Antaranga Sai - The innermost experiences of Sai student Balaramchandra_Part 1

BRC with his beloved Swami in a rare picture. BRC does not have many
pictures with Swami and reading on will tell you why...

It was a teacher of self-defence who re-introduced a young Balaramchandra (pronounced as Baala Ramachandra) to the greatest protection of his life. As a 15-year old lad, Balaramchandra (aka BRC) joined his cousins to learn Karate from a tutor who visited his joint-family home. Though the tutor took classes for only 4 days, he taught BRC (and all his cousins) about a personality that went by the name of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. He also took them all to the Sathya Sai Samithi in Thrissur and that was where BRC re-discovered the ‘Swami’ he had been introduced to as a child.

Though BRC’s grandfather, uncle and parents were devotees of this Swami, BRC had never given any special attention to Him. His was a family that had dedicated itself from several generations to Lord Sri Rama. That was why all the male members in the family - his grandfather, father, uncles, brothers - including himself had ‘Rama’ as a part of their names. When BRC was told that Swami was an Avatar, an incarnation of God, his first reaction was awe.

“I could never see Rama. How rare and wonderful it is that I have come to know of a living God!”

His second reaction could possibly be attributed to his Karma of several births because, for BRC, it was instant faith and love for this fuzzy-haired, orange-robed, moon-faced Baba. Soon, he came to know that Swami had started education institutions and he could avail the opportunity to become His student. Though it was the middle of the academic year, he tried to apply for a high-school admission. All he received was a letter of regret from the school saying that he could not be admitted in the middle.

BRC then studied with all determination and came out with flying colours in the nationwide Board Exams. He applied for the Bachelors in Commerce degree in the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning and got selected as a candidate for the course in the Brindavan campus of the University. It was the beginning of his life as a Sai Student and it was going to teach him some lessons for life!

Wrong assumptions

BRC joined the college in 1994 and the year turned out to be fortuitous for his batch. It was precisely at this time that the Sai Kulwant hall was being built at Prasanthi Nilayam, Puttaparthi, and so, Swami was at Brindavan for more than 6 months at a stretch. BRC was thrilled at this stroke of luck and he decided to utilize this opportunity to its fullest extent.

Like many of the students who join Swami’s educational institutions, BRC too had taken some things for granted. Foremost among these was the assumption that Swami talks with all the students everyday! A second thing he had assumed was that it would be all peace and comfort once he got admission because Swami was a mother, father, friend and master rolled into one. The third assumption he made was that he would start singing in front of Swami immediately. This confidence was based on the fact that BRC had a wonderful voice and was also a fine talent in music.

Very soon, BRC realised that he had been mistaken on all counts!

Always have a direct connection to God - Nikhil Koushik learns his lessons from Baba _Part 1

Nikhil's grandmother and grandfather with
Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. 

Nikhil Kaushik descended from a very illustrious family. He grew as a branch on a family tree that had been nurtured and fertilised by classical Carnatic music. From a tender age of four, even as he began learning the English alphabet, he learned the notes of classical music. Since he had been endowed with a pretty good voice, Nikhil had no doubts that he was born to be a singer.

Apart from music, Nikhil Kaushik had been blessed with another, more valuable heritage. And that was the devotion towards Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba which his family had adopted for three generations before him. Both these inheritances - music and love for Swami - gelled well with each other and Nikhil found himself progressing as a singer in the Bal Vikas classes which he attended. He was a singer in every Samithi, Sai Center and programme that he was part of. He even sang in the presence of his Swami at Prasanthi Nilayam during the All-India BalVikas Conference in 2005.

It is therefore understandable that when he got admission in MBA at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning in June 2005, he had no doubts that he would be singing as Swami’s student too! One of the first things he did on joining the hostel was to approach a teacher to inform that he would like to sing bhajans for Swami as soon as He arrived from Brindavan, Bengaluru. That was when he received the first of many shocks.

A frank and ruthless assessment

Nikhil found out that there was a procedure to be followed before he could be permitted to wear the badge of ‘Mandir singer’ and sing bhajans in the presence of Bhagawan Baba. It was a 3-step process.

1. All the aspirants had to sing a couple of bhajans before the bhajan-group in-charges(teachers and senior singers) who would assess whether the singer was good enough to begin right away or needed practice.
2. Once the in-charges were convinced, the singer would have to personally seek permission from Swami to sing in His presence.
3. When he actually sang in Swami’s presence, the singer should not receive any negative feedback or signs from Swami.

