Yearning to serve is the only prerequisite to serve - the Nepal Youth Conference 2017

When God arranges...

I walked into the magnificent Bengaluru airport gearing up for my late-evening flight to Kathmandu. This was going to be my first ever visit to neighbouring Nepal and I was both nervous and excited. I was travelling to participate in the National Youth Conference of the Sri Sathya Sai Organization there (14th and 15th of April, 2017) and I had been told that more than a thousand youngsters in the age group 16-35 would be participating. The energy and power that the youth carry is tremendous and as Spiderman says, “With great power comes great responsibility.” For me, it was a slightly modified statement,

“With the opportunity to address and harness great power comes great responsibility.”

The ‘responsibility’ part made me nervous; the ‘opportunity’ part excited me.

The wonderful venue for the National Youth Conference 2017 at Nepal. (Courtesy the head of the Armed Police in
Nepal who admires Swami with all his heart!)

Taking a seat in the lounge, I made a quick, momentary prayer to God.

“Swami, it has to be all You at the conference. You alone inspire, You alone transform. May I be a good instrument.”

I had barely completed my thought when Swami responded in a startling manner. I began to hear the bhajan, “Omkara Roopini Janani Maa” in my most favourite voice - that of Ravi Bhaiya. I was thrilled and I turned around to see where it was emanating from. It was the ringtone of an elderly lady.

As she completed her call, I moved towards her and said,

“Sairam aunty. Are you coming from Puttaparthi?”

“Oh Yes... Wait a minute? Aren’t you Aravind? I have read your books. I know your mother...”

“Yes aunty. I am Aravind and I too have come from Puttaparthi. Am travelling to Kathmandu for a conference.”

“I am also travelling to Kathmandu! I am Heera Basnet and I am a permanent volunteer at Prasanthi Nilayam...”

Needless to say, a sweet Satsangh ensued and I felt the reassuring warmth of Swami’s love. The nervousness was gone, replaced by confidence in His Divine Plan. It was only excitement now.

The flight was delayed by an hour. When it finally arrived, I realized that my seat, 34B, was in the last row and would lack the pushback ability of other seats. I didn’t want to curse my luck for I felt there was a reason why Swami had put me there. But then, things started to get a little bad. The guy on my right asked for alcoholic beverages and then for non-vegetarian food. I always like to believe Swami travels with me everywhere I go and I was finding it hard to see Swami in this person.

“NO! I cannot touch non-veg food. I have specifically asked for vegetarian while booking my tickets”, boomed a voice from my left.

Hearing him argue in Nepali with the air-hostess, I realized that there was no more vegetarian meals on board! It was exhausted and would we prefer fish or chicken? Now I cursed my fate and asked for some bread and butter. Mutual frustration kindled a conversation between me and the guy to my left. Imagine my surprise when I found out that he was the former youth-coordinator, Bishnu KC, for the SSIO in Nepal!

The Conference commenced with a march by more than thousand youngsters through the busy roads of Halchowk. 

Another beautiful satsangh followed as I learned about Swami’s love for Nepal and the Nepali youth’s love for Him from Bishnu. I understood why Swami had arranged the seating in that manner for me. It was valuable prep for me before the conference.

The first miracle and a few more...

It was past 10:30 pm as Bishnu guided me out of the crowded Tribhuvan International Airport. I was welcomed by a radiant young man, Bhaskar Bhattrai, who took me to my room in his car. The streets of Kathmandu were vibrant with activity of the Rajasic and Tamasic types. Bars were in full swing and disco music was being served liberally.

“Tomorrow is the Nepali New Year day, the day of Baisakhi”, said Bhaskar, “and so, don’t be surprised to see youngsters pull all-nighters like this in the extended weekend.”

The next morning, we reached the venue at the Armed Police Headquarters in Halchowk, Swayambhu. The decorated venue amazed me.

“This place looks wonderfully done. This is how it would be if Swami was visiting!”

