Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 3

That was my feeling towards Swami as I thought about the whole thing...

Not faxes but acceptance

The fax had been received but apparently, my apology had not been accepted. During the darshan, the ignoring continued. Swami refused to look towards me and I did not feel like making any extra efforts to draw His attention. The next day, in the morning, I went to the fax shop and sent another one. This was a longer apology and I pleaded with Swami that I would not be so foolish again (as though it was totally in my control)! The evening darshan turned out to be a repeat of the previous days as far as Swami breaking the ice with me was concerned.

That night, I thought that there was nothing more that could be done in terms of ‘apologising’ or ‘explaining’ via letters. I decided that my third fax to Swami would also be the final one. In it, I wrote that Swami knew everything. He was the resident of my heart and even if my own mind and hand made mistakes in putting out what my heart held, He would not misunderstand. I surrendered to Him saying that I was ready for whatever He wished and I would not be writing any more apology letters. Having sent that, my mind felt at ease for the first time. That is the magic of acceptance and surrender. When one is ready to embrace whatever God has planned, the mind rests and all tensions/stresses vanish. Things immediately seem to improve though Swami’s behaviour towards me did not change.

{This is the third part of this story which will make better sense if read after the first two parts. In case you have missed it, the first part is at the link below:

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 1

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 2}

Then came the evening of the 24th of December. It was exactly one year to the day when Swami had accepted my offer to be my best friend! It had been an unforgettable occasion. Today, one year later, it was ironical that we were not even on terms of looking each other in the eye! There was a programme by the overseas devotees celebrating Christmas Eve. And here I was wiping away my tears on the 1st anniversary of best-friendship! I was seated far away from Swami. It was good in a way because nothing is more painful than sitting under His nose and being completely ignored by Him.

Sitting far away from Him on the 1st year anniversary of my "best-friendship" day!

Before going forward with the story, I must share a few thoughts here on being good and appearing good.

Heartfelt explanation

When the question of being good or appearing good comes up, most of us tend to lean towards being good, irrespective of how we appear to the world. The argument given is that it is definitely impossible to please everyone. Aesop has given us a famous fable in his inimitable style to impress this very message.  

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 2

That sinking feeling...

I began to walk towards no particular direction. Possibly because I had planned to go for that dinner, my feet automatically took me towards Round Building 5 where the others had gathered. I did not know what to do. I replayed the happenings during the evening darshan. I had thought that the elderly person offering the rose to Swami did not have the good luck to get a photo with Swami where the Lord was smiling and posing. I realized that I had been a culprit who had ruined that opportunity for the devotee! My heart was racing. My emotions were on high octane and the predominant ones were those of fear and sorrow.

I pulled out my phone and dialled Sai Prakash’s number. He was several years my senior and had gone through many ups and downs in life. He would surely be able to help in some way.

“Hey tell me...” his cheerful voice came over the handset.

I almost broke down telling him all that had happened. I vented continuously and the fear in my voice was palpable for him. I felt that I might be thrown out of Puttaparthi and that was my greatest fear.

“Barru, see the bright spot. Focus only on that...”

“CG! What bright spot do you see in this man? All I see is pitch darkness...”

“Swami cares for you enough to scold and correct you... That is His love - nothing else.”

“Frankly CG, I wouldn’t mind if Swami cared a little less about me. I am really scared and ... what will my parents think about me? I will never be able to forgive myself for having thrown away such an opportunity.”

“That’s not the way to take it. I assure you that this is an opportunity. Recognize it and put in efforts.”

{This is the second part of this story which will make better sense if read after the first part.)

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 1}

The call did not give me much solace though I hoped that whatever CG had told me was true. I was reminded of how Mother Sita had been banished to the forest by Lord Rama because a washerman had passed some loose comment about her. It was not as if I was anywhere as ‘chaste’ or ‘pure’ as Mother Sita. Still, I shared the similarity with her that I had appeared to society as if I was in the wrong and my Lord seemed to have punished me for it.

God’s wrongdoings?

Time has this magical way of lending maturity and wisdom to the naivest of people. Over time, I have definitely understood that God is never vengeful. He knows the past, present and future and every decision He takes is for the best from all perspectives. But my perspective is limited. So, feeling that God is not a very loving being is because of my limitations and not His!