Only when the three steps had been crossed, could a singer join the ranks of the Mandir singers.

Nikhil sang a very complex bhajan for the test. His idea was to bowl over the in-charges with his singing prowess. The feedback that he received at the end of the session shocked him to say the least.

“Your singing is pronouncedly Carnatic while you are attempting a Hindustani-style bhajan. Also, your pronunciation of Hindi and Sanskrit is very accented. The way you are ending each line of the bhajan is quite loud and abrupt. Practice hard for a few weeks and we shall see then... Next...”

Practice for a few more WEEKS!! Nikhil had tried to get the main in-charge bowled over but he had himself got stumped! He wondered whether the feedback given to him had been about someone else’s singing. He had been present when the others had sung and he felt that he was easily better than any other aspirant there. He had not come as an aspirant because he had no doubts about singing on the very day Swami arrived to Puttaparthi. But things were so different now. He who had never experienced failure before, had been subjected to a crushing judgement like this. For a neutral witness, it was evident that his ego was hurt but Nikhil saw it in a different light. He felt that it was a denial of something that was his, as a matter of right!

A peek into Nikhil’s glorious family tree will easily explain why Nikhil felt that it was his right to sing in Swami’s presence as His student.

The three lessons to keep in mind about singing bhajans

Setting for an important message

Madh Bhaktaha Yatra Gayanthi, Tatra Tishtami Narada.

(“Wherever my devotees sing, I present myself there Narada”)

The Lord presents Himself wherever His glory is sung. 

This is the beautiful assurance that God in the form of Lord Vishnu conveyed to the devotee in the form of sage Narada when asked,

“Lord, what is your permanent address?”

My sweet Lord, Bhagawan Sri  Sathya Sai Baba, has taken that statement several notches higher in intensity by stating,

Madh Bhaktaha Yatra Gayanthi, Tatra Sthapayami.

(“Wherever my devotees sing, I install myself there!”)

There is definitely many things magical about singing for the Lord, the most prominent one being that the Lord Himself (Herself/Itself) seems to look forward for the same! And it is in this context that I vividly recall a conversation with Swami that happened on the day of the Ganesha immersion festival in Prasanthi Nilayam in 2009. It was just a brief interaction and an apparently casual conversation. But as with all interactions with the Lord, it has so much to offer to us especially with regards to singing for the Lord. Just keeping it in our heart and contemplating on it over and over again will reveal fresh and multiple insights.

The students’ hostels at Prasanthi Nilayam had got transformed into hives of buzzing activity as all of them were busy putting finishing touches to their respective chariots and palanquins. They had been working for the past couple of days on creating these vehicles which would be used to carry the Ganesha idols for immersion at the end of the Ganesha Chaturthi celebrations.

A sample of 4 among the two dozen or so chariots and palanquins that lined up in the Sai Kulwant hall that day. 

It was sheer joy for me to go around on my new TVS bike taking photos of all these chariots and palanquins. Having covered the procession as it made its way towards the mandir, I rushed to Sai Kulwant hall just before Swami arrived for darshan. It was about 5pm.  He was received at Yajur Mandir by a procession of little Ganeshas from the Primary school and the Vedam group with the Poornakumbham. Swami entered the Sai Kulwant Hall and moved past the magnificent array of chariots. He blessed them and the 'makers' too with His benediction and smiles. Many brought forward plates with prasadam and fruits which Swami blessed. It took about 20 minutes for Swami to move past all the chariots and arrive on stage.

The blessings of pain - Amey's experience with Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba

The need to ‘love God’

It was during a session at the 39th Annual State Conference of the Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organization in Odisha that a young man got up and asked a question,

“How can we love and worship God when we are ourselves in such pain and need? Isn’t it true that we can focus properly on spirituality only if our needs are met and pains assuaged?”

Even as this question was asked, I began to ponder about it. It is so natural that this question arises. In fact, Swami Vivekananda is quoted to have said,

“Don’t teach spirituality to a hungry man.”

Roti, Kapada and Makaan (food, clothing and shelter) are recognised as the basic needs without which, one cannot think of one’s mental and emotional needs also. That is what the famous Maslow’s hierarchy of needs also states powerfully - that human beings are motivated by a hierarchy of needs. It is only when the needs that constitute the lower levels are satisfied that a person thinks about fulfilling higher level needs. This theory is represented by a pyramid as shown below.

