The blessings of pain - Amey's experience with Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba

The need to ‘love God’

It was during a session at the 39th Annual State Conference of the Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organization in Odisha that a young man got up and asked a question,

“How can we love and worship God when we are ourselves in such pain and need? Isn’t it true that we can focus properly on spirituality only if our needs are met and pains assuaged?”

Even as this question was asked, I began to ponder about it. It is so natural that this question arises. In fact, Swami Vivekananda is quoted to have said,

“Don’t teach spirituality to a hungry man.”

Roti, Kapada and Makaan (food, clothing and shelter) are recognised as the basic needs without which, one cannot think of one’s mental and emotional needs also. That is what the famous Maslow’s hierarchy of needs also states powerfully - that human beings are motivated by a hierarchy of needs. It is only when the needs that constitute the lower levels are satisfied that a person thinks about fulfilling higher level needs. This theory is represented by a pyramid as shown below.

Maslow's hierarchical pyramid of needs.

Physiological needs are the physical requirements for human survival which include food, water, clothing and shelter. Safety and Security needs include personal security, financial security, health security and a safety net against accidents. Love and Belonging needs are covered in belonging to some societal group, a family; having friendships and intimacy.  Esteem needs present the typical human desire to be accepted and valued by others. It is only when all these four are met and achieved that a person contemplates self-actualization, which is defined as achieving one’s full potential. Different individuals perceive this fifth need differently and it can get expressed as professional excellence, being a perfect parent, artistic magnificence and so on.

With that in mind, we get back to the question,

““How can we love and worship God when we are ourselves in such pain and need? Isn’t it true that we can focus properly on spirituality only if our needs are met and pains assuaged?”

If we delve a little deeper, we realize that loving God, as a need, works in a way more mysterious and subtle that all the five needs mentioned by Maslow. And to make that clear, it would be apt to narrate a life-experience of Amey Deshpande. Amey is not a person needing introduction to a regular reader here. He is a dear Sai-brother of mine, who has been involved in several of my experiences with Swami (Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba) including the one in which Swami accepted me as His best friend. I have earlier penned down how he took a step towards Swami and was blessed with a beautiful assurance. I have also written about his most painful experience when he got thrown out of Swami’s school - a case of things having to go horribly wrong before being set aright. In the same vein, here is another educative experience of his.

An ‘ill-fated’ Sunday-morning bhajan session

After losing his seat in Swami’s school in 8th grade, Amey had tried hard to get back into the school in 11th grade. Since that had not happened, he had tried getting admitted into the BCom course at the University. That too had not happened. So, he enrolled in the Sheshadripuram College at Bengaluru (Bangalore then) and graduating in honours with a BCom degree, Amey got employed at Hewlett-Packard. He also became a Seva Dal volunteer at Brindavan, Whitefield. He has been blessed with a wonderful voice and it is not surprising that he soon became a lead bhajan-singer there. Every Thursday and Sunday, when the Bangalore Seva Dal got the opportunity to lead bhajans, Amey was in the forefront.

The final Namaskar - the ultimate message of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Prayers galore

The 27th of April 2011 saw poignant scenes - the like of which have never ever been witnessed on the face of this earth. As the Mahasamadhi of an Avatar was witnessed the world over by a number unmatched in human history, tears flowed unbounded. Being in the world at this point in time was such a cleansing experience for the whole atmosphere was washed with tears - pure, selfless, love-filled and grateful. They were sufficient to wipe out all sins committed by all humanity it seemed! A lot has been written about the Mahasamadhi of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba and a lot more will be written for this is ‘His’tory! But here is a little thought I thought I would share.

The amount of prayers that have gone on in the world had been tremendous. The name of Sai filled every conceivable space for it had been enshrined in a billion hearts. Bhajans, service activities and spiritual sadhana of unprecedented proportions pulsated on Mother Earth. At the physical level, the best man and the best machines worked tirelessly day and night at the temple of Healing that He Himself had built. His most dear students constantly were by His side and aware of every breath He was taking. The sheer magnitude of the combined effort of every devotee was enough to bring life into an inert stone! And yet, the Lord took Mahasamadhi.

