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| "The night is darkest before dawn." This is a cliche agreed. But there is a reason why it has become a cliche! |
26-year old Sonja lay in her bed, writhing in deep pain. She was feeling sick, tired and very weak. She also did not seem to have enough energy to digest the food she was eating. A lot of things can go wrong in the human body. But as Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba says, the stomach is the petrol tank of the car called the body. When that goes wrong, everything else also goes wrong. Deprived of the only source of energy for man - food, Sonja knew that she had to see a doctor.
She indeed saw, not one, but several doctors. She was a visitor at several hospitals. Multiple medical checks later, the diagnosis was incomplete and unconfirmed.
“Everything seems to be normal... nothing out of the ordinary...”
“Then why am I losing weight? Why am I unable to eat and digest anything? Why is my heart in trouble as well?”
“Errr... we could possibly do a few more tests...”
The tests themselves seemed to sap the life-energy out of her. She was now growing sick of these tests as well.
Sonja (pronounced as Sonia) Venturi, as the name suggests, was Italian by birth. Since childhood she always nurtured a passion in her heart which drove her to excellence in whatever she undertook. However, she always worked with a childlike innocence and genuine love which had not yet been extinguished by the ravages of adulthood. And that had led her to her present day condition.
Sonja’s condition was the case of an unsound body due to an unsound mind! The unsound mind was the result of her shattered faith in the world of humans and her tormented emotions from the lies and falseness of people around. Her profession seemed to teach her that a lawyer cannot succeed without becoming a liar and a woman cannot without becoming a ‘woo’man! The outright hypocrisy and subtle superficiality made her feel deeply sad. Values were apparently not valued while deceit seemed like the way of life. She had been unable to digest why the world was so fake and that manifested as severe indigestion. Her suffering body was a manifestation of a deep-seated heartache.
In other words, Sonja was a physical wreck because she was a mental and psychological wreck. And she had no clue as to where relief would come from.
The voice within
Sonja sat on the hospital bed hearing the same old diagnosis,
“There is nothing life-threatening that you are suffering from... But you will have to take medicines for a long time...”
Sonja turned away. She looked out of the window at the little garden that was beside her room. All of a sudden, a little sound came from her heart. It was like a tiny bell ringing and Sonja heard a diagnosis that took her by surprise.
“You are your own problem”, the voice said, “It is not an illness. You are your own problem.”
Sonja realized that the voice was emanating from within her. She just knew that her problem was neither physical nor psychological. So, there was no way that any doctor’s diagnosis was going to cure her. The realization was instantaneous and the words spontaneously dropped forth from her mouth,
“Doctor, I want to go home.”
Sonja then tried to explain the reason for her decision. The elderly doctor seemed very interested in listening to her. But he appeared as if he was not understanding. He came closer and before Sonja could realize, he tried to kiss her. Sonja was now mortified. She firmly rejected him.
“No! I want to go home NOW.”
“That is highly unadvisable. There are risks...”
Sonja felt all of her strength returning for a moment that needed her to be strong. She did not want to believe anything this man said or did. She said very firmly that she was getting herself discharged. Her vehemence in itself seemed to push the cheapskate doctor away.
Sonja was out of hospital that same day. Though it was exactly her 26th birthday, Sonja did not know that it would mark the first day of a new birth for her even as she decided to meet the ‘strange woman’ that everyone used to warn her against.
