Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 3

That was my feeling towards Swami as I thought about the whole thing...

Not faxes but acceptance

The fax had been received but apparently, my apology had not been accepted. During the darshan, the ignoring continued. Swami refused to look towards me and I did not feel like making any extra efforts to draw His attention. The next day, in the morning, I went to the fax shop and sent another one. This was a longer apology and I pleaded with Swami that I would not be so foolish again (as though it was totally in my control)! The evening darshan turned out to be a repeat of the previous days as far as Swami breaking the ice with me was concerned.

That night, I thought that there was nothing more that could be done in terms of ‘apologising’ or ‘explaining’ via letters. I decided that my third fax to Swami would also be the final one. In it, I wrote that Swami knew everything. He was the resident of my heart and even if my own mind and hand made mistakes in putting out what my heart held, He would not misunderstand. I surrendered to Him saying that I was ready for whatever He wished and I would not be writing any more apology letters. Having sent that, my mind felt at ease for the first time. That is the magic of acceptance and surrender. When one is ready to embrace whatever God has planned, the mind rests and all tensions/stresses vanish. Things immediately seem to improve though Swami’s behaviour towards me did not change.

{This is the third part of this story which will make better sense if read after the first two parts. In case you have missed it, the first part is at the link below:

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 1

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 2}

Then came the evening of the 24th of December. It was exactly one year to the day when Swami had accepted my offer to be my best friend! It had been an unforgettable occasion. Today, one year later, it was ironical that we were not even on terms of looking each other in the eye! There was a programme by the overseas devotees celebrating Christmas Eve. And here I was wiping away my tears on the 1st anniversary of best-friendship! I was seated far away from Swami. It was good in a way because nothing is more painful than sitting under His nose and being completely ignored by Him.

Sitting far away from Him on the 1st year anniversary of my "best-friendship" day!

Before going forward with the story, I must share a few thoughts here on being good and appearing good.

Heartfelt explanation

When the question of being good or appearing good comes up, most of us tend to lean towards being good, irrespective of how we appear to the world. The argument given is that it is definitely impossible to please everyone. Aesop has given us a famous fable in his inimitable style to impress this very message.  

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 2

That sinking feeling...

I began to walk towards no particular direction. Possibly because I had planned to go for that dinner, my feet automatically took me towards Round Building 5 where the others had gathered. I did not know what to do. I replayed the happenings during the evening darshan. I had thought that the elderly person offering the rose to Swami did not have the good luck to get a photo with Swami where the Lord was smiling and posing. I realized that I had been a culprit who had ruined that opportunity for the devotee! My heart was racing. My emotions were on high octane and the predominant ones were those of fear and sorrow.

I pulled out my phone and dialled Sai Prakash’s number. He was several years my senior and had gone through many ups and downs in life. He would surely be able to help in some way.

“Hey tell me...” his cheerful voice came over the handset.

I almost broke down telling him all that had happened. I vented continuously and the fear in my voice was palpable for him. I felt that I might be thrown out of Puttaparthi and that was my greatest fear.

“Barru, see the bright spot. Focus only on that...”

“CG! What bright spot do you see in this man? All I see is pitch darkness...”

“Swami cares for you enough to scold and correct you... That is His love - nothing else.”

“Frankly CG, I wouldn’t mind if Swami cared a little less about me. I am really scared and ... what will my parents think about me? I will never be able to forgive myself for having thrown away such an opportunity.”

“That’s not the way to take it. I assure you that this is an opportunity. Recognize it and put in efforts.”

{This is the second part of this story which will make better sense if read after the first part.)

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 1}

The call did not give me much solace though I hoped that whatever CG had told me was true. I was reminded of how Mother Sita had been banished to the forest by Lord Rama because a washerman had passed some loose comment about her. It was not as if I was anywhere as ‘chaste’ or ‘pure’ as Mother Sita. Still, I shared the similarity with her that I had appeared to society as if I was in the wrong and my Lord seemed to have punished me for it.