“Sairam brother”, said a smiling, red-eyed youngster, “it has been our privilege to work for Swami through the night to get this hall ready for Him.”

What this youngster, Sarad, told me thrilled me with delight. I silently told Swami in my heart,

“Swami, thank you for giving me the opportunity to witness a miracle. When all over Kathmandu, the youth are pulling all-nighters for wine, women and sensual indulgence, here are a thousand youth preparing through the night for You. This is a miracle Swami! Your miracle of pure love!”

By giving we receive - Sai teaches me the generosity paradox

The Generosity Paradox

It is by chance that I came to know of the existence of the Generosity Paradox. By definition, a paradox is a statement that is self contradictory because it contains within itself, two parts which are both true and yet, cannot otherwise be true at the same time. The Generosity Paradox states that the more we give, the more we will receive. By spending ourselves for others’ well-being, we enhance our own well-being. In other words, this means that by holding on possessively to what we currently have, we lose out on better things that we could have gained.

Both are true... Yet both are false - A Paradox!

It is easy to understand why this is called a paradox. Logic states that when we give we lose what we are parting with. On the other hand, by holding on we continue to possess what is valuable for us. That is the cold logic of a zero sum game - when some one gains, the other has to lose. Logic does not allow for a win-win situation because the material universe is finite. How then does generosity/kindness/goodness work?

It is interesting to note that the answer is simple and it has sound logic backing it. I discovered this answer for myself by travelling through the lanes and by-lanes of my memories that have been neatly recorded in several personal diaries. Needless to say it involves an experience with my Master and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.

The ‘handkerchief chance’

During the late 90’s and early years of the new millennium, Swami used to bless the students with one special kind of chance - the handkerchief chance. Unlike the years before and after, 1997-2001 saw Swami walk alone during darshan without anyone following Him. He would collect and carry all the letters which devotees offered on His own. Thus, when He materialized vibhuti (holy ash) for any devotee, any student (of the Sri Sathya Sai school or college) in possession of a handkerchief could run up to Him and offer the same for Him to wipe His hands on. Naturally, the student who was seated closest to where the materialization happened was in the best position to avail this ‘handkerchief chance’! I was a regular to leap at this chance and often carried two handkerchiefs daily to mandir. In fact, my first, memorable interaction with Him was also through this kerchief chance.

Scanning through the pages of my diary, I understand that the 21st of December, 1998 was special for me because I got this handkerchief chance with Swami. What I realize today is that it was also a chance for me to experience the generosity paradox firsthand.

As always, I reached the mandir and scoured the devotees’ sitting areas for whom I felt might get vibhuti from Swami. This was like picking a ticket for a lottery because several other students with handkerchiefs in their pockets too would be on a lookout for probable places where they could avail the ‘handkerchief chance’! I finally settled in front someone who seemed lost in meditation. I felt that Vibhuti might be gifted to him as a fruit of his sadhana. Isn’t it amazing how we are constantly evaluating and judging people!

Soon, the music filled the air and the beautiful form in orange came floating into the hall. It took about fifteen minutes for Swami to come near where I was seated. He paused for a while and looked at me. Then, moving over to the opposite side, he crossed my meditating man. A couple of feet ahead, He paused again and spoke to someone. The way He took a step behind and held out His right palm, I knew that He was about to materialize something - vibhuti mostly. I tensed my muscles, ready to sprint on confirmation of the vibhuti. The next second, I was off.

A 'handkerchief chance' that was captured by a camera. The camera was a cheap one but it
captured an invaluable memory.

Swami distributed the vibhuti He had just created to several people seated there. After that He turned to me, took the handkerchief, wiped His hand thoroughly and walked on throwing the kerchief back at me. I put the kerchief into my pocket and, from my other pocket, pulled out small sheets of paper. I distributed these to the blessed ones to safely store their gifts of grace in. That was when one of the devotees, a westerner, asked me for one more sheet of paper. I was surprised but I gave it to him nevertheless. He shook his head to say no and again asked me for something, pointing to my other pocket. I realized that he was asking me for the handkerchief! I just smiled at him and ran back to my place.

