Yearning to Learn; Learning to Yearn

An evergreen song - Ek Radha Ek Meera

There is a popular Hindi song comparing the love of two devotees of Lord Krishna, Radha and Meerabai. These two are possibly among Krishna’s greatest devotees. The first few lines go like this:

Ek Radha Ek Meera, Donon Ne Shyaam Ko Chaahaa
Antar Kya Donon Ki Chaah Mein Bolo
Ek Prem Diwaani Ek Darash Diwani

{Radha and Meera, both desired for Krishna.

Tell me what is the difference in their desire?

While one longed for His (physical) love, the other sought to see Him (darshan). }

What makes the song interesting is that Radha was a contemporary of Krishna while Meera lived in an era thousands of years after Krishna’s physical passing. In fact, everything about their lives is different - totally. And yet, what is common is that both achieved their ultimate goal of union with their beloved. That should be an inspiration for us because it shows no matter how different we are in the way we love God, we all are equally capable of achieving Him. What matters is how we yearn for Him ALONE. There are many instances of yearning for God being more important than experiences with God and this post will be an extension of those thoughts.

Hear the beautiful song in the golden voice of Lata Mangeshkar.

Personally, the song brings solace to my heart that pines for and misses the physical form of my Sathya Sai Krishna, my Swami. It encourages me to keep the flame of yearning going with the oil of devotion till the wick of my body burns away. It soothes me with the assurance that though all do not get the opportunity to be a ‘Radha’, everyone can grab the opportunity to be a ‘Meera’.

Every now and then, it is not uncommon for me to feel a spiritual void, a disconnect with my Swami within. At such times, I try to focus on Swami in everything I do. Like a faithful dog, I stand barking at the door of my Master, refusing to lick the juicy tidbits He throws me because I know that when all else fails, He will surely come out of the door and pat me. It is one such experience post the ‘Mahasamadhi’ of Baba that I would like to share.

The void

It had been several weeks since Swami had come in my dreams. It had been nearly a month since vibhuti manifested in the altar at home. Of course, my work at Radiosai involved seeing videos of Him, hearing His discourses and thinking about Him. And yet, I was feeling a void. I realized that while with yearning and personal sadhana, work becomes worship, without them even worship becomes a work! Thus I felt that I need to pine more for Him.

I confided into my wife, Pooja, and told her that I was missing Swami a lot.

“It was so easy when He was here. Why did He have to leave?” I asked her rhetorically.

“Swami knows best”, she replied before encouraging me, “the very fact that you are yearning for Him is a blessing from Him. Be grateful and keep praying.”

“Sane advice indeed but it does not help my crying heart...”

“If you love Swami, instead of just feeling for Him start doing something for Him”, she egged me on.

“I am doing many things right...”

“But you still are not satisfied” she cut me, “then do more for Him. See, I am planning to do a week long Sai Satcharitra reading.”

“Where do you have the time?”, I asked wonderingly because she would have to manage our daughter Bhakti at home apart from the 7 hours she would have to put into the work-from-home job.

“I will make time...”

Shraddha and Saburi - Ganesh's experience about the prerequisites for devotion

The first step

Eighteen year old Ganesh enrolled into the Brindavan campus of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning for the Bachelors course in Chemistry. Little did he realize that his pursuit for higher learning would transform into a pursuit for the highest yearning and would lead him to learn the highest pursuit in life. He did not imagine that along with a 3-year Bachelors course, he was also being enrolled for a lifelong internship in internalizing Divine love.

The Summer Course in Indian Culture and Spirituality was beginning and every student joining the hallowed portals of the University had to compulsorily attend it. Thus, for the first two weeks, of his life as Swami’s student, Ganesh was showered with daily discourses of Bhagawan Baba. Apart from those, he was also blessed to hear many talks and satsangs by scholars, devotees, people of eminence, teachers and senior students of the University. What he heard enthralled and excited him. He kept awake late in the night replaying to himself all the wonderful things he was listening to.

But grasping God, Swami, by listening to narratives about Him is like trying to understand the magnificent oceanic depths by standing on the shore. While one gets a sweeping view of the immensity, to truly understand the beauty, grandeur and tranquility of the ocean, one has to dive deep into it. However, listening to a devotee extol the Lord is also akin to listening to a restaurant waiter passionately describe a delicacy. It prods the listener to quickly seek that, which is being described! That is exactly what happened to Ganesh.

The more he listened to the leelas, mahimas and experiences divine, the more he thirsted to experience Swami directly and His Divine Love. It was not a passing desire or a comparison-game where he wanted to be in the position of others. It was a genuine urge to experience the Divine acknowledgement that his Swami was omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient. And so, Ganesh began to silently yet intensely pray to Bhagwaan. Several days passed in this manner but no experience seemed to be forthcoming. One day, Ganesh just happened to come across a quote by Baba,

“Take one step towards Me and I will take a hundred towards you.”

He instantly knew what the problem was - he had not taken the first step. He prayed to Swami and immediately took a sankalpam (resolution),

“Swami, I will read the fifty chapters of the Shirdi Sai Satcharitra (the holy story of Shirdi Sai) over the next 50 days, one chapter daily. It is said that when one completed the reading of the Satcharitra, one’s prayer is answered.  All I pray to You is this - bless me with the gift of a Divine experience. I have heard several experiences from students, teachers and devotees but if you grant me one personal experience then my Faith will become firm forever!”

Ganesh wanted to give his heart entirely to Swami and wanted Swami to extend to him the same deal!!

He knew what Swami had once told a devotee in this regard. In spirit it went like this,

“If you are praying with the objective of developing faith, you are allowed to put conditions and test Me. I will satisfy all your conditions and grant you that faith in Me. But after I have satisfied all your conditions, if you put one more condition, then you will become a ‘Doubting Thomas’ for life and suffer in your self-created ignorance.”

However, Ganesh had not made a prayer with this intention to test Swami, challenge Him or sign a contract with Him. It was simply a humble plea of a boy who was thirsting to taste the nectar of His Divine Love and was ready to do anything for that sake.