God’s wrongdoings?

Time has this magical way of lending maturity and wisdom to the naivest of people. Over time, I have definitely understood that God is never vengeful. He knows the past, present and future and every decision He takes is for the best from all perspectives. But my perspective is limited. So, feeling that God is not a very loving being is because of my limitations and not His!

For instance, I remember this very thoughtful extrapolation that a Sai-brother had done to the Sita situation. He wrote to me:

Mother Sita was blessed with the opportunity to focus on a spiritual
life and the upbringing of her children alone!

“What would have happened if Rama had not abandoned (if i can use that word) Sita? A simple logic (from a worldly point of view or rather a common man's perspective with sanity) shows that this washerman's evil ideas could have taken a much larger proportion which could have created terrible repercussions. Imagine, if instead of this washerman, someone inside the Ayodhya palace had said this and Mother Sita had heard it. Imagine if after Luv and Kush's birth someone had  raised similar questions.

Rama indeed cared for Sita and loved her. More importantly, to uphold the respect of woman he "isolated" her from this evil society, and provided her an opportunity to prove herself. In fact, in Ramakatha Rasavahini Swami says that Rama asks Sita for a wish and she expresses her willingness to spend time in the pious Ashram environment hearing the glories of the Lord. Rama was indeed an ideal man who used this moment as the right opportunity to save both Sita and the people's minds. It’s like uprooting the weeds before weeds destroy the whole garden. Ideally Rama and Sita both could have left Ayodhya once they realized that people did not respect them. However it was Rama's commitment to Praja that made him stop.  Ramayana could not have had a better ending than Luv & Kush themselves proving the chastity of Mother sita and everybody in Ayodhya accepting that - we need to have pure thoughts while witnessing Divinity.”

I may or may not agree 100% with that extrapolation. But I totally subscribe to this brother’s concluding statement that ONLY PURITY CAN HELP VIEW DIVINITY. Thus, God never does wrong.

With that little detour, I continue back with my story where I was left with a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 1

Not being good; not appearing good - bad but honest, the reckless

Being good; not appearing good - good but vulnerable, the foolish

Being good; appearing good  - good and honest, the ideal

Not being good; appearing good - bad and evil, the devil

• Wise Man’s saying

Well, the wise man there is me and I gained that wisdom based generally on several experiences in life and specifically on one unforgettable and painful experience with my Master and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. This incident spanning a couple of months began on a nice note but soon developed into proportions that I had never imagined. But as is the case always with Swami, the ‘messenger’ ceased to exist once the ‘message’ had been received. It took me several years to digest the experience and, even to this day, I cannot claim to have completely digested and understood it. But I surely have learned a very important lesson. I shall open my heart about the same now.

A memorable flight back home

The story begins on the 2nd of November 2009 as we returned with Swami to Puttaparthi after a memorable visit to Hadshi and Mumbai. Swami had blessed everyone with an opportunity to take a picture alongside Him during the chartered flight and I was the photographer there. Beside me was my colleague, Sai Prakash, with the video camera. As the session progressed, the crew members began to serve food and beverages to the passengers. The food cart blocked the aisle temporarily and it was just the two of us with Swami. We simply sat looking at each other for a while.

A beautiful moment with my Swami that I shall treasure forever - dated 2nd November, 2009. 

After a silent wait, I felt an irrepressible urge in me to speak to Him. I made a slight movement towards Him and as He looked kindly, so I felt encouraged to go ahead. I said,

“Swami, my parents had Your darshan; they were very happy.”

Swami asked, "When are they coming here?"

“Swami, after father's retirement in May, they will come and settle down here itself.”

Swami nodded saying, “Santosham (Very happy)”. I continued,

“One more thing, Swami. Mother keeps crying out ‘Swami’, ‘Swami’, ... Please grant her namaskar once when she comes to Puttaparthi. Once You speak to her, she will be so happy.”

He nodded in agreement. But then He responded with a question of His own,

"She keeps telling ‘Swami’, ‘Swami’... What about you?"