 

This thought had plagued me when I realized that prayer is not an act of asking God or telling God. It is silent communion with Him. When we either ask or tell God, we make the preposterous and utterly foolish assumption that we know better than Him. Swami often tells us the story of two farmers - one who prayed for rain for his crops, the other who prayed for a dry day so that his daughter’s wedding could go on uninterrupted. Whose prayers should God listen to?

Should He listen to the one who cries more? Or to the one who pines more? Should He give precedence to age or should He give precedence to status and influence?

Of course! He will listen to the one who loves Him truly. And who is that? Naturally, the one who has surrendered to His will. When one has surrendered to His will, is not prayer redundant? Our definition of prayer changes as we realize that the one who is always in sync with the Lord has his prayers answered for he always prays for what the Lord has already willed! This is indeed a very different way of thinking. If my prayer is answered, it is because I was in sync with God; I was in communion with Him. If my prayer has not been answered, I was not in sync with Him; I have to make efforts to be in communion with Him.

It is everyone’s experience that we feel some intuitive urges. And then, these urges just manifest themselves. Let us know that these are instances when we have been in communion with Him. And when these intuitive urges have manifested for me, I have felt the thrill of experiencing Him. I see Him, hear Him and feel Him and He speaks to me! I feel the thrill because I ‘know’ His plan. And I know His plan because I have been able to be in sync with Him for those precious moments.

A part of the greater plan

That is why, when I found some instances in my life where Swami indicated His Mahasamadhi, I felt so relieved. It felt wonderful to ‘know’ that it’s all part of His Masterplan. In the pages of my diary I discovered a dream where months before, He indicated that He would be leaving soon. Just like someone with white hair dyes it, or a person who loses teeth puts dentures, I too covered up my knowledge of the dream and went about my life. And then, Swami gave the most poignant indication!

It happened on the evening of 20th of March. Swami had not been ‘keeping well’ if I may use that term. His darshans were few and spaced between. And yet on this day, He took two darshan rounds. He called all the students who were seated for blessings and poured grains on their head. (About 40 students were blessed that day). He distributed a few sweets and smiled at all present. He even called the tiny tots from Primary school and blessed them. In the words of a very senior singer, “Today Swami seems so hyper active!!” There was rejoicing. And when He received Aarthi, everyone was thrilled with His tapping His hands rhythmically. And then it happened...

As the Samastha Loka chant filled the air, Swami raised His hands. But it was not the familiar Abhayahastha. He had FOLDED HIS PALMS IN SALUTATION!

He seemed to send a beautiful message, “Salute all for God is in all”. The Vedic chant “Sahasra sheersha Purusha” resounded in my heart. ( That hymn says that God has thousand limbs, heads and sense organs symbolic of the fact that God is in all.) In the Bharatiya custom, this is how one takes leave after a visit!

My hairs stand at their end and I have goosebumps when I realize how Swami had indicated the Mahasamadhi. But I did not see! Swami says, “Pashyan Api Na Pashyati Moodho” (You fool! You see and yet do not see!) That was the condition. But I took pictures that day.

And today, just seeing the pictures is so relieving and enthralling for it told me that Swami knows His plans. Even when He was fine and was a week away from being ‘admitted’ to the hospital, Swami had made shown us His decision. And in showing us this decision, He also showed us His expectations. He wants our lives to be His message and one of His final acts of benediction teaches us that we should see Him in all just as He saw Himself in all. We should bow to Him in all just as He bowed to Him in all. we should love all and serve all just as He did.

And in order to share the experience, ins(a)ight and blessings from Swami that day, I post the following five images.  Let us pledge to Him that we will in our lives imbibe His message of pure Love for all. And as a teardrop makes its way down my cheek, a  firm resolve forms in my blood - a resolve to Love Him and see Him in all!

