Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba has been extremely kind and loving in giving me the chance of being a student in His Institute (and hopefully for life too). I would like to share personal experiences with Swami and thoughts that He has inspired via many episodes through this blog.
It is by chance that I came to know of the existence of the Generosity Paradox. By definition, a paradox is a statement that is self contradictory because it contains within itself, two parts which are both true and yet, cannot otherwise be true at the same time. The Generosity Paradox states that the more we give, the more we will receive. By spending ourselves for others’ well-being, we enhance our own well-being. In other words, this means that by holding on possessively to what we currently have, we lose out on better things that we could have gained.
Both are true... Yet both are false - A Paradox!
It is easy to understand why this is called a paradox. Logic states that when we give we lose what we are parting with. On the other hand, by holding on we continue to possess what is valuable for us. That is the cold logic of a zero sum game - when some one gains, the other has to lose. Logic does not allow for a win-win situation because the material universe is finite. How then does generosity/kindness/goodness work?
It is interesting to note that the answer is simple and it has sound logic backing it. I discovered this answer for myself by travelling through the lanes and by-lanes of my memories that have been neatly recorded in several personal diaries. Needless to say it involves an experience with my Master and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.
The ‘handkerchief chance’
During the late 90’s and early years of the new millennium, Swami used to bless the students with one special kind of chance - the handkerchief chance. Unlike the years before and after, 1997-2001 saw Swami walk alone during darshan without anyone following Him. He would collect and carry all the letters which devotees offered on His own. Thus, when He materialized vibhuti (holy ash) for any devotee, any student (of the Sri Sathya Sai school or college) in possession of a handkerchief could run up to Him and offer the same for Him to wipe His hands on. Naturally, the student who was seated closest to where the materialization happened was in the best position to avail this ‘handkerchief chance’! I was a regular to leap at this chance and often carried two handkerchiefs daily to mandir. In fact, my first, memorable interaction with Him was also through this kerchief chance.
Scanning through the pages of my diary, I understand that the 21st of December, 1998 was special for me because I got this handkerchief chance with Swami. What I realize today is that it was also a chance for me to experience the generosity paradox firsthand.
As always, I reached the mandir and scoured the devotees’ sitting areas for whom I felt might get vibhuti from Swami. This was like picking a ticket for a lottery because several other students with handkerchiefs in their pockets too would be on a lookout for probable places where they could avail the ‘handkerchief chance’! I finally settled in front someone who seemed lost in meditation. I felt that Vibhuti might be gifted to him as a fruit of his sadhana. Isn’t it amazing how we are constantly evaluating and judging people!
Soon, the music filled the air and the beautiful form in orange came floating into the hall. It took about fifteen minutes for Swami to come near where I was seated. He paused for a while and looked at me. Then, moving over to the opposite side, he crossed my meditating man. A couple of feet ahead, He paused again and spoke to someone. The way He took a step behind and held out His right palm, I knew that He was about to materialize something - vibhuti mostly. I tensed my muscles, ready to sprint on confirmation of the vibhuti. The next second, I was off.
A 'handkerchief chance' that was captured by a camera. The camera was a cheap one but it captured an invaluable memory.
Swami distributed the vibhuti He had just created to several people seated there. After that He turned to me, took the handkerchief, wiped His hand thoroughly and walked on throwing the kerchief back at me. I put the kerchief into my pocket and, from my other pocket, pulled out small sheets of paper. I distributed these to the blessed ones to safely store their gifts of grace in. That was when one of the devotees, a westerner, asked me for one more sheet of paper. I was surprised but I gave it to him nevertheless. He shook his head to say no and again asked me for something, pointing to my other pocket. I realized that he was asking me for the handkerchief! I just smiled at him and ran back to my place.
If we take any aspect of Swami’s (Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba’s) physical life, we see that it has changes according to the time, place, person and situation. The way He grants darshan, for instance, changed from walking among a few dozen people in a small hall to walking in a disciplined gathering of thousands (with music backing) to personal appearances at the homes of the devotees themselves currently! And in between this spectrum of three distinct points that I have mentioned are many other intermediate stages. Each of these stages have their own speciality.
During the late 90’s and early years of the new millennium, Swami used to bless the students with one special kind of chance - the handkerchief chance. Before I proceed to narrate three interesting stories, let me explain this 'kerchief chance'.