Maslow's hierarchical pyramid of needs.

Physiological needs are the physical requirements for human survival which include food, water, clothing and shelter. Safety and Security needs include personal security, financial security, health security and a safety net against accidents. Love and Belonging needs are covered in belonging to some societal group, a family; having friendships and intimacy.  Esteem needs present the typical human desire to be accepted and valued by others. It is only when all these four are met and achieved that a person contemplates self-actualization, which is defined as achieving one’s full potential. Different individuals perceive this fifth need differently and it can get expressed as professional excellence, being a perfect parent, artistic magnificence and so on.

With that in mind, we get back to the question,

““How can we love and worship God when we are ourselves in such pain and need? Isn’t it true that we can focus properly on spirituality only if our needs are met and pains assuaged?”

If we delve a little deeper, we realize that loving God, as a need, works in a way more mysterious and subtle that all the five needs mentioned by Maslow. And to make that clear, it would be apt to narrate a life-experience of Amey Deshpande. Amey is not a person needing introduction to a regular reader here. He is a dear Sai-brother of mine, who has been involved in several of my experiences with Swami (Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba) including the one in which Swami accepted me as His best friend. I have earlier penned down how he took a step towards Swami and was blessed with a beautiful assurance. I have also written about his most painful experience when he got thrown out of Swami’s school - a case of things having to go horribly wrong before being set aright. In the same vein, here is another educative experience of his.

An ‘ill-fated’ Sunday-morning bhajan session

After losing his seat in Swami’s school in 8th grade, Amey had tried hard to get back into the school in 11th grade. Since that had not happened, he had tried getting admitted into the BCom course at the University. That too had not happened. So, he enrolled in the Sheshadripuram College at Bengaluru (Bangalore then) and graduating in honours with a BCom degree, Amey got employed at Hewlett-Packard. He also became a Seva Dal volunteer at Brindavan, Whitefield. He has been blessed with a wonderful voice and it is not surprising that he soon became a lead bhajan-singer there. Every Thursday and Sunday, when the Bangalore Seva Dal got the opportunity to lead bhajans, Amey was in the forefront.

Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 3

God's Award: The only singer with the rare distinction of having sung during both, Baba's 60th Birthday and Baba's
85th Birthday. Here, Swami gives Ravi a shield in December 2010.

The qawwali nears completion

Time seems to fly very quickly when one is enjoying oneself. Every time that I have heard Ravi sing this beautiful qawwali, it has always felt too short. I am sure there are many that would have resisted the temptation to seek an encore because of two reasons:

1. It would look so undignified to do so in Swami’s presence.

2. The only way Ravi would do an encore was when Swami asked him to. In fact, the only time Ravi sings the qawwali is also when Swami asks him to.

Thus, every time the qawwali nears completion, one is always left wanting for more. On one occasion however, things took a different turn. I can never forget that day.

( The above photo collage video has as its background audio, the 13-year old Ravi's rendering of the immortal bhajan, "Brahmanda Nayaka Baba." The story behind it is so beautiful and thrilling and to know it, the reader must visit Part 2 of this story. Actually, this 3rd part is best read after completion of the first two parts which are presented in the links below:

1. Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 1

2. Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 2

To enjoy this concluding part better, it is recommended that the reader goes through the beautiful scenes of the above two parts as well.)

It was the 21st of May, 2006. Summer vacations were on and the students who had decided to stay back and not go home were enjoying the wonderful Trayee sessions at Brindavan in Bangalore. When Swami used to be in Brindavan, staff members from the various institutions in Puttaparthi would travel to Bangalore on the Sunday holiday to enjoy a day in His physical presence. May 21st was a Sunday and the staff from the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Medical Sciences had come to Brindavan. Among them was Ravikumar too. After the evening bhajan session, all of us went into Trayee Brindavan. Swami arrived and sat on the jhoola (ornate swing). He spoke with a few people seated nearby for a few minutes. As soon as He saw Ravi, He asked,

“How are you Ravi?”

As always, the response was just a smile. Swami turned to a student and asked him to sing a song. As soon as that song was complete, He told Ravi to sing and the mellifluous notes of the qawwali filled the air. The next five minutes passed like a breeze everyone in the hall was devotionally charged. Swami smiled, looked at Ravi and said,

“Sing a high-pitched bhajan now.”

“Krishna.... Krishna... Krishna...” began Ravi and followed it with the bhajan - Madhava Mohana Shyama Gopala.

