Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 1

S.Ravikumar with Swami in Kodaikanal, 1992

Singing a qawwali like never before

Ravikumar sat in the bhajan hall at Prasanthi Nilayam. This was a place that was so dear to him for it held in its bosom a million of his most cherished memories - his memories with his God and Guide, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba or Swami as Ravi refers to Him. The ten avatars of Lord Vishnu seemed to look down at him from their mini altars on the northern and southern walls of the hall with the same benign attention as they had done so for the past 25 years or so. The main altar at the western end of the hall was decked and resplendent as always and the two Babas, Shirdi and Parthi, stood in calm poise in their silver-framed, life-sized portraits. The whole hall was silent as the harmonium churned out the introductory notes for the special song that he was about to sing.

A song becomes ‘special’ because of several reasons. Either the lyrics are unforgettable or the tune touches deep within one’s very soul; either it has magical memories associated with it or it has the ability to clear one’s mind completely, rendering it almost thoughtless. The song that Ravi was about to sing had all the above reasons to be called special. And yet, none of the above reasons were what made it truly special for him. The actual reason why the song was (and is) so special for him was because whenever he had sung the song, he had done so at the personal behest of his Swami! A subtle flick of His finger, a gentle nod of His head, a knowing smile from His lips or even that direct gaze of His eyes - any one or a combination of these served to indicate to Ravi that his Swami wanted him to sing that special song.

And today, it was another occasion where he prepared himself to sing that song. But Ravi was not happy! He was feeling a severe vacuum within himself. As sorrow enveloped his entire being but tears refused to flow down his cheeks because the eyes seemed numbed by shock. After nearly three and a half decades of singing bhajans and songs for his Swami, he never had thought that he would be singing on such an occasion. And that too, the special song! It seemed so unreal. He was singing ‘Swami’s song’ without any of the usual  indications from Him. But how could He give an indication? He was lying peacefully in the ice-cold casket in the very same bhajan hall which He tread energetically for decades!

The Mahasamadhi of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba had numbed Ravikumar into a state of near thoughtlessness like it had done to millions around the globe. The one whom he had considered as all, apparently was no more. But Ravi had got His indication. It had arrived very mysteriously as Ravi battled between the simultaneous experience of a longing loneliness and a serene solitude.It had arrived as a whisper from deep within, a whisper from eternity. And he had decided to sing the song before the supine form of his Swami.

“Mohabbat Ki Kami Dil Mein

Agar Ehsaas Hota Hain

Zara Jhanko To Paaoge

Ki Sai Paas Hota Hain.”

Listen to Ravikumar's soulful rendering of the qawwali

Those were the lines that served as a slow prelude to the actual qawwali that he was about to sing. He had sung this qawwali at least five hundred times before. But the meaning of the first two lines of the prelude had never hit him so hard as they did today for they spelt,

“Whenever you feel a lack of love (an emptiness) in your heart, (don’t despair), just look within you and you will find Sai there.”

If anybody (other than Swami) could 'patent' this qawwali, it had to be Ravikumar because, believe it or not, 'almost nobody' other than him has sung it in the physical presence of Swami. It was as if this qawwali and Ravi were meant to be together like a word and its meaning. And today, for the first time, Ravi was able to gauge the depth of meaning in the qawwali.

Suddenly, the next two lines seemed to flow out of him with renewed energy,

“O Karishma Ye Usi Ka Hain

Ki Duniya Khoobsurat Lagti Hain.”

“It is indeed the miracle (of Love) of Sai that the whole world feels so beautiful!”

The emptiness of Ravi’s heart slowly began to fill with Swami’s love and he sang on.

With Swami, one's heart and hands are always filled! (At Kodaikanal, 1992)

Swami’s “unexpected” entry

It was in the summer of 1978, when Ravi was a 7-year old, that his father decided to send him to Swami’s new primary school at Ooty. The letter inviting little Ravi for the entrance examination had reached their family home in Madikeri (Coorg). Mistaking this to be a confirmation of admission, his father had taken him out of his previous school and got his luggage packed for the hostel life in the Sri Sathya Sai School at Ooty.

