Yearning to Learn; Learning to Yearn

An evergreen song - Ek Radha Ek Meera

There is a popular Hindi song comparing the love of two devotees of Lord Krishna, Radha and Meerabai. These two are possibly among Krishna’s greatest devotees. The first few lines go like this:

Ek Radha Ek Meera, Donon Ne Shyaam Ko Chaahaa
Antar Kya Donon Ki Chaah Mein Bolo
Ek Prem Diwaani Ek Darash Diwani

{Radha and Meera, both desired for Krishna.

Tell me what is the difference in their desire?

While one longed for His (physical) love, the other sought to see Him (darshan). }

What makes the song interesting is that Radha was a contemporary of Krishna while Meera lived in an era thousands of years after Krishna’s physical passing. In fact, everything about their lives is different - totally. And yet, what is common is that both achieved their ultimate goal of union with their beloved. That should be an inspiration for us because it shows no matter how different we are in the way we love God, we all are equally capable of achieving Him. What matters is how we yearn for Him ALONE. There are many instances of yearning for God being more important than experiences with God and this post will be an extension of those thoughts.

Hear the beautiful song in the golden voice of Lata Mangeshkar.

Personally, the song brings solace to my heart that pines for and misses the physical form of my Sathya Sai Krishna, my Swami. It encourages me to keep the flame of yearning going with the oil of devotion till the wick of my body burns away. It soothes me with the assurance that though all do not get the opportunity to be a ‘Radha’, everyone can grab the opportunity to be a ‘Meera’.

Every now and then, it is not uncommon for me to feel a spiritual void, a disconnect with my Swami within. At such times, I try to focus on Swami in everything I do. Like a faithful dog, I stand barking at the door of my Master, refusing to lick the juicy tidbits He throws me because I know that when all else fails, He will surely come out of the door and pat me. It is one such experience post the ‘Mahasamadhi’ of Baba that I would like to share.

The void

It had been several weeks since Swami had come in my dreams. It had been nearly a month since vibhuti manifested in the altar at home. Of course, my work at Radiosai involved seeing videos of Him, hearing His discourses and thinking about Him. And yet, I was feeling a void. I realized that while with yearning and personal sadhana, work becomes worship, without them even worship becomes a work! Thus I felt that I need to pine more for Him.

I confided into my wife, Pooja, and told her that I was missing Swami a lot.

“It was so easy when He was here. Why did He have to leave?” I asked her rhetorically.

“Swami knows best”, she replied before encouraging me, “the very fact that you are yearning for Him is a blessing from Him. Be grateful and keep praying.”

“Sane advice indeed but it does not help my crying heart...”

“If you love Swami, instead of just feeling for Him start doing something for Him”, she egged me on.

“I am doing many things right...”

“But you still are not satisfied” she cut me, “then do more for Him. See, I am planning to do a week long Sai Satcharitra reading.”

“Where do you have the time?”, I asked wonderingly because she would have to manage our daughter Bhakti at home apart from the 7 hours she would have to put into the work-from-home job.

“I will make time...”

Choose God and God chooses you - Dr. Raghunath Sarma's life experience -Part 4

The interview

Bhagawan returned to Brindavan from Kodaikanal with the entourage of students. Raghu was among the few students blessed to stay in the special accommodation beside Swami’s residence, Trayee Brindavan. The ‘Summer Course in Indian Culture and Spirituality’ would be starting soon and this ‘privileged accommodation’ served to smoothen the transition from the Kodai life to normal life.

Raghu was in for a surprise as his entire family landed in Brindavan one fine day.

“We felt like having darshan and also seeing you. So, we came. Please tell Swami to grant us an interview...”

“Woah! Do you think it is that simple?” Raghu asked incredulously. There was no answer but Raghu realized that his going to Kodaikanal had raised the hopes of his parents who had several worries which, according to them, only Swami could solve.

“Okay, I shall ask”, Raghu said. He had nothing to lose.

The next day, during darshan Raghu got up on his knees and told Swami that his parents had come to Brindavan. Swami casually told him to go in for an interview! It had indeed turned out to be quite simple.