“Nice, now sing another high-pitched song”, was the divine command.

Ravi responded with the Telugu song, “Namo Sathya Sai Baba.”

Swami now asked him to sing another song, one which everyone could follow and sing. Ravi waited for further clarification on the song which Swami wanted. Swami added instructions,

“The song goes high in pitch and fast in beat.”

Ravi was still silent. All of us began to whisper and mutter, guessing the probable song which Swami was hinting at. Swami then said that it was a qawwali. Sri.B.N.Narasimhamoorthy, the then warden of the Brindavan campus made a guess,

“Sai Ke Darbar Mein?”

“No, not that”, said Swami. Looking at Ravi, He again said,

“Sing...”

Ravi smiled at indicated the pitch of the song to the harmonium player. He sat up straight, closed his eyes and began the song Swami was seeking:

“Mohabbat Ki Kami Dil Mein...”

It was the SAME qawwali that he had sung right at the beginning. So, that was Swami way of asking for an encore. As Ravi hit the high notes of the qawwali, Swami closed His eyes too and lost in a trance! Needless to say, the following was thumping and the whole Brindavan reverberated with the qawwali. Even as he completed the qawwali, Swami got up with a satisfied look. He asked for Arati! The session was over because Swami seemed to have felt that it was ‘complete’!

In the bhajan hall, as Ravi came to the last line of the qawwali, he hoped that Swami would get up and leave. However, Swami did not get up to leave this time. He continued to stay.

Man Mandir Se, Jao Na Sai...

Chain Na Aaye Mohe, Chain Na Aaye.

(Oh Sai! Please do not leave the temple of my heart. Without you, I will be restless, without peace of mind.)

Ravi at once realized that in his song, he was actually asking Swami to stay in the mandir - the mandir of his heart! His thoughts quickly travelled back to the day when Swami had apparently tested him.

Nearness or dearness?

Ravi had got delayed at hospital (where he worked) that day. By the time he reached the mandir, the bhajan had begun. He sat in the last row and sang no bhajans that day. After the Arati, Swami sent for him and asked him,

“Why did you not come for bhajans?”

“Swami, I came. I was late and so I sat behind.”

“So what if you are late? You should have walked up to the front and sat in your place...”

Ravi gave no response. He only smiled and shook his head to indicate that he would not do that.

Swami egged him on saying that it would not be a problem if he came front.

Now here was an opportunity of a lifetime. Swami was saying that no matter what time he arrived, Ravi could royally walk up to the front and sit near Swami. Anybody in his place would have jumped at it and why not? Was it not the Lord Himself making the offer? But Ravi stuck to his stance. He again smiled to Swami and mentally said,

“No Swami, that isn’t right. The bhajan session is always the most important and not me. The song is more important than the singer. The Lord is always the top priority and nobody else.”

Swami had read his thoughts. Though no words had been exchanged, a lot had been communicated. Swami had patted him, smiled and said,

“Good boy.”

Ravi definitely had given up the chance to sit near Him but had grabbed the opportunity to be dear to Him with both hands! And that is another important lesson - strive to be dear to the Lord. To be dear means to follow what He says - to do things the way He would like them to be done even when nobody is watching or even when the Lord permits you to ‘violate’ the norm! And that requires great wisdom, humility and maturity. But if one manages to do that, Swami gifts him/her with the greatest blessing ever - Himself.

A Mother of mothers

The most poignant memory of the qawwali for Ravi however remains the 27th of September, 2004. Having been diagnosed with serious illness, his mother had been bravely battling on the health front. Swami had stood as a strong pillar of support during these troubled times. In fact, Swami had told the legendary Dr. H.S.Bhat to take charge of his mother. Though a Urologist, Dr.Bhat had invoked his numerous contacts and Ravi’s mother was receiving the best possible medical care. A major surgery had been scheduled for the 27th of September, 2004 at the SSSIHMS specially for her (at Swami’s behest).

That evening, as Ravi sat outside the operation theater in the hospital waiting for his mother, Swami had sat on the dais in Kulwant hall waiting for Ravi! In between the bhajans, He even asked about Ravi and was told that he had not yet come to the mandir. As the operation concluded successfully, Ravi rushed to the mandir in joy. He was not sure if he would make it in time for the Arati. He actually just made it in time!

