amazing happened during the darshan before their departure. Swami walked up to the mother and, in Tamil, assured her,
“Don’t worry. I shall take good care of your son.”
She knew that Swami was aware of her tears the previous night and thus felt a surge of relief in her heart. Imagine her thrill when, after darshan, the father came up to her and confided that Swami had told him also the exact same thing during the darshan! It was only then that they got to know about each other’s tears the previous night. And it was then that they realized that Swami would love their little Ravi like a mother and a father!
The addiction called God
Ravikumar continued the qawwali with a smile acknowledging the beautiful memory,
“Jab Se Dekha Tujhko Sai Mere
Darash Ke Pyase Naina Saanjh Savere.”
(“From the moment when I set my eyes on you Sai, they constantly thirst to have your darshan day and night.”)
Swami gifted little Ravi with a memorable Polaroid picture in the Ooty school days.
From that day in 1978, that was what even the little Ravi realized. The school was super-fun when Swami was there. The children’s dormitory door was just beyond Swami’s and many were the occasions when they had stormed out of their dormitory in their night pyjamas to join Him for breakfast! Swami would be the indulgent mother, allowing her little ones to join in the dining session. He would serve them sometimes and always talk and interact with them. His presence was definitely an addiction, something that Ravi realized during the times when Swami was not at Ooty. It was at such times that he would miss his parents and home. So, though it was not exactly as if his eyes thirsted for Swami’s darshan, his heart definitely rejoiced when He was there. And the reason for that was very simple - Ravi was addicted to Swami and he had pledged the most special corner of his heart to Him.
Ravi did not know either of these ‘famous’ quotes when he pledged his heart to Swami. But with God, it is not as if you must ‘know’ everything to achieve Him - a sincere intent will suffice. Ravi’s sincerity won him a permanent special corner in Swami’s heart. And in the bhajan hall too!
I remember an unforgettable episode that happened one evening in the bhajan hall. Those were the days when, out of the blue, Swami would walk in to the bhajan hall, much before bhajans. At that time, all the front places reserved for singers used to be occupied in a hurry by the students who would rush in to get as close to Him as possible. Of course, after the interaction and before the bhajans, Swami would go back into the interview room and the bhajan group boys would occupy their places in front. Ravi would complete his work at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Medical Sciences (he serves as a manager in Radiology there) and arrive just in time for the bhajans. So, naturally, he would miss most of these pre-bhajan sessions with Swami.
One day, when Swami entered the bhajan hall, I rushed and got myself a seat in the 4th line from Him. Swami, before beginning to speak, looked at the corner where Ravi would sit every day during bhajans. There was another student seated there - a student desirous of getting some physical proximity and interaction with Swami. He got what he desired but in a manner that nobody expected. Swami called him and said,
“Ay boy! That is Ravi’s place. Don’t sit there.”
Immediately the boy moved back and the space was left vacant!
I realized one truth that day - If I reserve a place for Swami in my life, Swami reserves a place for me in His life too! I narrated this episode to Ravi bhaiya (elder brother) and he just smiled and shrugged it off saying,
“That is Swami’s love. He is the only one who can have a special corner in His heart for each and every one!”
The first few lines of the qawwali become so easy to understand when one experiences the Divine and boundless love that Swami has.
“Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye
Chain Na Aaye Mohe Chain Na Aaye.”
(I just cannot live without Sai.Without Him, I am constantly restless, without peace.)
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