A footnote

As a footnote, I must add that there is a wonderful 'Masterplan' as to how I happened to carry my camera on that day when there was no other camera in sight almost! I will definitely share that story too in due time. It is so marvelous that am in search of a proper occasion to share the same! :)

However, this much I shall say that my intention in clicking the images on that day was to get a 'direct look' blessing photo of Swami. And when Swami did the 'namaskar', my thought was, 

"Oh! Unique images... But no blessing today!"

Even as that thought flashed in my mind, Swami turned to me. He looked deep into my eyes. And soon, a thrill ran down my spine! He gave a 'direct look' blessing pose which got captured. That was direct proof that He knows every single thought that goes on in my mind. My heart rejoiced. He knew that I would be needing that assurance in the days to come. Ah! How loving my Lord is! How He plans everything. God has a plan for us... And that is all we need to know!

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Blessing two 'birds' with one 'stone' - an experience with Sri Sathya Sai

Swami's 'time-management'

When the Lord descends to the earth with a limited human lifespan, it is obvious that He faces a drought of time to do the millions of acts that He has decided to do. I mean, when we find that we do not have enough time to do our little activities, that what to speak of God on earth? I have often wondered how my Lord and Master, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba found time to do so many things in a day and His physical lifetime. No wonder that He slept for only a few hours, reading the thousands of letters He received by the light of the bathroom through the night! But still, that much time is not sufficient right?

It was while thinking on these lines that I arrived at another method by which He ‘saved’ time and ‘accomplished more’ - multitasking! However, when it comes to Swami, ‘multitasking’ assumes a slightly different meaning. Of course, it refers to Him doing several tasks at once. That can be seen in the way He conducts programmes in His presence - Dusshera, Ugadi, Deepavali etc. But multitasking here also refers to a special ability that only God possesses - to achieve multiple ends with a single act at will!

Let me clarify. A single word or action from Swami means different things for different people. Thus, He achieves what can be called “hitting two (more) birds with a single stone.” I use that idiom due to the lack of a better comparison. What I actually mean is that He strikes multiple hearts with the same words or actions! And here, I will recollect one such sweet incident in my life.

Flashback

In order to hide the identity of the other devotee involved in this incident, I shall not quote names, dates and exact events. So, the ambiguity in the article is on purpose! This much I shall say that the event happened after 2005.

So here was this devotee with whom I developed a casual acquaintance. This happened because the devotee was a friend of my parents and when I got introduced, I couldn't help but make the acquaintance. Slowly, the acquaintance grew by repeated meetings. During these meetings, I would share so many experiences with Swami. In fact, Swami would be the only subject of talk during many meetings. It went on well like this for a while.

Then came a terrible misunderstanding!

That resulted in both of us going our ways. I do not blame the devotee for what happened because a misunderstanding is a fault on both sides. However, there was one thing that I did not like. The devotee began to say and propagate that whatever I had spoken during our meetings were all imaginary - stories that I had cooked up!

“He simply speaks as though he is close to Swami. That is all imaginary. He lies.”

That accusation hurt me.

(It hurt my ego rather because nobody can actually ever hurt us unless we allow ourselves to get hurt. Similarly, nobody can make us happy unless we allow ourselves to become happy. It is like Swami’s example of a dog chewing on a dry bone. A piece of the bone broke away and pricked its gums which started bleeding. Tasting the blood, the dog thought that the bone was a source of great joy! The blood, the source of joy, actually was arising from itself! What is true for happiness, is true for sorrow too. The cause is within and not outside.)

Now, this is the story behind the story am about to narrate.

Mixed feelings in the darshan lines

Always fostering the good and discouraging
the bad - with Love!

One day, as I sat in the front lines for darshan in the Sai Kulwant Hall at Prasanthi Nilayam, my eyes rolled over the huge sections of devotees who had been seated for darshan. As I cast this cursory glance, I noticed the devotee (with whom I had a fallout) also seated there, in the first line among the other devotees. With a tray of items on the lap, it was evident that this devotee had procured the first line to seek Swami’s blessings.

Immediately negative thoughts arose in me. I remembered the critical comments and my heart recollected the past pain. However, subduing my animal side, I prayed to Swami,

“Swami, please bless the devotee with all your bounty and grace.”