Desirelessness is fearlessness - an experience with Sri Sathya Sai that left an indelible mark on me.

An irresistible invite

The Root Cause for all fear!!!

It was sometime in the March of 2009 that my Sai-brother Amey came to me with a proposal.(I am using that term Sai-brother for two reasons -

1. to show that Amey and me are not related directly.

2. to make it clear that in spite of being from different families, we are near-siblings, definitely brothers in some previous birth!)

“Aravind, this summer I will be going to Singapore to spend a few days with my sister and her family. Would you like to come along with me?”

Having never stepped out of Indian shores in my life before, I was instantly tempted at this invitation. It got me excited and Amey immediately saw the gleam in my eyes. To further goad me along the invitation, he said,

“See, it is not just like a ‘fun vacation’. There is a nice Sai Center and the devotees there always look forward to any student who visits Singapore. Since you have promised Swami that you will share all your experiences, it would be very nice if you can do the same there...”

I still had not spoken any word. My conscience did not seem to say anything against the proposal. But my mind was protesting furiously.

“You have no idea of the costs involved Aravind. You will not be able to afford even the ticket to get there. Don’t get over-excited...”

I think that either my face is very transparent or Amey is a very good ‘Aravind-reader’ because his next statement was,

“I already have a booked ticket for you. Don’t worry about it at all. It is really nothing. I am very eager that you should speak to the people there. It will also be fun for my nephews to play with two uncles rather than one!”

Finally, I spoke,

“Wow Amey! This is exciting. But, I am not sure...”

“You ask Swami”, he interrupted, “and then take a decision based on what He says. Then it will be fine right?”

That was real good advice from a big brother. I had a smile on my face. I agreed to his idea and then tried hard to suppress the thrill and joy that was coursing in every sinew of my body.

A desire gets overwhelming

Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, my dear Swami, says that everyone must place a ceiling on desires. Desire is the root cause of all worries and troubles. In the Bhagwad Gita, in the 62nd and 63rd verse of Chapter 2, Lord Krishna says:

“While concentrating on the objects of the sense (sight, smell, touch, taste, hearing), a person develops attachment to these sense objects. Such attachment gives rise to desires. (Non-fulfillment of) These desires lead to anger. From anger arises delusion which leads one into confusion. In that confusion, one loses one’s ability to discriminate after which it is total ruin.”

The desire to go to Singapore in the summer became overwhelmingly dominant within me. I thought of seeking Swami’s permission for the same but how was I to do it? I wrote a letter to Swami saying that I had got a chance to go for a ‘nice vacation’ in a few months time and that I sought His blessings for the same. The wordings were purposely vague because I felt that Swami may not like me taking up ‘foreign travel’. The 2nd of April, 2009 witnessed a very emotional and love-filled programme by the devotees of Odisha. Such was the atmosphere of love that was created that I felt it to be the appropriate moment to hand over my letter to Swami. I felt that Swami would accept anything offered to Him when such an ambiance had been created!

(Isn’t it funny that the mind continues to delude even when one is aware of Swami’s reality? That is possibly the power of Maya!)

I was shooting with a video camera on stage that day. As Swami received Aarthi and was being wheeled out from the dais, I gently offered the letter to Him. Much to my joy, He accepted the letter and went on. I was so happy. Immediately after the programme, I called up Amey and told him that Swami seemed to be fine with the Singapore trip. He was also happy as I was. However, he did not share my secret worry and sorrow - that I had hidden some things about the trip from Swami because I was fearful about His response for the same.

Cause for my fear

On several occasions, Swami has exhorted on the importance of being loyal to one’s own country instead of running away to some foreign country and seeking asylum there.