It was a special thrill for Raghu’s father who was speaking to Swami after nearly 3 decades. But the way Swami spoke with love and trust, it felt as though they had been in touch on a daily basis. (Isn’t that the truth anyway? We are always in touch with God directly. It’s just that we refuse to acknowledge or try some roundabout way of seeking him.) Swami assured the parents on all the different issues that were bothering them. They seemed comforted and had just one more issue. Raghu’s brother had not fared well in the undergraduate exams and it was doubtful whether he would get a seat for post graduation in Swami’s University.

“Swami”, the mother prayed about Raghu’s brother Vishwanath Sarma, “what about his younger brother?”

“The University is meant for you”, Swami assured, “but then, there are some rules and regulations that have to be followed.”

Everyone understood what Swami was saying. He didn’t want people to mix issues of admission in the University and relationship with Him. But the mother persisted,

“What about his future Swami? What will happen to him?”

That was when Swami made a statement that all of us ought to enshrine in our hearts.

“See, he has acted in several dramas. He has donned the roles of Ravana and Yama and given me great joy. When someone gives me even the minutest of joys (showing the tip of His fingernail), can his life be anything other than good and prosperous?”

In that question, Swami had given a beautiful assurance and a powerful message. All that one has to do is please God. Then, goodness and success are bound to come. (It is interesting to note that Vishwanath Sarma went on to complete MBA and was the first among his siblings to get a job. After working successfully in several MNCs, he is currently working as a senior manager in Capgemini,  a global leader in consulting, technology and outsourcing services.)

{This is the final part of a 4-part story. Enjoy it to the fullest after reading the first three parts.

PART 1: Choose God Choose Life - Raghunath Sarma's life experience -1

PART 2: Choose God Choose Light - Raghunath Sarma's life experience - 2

PART 3: Choose Heart over Head, God over World - Raghunath Sarma's life experience - 3 }

The parents were overjoyed. That was when Swami asked pointing to Raghu,

“Veedi katha emi? (What about this fellow?)”

The mother spontaneously replied,

"We do not think about him anymore as we have given him away to You. He is Yours as he has been so far."

It is a practice in many families in India where one child is offered to God. This usually is the child with the maximum spiritual aptitude. As the mother stated this, a broad smile came on Swami’s face. He seemed very thrilled to accept Raghu as his own. For Raghu, things seemed moving too fast. He had not anticipated any of these things happening. At every stage of his life he had made great efforts to choose God. Finally, it felt like God had embraced and accepted him completely.  

“What will you do?” Swami asked Raghu.

God grants everything but should never be taken for granted - Amey's experience with his Swami_ Part 2

Flashback... Nostalgia... Beautiful memories...

There come times in life when one is unable to comprehend what more can one do. It was one such time in Amey’s life. Nearly a month had passed since that day when Swami had made the children from the Primary School sing bhajans and more than forty days had passed since he had sung in the Divine Presence. He had been practicing bhajan singing and he had been praying for the opportunity to sing in Swami’s presence. What more could he do? Situations like these, when the flow seems to be at its lowest ebb make one feel helpless. But there is a silver lining even in such dark clouds and that is the consolation that things cannot get any more worse.

Consoling himself that things could only get brighter and better from that point on, Amey went through the daily routine of attending college and presenting himself in the bhajan group in the mandir. Several days passed like this.

(This is actually the second part of a very gripping story. To enjoy it completely, it is recommended that you read Part 1 at the link below and then return here:

God grants everything but should never be taken for granted - Amey's experience with his Swami_ Part 1 )

One evening, as he began to practice a bhajan in his favourite Raaga, Sindhubhairavi, his mind wandered into memory lane, filling him with nostalgia...

********************

Amey had always been associated with bhajans in Swami's presence. Even as a Primary School kid, he used to play
the tabla, sitting right in the front. 