Immediately after this noble thought, came a mean thought,

“Swami, today, please speak to me! Let that devotee witness me then. That should remove any doubt that you are close to me.”

I suddenly sat up shocked. I could not believe that I had made such a prayer. I realized how ‘cheap’ I was being. Quickly, I made amends,

“Swami! That was a stupid prayer. Forget it. Just bless the devotee. I am sorry I allowed such a thought to come into my head.”

The multitasking Lord

As Baba arrived for darshan, somehow my eyes remained riveted on this devotee only. Swami indeed blessed the devotee profusely and I was happy. Somehow, I felt that Swami would have forgiven me since He had responded to my prayer!

Soon, the darshan round was complete and Swami came on stage. The University students had planned a music programme to be put up that evening in case Swami allowed. Swami indeed inquired,

“What programme today?”

Three main singers got up and went on stage with a rose in hand. The plan was that they would offer the roses to Swami and tell Him about the proposed programme. I noticed that another main singer had been left behind. He has not risen from his seat in time and now, was feeling that since the others were already on stage, it was too late to go. The other students seated around him prodded him to go up. Swami also happened to observe this whole scene. He was watching as to what would be the response of this boy.

The boy was in an embarrassing situation and the whole world seemed to be waiting for his response. deciding that it was better to be late than never, the singer finally rose and walked up to the stage. All the while, Swami was continuously watching the boy. So were all of us!

As he offered the rose to Swami, Swami smiled. He held the rose and, turning to me, said something. I could not catch what He said. Sensing that, Swami again repeated what He said. Again, I did not understand. This happened for a couple more times and I slightly rose on my knees in an attempt to get His words into my hearing range. Swami, with His eyes, encouraged me to move closer to Him. Having got that signal, I just got up and rushed to Him. I can never forget the statement He made that day.

He showed the rose and said,

“Idi show kosamu ra.” (This is for show.)

He looked deep into my eyes, into my innermost being. And then, he just smiled.

"Idi Show Kosamu Ra" - The 'descent' of the Lord is for 'ascent' of man! 

Two birds

In an instant, it flashed in me. Swami was doing this for my “show-off” reasons! I quickly glanced away from Swami and saw that the devotee was seeing me! I looked at Swami and He was smiling. I just nodded to Swami saying that I understood. Swami now looked at the singer, smiled at him and sent him back to his place. Then, He sent me back to mine.

What can I say? I was just overwhelmed at His omniscience and His love. I just sat there, joy bubbling and coursing through my being.

After the evening session, I met the ‘hesitant’ singer. He told me,

“See, I was not wanting to get up and go to Swami in that manner. But peer pressure made me go to Him. That is why Swami took my rose and said that I was doing it all for show! I realize my fault.”

I could not help but feel amazed at how Swami had struck two birds with a single stone! :)

The greatest VVS Laxman innings I witnessed off the cricket field...

The Sivam center at Hyderabad.

A VVS special at Shivam grounds VVS Laxman today is one of the stars in the galaxy that Indian cricket is and a very special one at that too. In fact, Ian Chappell, another great cricketer, termed him as ‘Very Very Special’ Laxman. The name has stuck since then and VVS has indeed demonstrated why he has been very, very special (or VVS) for Indian cricket. Laxman is retired now but still is hugely popular for his exploits on the cricket field. In fact, he is credited to have played one of the top 5 all-time knocks in cricketing history - the epochal 281 against the mighty Australians while following on in a Test Match. The result? It became the third game in the 200-year sport where a team which was following on went on to win a match.

While cricket enthusiasts will revel in these stats, the other readers will surely be simply nodding out of courtesy, waiting for something which they have begun to expect of these posts that I make about my Master and Lord, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. (By the way, in India, Cricket is almost a religion and great cricketers are considered Gods!) And it is with great joy and pride that I write what I witnessed on the 9th of June, 2013, during a magnificent children’s music programme organized at Sivam, Hyderabad.