I was dumbstruck. I mumbled and fumbled a bit and said,

"Swami, You know what I feel. You are most important for me."

It was then that Swami said ever so softly,

"You are taking a girl and going on your bike."
Wow! Was I taken aback at this omniscience! I remembered that I had, a few weeks before, indeed taken a high-school girl to the Super Specialty hospital in Puttaparthi for ophthalmology treatment. This girl’s parents were family friends and I was doing them a favour by taking her for her treatment. I said,

"Swami that was... er...a sister."
He said,

"If it's sister, it's alright... But not sister... You made her sister.”

It was true. She was not my biological sister. I just nodded. I was not sure whether Swami was upset with me being with her or going on the bike with her. Then, I told Him,

"Swami if you say, I shall give up using the bike itself."

I had purchased the bike because it had become difficult to follow Swami with my camera on my bicycle when He made visits to the hospital, grounds etc. Even when I succeeded in keeping pace with Him, I would end up sweaty and panting for breath. I had tried to get the bike blessed by Swami, trying to show Him the keys. That had not happened so far. But now, I wanted to stress that for me He was the most important and that I would gladly give up bike riding itself if He had the slightest problem with it.

An addiction called God - experiences of Navaneeth Kumar_ Part 3

God qualifies the called

The rules by which man judges man and the rules by which God judges man definitely vary. For instance, while man judges man based on the results produced, God judges man based on the efforts put in. While man checks a man’s qualifications before giving him a call, God calls the man who needs Him and then bestows the necessary qualifications on him! That was what Navaneeth realized with goosebumps after he joined the hostel as a student in the Sri Sathya Sai Mirpuri College of Music.

It was the first week of June and Swami was in Brindavan, Bangalore. He was expected to arrive to Puttaparthi somewhere in the middle of the month. Navaneeth was among the senior-most students who had enrolled for the Foundation course. He saw that all his classmates were between 12 and 16 years of age. He was 22. That was when it struck him hard. He clearly remembered reading the statement in the prospectus:

The foundation course in these subjects is for two years and is open to boys of the age group 13-20. The diploma course is of three-year duration and is for boys of the age group 16-23.

How on earth had he secured the seat even though he was ‘overaged’? He also remembered another miracle that had played out during the final interview. Thrilled at ‘doing well’ in the entrance test and excited at the prospects of being a student in Bhagawan Baba’s college, Navaneeth had written a letter of gratitude to Swami. The icing on his cake of excitement was Swami’s acceptance of his letter. The cherry on the icing was the manner of His acceptance. As Swami took the letter from Navaneeth’s hand, their little fingers touched and Navaneeth felt electrified. He looked into Swami’s eyes and felt a warm surge within as Swami bestowed a gentle smile. Ah! Swami was fulfilling every little desire of his. It was in this happy mood that Navaneeth had gone to attend the interview.

The only qualification that the Lord requires from His devotee is that he need Him.

{This is part 3 of a riveting story. Enjoy it fully after completing the first two parts at:

PART 1:

An addiction called God - experiences of Navaneeth Kumar_ Part 1 PART 2:

An addiction called God - experiences of Navaneeth Kumar_ Part 2 }

Among other questions, the Vice Chancellor had asked him,

“Are you a Bal Vikas student?” (The Bal Vikas movement is a unique concept where the child is educated with the goal of inculcating character. This is done via love for God.)

Navaneeth had not attended any Bal Vikas classes and was about to answer the same, but his eyes fell on his application form that the Vice Chancellor had placed before him. To his utter amazement, the tiny box next to the statement, “Have you been a Bal Vikas student?”, had been ticked. He had definitely not ticked it, and so, in response to the VC’s question, Navaneeth just presented an awe-struck face. The question was repeated to him,

“Are you a Bal Vikas student?”

“Er... Yes sir...”, he replied.