It had been a cloudy day in Bangalore. The sky grew dark and the afternoon seemed to have donned the robes of twilight. There was an outburst as the heavens opened up and poured water by the tonnes. Amey rushed along with the other Seva Dal members to roll up the carpets that had been spread to cushion the lotus feet of Swami as He walked from Trayee Brindavan to the Sai Ramesh Hall before darshan. In a matter of minutes, it was all rolled up and secure. Ten minutes later, the rains stopped. Once again, everyone plunged into action, rolling out the carpets. A few volunteers picked up brooms and swept away the fallen leaves and twigs. Few others washed off the mud along the path.

Amey too joined the others in readying for Swami's arrival. Then, he brushed away the dirt from himself and straightened out the sleeves of his shirt. He set his hair back in order and got ready to receive Swami. In a few minutes, the doors of Trayee Brindavan opened and out glided the Bhaktajanaposhaka, the Lord of the Universe who is the sustainer of His devotees. As Swami came near the back door of the Sai Ramesh Hall stage, Amey stood in attention, folding his hands.

Swami came near him and stopped. He seemed to be keenly observing something on the floor. Amey followed His gaze and was shocked that He was actually looking at his feet. The devotee gazes at the Lord’s feet. Here was a case in reverse! As Amey looked down at his own feet, he could see that they were dark brown and black from the slush. If only he would have washed his feet like the others...

Swami then looked at him in the eye and made an expression of disappointment. He then gently lifted His robe to reveal His tender and sparklingly clean feet. Amey almost bit his tongue as he realized his mistake. Swami walked on and went for darshan. Immediately Amey rushed to the nearby tap and washed his feet and hands thoroughly. On His return after the darshan, Swami paused once again at Amey. He looked at his feet and then into his eyes. He granted him a beautiful smile and nodded to indicate that He was happy...

*************************

God grants everything but should never be taken for granted - Amey's experience with his Swami_ Part 1

Amey Deshpande was ecstatic as held the piece of paper in his hand. He fondled it reverentially as if it was one of the greatest treasures on earth. As far as he was concerned, at that point in time, it was indeed the greatest treasure on earth. It was his ticket to the feet of his Master, his God - Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. The letter intimating him about his selection into MBA (finance) at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning (Prasanthi Nilayam) had just arrived and Amey’s joy knew no bounds. This was the moment he had been waiting for many years now.

Regular readers of this blog will be well acquainted with Amey, my dear Sai-brother and neighbour who is currently an assistant professor in the same department where he acquired his MBA degree. I have lived through several of his experiences, thanks to his vivid and detailed narratives and it is a wonder that I have penned down only three of his stories so far. Amey took his ‘baby’ steps into Swami’s heart as early as 1984. After that, he had several memorable experiences in the Sri Sathya Sai Primary School. Life however, was not all rosy and he was abruptly expelled from the school. That was a defining experience in Amey’s life when he learnt that sometimes things go horribly wrong before going right and that sometimes one has to move away from God to move closer to Him!  

While that was the defining experience of his life, his days as an MBA student at Swami’s lotus feet taught him many lessons. One of the most unforgettable ones among those was that God should never be taken for granted.

A beautiful ‘honeymoon’ period as a singer

For all the readers who have not read the other narratives about Amey or have taken out time to click on the links above (yes, thats almost an ad to make you scroll back up, click on those links, read them and then continue from here), this much has to be said that he is an excellent bhajan singer. He was an integral part of the Brindavan Bhajan Group in Bangalore and would sing twice a week, on Thursdays and Sundays, in Swami’s presence at Whitefield.

The Brindavan Bhajan Group (BBG) consisted only of members of the Seva Dal (the volunteer corps of the Sri Sathya Sai Organization). It was special in the sense that it was the only unit of the Seva Dal that regularly got an opportunity to sing for Swami. That opportunity was almost entirely belonging to the students of the SSSIHL. Among the singers of the BBG, Amey was considered special.

He definitely was one of the best voices. But what made him very special was the attention, love and grace that Swami showered on him. Swami almost seemed to look forward for Amey’s bhajans! On one occasion, Amey had to miss the Thursday morning bhajans in order to write an important ‘Accountancy’ exam at his college. The next Sunday, during the bhajans, Swami came up to him and enquired why he did not attend bhajans the previous session. Amey was stunned that a thing as little as his absence had been noticed and replied,

“Swami, I had to write an accountancy exam...”