For instance, I remember this very thoughtful extrapolation that a Sai-brother had done to the Sita situation. He wrote to me:

Mother Sita was blessed with the opportunity to focus on a spiritual
life and the upbringing of her children alone!

“What would have happened if Rama had not abandoned (if i can use that word) Sita? A simple logic (from a worldly point of view or rather a common man's perspective with sanity) shows that this washerman's evil ideas could have taken a much larger proportion which could have created terrible repercussions. Imagine, if instead of this washerman, someone inside the Ayodhya palace had said this and Mother Sita had heard it. Imagine if after Luv and Kush's birth someone had  raised similar questions.

Rama indeed cared for Sita and loved her. More importantly, to uphold the respect of woman he "isolated" her from this evil society, and provided her an opportunity to prove herself. In fact, in Ramakatha Rasavahini Swami says that Rama asks Sita for a wish and she expresses her willingness to spend time in the pious Ashram environment hearing the glories of the Lord. Rama was indeed an ideal man who used this moment as the right opportunity to save both Sita and the people's minds. It’s like uprooting the weeds before weeds destroy the whole garden. Ideally Rama and Sita both could have left Ayodhya once they realized that people did not respect them. However it was Rama's commitment to Praja that made him stop.  Ramayana could not have had a better ending than Luv & Kush themselves proving the chastity of Mother sita and everybody in Ayodhya accepting that - we need to have pure thoughts while witnessing Divinity.”

I may or may not agree 100% with that extrapolation. But I totally subscribe to this brother’s concluding statement that ONLY PURITY CAN HELP VIEW DIVINITY. Thus, God never does wrong.

With that little detour, I continue back with my story where I was left with a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Being Good and Appearing Good, both are important_Part 1

Not being good; not appearing good - bad but honest, the reckless

Being good; not appearing good - good but vulnerable, the foolish

Being good; appearing good  - good and honest, the ideal

Not being good; appearing good - bad and evil, the devil

• Wise Man’s saying

Well, the wise man there is me and I gained that wisdom based generally on several experiences in life and specifically on one unforgettable and painful experience with my Master and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. This incident spanning a couple of months began on a nice note but soon developed into proportions that I had never imagined. But as is the case always with Swami, the ‘messenger’ ceased to exist once the ‘message’ had been received. It took me several years to digest the experience and, even to this day, I cannot claim to have completely digested and understood it. But I surely have learned a very important lesson. I shall open my heart about the same now.

A memorable flight back home

The story begins on the 2nd of November 2009 as we returned with Swami to Puttaparthi after a memorable visit to Hadshi and Mumbai. Swami had blessed everyone with an opportunity to take a picture alongside Him during the chartered flight and I was the photographer there. Beside me was my colleague, Sai Prakash, with the video camera. As the session progressed, the crew members began to serve food and beverages to the passengers. The food cart blocked the aisle temporarily and it was just the two of us with Swami. We simply sat looking at each other for a while.

A beautiful moment with my Swami that I shall treasure forever - dated 2nd November, 2009. 

After a silent wait, I felt an irrepressible urge in me to speak to Him. I made a slight movement towards Him and as He looked kindly, so I felt encouraged to go ahead. I said,

“Swami, my parents had Your darshan; they were very happy.”

Swami asked, "When are they coming here?"

“Swami, after father's retirement in May, they will come and settle down here itself.”

Swami nodded saying, “Santosham (Very happy)”. I continued,

“One more thing, Swami. Mother keeps crying out ‘Swami’, ‘Swami’, ... Please grant her namaskar once when she comes to Puttaparthi. Once You speak to her, she will be so happy.”

He nodded in agreement. But then He responded with a question of His own,

"She keeps telling ‘Swami’, ‘Swami’... What about you?"

I was dumbstruck. I mumbled and fumbled a bit and said,

"Swami, You know what I feel. You are most important for me."

It was then that Swami said ever so softly,

"You are taking a girl and going on your bike."
Wow! Was I taken aback at this omniscience! I remembered that I had, a few weeks before, indeed taken a high-school girl to the Super Specialty hospital in Puttaparthi for ophthalmology treatment. This girl’s parents were family friends and I was doing them a favour by taking her for her treatment. I said,

"Swami that was... er...a sister."
He said,

"If it's sister, it's alright... But not sister... You made her sister.”