Ravi’s doting mother was not at all comfortable with sending her son to a hostel. It was not as if his father was any pleased to be away from him. He felt that being in Swami’s school was the best thing that could happen to his son. The mother, however, had allowed her heart to rule over her head and was probably secretly hoping that her son is not admitted at Ooty! The family got into the Ambassador car and started the 250 km journey to Ooty. Along with them was a family friend, a staunch devotee of Baba. Enroute, they were driving through the Mudumalai bio reserve, when they saw a red color Mercedez Benz in front. Through a gap between the window curtains of Benz car, Ravi’s father espied on the orange-robed, curly-haired figure in the back seat. Realizing that this was Swami’s car, he told their driver to follow it as closely as possible, without allowing any other vehicles to come in between them!

Swami’s car took a little detour in the Mudumalai reserve and the Ambassador car followed Him to the forest lodge He drove up to. They alighted from the car and stood outside the lodge. Soon, Swami walked out and spoke to the family friend. He enquired into his well-being and the reason for his presence. On getting to know that they were enroute to the Ooty school, He said,

“I too am going there - to inaugurate the school!”
Then, He asked Ravi's father where they were coming from. The question was in Kannada and so the reply too was given in that tongue,
"From Madikeri, Swami... in Coorg."

Swami nodded. He then told them that food would be arranged for them before going back in.

Ravi’s mother whispered to his father,

“Swami is supposed to know everything. And yet He asked about our plan? He knows we are Tamil-speaking. And yet, He addresses us in Kannada?”

The father replied,
"We also speak Kannada right? How does it matter what language Swami speaks to us in?"
Soon, a hearty meal was brought to all those who were sitting outside the lodge. The only people there were the occupants of the Ambassador car. What good fortune indeed!

After their lunch was done, the family waited for Swami to leave. Not knowing the precise location of Nandanavanam where the school was located, Ravi’s father thought it best to follow the Lord’s car - a great idea indeed. (A wonderful idea for life too because, often, we are not aware of our destination. If we just follow the Lord, we can reach surely and safely!)

Nandanavanam, Ooty, in 1978. This is a picture taken by Ravi's father as he sat in the darshan lines.

Swami walked out after a few minutes. Coming straight to Ravi’s mother, Swami asked,

“Saaptacha?” (“Have you had your food?” in Tamil!)

She nodded as she exchanged a meaningful glance with her husband. Ravi was enjoying this journey which had included a nice picnic. It only got better as they drove on towards the school along the beautiful, winding mountainous road. When Ravi went in to write the entrance exam for admission into 3rd grade, his father realized the mistake he had made by getting Ravi’s transfer certificate from the previous school - Ravi was actually not assured of a seat in Swami’s school. That however, made Ravi’s mother happy for there was actually a chance for her to take back the apple of her eye home.

It was destiny that Ravi cleared the entrance exam and was selected to join 3rd grade. All the selected children gathered in Swami’s presence. Ravi had no idea that it was going to be a defining day of his life - the day when Swami would choose him as His singer! It happened so simply. From the chair, Swami looked at Ravi who was wearing a woolen skull cap to shield himself from the cold.

“Ay monkey cap!” Swami called out.

Ravi looked behind him and to his sides.

“I am calling you only”, said Swami pointing to him.

The little boy stood up in his place in the Ooty bhajan hall.

“Sing a bhajan.”

Taken aback at this request, Ravikumar sang the first-ever bhajan of his life in the Divine Presence. Closing his eyes, he sang in his shrill boyish voice,

“Bolo Narayana Jai Jai Vitthala.”

The parents were filled with joy. Ravi was also happy. The school would be beginning the next day and he was liking this place. That night he slept like a baby. However, there were two people crying in his room - his father and mother. Though they both hid their tears from the other, they were finding it hard to return to Madikeri without their beloved little son. The next morning, something amazing happened during the darshan before their departure. Swami walked up to the mother and, in Tamil, assured her,

“Don’t worry. I shall take good care of your son.”

She knew that Swami was aware of her tears the previous night and thus felt a surge of relief in her heart. Imagine her thrill when, after darshan, the father came up to her and confided that Swami had told him also the exact same thing during the darshan! It was only then that they got to know about each other’s tears the previous night. And it was then that they realized that Swami would love their little Ravi like a mother and a father!

The addiction called God

Ravikumar continued the qawwali with a smile acknowledging the beautiful memory,

“Jab Se Dekha Tujhko Sai Mere

Darash Ke Pyase Naina Saanjh Savere.”

(“From the moment when I set my eyes on you Sai, they constantly thirst to have your darshan day and night.”)

Swami gifted little Ravi with a memorable Polaroid picture in
the Ooty school days.