Unlike the years before and after, 1997-2001 saw Swami walk alone during darshan without anyone following Him. So, He would collect and carry all the letters which devotees offered on His own. Thus, when He materialized vibhuti (holy ash) for any devotee, any student in possession of a handkerchief could run up to Him and offer the same for Him to wipe His hands. And I was one among the many students who decided to build a relationship with Him through this ‘kerchief chance’! In fact, my first, memorable interaction with Him was also through this kerchief chance. Now, we are ready to enjoy three little episodes that hold a significant message for all of us.
Whenever Swami materializes vibhuti, it is a source of joy not only for the recipient but to everyone, all around!
Mischief should only bring joy and no pain - Episode 1 It was one hot afternoon in the holy hamlet and all of us students were assembled in the Sai Kulwant hall by 3:15 pm for darshan. I got a chance to be seated in the first line and since I had a handkerchief in my pocket, I feverishly hoped that Swami would create Vibhuti for some devotee who was seated near me. I could see another boy who was also cuddling a handkerchief in his pocket. If Swami created vibhuti at little distance away from me, then the ‘kerchief chance’ would fall in that other boy’s ‘territory’! And so, I was hoping that it would happen close to me!
I scanned out the faces of devotees with the hope of being able to locate one who might be in ‘distress’ and thus deserve the materialized vibhuti. Today I realize that all these efforts are so foolish but those were my ways then. And almost every other kerchief-chance-seeking-lad had similar ways.
Darshan began. The gentle music floated through the air and the Lord floated into the hall. He seemed to glide so beautifully. One would find it hard to believe that He was actually walking - the full-sized robe made it seem like He was skimming over the land surface. When He was just a few feet away from me, He materialized vibhuti for a devotee. It was in my ‘territory’! I was overjoyed! I rushed to Him with the kerchief.
He took the kerchief from me and wiped His hands. Then, instead of throwing back the kerchief to me, He threw it down. It fell down straight on His lotus feet. I thought that I would wait till He moved ahead and then pick up the kerchief before returning to my place. And then, the unexpected happened! As Swami walked ahead, I saw that there was no kerchief on the ground! I wondered as to what had happened? Had some devotee taken the kerchief as a token of Swami’s blessings and grace? It was very much possible - in the bygone days, people used to collect the sand on which He walked as a treasure! I began to scout the devotees quickly to see who had taken away ‘my’ blessed kerchief. Even as I searched desperately for about 9-10 seconds, I saw smiles blossom on the faces of many devotees.
I looked up and saw Swami at a distance. He was about 10 feet from me. He turned around, smiled and gently shook His foot. As He walked on then, I saw the kerchief neatly deposited on the floor. The mischievous Swami had held the kerchief with His foot and had carried it away! Now, a smile blossomed on my face too. I walked the ten feet, picked up the kerchief and returned to my place.
The beauty of His mischief is that it never hurts anyone - it makes everyone around happy. How wonderful if all our mischief too can be that positive and beautiful?
The gift of the holy ash is to remind us the transience of everything worldly. From dust we have come; to dust we shall return.
Love God's uncertainty, even when things seem to go wrong - Episode 2 On another occasion, the ‘kerchief-chance’ competition really had heated up. It was a session when two of us with handkerchiefs were sitting side-by-side. Just like any devotee who wished to give a letter could get a letter, any student who wished could get a kerchief. There were no restrictions. (In fact, many devotees too would get handkerchiefs with the hope that they would be able to beat the student and offer the same to Swami!) Thus, I knew, if Swami created vibhuti I would have to be really quick to outrun my ‘competitor’.
That is the beauty of being with Swami. Competition gets created for who can get first to the Lord - a far better alternative to the rat races that exist for money, position and fame.
Swami came for darshan. As He came near where we were seated, He began to talk quite a lot with a devotee. Now, this meant that there was a high chance of that devotee getting vibhuti. My muscles tensed and I saw my ‘competitor’ tense his muscles too. He was sitting by my side and I could feel his muscles tensing! “I have to be real quick if I have to get this chance”, I thought.
And then, Swami slightly moved and began to encircle His palm. Ah! That is a sign that He is materializing vibhuti. Even before He could create the same, I got up and rushed to Him with the handkerchief. I had beaten my competitor who was still sitting. With jubilation at this victory and the anticipation of the ‘kerchief-chance’ with Swami, I went to Him.
What an anti-climax it was!