A side-view of the stage during the children's performance on the 9th of June, 2013. Photo courtesy- Sai Kiran Boppanna

One of the guests for that event was VVS and he minced no words in revealing what made him Very Very Special. In fact, his name itself proclaims that truth because the ‘S’ in his initials does not stand actually for ‘Special’. It stands for ‘Sai’. The actual name is Vangipurapu Venkata Sai Laxman and he got that name because his parents are devotees of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. The experiences that changed Laxman into a staunch devotee of Baba are indeed ‘very very special’ and interesting! Those were the stories that he narrated on that very very special evening.

An evening of music and color

The evening came as the culmination of a 5-day residential summer course conducted for children of the age group 10-15 in Hyderabad district. The summer course introduced them to a healthy, practical and correct way of leading life, placing emphasis on human values and Swami’s teachings. And for this, the members of the Hyderabad wing of Sri Sathya Sai organizations had toiled day and night, living with the children and lovingly guiding them. It would not be an exaggeration to say that these teachers and volunteers epitomized Swami's love and divine energy. As part of the valedictory for this summer course, a group of over 50 talented kids had toiled hard for about 2 months to prepare for a musical extravaganza.

As VVS Laxman later admitted publicly,

“This has been a thrilling experience for me. After Swami left the physical, it is for the first time I felt His presence in my heart and in front of my eyes! You children are indeed blessed. My son, Sarvajith was asking me how children could do so many things in just 5 days. I told him that where Swami is concerned, nothing is impossible. My wife Shailaja never accompanies me to the public functions where I am called. But for this event, she insisted on coming. I am thankful to the organizers for giving me this opportunity.”

As the programme transitioned from instrumental numbers to group vocals, the stage needed rearrangement and the microphone levels had to be set. It was in this gap that Laxman was invited to the stage to share a ‘few words’. And it was in this short interval that I witnessed him play a ‘gem on an innings’!

The jubilant participants of the music programme and the 5-day summer course just before the curtains came down. Photo courtesy: Sai Kiran Boppanna

A different kind of pitch - a different kind of debut

As he stood on stage, VVS could not help but recollect his journey with Sai. It lasted 15 minutes but at the end of it, he got an ovation like he had received often after scoring those marvellous centuries on the cricket pitch. I felt so overwhelmed. I walked to him and said,

“Sairam! I had once the chance of interviewing you at Prasanthi Nilayam”

He remembered immediately, “Ah yes! How are you?”

“I am fine thank you. What you spoke now was simply awesome. You said that you are sharing with your Sai family here. Can I share the same with the Sai family worldwide?”

“Of course! Why not? I stand by every word I said”, he smiled.

And so here is the content of his brief but brilliant innings on stage.

Though his parents had been devotees of Bhagawan Baba, VVS got his first taste of Swami in late 1997. That was the time when the Sri Sathya Sai Unity Cup cricket match was being planned at the Sri Sathya Sai Hillview Stadium. Before the actual match between international players comprising a World XI against the international players of India XI, a trial match was to be held to judge the readiness of the pitch and the ground. That match was between the Karnataka and Andhra Pradesh state cricket teams. VVS Laxman had just made international debut and was invited to play the ‘test’ match as a member of the Andhra Pradesh team.

His agreement was conditional,

“I will play only if I get close darshan of Baba and an interview.”

Little did he know that nobody can ever promise on Baba’s behalf.

“If you really wish that, Baba will make it happen”, was the assurance given.

Laxman did come to Puttaparthi for the first time in 1997. He played in the stadium there and even scored a half-century of runs. All the players were seated in Sai Kulwant Hall for darshan when Swami arrived and invited them all inside. The first question He asked got VVS stumped,

“Who is Laxman?”

The cricketer presented himself and was just in a daze. His mind went blank.

Laxman continues to wax eloquent in an extempore speech. Photo courtesy: Sai Kiran Boppanna

“There were so many of us cricketers in that room but none of us spoke. We were just staring at Swami, transfixed. That is natural; after all He is God”, Laxman admitted in the speech.