“A seed must sprout and grow into a tree wherever it is planted” - and so, Swami even resolved that come what may, He would never leave Puttaparthi. He would always reside in Puttaparthi which is His home. The Lord’s word holds good for all ages because it is beyond the limits of time. And so, even to this day, in spite of the physical departure, I am convinced that He is present in Puttaparthi. One just has to visit the shrine in the holy hamlet to feel the Presence. That is not an ordinary presence; it is the Omnipresence! Of course water is available wherever we dig deep but one can get sweet water at the surface itself when one is at a lake or pond. The Avatar’s place of physical residence is one huge ocean of such sweet water. Why spend hard efforts digging when it can be easily obtained at certain places? Thus the need to visit Puttaparthi I feel.

Anyway, coming back to the point, Swami has always been a strong proponent of staying within the boundaries of one’s nation and working for it.

“When there is so much work to be done in your country, why do you think of going to others’ countries?” He would often ask.

One part of me was saying,

“It is not as if there are no people in India who would love to listen to experiences of Swami. Why then do you want to go to Singapore?”

Another part of me was saying,

“If there was a need for you to speak in India, Swami would have brought that proposal to you. It is Swami who has brought the Singapore proposal to you and you should accept it right?”

I did not know which voice I should listen to. This much was true that I definitely wanted to go to Singapore. That is why I thought I would get permission from Swami. Though I had got it, it was only for a ‘nice vacation’ and not for a ‘trip to Singapore’. That guilt ate into me.

It was more of a conscience-easing exercise when I handed over a letter about a 'nice vacation' to Him.

Desirelessness is fearlessness

My ticket to Singapore was booked for the 15th of May 2009. The 13th day of the month dawned. I was definitely excited but somewhere deep in me was that gnawing feeling that I had tried to ‘hoodwink’ Swami. Of course He knows everything. He was aware of my trip to Singapore and my attempted ‘camouflage’. The gnawing feeling asked me,

“Why then do you not tell facts as they are to Swami?”

I had no answer. My condition was like that of the narrator of Edgar Allan Poe’s Tell-tale Heart. In an attempt to assuage this feeling, I wrote another letter to Swami. But even as I was writing this letter to Swami, the thoughts of Swami saying ‘No’ for the trip came up. I got a bit fearful and, once again, avoided mention of any ‘foreign’ terms in the letter. I just wrote that it would be an 8-day break near the sea-shore. I sat with a nervous prayer for darshan that day.

As Swami came on the gents’ side of the hall, my heart began beating more and more rapidly. A few feet before reaching near me, Swami accepted two wedding cards from a student. He seemed to be studying them when He came right in front of me. I offered my letter to Him. Now, instead of taking my letter, Swami dropped one of those wedding cards into my hands. I did not understand what that meant. But that was it. He just moved on. The boy who had offered the cards to Swami came to me immediately after the darshan and asked me to return his ‘blessed’ card. I was in a confused state and so I just returned the card to him. Nothing else happened on that day.

I carried the same letter on the next day too, fully aware that I had only about 24 hours to get the permission. I was desperate that Swami accept the letter from me on that day. I had no idea about the little drama that would ensue that day. Swami completed the ladies’ side and moved into the gents’ side and within minutes, was near me. As He neared me, He looked at me and flashed a beautiful smile. I was so happy. Things seemed to be taking a positive turn finally. Presently, He picked a small packet of vibhuti from His lap. I was sure that He would throw that to me as a sign of His blessings. Now my heart became light. However, as He threw that packet, the direction went ‘awry’ according to me. The lad seated beside me thrust out his hand and caught it in mid-air, inches away from my palm. Swami passed by us.

I looked with surprise as the lad. It was a teacher from the Higher Secondary School. He was so happy. He told me that a wedding proposal had come for him and he had prayed to Swami to guide him. This vibhuti packet, he felt, was Swami’s way of showering His blessings on him. That story was so moving that I did not have the heart to tell him,

“Hey! But that packet was meant for me. You hijacked it midway.”