Swami did indeed wave His palm. But instead of the fragrant, grey ash, out came an emerald-studded ring. Even as He placed th ring on the devotee’s finger, He seemed to look at me questioningly. It was as if He was asking me, “Why did you come running here?”
While a ring instead of vibhuti may make the recipient smile, it made me, the 'giver of the kerchief' feel embarrassed!
Since Swami is a strict disciplinarian, I got so scared. I returned back to my place at double the speed at which I went to Swami. Everyone there were smiling and laughing. It was with great relief that I saw my fear turn into a joke and I too joined in the laughter.
“Love my uncertainty”, Swami says. We love it only when we get unexpected bounties, but can we love it even when things seem to go wrong? God has a plan for us and that is all we need to know - Episode 3
This time, Swami created vibhuti for a student. Three of us students rushed to Him with a handkerchief. Each one of us had started off at the same time and though each one saw the others, nobody wanted to give up. And so, all three of us kneeled before Him with our respective handkerchiefs. Now, it looked real funny! And we were wondering as to what He would do.
I secretly hoped that He would simply wipe His hands on all the three handkerchiefs being offered. In that way, everyone would be happy. But what Swami told was totally the opposite. He told all of us to put the kerchiefs back in our pockets! When I was hoping He would bless all the three of us, He seemed to have decided to bless none of us!
Even as we put the kerchiefs into our pockets, came the unexpected master-stroke. It was one such occasion where Swami's uncertainty brought joy with certainty!
Swami told each one of us to stretch out our hands and gave us also the same vibhuti which He had materialized! We were pleasantly shocked. Presently, a fourth student came to Swami with a handkerchief and Swami wiped His hands on that! The fourth guy was also thrilled at this unexpected bounty.
God’s plans for us are always way better than our plans for ourselves. If only we can hold on for that extra bit longer, we will enjoy His love and grace in a greater measure! If you enjoyed reading this, you will also enjoy the following articles of a similar nature:
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The story of the three cotton seeds, Andi, Bambi and Candi.
Happy-go-lucky Andi
The spring breeze blew across the lush green trees. The flowers were at their blooming best and the trees had donned their finest leaves. Birds and bees seemed to be everywhere, filling the air with their chirps and buzzing. The sun shone resplendently, spreading its warmth and light, filtering them through the canopy of the foliage. Sweet scents pervaded the atmosphere which had been cleared and cleaned by the recent rains. It was in these happy circumstances that a little cotton seed floated about gaily in the breeze.
“Hum Ho, Hum Ho
Here I come and there I go,
Flying about is Andi’s need,
I am a happy cotton seed!”
As he sang the shrill notes, Andi danced along, unfurling his white fibers. The season had brought a ‘spring’ in his step and sunshine to his countenance. He was always light and also took himself lightly. Today, he sought a wonderful resting place - a spot where he could rest and grow into a magnificent cotton plant that his destiny beckoned him towards. He couldn’t help but whistle in joy because he was sure that such wonderful environs and such a beautiful day were hastening him towards his destiny. That was when he met Bambi. It was a rough and gruff voice.
“Dum Bo, Dum Bo
However I try, there is no place to go,
In Bambi’s thought, word and deed,
I am a hopeless cotton seed.”
The discordant notes and tones of Bambi’s song struck Andi hard. Today, of all days, was not one that deserved such a song! He twisted and turned around and almost came face to face with Bambi. Bambi hardly noticed him and went on, along his way. Andi saw that Bambi had marvellous fibers! They were long and strong and they flapped with such ethereal grace. Andi was spellbound at such handsomeness.
“This is what they call the perfect seed”, he thought, “having it all and lacking nothing.”
But why the discordant notes then?
“Excuse me sir”, he called out as he used the wind to propel himself towards Bambi. Bambi paused to look in the direction of the sound.
“You called me?”
“Yes sir...”
“Call me Bambi...”
“And I am Andi. What a pleasure to meet you...”
“Is it? I am not so sure I would have been pleased to meet myself. Anyway, what is it that I can do for you...”
“You could stop singing for starters”, chuckled Andi, “and then join me for a duet in a song that I shall choose. Your baritone voice will add greater joy to the song!”
“You seem to be a pretty frivolous seed Andi. I am at that point in my life where I have to make some important decisions and you are concerned about singing a song? I am sorry, I have to hurry on.”
The breeze brought the soulful notes of a sorrowful song to their ears.
“Glum Mo Glum Mo,
The world is really cruel so,
A cotton Candi seed I may be,
But in my choices I am never free.”