It was true. She was not my biological sister. I just nodded. I was not sure whether Swami was upset with me being with her or going on the bike with her. Then, I told Him,

"Swami if you say, I shall give up using the bike itself."

I had purchased the bike because it had become difficult to follow Swami with my camera on my bicycle when He made visits to the hospital, grounds etc. Even when I succeeded in keeping pace with Him, I would end up sweaty and panting for breath. I had tried to get the bike blessed by Swami, trying to show Him the keys. That had not happened so far. But now, I wanted to stress that for me He was the most important and that I would gladly give up bike riding itself if He had the slightest problem with it.

The powerful attraction between goodness and Godliness - a college professor's experience with Sri Sathya Sai PART 3

Dr.Gangadhar Shastry with his Swami for life after a storm...

The calm before the storm

Life had suddenly become a smooth ride for Gangadhar. He was well-settled in Prasanthi Nilayam along with his wife. He had a stable job and, most importantly, had become an apple of the eye to someone that he considered to be the almighty God - his beloved Swami. Like millions of people before and after him, Gangadhar had fallen (nay risen) in love with Bhagawan Baba and felt that becoming a teacher at Swami’s University was the greatest blessing he could have aspired for.

(Dear reader, in case you have come here directly, please follow my advice and read the first two parts so that this grand finale part gives you the greatest joy and thrill. The other two parts are at the links below:

PART 1 : The powerful attraction between goodness and Godliness - a college professor's experience with Sri Sathya Sai PART 1

PART 2 : The powerful attraction between goodness and Godliness - a college professor's experience with Sri Sathya Sai PART 2  )

It was not as if the greatest comforts of life had been bestowed on him. Life continued to have its ups and downs but the knowledge that his Swami was with him, guiding him and guarding him always, ensured that he had a smooth sailing. Out of sheer love and respect for Baba, Gangadhar gave up his long hair and moustache. With a clean shaven face and neatly combed head he began looking ten years younger than his actual age. However, his smoking habit simply refused to let go of him. He had got addicted to the terrible nicotine roll and try as hard as he might, he was simply not able to kick away the habit. Many people had tried advising him against the ills of smoking. This irritated Gangadhar. It was not as if he was unaware of those ills. He was simply not able to kick away the habit. The other people did not seem to understand that problem of his. And so, whenever they came to him with advice, he rebuked and rebuffed them in a trice.

Swami Karunyananda with Swami on top of
Vidyagiri Hill

In fact, on one occasion, he was summoned to the Principal’s office. Swami Karunyananda had come to meet him.

(For those that might be unaware and not have the patience to click on the link above, it must be told that Swami Karunyananda was almost a companion of Baba for more than  two decades. He had first seen Swami in 1936 at Bhadrachalam and came to Him in 1976. He would often be the first to greet Swami in the morning and continued to do this religiously till his death in 1997. In course of His divine discourse on the 8th of October, 1997, Swami showered love and praise for the glorious life that Swami Karunyananda lead before merging into Him on that day. Swami Karunyananda’s Samadhi exists to this day on the banks of river Chitravati.)

Swami Karunyananda approached Gangadhar and asked him,

“Are you the political science lecturer here?”

“Yes sir, I am Gangadhar Shastry.”

“Ah Gangadhar Shastry, can you walk along with me? I need to talk something to you”, said Swami Karunyananda.

Holding sunshade over his 'Sun' - Swami Karunyananda
in Prasanthi Nilayam.

 And as they both began to walk, Swami Karunyananda said,

“See, you should give up this smoking. It is such a terrible habit and you seem blissfully oblivious of the fact. Don’t you feel ashamed to do it even though you are with Swami?”

“May I know who you are sir?” asked Gangadhar in all sincerity

“You don’t know me?” smiled Swami Karunyananda, “I am Swami Karunyananda.”

“So, what do you want me to do if you are some Swami? There is only one orange-robed figure in this place that I respect. I don’t care about any other. And by the way, I do not smoke in college or mandir and what I do in private is none of your business. The money I earn, I spend in a manner of my liking. Please do not interfere into my personal life.”

With that, he walked away leaving Swami Karunyananda gaping in shock.  He knew that he had to give up smoking before Swami lost His patience with him. But how?