From that day in 1978, that was what even the little Ravi realized. The school was super-fun when Swami was there. The children’s dormitory door was just beyond Swami’s and many were the occasions when they had stormed out of their dormitory in their night pyjamas to join Him for breakfast! Swami would be the indulgent mother, allowing her little ones to join in the dining session. He would serve them sometimes and always talk and interact with them. His presence was definitely an addiction, something that Ravi realized during the times when Swami was not at Ooty. It was at such times that he would miss his parents and home. So, though it was not exactly as if his eyes thirsted for Swami’s darshan, his heart definitely rejoiced when He was there. And the reason for that was very simple - Ravi was addicted to Swami and he had pledged the most special corner of his heart to Him.

“If you look to me, I look to you.”

“Take one step towards me and I shall take ten towards you.”

Ravi did not know either of these ‘famous’ quotes when he pledged his heart to Swami. But with God, it is not as if you must ‘know’ everything to achieve Him - a sincere intent will suffice. Ravi’s sincerity won him a permanent special corner in Swami’s heart. And in the bhajan hall too!

I remember an unforgettable episode that happened one evening in the bhajan hall. Those were the days when, out of the blue, Swami would walk in to the bhajan hall, much before bhajans. At that time, all the front places reserved for singers used to be occupied in a hurry by the students who would rush in to get as close to Him as possible. Of course, after the interaction and before the bhajans, Swami would go back into the interview room and the bhajan group boys would occupy their places in front. Ravi would complete his work at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Medical Sciences (he serves as a manager in Radiology there) and arrive just in time for the bhajans. So, naturally, he would miss most of these pre-bhajan sessions with Swami.

One day, when Swami entered the bhajan hall, I rushed and got myself a seat in the 4th line from Him. Swami, before beginning to speak, looked at the corner where Ravi would sit every day during bhajans. There was another student seated there - a student desirous of getting some physical proximity and interaction with Swami. He got what he desired but in a manner that nobody expected. Swami called him and said,

“Ay boy! That is Ravi’s place. Don’t sit there.”

Immediately the boy moved back and the space was left vacant!

I realized one truth that day - If I reserve a place for Swami in my life, Swami reserves a place for me in His life too! I narrated this episode to Ravi bhaiya (elder brother) and he just smiled and shrugged it off saying,

“That is Swami’s love. He is the only one who can have a special corner in His heart for each and every one!”

The first few lines of the qawwali become so easy to understand when one experiences the Divine and boundless love that Swami has.

“Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye

Chain Na Aaye Mohe Chain Na Aaye.”

(I just cannot live without Sai.Without Him, I am constantly restless, without peace.)

Singing those lines, Ravi could not help but recollect that moment of intense restlessness when Swami had calmed him, granting him the boons of fearlessness and peace.


continued in Part 2 at:

Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 2


You could also enjoy these stories of Swami's other singers:

1. His singer and His song - Ashwath Narayan

2. The story of a student who won talent by loving God.

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Also explore the 40-odd 'previous articles' listed month-wise on the top right here. Another blog which I maintain with more than 225 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

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God does not call the qualified; God qualifies the called - Part 1

The voice of God

Many times, the question often is asked,

“How does one distinguish between the voice of God and the voice of the mind?”

This is difficult to explain precisely because an experience can only be experienced and not explained. However, as long as we live with a mind, we shall never cease to seek explanations. And so, based on Swami’s guidance and teachings, there are some practical ways to distinguish between the mind and the heart. I still maintain that the best way is to seek that experience of hearing the Divine Voice from within, for, once the voice of God is heard, there will be no doubt as to how one can distinguish between it and the mind’s prattle.

There is no single way by which the voice of God comes to us. If there are as many ways to God, as there are many people on earth, there are at least those many ways by which God can speak to us! The Voice can come to us as an inspiration, as a dream, as some text in a book, an idea or even as a direct command which our ears perceive. Though it can come in myriad ways, when it actually comes, one just can not miss the Voice. Having ‘heard’ that voice, a sense of calm descends and a happy anticipation arises within oneself. That was exactly what happened on the 7th of December, 2013, as I woke up in the city of Chennai.

I had a dream of my Lord, my best friend, my Swami, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. That put me in a state of great peace. As I got ready to meet the day, one Christian quote kept bobbing within me. I had not thought about it or read about it in the near past. I had heard it years before during a Trayee session when the speaker mentioned it in Swami’s presence. There was no reason why that quote should have surfaced in me (at least, at that time it felt so). Little did I realize that Swami was actually gifting me the title for a new blog-post!