Navaneeth recalled that episode and realized that him getting a seat in the Music College would have involved quite some work for Swami. But then, the Lord never considers it as ‘work’. On one occasion when a devotee thanked Swami for the ‘Shrama’ (efforts) He had made for him, Swami replied,

“Bangaroo, idi Shrama Kaadu; Prema” (Dear one, this is not ‘effort’ but ‘love’.)

Days of darshan bliss

Navaneeth waited for Swami to arrive from Brindavan. In the meanwhile, he got reunited with his other love - cricket. Cricket seemed to be the official game in the hostel and he got opportunities to bat and bowl to his heart’s content. It is like a ‘buy one get one free’ offer when one desires for the Lord alone. The desires of the world that the individual nourished previously also get fulfilled automatically.

It was almost July by the time Swami arrived and Navaneeth now began to enjoy darshans. The Sai Kulwant hall felt like home for him because he had spent hours on the end here. He was happiest here and he seemed to know every pillar and tile that constituted the hall. It was but natural that he also knew the vantage points and vital spots to sit for a good darshan.

How I got my job and career at Radiosai Global Harmony (Part 4 of 4 of my career story)

This is Part 4 of the story of how Bhagawan Baba helped me make my career choice.

If you have arrived straight here, please take a few minutes to read the first few parts to ensure continuity and better understanding. Part 1 is posted here.

How Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba helped me make my career choice

Part 2 is posted here.

God's Masterplan works subtly and silently for each of us

Part 3 is posted here.
How God changed my disappointment into appointment.



This is the concluding Part 4

A message from the Lord can come in many ways...

Tryst with Divinity

For the second time in 3 days, the three of us went into the bhajan hall and took seats in the front. There was no ‘emergency’ as such but ever since we had received that encouraging nod from Swami, Bhagawan Baba, on 31st March, things had changed for us. We were given the front seats without any problems. We waited for the Veda chanting to begin and usher into the Sai Kulwant Hall that beautiful orange-robed form. That happened within a few minutes.

Even as I waited, I picked up an inspirational book of short stories that one of the students was reading. Suddenly, my mind said,

“Seek a message.”

It is a habit among many to randomly open a book and seek a message. I too am part of that ‘message seeking’ mass! So, I closed my eyes and opened the book. The short story that came in front of my eyes was - The meeting that was not to be.

Immediately, I did not feel so good. And the Veda chanting began, signaling Swami’s arrival for darshan. Within ten minutes, the darshan was completed and Swami came towards the interview room. As He was entering the interview room, He cast a cursory glance into the bhajan hall. His face seemed to contort in irritation (that is what I thought). It seemed to ask,

“What are these boys doing here?”

Then He went in.

I did not want to confide my fears to the other two boys. I opened the book again and went to that story which seemed to have negatively sealed my fate. As I read the story, I saw a happy ending (naturally it had to be good because it was an inspirational book). In the end, the ‘meeting’ actually took place in the story and gave me the same hope for my story too.

Swami came out within a few minutes and stopped near the bhajan hall entrance. He beckoned to us and we three moved to the wheelchair that He was seated on.

“Swami, the vice-chancellor met us...”, I began.

“The vice-chancellor met me too. He showed me the photos of you three as well”, He replied with a smile.

He then looked at Dhananjay, the other boy and asked,

“What does your mother say about this?”

“Swami, my mother is very happy. She told me to do whatever you say and be with you always...”

It was such a touching moment. Dhananjay’s story has been one filled with love and grace. (Hear Dhananjay’s interview by downloading the Morning Glory audio file.) After losing his father at a young age, Dhananjay has had Swami stand by him like a father, taking important decisions. But Swami, on His part, never goes against the words of one’s parents. He ensures that whatever the child does is in sync with his/her parents’ wishes.

“Mother is the first God. Father is the second God. A teacher is the third God. Then comes God”, He says.

He did not ask me or the other boy about what our parents feel because He already knew the answers. To take the conversation further, I started,

“Swami, the vice-chancellor gave us a choice. He told us to choose...”