The actual storm

March in 1980 arrived like a massive tsunami, consuming many in its wake. A little background about this is in order before the actual description of the storm. The University, in its infancy, was Swami’s bold experiment with education. Well, not exactly an experiment to check His hypothesis for He was quite assured about its success. It was an experiment to prove to the world that education or ‘educare’ as He terms it is all about ‘bringing out from within the individual what is latent’ rather than ‘stuffing the individual with matters from outside’ through rote learning and memorisation. And for this, He needed teachers who shared His vision and passion. It was this ‘need’ that had made Him ‘accept’ Gangadhar in spite of his negatives - Gangadhar burnt with passion to bring a change in the country through the youth and was a strict disciplinarian. He was noble at heart and had now realized that Swami’s method of education was the way to go about in bringing global transformation.

Sadly, the same could not be said about several of the other teachers who had been appointed by the ‘committee’ which Swami had empowered. Many of them, though ‘devotees’, did not turn up to the mandir for darshan sessions while Gangadhar, who started off as a ‘non-devotee’ was as regular as the sunrise and sunset. One day, Swami walked up to Gangadhar and asked,

“Where are all these other teachers?”

“Swami, they must have gone to have tea...”

“You do not want to have tea?”

“No Swami. How can I miss darshan?”

Swami’s eyes opened in rage,

“They are not having tea! You have no idea about the discussions they are holding. The content of those discussions will put to shame any person, let alone a ‘devotee’.”

Gangadhar was silent. He had not seen such righteous anger burn in the divine eyes.

A few days passed and there was a circular that stated that all the teachers would have to gather in the Easwaramma School building for Swami wanted to speak to them. Everyone wondered what it was all about. Even Sri. Kutumba Rao did not seem to know what exactly Swami had in mind. He just knew that Swami was upset over something. Well, in that sense, Omniscience is indeed a difficult thing to live with – when you know the intentions and feelings of everyone. When we get to know about the evil or bad feelings of someone who is associated with us, we are shocked and keep away. How then must be the condition of the Lord who, for more than a year now, had calmly tolerated so many nonsensical happenings which the perpetrators felt that He was unaware about? He had shown great Shraddha and Saburi (faith and perseverance) towards these people and had finally decided that things had gone too far now.

When all the teachers had gathered, Swami began to speak and Gangadhar still remembers with a certain awe and fear, the words He spoke.

“Is not Swami taking care of you and your families in the best way possible? Have I not gifted you with good education and medical facilities for all of you with your near and dear ones? Do I not bless you in abundance during your birthdays and other important days of your life? And yet, this is the way you conduct yourselves??”

The last statement was delivered in such power and ire that everyone was immediately lost in self-introspection. Gangadhar felt so guilty about his smoking habit. He knew it was bad and also knew that he had no moral authority to advise students to have good habits till he himself had given up his bad habits.

Swami now began to thunder,

“Enough is enough. There is a limit for divine tolerance too. You do not realize that it is indeed My gift that you are all able to breathe air. You do not realize God’s bounties and are not able to take advantage of the great blessing being conferred on you. Vinasha Kale Vipareetha Buddhi (the intellect gets clouded and develops destructive tendencies when the end is near). I do not want such teachers in My University. All of you tender your resignations. I have not asked you to come here. Having come of your own volition, you have to stick to ideals. Else you have leave. I gave you a chance to play your roles and sanctify your lives. But don’t seem interested and so you can all get out. I want the resignations in by tomorrow.”

It was evident that Swami could not show His ‘experimental proof’ to the world through bad and faulty ‘instruments’. Everyone, including Gangadhar tendered resignations. Gangadhar was feeling very bad and sad. This had been one of the happiest and most fulfilling years of his life and the whole experience was getting terminated so abruptly.

Would this be the end of Gangadhar's place at the Lotus Feet?

A divine calm after the storm

Since they would be the last few days with his Swami, Gangadhar decided to make optimum use of the available chances. He was very repentant about all the missed chances to give up his only bad habit of smoking. He remembered all the rude and angry things he had spoken to so many people because of the habit. He had tears in his eyes. But what could he do? It was no longer a case of him holding the cigarette - cigarettes were holding him and he was helpless.

As he sat in the mandir portico, heart filled with repentance and great sorrow, Swami came to him. Landing a gently slap on his back, Swami said,

“Gangadhar, smoking does not suit anyone in your family. Your father will die because of it. Your brother will die because of it. So will you if you don’t stop it now. It is enough, give up smoking.”