Yes! That quote was:

“God does not call the qualified; God qualifies the called.”

Whenever one reads an article, one sees the heading before delving into the actual body of the article. Swami, in His infinite love, seemed to be doing the same for me too. Even as I was pondering over the meaning and profundity of the above quote, I met Mr.Nitin Kanade, an alumnus of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning (SSSIHL), currently residing in Chennai with his wife and two sweet little daughters.  He narrated the ‘story of his life’ and the quote attained greater meaning for me. And so, instead of delving into the quote, I shall dive into his unique and thrilling story.

When the call comes...

Right from his birth in Nagpur in 1973, Nitin grew up with Swami. His father was serving in the Indian Air Force and so was regularly transferred to different parts of the country. Wherever Nitin went, he always was ‘in touch’ with Swami. A regular in Bal Vikas classes, he took Swami as his God just like his parents before him. However, the amazing thing is that till 1989, 16 long years after his birth, he never had even one darshan of Bhagawan Baba! Little did he know that the first darshan would be the turning point in his life (just as it has been in several others’ lives as well).

How his first darshan happened in May 1989 is an interesting prelude to his story. Having completed high-school education, Nitin was bent upon pursuing a career as a doctor. He applied to many prestigious colleges and was having a tough time in deciding where he would actually study. In the meanwhile, his father who was keen that Nitin be under Swami’s love and care, applied to the SSSIHL for the Bachelors of Science course. Nitin was surprised when the application form for the Institute arrived home. This was definitely not a place he wanted to be in because he felt that a BSc degree would not fetch him any career worth its name.

When God calls, one has to respond
without a choice!

And so he protested. He did not fill out the application form. Instead, he just let it be in a corner of his study table. It was weeks later that his father found it, dusted it and filled it himself. The last date for the submission of application forms was already round the corner. He played an emotional card with Nitin,

“Son! I have allowed you to do whatever you like so far. Can’t you fulfill one wish of your father? I am not asking you to join this Institute; I just want you to apply and write the entrance test. Will you lose anything by just doing that much for your father?”

Nitin felt bad. He immediately took the filled application form and posted it to Puttaparthi. His father was happy and so was he because he knew in the inner recesses of his heart that he would never get a call letter - how could he if the last date for submission of application forms would elapse in the next couple of days? There was no way that the posted application could travel all the way to Puttaparthi from his current residence in Chandigarh in just 2 days. Nitin did not know then that when the Lord decides to enter one’s life, no force on earth can stop Him!

Within a week, he received a call letter. He had been selected to write the entrance examinations for BSc at the SSSIHL!

I came, I saw, I was conquered

Nitin and his father set out together for Puttaparthi. The bookings that they had got ensured that they would be arriving at Puttaparthi on the evening before the entrance examinations. However, a 10-hour delay (which was common in long-distance trains in India in those days) caused them to reach Dharmavaram on the day of the exams. Nitin had a bath on a platform at the Dharmavaram railway station itself before starting off for Puttaparthi in a rickety bus.

The duo landed right in front of the main entrance of Prasanthi Nilayam, at the temple of Lord Ganesha, the remover of obstacles. Praying to him and placing their luggage in the large accommodation shed (that existed next to the Ganesha temple those days), they rushed to the Institute campus. Nitin was just in time for the entrance exam! He wrote the exams and also attended the interview and group discussion. It would take nearly a week before the results would be announced.

NItin’s father had bookings to leave for Chandigarh. He was in for a pleasant surprise though. Nitin told him,

“Dad! You please go ahead, I shall stay on here, in this shed, till the results are announced.” Surprised but glad at this change of heart in Nitin, his father left. Nitin had no idea what made him speak thus .Today he knows that it was the case of Swami at work!

Swami was then at His Bangalore ashram, Brindavan in Whitefield, where He would stay till the end of summer in June. Nitin thought of seeing Him after the results were announced. Since he was free during the whole day, he volunteered to help in the ashram. He met and enlisted under a certain Mr. Wadegaonkar. Mr.Wadegaonkar was the unofficial head of the toughest service group of the ashram - the sanitation group. Inspired by him, Nitin eagerly and enthusiastically got involved in cleaning several septic tanks in Prasanthi Nilayam.