The sound was followed by a the most beautiful and graceful cotton seed that Andi and Bambi had ever seen in their floating lives. Candi’s hairs were so fine and long. They appeared delicate though in reality they were ultra strong. To top it all, they seemed to have different hues and shades of white. Even Bambi wondered as to what could cause so much sorrow to a seed that had been endowed with everything! It was Andi that broke Candi’s dirge.
“Hello Candi! May life be forever sweet for you.”
Candi was the most beautiful cotton seed that Andi or Bambi had ever seen...
“Who is that?” Candi turned to see Andi and Bambi.
“It’s Mr. Happy Cottonseed!”, said Bambi, “ floating about happily without any cares in the world. Andi is a perfect example of ignorance being bliss...”
That was quite a harsh introduction but Andi did not mind.
“If knowledge and wisdom make one feel as hopeless or morose as you both, I’ll take ignorance any day”, Andi smiled as he patted Candi on his back. He then turned to Bambi and asked,
“What is it that is making you feel so and speak so when the present moment is so full of opportunities, inspiration and bliss?”
Bambi’s story
“Now that you ask, I shall tell you something which I am sure you are not aware of. But please do not criticize me of demolishing your sense of peace and joy.”
“They is no joy and peace which can be demolished by the words of anyone! Joy and peace is the nature of my soul and anything you do cannot change that. So my dear Bambi, please proceed with what you have to tell us.”
That was all the invitation Bambi needed. Candi’s curiosity had made him also stop by the two other cotton seeds. That was all the audience that Bambi needed. He began his narrative:
“I too was a happy seed like you Andi, growing my fibers on my mother’s person, getting ready for life ahead. I nursed great ambitions. I wanted to grow into the best cotton plant ever - a plant which would produce cotton to drape the being of the most powerful in the world. The inspiration I derived from my desire made me a positively charged, enthusiastic seed. However, that was the joy of being ignorant. Seeing my unbridled enthusiasm, my mother, out of concern, made me aware of history - the history of my brother seeds, the other cotton seeds on her.
She told me that the ‘power goal’ I entertained was a genetic desire put within me. She had seen hundreds, nay thousands of seeds start off like me and end up disappointed. It is not as if they did not achieve what they desired. It is just that whatever they did, it was hopelessness in the end. There are examples galore and I shall stick to only one now. One brother-seed, as per his desire, worked his way into one of the world’s finest cotton mills. He became part of a grand suit that was made for the President of the Country! Soon, he walked the corridors of power. Even as he celebrated his elevation to his dreams, he was in for a shock. Bad health forced the President to resign. A few weeks after that, he died! My brother-seed is now a moth-eaten, neglected suit, buried deep in an abandoned wardrobe. Ah! who could have foreseen that? What did my brother do wrong? Life is just so uncertain and cruel. It crushes all hope with its uncertainties. Now you will appreciate the song I was singing...”
Andi now burst into a Sanskrit song (from the Bhaja Govindam),
“Maa Kuru Dhana Jana Youvana Garvam
Harathi Nimeshaath Kalaah Sarvam
Maayamayam Idam Akhilam Hithwa
Brahms Padam Twam Pravisha Viditwa.”
( Dont’ be proud as peacock of all the millions that you have,
And of all those who are with you day in and day out,
And of the strength of youth in you.
Time, the thief is doing its job of stealing them by and by,
All these that exist today will not remain tomorrow.)
M.S.Subbulakshmi's immortal rendering of the Bhaja Govindam.
Candi’s story
“You make fun of Bambi because you have no experience Andi. My mood and my song are easily explained by a similar story that I was told by my mother-plant. As I spent my teenage days on her, I wished to be the most colourful cloth ever. What is life about if not for the magic of colour? Just like Bambi, I too got to know that this desire was my genetic predisposition and my brother-seeds before me had the same intensity and propensity as me. Again, there are examples galore but I am sure just one is enough to demotivate you!
One of my brother-seeds with his long and dainty fibers was picked for the biggest cotton plant in the world - a plant that manufactured clothes of all imaginable colours. And imagine my brother’s joy when he was integrated into a cloth bearing a hundred colours. There was none brighter than him and his pride gave him added luster. Alas! He had no idea of what was about to happen to him. He was picked to be made into a shirt for a clown in the circus. His life too became like that of the clown - colourful and bright as far as others were concerned but monotonous and lonely as far as he was concerned! As a dirt-ridden piece of cloth, he now wishes to die as soon as possible and take birth as a new cotton seed. But even with that, he knows that he has no freedom of choice because there is no guarantee that even the next birth will give him what he actually desires.”