Though he was happy and I let him remain so, I was in deep desperation now. I did not know what to make of this whole episode. Swami had definitely smiled at me and, I was sure, wanted to give a vibhuti packet to me. But ultimately, the packet had ended up in someone else’s possession. Was that a blessing given or a blessing withdrawn at the last moment? I wasn’t able to comprehend. The session in the mandir was soon complete and I was back in my room.

My last hope now was to get a dream in which Swami would indicate to me whether I had His blessings or not because I am convinced that dreams about Swami are 100% true. That, however, did not happen and I woke up to the sunrise on 15th May with a feeling of dense darkness within me. I went about my morning ablutions in a mechanical fashion wondering what I should do. A taxi had been booked for the afternoon and there was no guarantee of morning darshan. It was only on some days that Swami would arrive in the morning for darshan. The only way now was to wait till evening darshan I felt. But that would surely mean missing my flight. I had not confided my dilemma to even Amey and so, I felt very lonely.

As I was completing my bath, my roommate Dhananjay knocked hurriedly on the door.

“Aravind, Swami is about to arrive for darshan.”

That was such a welcome message. I hurried through the motions of getting ready. The tension of the past few days was so much that it had reached breaking point. And at that breaking point, came the insight.

I pondered as to why I felt so nervous in telling Swami about my trip to Singapore. Simply because He might get upset and tell me not to go. But if Swami tells me not to go, is that not for my good? Then, why was I feeling so fearful? It was because I had already ‘decided’ that I wanted to go. I was so desirous of my trip to Singapore that I did not seem to care about what Swami felt. I wanted my desire fulfilled at any cost and did not want any obstacle to even. I had begun considering Swami as an obstacle instead of my guide! That is what desire does - destruction of one’s discrimination as Lord Krishna puts it. And it arouses the fear of non-fulfillment of the desire. All that one has to do to become fearless is to give up the desire.

“So what if Swami tells me not to go to Singapore? It is for my good and I will accept it.” I thought to myself and immediately felt the darkness lift from in front of my eyes. With a light heart I seemed to be even able to run faster towards the mandir. I went into the bhajan hall and wrote a fresh letter. This time, I wrote everything as it were - that I was going to Singapore on a paid ticket for eight days.

Keeping an eye on one's desire is a always a cause for fear.

Fearlessness and joy - gifts of Swami’s Abhayahasta

After a few interviews in the morning, Swami was moving towards the dais outside for the bhajans. He saw me at the bhajan hall entrance and asked me what was up.

Me: Swami, this evening, I am supposed to leave...

Swami: To where?

Me: Singapore Swami....

Swami’s eyes opened up wide and He exclaimed, “Singapore?”

He opened my letter and began to read. I was surprisingly calm. I was ready for anything He said.

“How many days?” He asked.

“Swami, 8 days”, I replied.

He pointed out to the same thing that I had written in the letter also. Then, He looked at me questioningly. I felt He was asking me,

“Do you want to go?”

This was the test of the learning I had received just minutes before. I went close to Him and said,

“Swami, if you tell me to go, I shall go. Otherwise, I shall stay here.”

Swami went back to reading the letter. He then looked at me and nodded.

“Go and return soon.”

“Swami please give me prasadam (A devotional offering made to God that is later shared among devotees as a sign of Divine benediction. But in Swami’s case, it was vibhuti which seemed to be the deal-sealer for any question!)”, I said.

Swami nodded gently. Usually, when He did that, an attendant student would get the basket of vibhuti packets from the interview room from which Swami would give a few to the person seeking prasadam. The attendant student did not notice Swami nodding and so, I told him,

“Get vibhuti.”

He was shocked at me giving him an instruction. He looked at Swami who now smiled and told him to get the same. A few moments later, Swami was giving me 3 vibhuti packets and also a lovely padanamaskar. I had joy in my heart and in a few hours, was on my way to the Bangalore airport to catch my flight to Singapore.

Swami asking me how the trip to Singapore was on my return after 8 days. 