“You did not do well in it... You could have as well come for bhajans.”

Amey actually flunked that exam!

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future - Part 1

A story of Himalayan proportions

It was Oscar Wilde who said,

"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."

For long, it was the story of Kalpagiri stood testimony to the truth in this statement for me. After I became a student at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, I came to know of many more such stories. Among the hundreds of stories of Swami’s grace and love that I had heard in my student days, one story stuck in my heart for its uniqueness. And that story brought new meaning to the Oscar Wilde quote. It showed that there are instances where even a sinner has a glorious past. But that glorious past is forgotten due to complete indulgence in the world. The soul starts blundering and floundering in life till God's compassion descends and reveals the Truth.

A file photograph of Sanjay Sahni speaking in the Divine
Presence at Brindavan, Bengaluru.

I first heard of this experience in Swami’s presence, in Trayee Brindavan, narrated by lecturer Sri.Sanjay Sahni who is the principal of the Brindavan campus of SSSIHL as on the date of writing of this article. Listening to the incident and seeing Baba’s rapt attention was such an experience in itself. I again heard this incident narrated in Prasanthi Nilayam a few years later, this time by another lecturer, Sri Ruchir Desai. His was a 15-minute speech and so he didn’t go into the details the way Sahni sir had done in his 45-minute talk. But since then, the incident was etched in me and what a wonderful opportunity it was to hear about it from the protagonist-witness himself! The first-hand narrative from Mr.Prithviraj is definitely a story of Himalayan proportions.

Mr. Prithviraj was an advocate from the Indian state of Orissa and he had prospered well in his career to soon find himself serving at the apex court in India. As an advocate of the Supreme Court of India, he had a very busy and fulfilling life. The fulfilling part came from his devotion to his God and master, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba and his annual service at Prasanthi Nilayam in Puttaparthi. He came face to face with the most fantastic and thrilling story of his life during one such visit to the abode of highest peace (that is what Prasanthi Nilayam translates into) as a member of the Seva Dal (the service corps of the Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organization).

It was the year 1989 and as always, he was serving at the South Indian canteen of the Prasanthi Nilayam ashram. He was accosted with great familiarity by a man in a white shirt and a white pant.

“Sairam sir, do you remember me?”, he asked with a gentle smile, “you had given me tea.”

Having tea with strangers in order to extract their story with Swami was nothing new to Prithviraj and so, he was unable to recollect this face.

“I am Mohammad... remember? The cigarettes...”

In a flash, he remembered everything. A quick travel down memory lane brought before his mind’s eye everything about Mohammad and his extraordinary life. The time was about five years ago, in 1984.

The powerful attraction between goodness and Godliness - a college professor's experience with Sri Sathya Sai PART 2

Godliness is always attracted to goodness, no matter how disguised or buried that goodness is
within an individual. Gangadhar bows down to his Lord in love and gratitude. 

A postponed appointment?

Within a few days, a letter arrived for Gangadhar from Puttaparthi. They were orders for him to report on the 7th of July at Prasanthi Nilayam as a lecturer in political science. The journey to be undertaken now was to a tiny hamlet in his own state instead of Bangalore. Once again Gangadhar landed up at his in-laws place in Tanaku because all his brothers-in-law told him that they would help him out with the details of the journey and the ‘how to’ of making it.. It was indeed an arduous journey featuring four breaks and bus changes in between. Gangadhar arrived to Puttaparthi by a dusty bus and got off at the Smt.Easwaramma High School. As guided by his father-in-law, he sought a certain Ammanashastry, the headmaster at the school.

(Have you read the first part of this story? If not, it is highly advisable that you read it to have complete enjoyment and fulfillment of a tale of unmatched grace. Read the first part of the story at the link below:

The powerful attraction between goodness and Godliness - a college professor's experience with Sri Sathya Sai )

Ammanashastry received him warmly after getting to know that he was his friend’s son in law. He however warned him,

“You better have a haircut right away. Long hair is not good.”