Swami, having received Arati, had just got up to leave. Ravi, as was his practice, walked in from behind and sat in a corner. Sri Nitin Acharya, who was assisting Swami then, saw Ravi from the corner of his eye. He told Swami,

“Swami, Ravi has come.”

Immediately, Swami beckoned to him and Ravi moved up to Him on the dais. Swami enquired as to how the surgery had been and Ravi update Swami with a smile saying that everything was fine by His grace. Swami sat back on the chair and told Ravi to sit in front of him, in the first line of the bhajan group. Looking into his eyes, He made a subtle movement. Ravi closed his eyes and began the qawwali.

Ravi’s heart was filled with gratitude at what his divine mother had done for his earthly mother. He had been so nervous and worried about his mother and Swami had quelled all his worries. At a time when it seemed that everything was wrong, Swami had indeed shown him that He was always by his side. The words flowed out effortlessly,

Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye.

When he completed the qawwali that day, there was pin drop silence and Swami seemed to be drinking deep into the beauty of that silence. In fact, when the priest rose to give a second Arati (for every session, as a rule, must conclude with Arati), Swami told him to sit down. As though carrying the beautiful vibrations of the qawwali, Swami just retired for the day without speaking a word with anyone else.

“Swami has that special ability - to make you feel that you are the world for Him. I felt it that day and I knew that He was the world for me!” completed Ravi.

The Lord and devotee share a moment through their eyes during the Prema Pravaham programme,
performed during the 85th Birthday Celebrations.

Parting thoughts - ones to treasure

Ravi’s parting statement reminded me of my own experience where I felt that I was the world for Swami. I am sure that each and every one has received an experience like this in some way or the other where Swami has shown him/her that he/she is the world for Him. Isn’t that the reason why we too join in the qawwali, singing aloud,

Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye

Chain Na Aaye Mohe Chain Na Aaye

Even as the qawwali gathers momentum, the singer climaxes into an Alaap,

“Aaaa....aaaa....”

Isn’t that so natural? When the heart is full, words are few but when the heart overflows, there are no words at all!

Little wonder that Ravi realized the secret of life through the song of his life. The song begins with an apparent mourning,

“Mohabbat Ki Kami Dil Mein” (the absolute lack of love in the heart).

But it concludes with the state of ecstasy where there are no words because the heart is overflowing with His love and grace - Aaaa....aaa....

Sitting in the bhajan hall and singing the qawwali of his life in front of the goal of his life, Ravi realized that he would never ever feel a lacuna in his heart because his Sai was always there. He only had to turn inward and he would see that his Swami is waiting for him there. There was no need for a separate and special darshan session any more - every moment of his life would be a darshan session for Swami.

Is it any surprise that he rarely sings this qawwali any more?

...because he is internally singing it every day of his life.

After his final programme performance in Swami's physical presence, Swami materialized a gold chain for Ravi and
placed it close to his heart. A symbolic gesture indeed.

Wouldn't it be great to learn bhajan singing from this humble devotee of the Lord? Radiosai offers more than 150 bhajans taught by brother Ravikumar in its popular Bhajan Tutor page. Do check it out.

For all readers:

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Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 2

In Kodaikanal with Swami, 1992. 

Change of worlds

As Ravi completed his 5th grade at Ooty, his father received the shocking news. There was no way Ravi could continue his schooling in Ooty any more. The administration had started the school with grades 1, 2 and 3. Progressively, every year, they had added one more class. In 1981 however, they felt that it would not be feasible to add 6th grade to the school. Having enjoyed the beautiful proximity of Swami for 3 years, Ravi was now facing prospects of not being a ‘Sai-student’ any more.

{This is actually part 2 of Ravi's story. To appreciate it better, it is highly recommended to read Part 1 from the link below and then continue with this.

Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 1 }

Well, that had his father restless and worried more than him. What was to be done next? Instinctively and intuitively, they went to Puttaparthi. Hope dawned there as it always does to those who look towards Puttaparthi as their first and last recourse. The Smt. Easwaramma High School had been inaugurated and running well and Ravi’s father decided to enrol his son there. There was one problem however - the school had the Telugu language as its medium of instruction and Ravi knew as much Telugu as he knew Mandarin or Hebrew!

A special exception was made for these children who had arrived from Ooty and the teachers explained in English as well. Also, the subject Telugu was replaced with another language, Hindi. So, Ravi's (and the others') academic difficulties were greatly reduced. On the whole, Ravi was happy in school because he saw many of his Ooty classmates there. (Apparently, many other parents too had turned to Puttaparthi as their recourse like Ravi’s father!) Ravi’s mother had mixed feelings - her little boy would be still staying away from her but now, he was much ‘closer’ to Swami since he was in Puttaparthi itself. Ravi had no idea about the difficulty that he was about to go through.