That was how my first ever overseas trip materialized with a very important lesson for me - desires are the root cause for fear. Be desireless; be fearless. That is the message of Swami’s Abhayahasta (literally translates into ‘the hand the confers fearlessness’) blessings. That is the blessing we must seek when Swami raises His hands to bless us:

“Lord, grant me fearlessness. Grant me desirelessness.”

And when we think deep, we will realize that we are asking for the same thing, twice!

If you enjoyed this, you will also enjoy the following:

1. The importance of being good. 

2. An amazing experience with Sathya Sai and the Suka Nadi.

3. The final Namaskar - the ultimate message. 

For all readers:

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The powerful attraction between goodness and Godliness - a college professor's experience with Sri Sathya Sai PART 3

Dr.Gangadhar Shastry with his Swami for life after a storm...

The calm before the storm

Life had suddenly become a smooth ride for Gangadhar. He was well-settled in Prasanthi Nilayam along with his wife. He had a stable job and, most importantly, had become an apple of the eye to someone that he considered to be the almighty God - his beloved Swami. Like millions of people before and after him, Gangadhar had fallen (nay risen) in love with Bhagawan Baba and felt that becoming a teacher at Swami’s University was the greatest blessing he could have aspired for.

(Dear reader, in case you have come here directly, please follow my advice and read the first two parts so that this grand finale part gives you the greatest joy and thrill. The other two parts are at the links below:

PART 1 : The powerful attraction between goodness and Godliness - a college professor's experience with Sri Sathya Sai PART 1

PART 2 : The powerful attraction between goodness and Godliness - a college professor's experience with Sri Sathya Sai PART 2  )

It was not as if the greatest comforts of life had been bestowed on him. Life continued to have its ups and downs but the knowledge that his Swami was with him, guiding him and guarding him always, ensured that he had a smooth sailing. Out of sheer love and respect for Baba, Gangadhar gave up his long hair and moustache. With a clean shaven face and neatly combed head he began looking ten years younger than his actual age. However, his smoking habit simply refused to let go of him. He had got addicted to the terrible nicotine roll and try as hard as he might, he was simply not able to kick away the habit. Many people had tried advising him against the ills of smoking. This irritated Gangadhar. It was not as if he was unaware of those ills. He was simply not able to kick away the habit. The other people did not seem to understand that problem of his. And so, whenever they came to him with advice, he rebuked and rebuffed them in a trice.

Swami Karunyananda with Swami on top of
Vidyagiri Hill

In fact, on one occasion, he was summoned to the Principal’s office. Swami Karunyananda had come to meet him.

(For those that might be unaware and not have the patience to click on the link above, it must be told that Swami Karunyananda was almost a companion of Baba for more than  two decades. He had first seen Swami in 1936 at Bhadrachalam and came to Him in 1976. He would often be the first to greet Swami in the morning and continued to do this religiously till his death in 1997. In course of His divine discourse on the 8th of October, 1997, Swami showered love and praise for the glorious life that Swami Karunyananda lead before merging into Him on that day. Swami Karunyananda’s Samadhi exists to this day on the banks of river Chitravati.)

Swami Karunyananda approached Gangadhar and asked him,

“Are you the political science lecturer here?”

“Yes sir, I am Gangadhar Shastry.”

“Ah Gangadhar Shastry, can you walk along with me? I need to talk something to you”, said Swami Karunyananda.

Holding sunshade over his 'Sun' - Swami Karunyananda
in Prasanthi Nilayam.

 And as they both began to walk, Swami Karunyananda said,

“See, you should give up this smoking. It is such a terrible habit and you seem blissfully oblivious of the fact. Don’t you feel ashamed to do it even though you are with Swami?”

“May I know who you are sir?” asked Gangadhar in all sincerity

“You don’t know me?” smiled Swami Karunyananda, “I am Swami Karunyananda.”