“Just a minute”, I interrupted his narrative, “you who did not want to even come to Puttaparthi, was now staying there and cleaning drains and septic tanks? How did you get this change of heart?”

“I don’t know what happened. But I just fell in love with the place and everything around. I loved sweating it out. I never felt that I was amidst excrement. I felt that I was surrounded by great love and divine peace! In fact, I was now sincerely hoping to get a seat at the SSSIHL.”

That is definitely some statement on the power of selfless service - it inspires, is self-sustaining and it transforms.

As was the practice those days, Nitin too accompanied all the volunteers of the sanitation group to Brindavan, Whitefield for blessings.

“We were told that Swami would give us padanamaskar. That did not happen. Something grander took place. As Swami walked out of His residence, I was entranced. I did not know what was happening to me but a surge of great joy and supreme peace welled within me. What I felt is simply indescribable. It was maddeningly beautiful and overwhelming. People say that when you see Swami, it is wonderful, when He sees you it is magical and if you get an interview it is absolute fulfillment. But that day, I felt fulfilled and complete in just seeing Him. I felt that I needed nothing else in life.”

Thus was Nitin conquered. It was love at first sight. And so, when Prof. Nanjundiah announced the names of the selected candidates in Swami’s presence, Nitin waited with bated breath. Sure enough, his name was called out too and he felt exulted. This, he felt, was the greatest achievement of his life - a blessing from the heavens above. He immediately dispatched a telegram to his father announcing the good news.

An unexpected death blow

On the 4th of June 1989, Nitin Kanade became a ‘Sai-student’. His happiness knew no bounds. He felt that he had never been happier in his life and looked forward to years of love with his Sai. But destiny had other plans.

It landed its first blow when the results of the XII grade Board Exams were announced. He had failed in Chemistry! This meant that he was ineligible to embark on any University course in India. He kept quiet about it but these things do not tend to remain quiet.

One day, in the middle of the class, he was summoned by the principal of the College, ‘Mahajan sir’. Mahajan sir told him that he could not be a student of the SSSIHL because he was not academically qualified to be one! The next day, Sri. K. Chakravarthi, the registrar of the Institute summoned him. Returning all the submitted certificates he told him to leave the institute and the hostel campus. There was nothing that could be done about it because those were the rules. The rules remain the same even to this day.

As a teary-eyed Nitin was wending his way out of the college building, the shutters of the exit door suddenly were closed. Nitin wondered what was happening and was told that Swami was driving on the road towards the hostel. He did not like any students loitering on the streets.

“The students must either be in college, in hostel or in the mandir. Why should they be loitering on streets?” He would often ask.

So, as a preventive measure, the college shutters would be pulled down especially when Swami went out for a drive.

As Nitin had been kicked out of college, Swami had come out and the shutters of the exit had been closed. Just like any of us, Nitin missed the symbolism in all these signs. He stood crying at the door, not realizing that Swami does not call based on qualifications. His call, in fact, is the greatest qualification in itself!

A lecturer of the college, Sai Giridhar, who knew this Truth about Swami and also knew Nitin’s plight, called him to a side. He told him,

“Don’t think all is lost. Swami is always there as the greatest refuge. He is going to the hostel to see the students’ music practice for Guru Poornima. You too go there. Things will change. You may not need to leave tomorrow...”

“But how do I go to the hostel when these doors are closed?” cried Nitin.

“Follow me”, said Giridhar sir, holding the ‘key’ to his problem.

Nitin sneaked out of the college as Giridhar sir took the risk to let him out. He ran to his hostel and scaled the wall since that gate was also locked. From there he went to the entrance of the hostel where he came face to face with the warden, Sri. Narayan Rao. And Sri.Narayan Rao’s face swelled in anger when he saw him. What was this student doing in the hostel when Swami had come there for witnessing the music practice? The fact that Nitin would be leaving and he could upset Swami with his ‘indiscipline’ (which could later affect the entire student community) only angered the warden even more.

“Stop there”, he commanded.

Was the warden Sri Narayana Rao (to Swami's immediate right) destined become an obstacle for Nitin (the
boy in spectacles to warden's right)? Read the second part to witness the unfolding of a drama divine.
Also seen to the extreme right of the photograph is Venkatachalam sir, the kitchen in-charge.

... to be continued in Part 2 located in the link below:

God does not call the qualified; God qualifies the called - Part 2

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Another blog which I maintain with more than 200 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com You may visit that at your leisure. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

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