There was no Sri Sathya Sai Primary School or the Sri Sathya Sai Higher Secondary School in Puttaparthi then. And so, all these children who enrolled into the Easwaramma School were accommodated in the college hostel itself. These were going to be the most challenging 2 years of Ravi’s life as he moved from a hostel where everything was done for him into one where he had to fend for himself completely! Forget the chores of washing his own clothes, Ravi had not got accustomed to even washing his plate and tumbler after meals. Fending for himself put tremendous pressure on him and that was when he began to get worried and restless. He began to lose weight and wonder how his little shoulders would bear so many responsibilities. Today, he realizes that it is only the searing heat and tremendous pressure that turns a piece of carbon into a diamond. Back then, he only felt the heat and pressure. Wilting under it, he felt weak and finally fell sick. For some strange reason, he had got severely asthmatic in hot Puttaparthi having flourished without any medical problems in cold Ooty. Asthma brought him down on his knees and confined him to his bed.

He wondered why he was doing all that he was doing? Why couldn’t he just go back home to his parents? He could not because

Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye -

He could not stay without his Sai. He thought of his beautiful days at Ooty - days when Swami was just meters away from his room door. How he missed those days!

Chain Na Aaye Mohe Chain Na Aaye

He was so restless without Sai.

Even as he felt thus, he could hear a rush of excitement from the room windows. Getting up from the bed, he went to the door. He could not imagine that his imagination of a few minutes back would transform into concrete reality. A few meters away from him was his Swami!

Swami came to him and enquired about his health. How did He know? Ah! What is it that He does not know? Just because Swami does not show that He knows on every occasion does not mean that He does not know. And yet, he was asked and so Ravi answered that he was not feeling well. The divine right palm went a-circling and lo, there was fragrant vibhuti in an instant. The vibhuti was bitter to taste but Ravi was all smiles. When it is the Lord who is gifting, what does it matter if it is bitter or sweet?

On several occasions, Swami blessed Ravi and gave him vibhuti but the episode in the hostel was like
a life-changer!

That was another lesson for life that made Ravi the epitome of calm and composure that he is today. If he could take everything in life as a gift from Swami, he would always be able to smile irrespective of whether it was bitter or sweet. It didn’t matter where he was - Ooty or Puttaparthi because Swami was with him in all places, in all worlds!

Living for God is true devotion

Ravi continued to sing in the bhajan hall, not opening his eyes even for a moment. He did not want to see the prostrate form of his Swami before him. Instead, he chose to ‘see’ Swami with his eyes closed. And that was when he realized that whenever he had sung the qawwali, he had always kept his eyes closed - even when Swami was physically present in front of him. He had done that so naturally till then and today he understood the divine wisdom behind his seemingly unconscious action. Swami wanted him to always search for Him within. Is that not what SAI stands for - See Always Inside?

But he wanted to see Sai outside too! Though his eyes were closed today, he could not help ‘knowing’ that Swami was not sitting on the chair in front of him. He might never hear Swami speak to him the way He had done always.

Why Swami? Are you upset with me? Are you ignoring me? Won’t you speak to me? I am ready to die for you if need be but please be with me always...

Mith Mar Jaye Tujhpe Hamse Na Roothe Tu

Zindagi Saump De Ham Charanon Mein Tere Yun

( Sai, please do not be upset with me for I am ready to die, to lose my existence, for you. I(we) offer my(our) life at your lotus feet.)

Memories galore flooded his heart. Memories in which Swami had asked him to sing on numerous occasions. One memory stood out vividly.

He was in grade 8 now and had got enrolled in the newly inaugurated Sri Sathya Sai Higher Secondary School after 2 years in the Smt.Easwaramma High School. Swami regularly made him sit in the front lines and asked for him to sing a bhajan now and then. During the Dusshera festival of 1984, Ravi got a chance of his life.

He had picked up a new bhajan, “Brahmanda Nayaka Baba, Parthi Purishwara Baba.” When he had sung it in the hostel, everyone had got thrilled at the melody in the voice and the soul in the song. Ravi also thoroughly enjoyed singing that bhajan. But he never imagined what would happen next.