“So, what do you want me to do if you are some Swami? There is only one orange-robed figure in this place that I respect. I don’t care about any other. And by the way, I do not smoke in college or mandir and what I do in private is none of your business. The money I earn, I spend in a manner of my liking. Please do not interfere into my personal life.”

With that, he walked away leaving Swami Karunyananda gaping in shock.  He knew that he had to give up smoking before Swami lost His patience with him. But how?

The actual storm

March in 1980 arrived like a massive tsunami, consuming many in its wake. A little background about this is in order before the actual description of the storm. The University, in its infancy, was Swami’s bold experiment with education. Well, not exactly an experiment to check His hypothesis for He was quite assured about its success. It was an experiment to prove to the world that education or ‘educare’ as He terms it is all about ‘bringing out from within the individual what is latent’ rather than ‘stuffing the individual with matters from outside’ through rote learning and memorisation. And for this, He needed teachers who shared His vision and passion. It was this ‘need’ that had made Him ‘accept’ Gangadhar in spite of his negatives - Gangadhar burnt with passion to bring a change in the country through the youth and was a strict disciplinarian. He was noble at heart and had now realized that Swami’s method of education was the way to go about in bringing global transformation.

Sadly, the same could not be said about several of the other teachers who had been appointed by the ‘committee’ which Swami had empowered. Many of them, though ‘devotees’, did not turn up to the mandir for darshan sessions while Gangadhar, who started off as a ‘non-devotee’ was as regular as the sunrise and sunset. One day, Swami walked up to Gangadhar and asked,

“Where are all these other teachers?”

“Swami, they must have gone to have tea...”

“You do not want to have tea?”

“No Swami. How can I miss darshan?”

Swami’s eyes opened in rage,

“They are not having tea! You have no idea about the discussions they are holding. The content of those discussions will put to shame any person, let alone a ‘devotee’.”

Gangadhar was silent. He had not seen such righteous anger burn in the divine eyes.

A few days passed and there was a circular that stated that all the teachers would have to gather in the Easwaramma School building for Swami wanted to speak to them. Everyone wondered what it was all about. Even Sri. Kutumba Rao did not seem to know what exactly Swami had in mind. He just knew that Swami was upset over something. Well, in that sense, Omniscience is indeed a difficult thing to live with – when you know the intentions and feelings of everyone. When we get to know about the evil or bad feelings of someone who is associated with us, we are shocked and keep away. How then must be the condition of the Lord who, for more than a year now, had calmly tolerated so many nonsensical happenings which the perpetrators felt that He was unaware about? He had shown great Shraddha and Saburi (faith and perseverance) towards these people and had finally decided that things had gone too far now.

When all the teachers had gathered, Swami began to speak and Gangadhar still remembers with a certain awe and fear, the words He spoke.

“Is not Swami taking care of you and your families in the best way possible? Have I not gifted you with good education and medical facilities for all of you with your near and dear ones? Do I not bless you in abundance during your birthdays and other important days of your life? And yet, this is the way you conduct yourselves??”

The last statement was delivered in such power and ire that everyone was immediately lost in self-introspection. Gangadhar felt so guilty about his smoking habit. He knew it was bad and also knew that he had no moral authority to advise students to have good habits till he himself had given up his bad habits.

Swami now began to thunder,

“Enough is enough. There is a limit for divine tolerance too. You do not realize that it is indeed My gift that you are all able to breathe air. You do not realize God’s bounties and are not able to take advantage of the great blessing being conferred on you. Vinasha Kale Vipareetha Buddhi (the intellect gets clouded and develops destructive tendencies when the end is near). I do not want such teachers in My University. All of you tender your resignations. I have not asked you to come here. Having come of your own volition, you have to stick to ideals. Else you have leave. I gave you a chance to play your roles and sanctify your lives. But don’t seem interested and so you can all get out. I want the resignations in by tomorrow.”

It was evident that Swami could not show His ‘experimental proof’ to the world through bad and faulty ‘instruments’. Everyone, including Gangadhar tendered resignations. Gangadhar was feeling very bad and sad. This had been one of the happiest and most fulfilling years of his life and the whole experience was getting terminated so abruptly.