Laxman was going through a very tough phase in his career. He had just got the team India cap a few months before. His position in the team was more on an experimental basis and he had been shuffled in the batting order from being the 7th to being the opener. He had also batted at number 3 and number 5. He had been trying very hard but success had eluded him. Thus, he was facing heavy criticism. He had hoped to get some solace from his worries during the trip. Just seeing Swami made him light and happy. He seemed to have forgotten all his worries!

But Swami did not forget it. He lovingly held Laxman’s hand and said,

“I know that there are lot of worries in your mind. But don’t worry. They are just passing clouds.”

Laxman admitted,

“I knew that He knew exactly what I was going through. That was my first experience with Baba the God! After that, I know that He has been with me through and through. There is no doubt that all the things that I have achieved after that have been Baba’s wish. I am blessed to have experienced Swami so many times in my career.”

"There are many cricketers whose lives are centered
around Swami." Photo courtesy: Sai Kiran Boppanna

Lost in admiration of another classy innings by VVS.
Photo courtesy: Sai Kiran Boppanna

.
Baba is an integral part of the cricketer’s lives

“It is not only me”, Laxman continued extempore on the stage,”many cricketers have their lives centered around Swami. Starting from the legendary Sunil Gavaskar who has had so many personal experiences with Swami to the greatest Sachin Tendulkar, their faith in Swami is firm. Even to this day, Sachin keeps a small altar with Baba ‘s picture and daily lights a lamp in front of it. On the field we discuss only cricket, but off it, we all talk about Swami so many times. It is our satsang.”

Sachin Tendulkar, Sunil Gavaskar, VVS Laxman and Rahul Dravid are looked upon as Gods themselves by Indian cricketers and cricket fans alike. Little wonder that those that have not yet had the privilege of getting acquainted with Swami also begin to talk about Him! The way Swami touches lives is inscrutable.

“Someday, we should get even Sachin Tendulkar’s story”, I thought to myself.

Laxman continued to share how his life had been filled with Swami’s love and grace.

“My wife Shailaja was not a devotee when we got married. But today, her devotion and faith in Baba are stronger than mine. She even insisted that Swami alone should name our children. We went to Puttaparthi and waited for days because we wanted Swami to name the children. Swami did not disappoint us. He named the elder one as Sarvajith (one who conquers all) and the younger one as Achintya (the one beyond thoughts).”

VVS Laxman and his wife Shailaja with Baba
as He names their child, Sarvajith.
Photo courtesy: Nitin Acharya

(As I heard this, I remembered my classmate Achintya who was actually staying with Swami for a few months during that same period. His experiences with Swami are captured in an article entitled:

God’s omnipresence: experiences of great proximity to Sri Sathya Sai)

“My children are blessed to have seen Swami and been named by Him. All of you assembled here are also blessed to be Baba’s children. What else can I say but thank everyone for this opportunity”, concluded a moved Laxman as his wife silently wiped a few tears that rolled down her cheeks.

The gentle giant of a man who has made bowlers around the world shudder at his sight returned to the ‘pavilion’ after another ‘classic knock’. Everyone was lost in admiration for him and devotion for Swami. The grandeur and glory of Baba which we take so much for granted hits us hard when people of Laxman’s stature - he is an Arjuna awardee, a Padma Shri and the Wisden Cricketer of the Year (2002) - submit humbly to Him with gratitude and love.

The secret behind VVS being very very special is Swami as Laxman himself admits. 

I remember the words of the feared fast-bowler, Brett Lee, speaking about great batsmen,

“If you get Dravid, great. If you get Sachin, brilliant. But if you get Laxman, it's a miracle.”

In this respect, I would like to say,

“Mr. Brett Lee! Bhagawan Baba has got Laxman - not once but repeatedly. It is not surprising because miracles are visiting cards for Baba!”

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I also had the privilege of interviewing Laxman as part of my duties for Radiosai. you can download that 52-minute audio clip from here -

http://dl.radiosai.org/TRYST_WITH_DIVINITY_010_VVS_LAXMAN.mp3

Other similar articles you might enjoy

1. The revealing story of Shiv Yogi Maharaj

2. Anna Hazare and Sathya Sai

3. Truth is stranger than fiction: The experience of a disciple of Swami Sivananda