A live bhajan recording of Ravikumar rendering Brahmanda Nayaka Baba

The Dusshera Yajnam is conducted every year for the peace and good of the whole Universe (Brahmanda). And the deity receiving the prayers is the Brahmanda Nayaka (Master of the Universe) himself. That year, in 1984, as Ravi sat with his classmates in the Poornachandra auditorium, he got an excited summon. Looking up, he realized that Swami was calling him on to the stage. Trembling with excitement and with adrenaline rushing, he went up the stage to Swami. Swami asked for a mike to be brought. There was a rush on the stage and one of the college students requested a Veda pundit to lend the microphone in front of him. The mike was placed before the 13-year old. Swami told him to sing the bhajan,

“Brahmanda Nayaka Baba.”

Standing beside Swami, closing his eyes and praying for His grace, Ravi began the bhajan. The whole hall got enveloped in raptures of devotion. The following was simply terrific. But even then, the little boy did not get excited. He just wanted to make his Swami happy. He completed the bhajan and looked at Swami. He had definitely achieved what he had sought to do - Swami was so happy - and proud. Well, the ‘proud’ part is what I am inserting for Ravi never said that. He never accepts that Swami is ‘proud’ of him and it is my emotion that makes me use that word.

As he mentally leafed through that memory, one thing became very clear for Ravi. Swami had always wanted him to sing for Him - even at times when He seemed ‘upset'. He never wanted him to be silent. That was another powerful message for Ravi - never cease doing what you do for the Lord, even if the Lord seems upset or silent. He felt that even as he told Swami that he was ready to die for Him, Swami was gently reminding him that He wanted him to live for Him! Dying for God is relatively easy because it is a one time thing. Living for God, on the other hand, is a lifelong commitment and that is what Swami expects from each of us. We have to continue our ‘singing for him’ throughout life, irrespective of what happens. That is why Swami tells us,

“Living for God (and not dying for God) is true devotion.”

The qawwali comes alive

The qawwali of Ravi’s life - Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - came into existence in 1988. Ravi had completed his schooling then and was in the 1st year of his undergraduate studies at Brindavan, Bangalore. A group of students wrote the lyrics for a qawwali and composed a tune for it. They wanted this qawwali to be offered to Swami during a music programme. Two singers were chosen to sing it in the Divine Presence. One was a 3rd year undergrad student, Rajendra Kumar and the other was Ravi.

They did sing it together. Swami seemed to like it too. That became evident when, months later, Swami again asked for that qawwali to be sung. This time however, it was during the summer vacations and Rajendra had gone home. Swami asked Ravi to sing it alone. The rest, they say, is history.

Ravi actually has no count of the number of times he has been asked by Swami to sing the qawwali. But he surely knows that Swami made several changes to the length of the song. It went through several iterations of ‘Divine editing’ before being accepted in its current concise avatar.

Ravikumar singing and dancing as Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. During that drama, Swami asked Ravi to sing the 
same qawwali! Just imagine Chaitanya Mahaprabhu singing a qawwali! The qawwali was modified as
"Shyam Bina Raha Na Jaaye" and Ravi indeed sang it as a grand finale! 

After playing the role of Krishna's gopika, Yamuna.

Slowly, Ravi began to get opportunities to act in many dramas in Swami’s presence. Needless to say, his roles in the dramas, like in the drama of life, were inextricably intertwined with music. Those were days when there was no pre-recording of dramas and both, the dialogues and songs, were delivered live. Thus, most of the lead actors (who had to do singing) were all good singers. That was how Ravi got the chance to play the role of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, a role that he performed with great devotion and elan.

I feel that the Chaitanya Mahaprabhu role was symbolic of the role Swami envisaged for His Ravi. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu is considered as one of the main pillars of the Bhakti movement (Devotion revolution) and a pioneer of the Bhajan Sampradaya (tradition of singing bhajans as a means to achieve God). Ravi being given that role in the drama was also being given a hint about the role that he had to play in his life too - to become a pillar of the Bhakti Movement via the Bhajan Sampradaya. Ravi, as always, shrugs it away and says,

“Swami gives us the opportunity to play such roles so that we are inspired by such pure lives.”

Did I not say the same thing?

Ravi continued to sing the qawwali and it now progressed towards a change in tempo. From now on, it would move towards it’s climax. A thousand feelings coursed through Ravi’s heart and many in’sai’ghts began to dawn...

to be concluded in the next part

Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 3

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