“Ay”, Swami cut me midway, “if you want to make Swami happy, go make that Venkatraman (Prof.G.V) happy.”

That was it. Final! All the three of us fell at His feet and told Him that we would go and join Radiosai immediately. Swami said,

“What is the hurry? It is your vacation now. Go for your holidays. You can join after the vacation.”

The brief but fruitful meeting was complete. We were all very happy and touched. It is amazing how Swami thinks of the little things in such a perfect manner. Though I was very keen to get a ‘job’ at Prasanthi, it was definitely true that I was desperately in need of a break after a hectic examination schedule.

Doubt is a real demon

The reader would have surely concluded that by now, I was the happiest man around. I wasn’t! There was this lurking fear in my mind that I should not count my chickens till they hatch. Swami had promised to give me a job no doubt, but the job was not yet mine. So, I didn’t leave for vacation. I stayed on at Puttaparthi, regularly attending darshan and bhajan sessions. In the meanwhile, I also started going to Radiosai studios in the free time to learn photo-editing and video-editing softwares. Days turned into weeks in this manner.

Then, news arrived that Swami would be leaving for Kodaikanal in the summer. As always, He would be taking a few students along. My hopes were raised. I was hoping to be a part of the group selected by the Lord to travel with the Lord. That was not meant to be and so, I felt, I would have to take my vacation as Swami had said. But then, Dhananjay was picked by Swami to accompany Him to Kodaikanal. I felt very happy for him. At the same time, this fed the demon of doubt in me.

Why only Dhananjay and not the other two of us? Does this mean that he is in and we two are not?

I had no answers and had troubled thoughts. I was thinking,

“Tomorrow, Swami will leave. Will He remember to give me a job when He returns? I am sure Dhananjay will get through, but what about us two?”

I did not want to bank on being a tag-along to Dhananjay because of my previous experience during MSc days (as mentioned in Part 1 of this article). What was I to do?

I decided that I would make myself as ‘visible’ as possible to Swami so that He doesn't forget!

The vacation

Armed with my camera, I moved towards the Sri Sathya Sai Airport to bid goodbye to Swami who would be flying to Madurai and then going to Kodaikanal. Soon, His car arrived and I started firing away at the shutter release button. In the process of taking pictures, I even boarded the aircraft (without a boarding pass)! Swami sat in the first seat along the aisle in the aircraft. I took a picture of Him and He smiled. Then, I took a picture of His feet which were covered in beautiful sandals. He again smiled and granted padanamaskar to both me and Sai Prakash who was on the video camera. Then, we ‘shooters’ alighted from the aircraft, craning our necks to catch a last glimpse of Swami through the window.

The plane taxied on the runway and took off. A day later, I too took off to Mumbai, to spend the vacation with my parents. Before leaving, I told Sai Prakash,

“The minute you receive news that Swami is returning to Puttaparthi, please let me know. I will rush back. I was the last person whose face Swami saw when He took off. Mine should be the first face He sees when He lands back in Puttaparthi.”

My body went to Mumbai no doubt, but my heart and mind were left behind with Swami. All my focus was on when Swami would return I hoped that in Kodaikanal, Dhananjay would ‘remind’ Swami once or twice about the pending appointments. As a family, we took a vacation to Ganapatipule in Maharashtra. One day, as I was swimming in the resort there, I got a call. It was from Sai Prakash.

“Swami is coming back the day after”, he said, “Are you planning a return?”

That was the end of my vacation. I pleaded with my father to get me a flight ticket back to Bangalore ASAP. We left Ganapatipule the same day and were back in Mumbai. The way things panned out, I would be flying back the same day that Swami would be flying back to Puttaparthi. I was in the taxi from Bangalore airport to Puttaparthi, when I got another call from Sai Prakash.

“Swami is due to land in about an hour’s time. I am going to the airport now.”

“Please bring along my camera kit too”, I told him desperately.

Now, I turned to the driver.

“How fast can you take me to Puttaparthi from here?”