This time, Andi broke into another song,
“Punarapi Jananam Punarapi Maranam
Punarapi Janani Jathare Shayanam
Iha Samsare Bahu Dusthaare
Krupaya Paare Pahi Muraare.”
(Again and again one is born; And again and again one dies;
And again and again one sleeps in the mother’s womb,
Help me to cross this limitless sea of life,
Which is uncrossable, my Lord)
Andi’s story
“This Andi is a hopeless romantic”, muttered Bambi under his breath to Candi.
“Of course! Added to that he seems to be living in some utopian dream world.”
Andi only smiled.
“My dear Bambi and Candi. I totally understand the cause for your moods and outlook of life. You are right in all that you thought. However, there are some things that I should clear with you. And the first among those is the fact that my bliss is not born out of ignorance. It has taken birth from the wisdom that my mother ‘seed’ed in me.
I come from a middle ‘class’ family of cotton seeds. I and my brother-seeds do not have great genetic predispositions. All our ancestors have led average lives as forgettable pieces of cloths. However, mother never let that come into our dreams. She told us to aspire for the best and the best, she said, is God. She told each one of us to pray and pine to be a cloth for God. For me too, there are examples galore but let me just pick one to motivate you.
My brother-seed sought God and he achieved everything in life!”
“Did he become an apparel to an heir apparent of the ruler?” asked Bambi.
“No, he was made into a small piece of cloth, 2 feet by 2 feet in size.”
“Ah! That is disappointing. Did he atleast have a million colours on him?” It was Candi this time.
“My sweet Candi! You are rushing to conclusions. But no! He was just white all over.”
“How then can you say that he achieved everything in life. This is a case of very low expectations”, they both chorused.
Seeing the bewildered looks on their faces, Andi smiled. He put his short hairs enveloping them in an embrace and continued the story,
"My brother-seed was blessed by Baba in the darshan lines."
“You see, my brother seed became a handkerchief in the hands of another middle-class family man. But this man travelled one day to a place called Whitefield in Bangalore where God had descended on earth! My brother-seed rejoiced as this Lord, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, accepted the handkerchief and wiped His vibhuti-smeared hands to it. Since then, he has never been in any pocket for he occupies a special place in the altar. The man passed away in a few years but his children too revere the handkerchief and worship it in the altar. My brother-seed is happy since for he is right next to God. His life’s desire is fulfilled.
But it does not stop with that. Though he did not seek it, he sits in the seat of greatest power because even the most mighty among men bow before him. And his life is colourful too because, you see, white is an amalgam of all the colours in the world!”
You get everything and can see the Lord in your heart.)
Seek that, seeking which you never have to seek again
As Bambi and Candi listened with amazement and wonder, Andi continued,
“So you see my dear friends, it is wrong to have only a ‘lofty’ goal in life when we are meant to choose the ‘loftiest’ goal! Let us not be satisfied with anything else other than the highest. Let us seek that one thing, seeking which we will never have to seek again! And let us not get fooled into seeking things which are mere trinkets compared to the Lord. For, when we seek the Lord, everything else automatically comes along, unasked! Whatever our 'genetics' may be, this disposition to seek the ultimate is available to all that wish to avail it.
We should be careful to never let down our aims. Let us not go and seek coffee-powder from a Kalpavriskha! I am sure that the stories of hundreds of my brother-seeds are all so beautiful. And so, if I too have such a loftiest desire, I am sure to achieve what I seek. That is my destiny and even the universe will conspire to help me achieve that! Isn't that reason enough to sing along merrily.”
Hum Ho, Hum Ho
It was Bambi who began the song as Andi and Candi joined in.
“Hum Ho, Hum Ho
Here we come and there we go,
We have God to fulfill all our needs,
We are a bunch of happy cotton seeds!”
Even if you have to be a handkerchief, just ensure that you belong to the Lord!
And that is the story of the Andi, Bambi and Candi, the ABC of cotton seeds. It is a story that teaches us that if we ‘Always Be Careful’ to choose God and God alone, we will ‘Always Be Cheerful’ too!
(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Also explore the 60-odd 'previous articles' listed month-wise on the top right here. Another blog which I maintain with more than 230 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, pleaseemail me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".)
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