“Not good for what or whom?”, Gangadhar protested, “I have been called here as a teacher and my hair should not be a matter of concern to anyone here.”

“Oh! You don’t understand. Just do as I say please”, requested the headmaster, surprised at Gangadhar’s strong response.  

It was only out of reverence for an elder and with intense grumbling under the breath that Gangadhar had a haircut before meeting with the principal of the Arts and Science College, Mr. Amarendra. The principal was a very principled man and had been blessed on several occasions to serve as the translator for Bhagawan Baba. Principal Amarendra escorted Gangadhar to the portico of the mandir where he was seated along with several other VIPs. Gangadhar was almost frightened with the pin-drop silence that existed in the premises. Everyone seemed to be lost in themselves and didn’t seem to have the slightest inclination to carry on even a casual conversation.

Suddenly there was a hush as the door right up in the front gently opened. Everyone in the mandir portico seemed to stiffen in anticipation and out walked the orange-robed form of Swami. With a finger, He beckoned to Principal Amarendra who got up in a jiffy and rushed to him. Gangadhar was surprised to see such a rapid response from the principal of a college! Swami spoke almost into the principal’s ears and Amarendra, on his part, seemed to be hanging on to every word that was being spoken. Again, Gangadhar found this extremely different from whatever he had seen in life. Swami then moved on and walked into the sandy grounds that surrounded the mandir. The principal informed Gangadhar that Swami was going on His darshan rounds.

Gangadhar learnt to always keep Swami in the
front in his life...

Seeing the adoration and devotion in the eyes of the assembled people, Gangadhar realized that Swami was not just the Chancellor of a University - He was more, much much more. He wondered as to what could attract so many people so powerfully towards one being. His reverie was broken by Principal Amarendra after the darshan session. He called him aside and told him,

“Swami was enquiring about you. I told Him that you have reported today so that you can join for duty from tomorrow. He however said that you should not report tomorrow but on the 14th of July.”

“So, are you going to rescind the old order and issue a fresh joining order?”, was the question that Gangadhar posed immediately.

“No! There is no need for that...”

“What do you mean? What about this previous communication?”

“Swami has said 14th. That is enough. That is official and the final authority.”

Gangadhar learnt something new about this “Swami” - His Word was the necessary and sufficient authority in this part of the world. He would soon be learning that His Word is the necessary and sufficient authority in any part of the universe itself!

Though Principal Amarendra and headmaster Ammanashastry advised Gangadhar to stay on till 14th, he decided to go back to Tanaku and return on the 13th of July.

The first conversation

On the 13th of July, when Gangadhar came back to Puttaparthi, he was once again seated in the portico of the mandir. This time, Swami came straight to him and asked,

“When did you come?”

“I came yesterday sir”, was his reply.

Swami smiled and asked, “How are you sir?”

“I am fine thank you sir. How about you?”

“I am fine”, Swami replied, “Where are you put up?”

“Do you know the Easwaramma High School sir?”

“Yes”

“Do you know that headmaster from Tanaku, Ammanashastry?”

“Yes, I know him.”

“I have been graciously accommodated by him near his room sir.”

“Will you come inside if I give you a room?” Swami asked.

“What do you mean by ‘inside’?” asked a puzzled Gangadhar.

“Inside the ashram premises, inside Prasanthi Nilayam”, answered Swami.

“I will be very happy then”, beamed Gangadhar.

Swami now looked the other side and, with a finger, beckoned to Sri Kutumba Rao, the secretary of the Prasanthi Nilayam ashram. He too, in a jiffy, rushed to Swami.

“What is with all these people running as if they are on fire whenever He beckons?” wondered Gangadhar.

That would be another thing that Gangadhar would soon learn - the reason why everyone are on their toes when it comes to Swami.

“Take this gentleman and allot him room C11 in East Prasanthi”, commanded Swami.

“Swami, the owner might be arriving shortly”, said Kutumba Rao. (All rooms in Prasanthi Nilayam are let out as accommodation quarters when the owners are not in station. The rooms become the property of Prasanthi Nilayam after the current owner passes on. They are not passed on as heirloom.)