“It takes about an hour sir. But I can do it in 45 minutes...”

“My life is at stake here. Please do it as fast as you can.”

He nodded and stepped on the gas. I opened my suitcase and began to rummage through it for my whites. In the speeding taxi, I changed from my T-shirt and jeans into whites. I wet my hair and combed it in place and then applied the vibhuti dot on my forehead.

It was the 17th of May 2007 and my heart raced faster than even the speeding taxi.

Welcome and anti-climax

I made it in time! And just as I had thought, mine was indeed among the first few faces (if not the first one) that Swami saw as He descended from the aircraft. I was there again, taking photographs of the rousing welcome that Swami was given as He returned to Puttaparthi. My body united with my mind and soul and thus, it felt very welcome to me too!

From the next day onwards, it was back to waiting for me. I asked Dhananjay whether Swami had made any references to our appointments during the dozen or so days of the Kodaikanal trip. He said that on one occasion, Swami had asked him where he would work and he had replied,

“Swami, in Venkatraman sir’s studio...”

Swami had then looked at Prof.G.V and had said,

“So, it has now become your studio is it?”

Dhananjay continued,

“Sir came to me after that session and told me that I should never make that stupid mistake of calling the studio as his studio. Everything is Swami’s alone and all were just custodians.”

That, I felt, was an important point to remember for all. Whatever we have been given do not belong to us. They belong to God and we are just custodians.

Dhananjay and I decided to contact the third boy, Raju, to tell him to come over. However, we received some shocking news. Raju would not be returning to Puttaparthi. Many personal pressures had forced him to look out for a job elsewhere. Amid tears he said that he would not be able to come to Puttaparthi. We were taken aback. This was definitely a setback. For the first time, Swami had been a little ‘lax’ and ‘easy’ with taking others’ advice for appointments and here was a dropout even before the appointment! We were told that it could be detrimental for our appointments too. I feared for mine because I felt Dhananjay was through already. I continued with my prayers and daily sitting in the front.

The D-Day

The 30th of May arrived. I longingly looked at my ‘Student’ badge. It said, ‘Valid till: 31/05/2007’. I knew that this would be the second-last day for my student privileges. The same was the case with Dhananjay and Swami had not told him anything too. We decided to foray once again to the front lines of the bhajan hall. The emergency now was - no deliverance for us even after the arrival of the due date!

Swami came into the bhajan hall a few minutes before bhajans. He saw Dhananjay and me right up in the front.

“Now what?”, He saked, “You have come again?”

“Swami, we are ready to join for the job”, I said.

“Job? Where?”

Dhananjay got up on his knees, “Swami in Venkat...”

He was cut mid-sentence by the sharp pinch I gave his leg.

“Swami, in your studio...” I completed.

“Hmm”, said Swami, “What work will you do?”

“Swami, I will do photography, video-shooting, video-editing, writing articles and radio programmes...”

“Ah! That is a lot of work... And you?”

“Swami, I will do audio-recording, audio-editing and audio-mastering”, replied Dhananjay.

“Very nice... very happy.”

We immediately bent and took padanamaskar. Now, I felt, we had finally clinched it. But a little surprise packet had still been reserved by Swami.

“Don’t join now”, He said and I had surprise written all over my face. But that soon transformed into a smile as He continued,

“Join tomorrow. It is a good day.”

He gave us padanamaskar for a second time. We had feared that He would ask about the third boy. He didn’t. He knows everything right?

And so, on the 31st of May, 2007, the day my ‘Student’ badge expired, a Thursday which is Swami’s special day, I was officially a staff member of Radiosai Global Harmony. The next day, I was issued my ‘Staff’ badge and I happily ‘retired’ the ‘Student’ badge. Indeed, Swami had ensured that I would not be a ‘waiting boy’ for even a single day. The transition from ‘student’ to ‘staff’ happened for me like night transitions into day and we were the first two students from our batch to be placed in our careers.

This truly became my 'official' home page... www.radiosai.org... 

For all readers:

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