Now the tears were flowing. Didn’t his Swami understand that it was no longer his choice to smoke? He was so deeply caught in the habit and had no idea on how to escape addiction.

“You will stop smoking okay?”, Swami asked.

“Yes Swami”, answered Gangadhar with all sincerity but the least confidence.

(Swami’s words proved prophetic in a few years after this. Gangadhar’s father, who kicked the habit was spared and had a natural death but later his brother succumbed to cancer. When his brother passed away, he felt very sad for Sr.R.Sitaramiah, his sibling, who could have dominated the world of mathematics had not his career been cut short by the dreaded disease brought on by the terrible addiction to the pipe. In fact, Swami materialized vibhuti for the ailing Sitaramiah and sent it via Gangadhar to the hospital in Hyderabad. Gangadhar’s brother passed away with sorrow that he wasn’t able to follow Swami’s advice.)

What we often don’t realize is that when God gives us a word, He also gives the strength to accomplish it. A remorse-filled and desperate Gangadhar returned home only to realize that magically, his craving for the tobacco-tube was gone! COMPLETELY! When he felt that he would not be able to spend a single day without at least 2 packs of cigarettes, his tears of repentance and Swami’s blessings seemed to have washed away the habit completely. Since that pat on the back from Swami, Gangadhar has not smoked even once again in his life!

Within a day of giving up smoking, Gangadhar had an inspired idea. Though he had tendered his resignation, he would re-apply to the University! Sure enough, within a week, vacancies for all the teaching positions were announced. Swami had told Sri Kutumba Rao and Dr.Bhagawantham that He would personally oversee the selection process this time!

A 'word' from Swami was all that was needed for Gangadhar to give up smoking forever. He now hoped that
he would be able to stay with his Saviour forever.

The attraction between goodness and Godliness

As Gangadhar Shastry sir narrated this part, I had goosebumps. I realized that when the statement is made, “Each teacher in this Institute is chosen by the Divine”, it is literally the case. Each teacher had been personally hand-picked by the Lord.

Following his heart, Gangadhar reapplied for the post of political-science lecturer at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning. And to his greatest joy, Sri Kutumba Rao came to him one day and said,

“I hope you have applied for the lecturer post in our University. Swami told me to advise you so.”

His happiness knew no bounds. He realized that an inspiration from deep within is nothing but Swami’s voice!

The interview dates had been announced and Gangadhar prepared for a much tougher test this time. Swami had given him a second chance and he would not want to make a hash of it. He prepared in right earnest, this time smoke-free and moustache-free. The smoke and moustache leaving him seemed to be symbolic of selfishness and ego leaving him completely. A week later, just before the interview, there was a knock on his door at about 5:30 in the morning. It was Sri.Nityananda Menon, a close companion of Swami.

Gangadhar was pleasantly surprised to see him. NItyananda Menon would not even speak to anyone without Swami having told him to do so.

“Sir, I have come here to tell you that Swami is happy with you. Swami wants me to assure you that you will be with Him.”

Having delivered that statement, Nityananda Menon left.

On the day of the interview, he went to seek Swami’s blessings during darshan. Swami came straight to him and asked,

“Did Nityanand come to your room?”

“Yes Swami.”

“Good. Today is your interview. Don’t worry.”

Swami then walked away.

The only answer Swami sought from him was
whether he was happy!

Gangadhar was soon facing an elite interview panel. Even as the first question was posed by Dr.Jayaram Reddy, Dr.Bhagawantham interjected,

“Mr. Gangadhar Shastry, please do not answer that question. I have specific instructions from Swami to ask you only one question. Can I pose that question now?”

“Yes sir. Please”, said Gangadhar readying himself with the answer - that he was ready for any strict discipline and regimen if it meant that he could continue as a teacher in Swami’s University. But the question simply floored him and filled his eyes with tears.

“Swami asks whether you are happy with us and would like to continue with us?”

Gangadhar could not speak. With tear-filled eyes, he just nodded in reply.

“Swami is very happy with you. You can go. You are appointed.”

And that was the episode after which Gangadhar realized that he was with the most powerful yet most loving force in the Universe. He realized that God would never let go of the good and that made him resolve to never let go of goodness all his life.

Today, with deepest love and sincerest gratitude to Swami, he serves as the joint-director of the Prasanthi Nilayam campus of Swami’s University.

For all readers:

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