“Tell them to stay in a shed for a while. Let that room be given to this teacher.” As always, Swami’s word was the final say in the matter.

Several thousands of conversations followed that memorable first one for Dr.Gangadhar Shastry. Here, Swami
instructs him to silently evict a person who had stealthily got into the college auditorium in guise of a
student! Gangadhar completed the task and reported to Swami that it was silently and efficiently done
without any ruckus being raised. Swami was happy. 

Graduation from Sir to Swami

The happenings that Gangadhar began to observe on a daily basis amazed him. Every day in the mandir, Swami would devote at least a few minutes without fail to speak and interact with him. Everyone around told him that he was blessed and lucky and he too began to feel that this was a wonderful period in life. However, he continued to have his long hair and moustache. He also continued to be the chain smoker that he was. His wife, Rani, joined him at Prasanthi Nilayam and they began to live in the room allotted to them by Swami.

One day, as he was teaching a chapter in Civics, Swami came to his classroom. Swami said that he wanted to see how well he was teaching.

“Please come in and take a seat... Swami”, said Gangadhar.

Calling this Chancellor as “Sir” somehow did not seem fine and so he chose the now familiar term - Swami. Swami told him to continue teaching and stood observing him. Gangadhar was telling his students about “Svechcha”. This term doesn’t have a comprehensive translation in English but in context of Civics, it means “self-determination” or “according to one’s will”. As Gangadhar finished his explanation, Swami told him,

“It is fine that you talk to them about Svechcha in the worldly context. But you must also tell them about Adhyatmika Svechcha (spiritual Svechcha).”

Then, Swami left.

That triggered Gangadhar into the spiritual quest - an education for life rather for just living. Today, he understands the true import of Svechha. Sva means the ‘Self’ and Ichcha means ‘Desire’. Svechcha refers to the ‘desire of the Self’ which is actually nothing but the precursor to seeing Unity in the apparent diversity of the universe - seeing God in all. Such trysts with divinity made their impact on Gangadhar and slowly but surely, he fell in love with the form in orange and began to refer to Him as Swami.

He saw the miracles that He performed; the transformation that He effected. During the occasion of the inauguration of the college, as Dr. Suri Bhagawantham had translated His discourse, Swami had said,

“In a few years time, there will be a University here.”

Dr.Bhagawantham had been shocked. What Swami had said was technically not feasible because the Sri Krishnadevaraya University (also referred to as SKU) was at Anantapur and the government didn’t permit the commissioning of a new University within a 100-mile radius of an existing one. Swami had told him to simply translate then.

Gangadhar was present to see the University being inaugurated at Puttaparthi. During His discourse, again it was Dr.Bhagawantham who was translating. Swami said,

“When I announced that a University would be coming in Puttaparthi, this very Bhagawantham said that it was not possible. Today, he is able to see the concretisation of my will.”

In fact, a special act passed by the then prime minister of India, Smt.Indira Gandhi, allowed Swami’s University to also have campuses in any state of India.

A moustache-trimmed Gangadhar sits beside Swami to His right in the college foyer. He weathered a
great storm to continue as 'Swami's teacher', a responsibility greater than that of a 'Swami's student'.
That is a story for another day, another blog - Part 3 of this story.

Gangadhar was convinced beyond doubt that he had been specially blessed. He was in the presence of the supreme power in the Universe. And yet, he was unable to give up his smoking habit. He continued to find moments of solitude, away from his students, to enjoy long puffs. However, out of respect to Swami, he trimmed his hair and his long moustache too. How much longer would it be before he would give up his smoking which Swami had seemed to tolerate for more than a year now? Gangadhar had no idea. That was when a dramatic and drastic episode took place where he was forced to tender his resignation - was it to be the end of his spiritual journey?

I am sure that the answer is obvious to the reader. But the story of how that came about is a sure thrilling one to read and follow.


..to be concluded in part 3 which is present at the link below ...

The powerful attraction between goodness and Godliness - a college professor's experience with Sri Sathya Sai PART 3

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