Would this be the end of Gangadhar's place at the Lotus Feet?

A divine calm after the storm

Since they would be the last few days with his Swami, Gangadhar decided to make optimum use of the available chances. He was very repentant about all the missed chances to give up his only bad habit of smoking. He remembered all the rude and angry things he had spoken to so many people because of the habit. He had tears in his eyes. But what could he do? It was no longer a case of him holding the cigarette - cigarettes were holding him and he was helpless.

As he sat in the mandir portico, heart filled with repentance and great sorrow, Swami came to him. Landing a gently slap on his back, Swami said,

“Gangadhar, smoking does not suit anyone in your family. Your father will die because of it. Your brother will die because of it. So will you if you don’t stop it now. It is enough, give up smoking.”

Now the tears were flowing. Didn’t his Swami understand that it was no longer his choice to smoke? He was so deeply caught in the habit and had no idea on how to escape addiction.

“You will stop smoking okay?”, Swami asked.

“Yes Swami”, answered Gangadhar with all sincerity but the least confidence.

(Swami’s words proved prophetic in a few years after this. Gangadhar’s father, who kicked the habit was spared and had a natural death but later his brother succumbed to cancer. When his brother passed away, he felt very sad for Sr.R.Sitaramiah, his sibling, who could have dominated the world of mathematics had not his career been cut short by the dreaded disease brought on by the terrible addiction to the pipe. In fact, Swami materialized vibhuti for the ailing Sitaramiah and sent it via Gangadhar to the hospital in Hyderabad. Gangadhar’s brother passed away with sorrow that he wasn’t able to follow Swami’s advice.)

What we often don’t realize is that when God gives us a word, He also gives the strength to accomplish it. A remorse-filled and desperate Gangadhar returned home only to realize that magically, his craving for the tobacco-tube was gone! COMPLETELY! When he felt that he would not be able to spend a single day without at least 2 packs of cigarettes, his tears of repentance and Swami’s blessings seemed to have washed away the habit completely. Since that pat on the back from Swami, Gangadhar has not smoked even once again in his life!

Within a day of giving up smoking, Gangadhar had an inspired idea. Though he had tendered his resignation, he would re-apply to the University! Sure enough, within a week, vacancies for all the teaching positions were announced. Swami had told Sri Kutumba Rao and Dr.Bhagawantham that He would personally oversee the selection process this time!

A 'word' from Swami was all that was needed for Gangadhar to give up smoking forever. He now hoped that
he would be able to stay with his Saviour forever.

The attraction between goodness and Godliness

As Gangadhar Shastry sir narrated this part, I had goosebumps. I realized that when the statement is made, “Each teacher in this Institute is chosen by the Divine”, it is literally the case. Each teacher had been personally hand-picked by the Lord.

Following his heart, Gangadhar reapplied for the post of political-science lecturer at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning. And to his greatest joy, Sri Kutumba Rao came to him one day and said,

“I hope you have applied for the lecturer post in our University. Swami told me to advise you so.”

His happiness knew no bounds. He realized that an inspiration from deep within is nothing but Swami’s voice!

The interview dates had been announced and Gangadhar prepared for a much tougher test this time. Swami had given him a second chance and he would not want to make a hash of it. He prepared in right earnest, this time smoke-free and moustache-free. The smoke and moustache leaving him seemed to be symbolic of selfishness and ego leaving him completely. A week later, just before the interview, there was a knock on his door at about 5:30 in the morning. It was Sri.Nityananda Menon, a close companion of Swami.

Gangadhar was pleasantly surprised to see him. NItyananda Menon would not even speak to anyone without Swami having told him to do so.

“Sir, I have come here to tell you that Swami is happy with you. Swami wants me to assure you that you will be with Him.”

Having delivered that statement, Nityananda Menon left.

On the day of the interview, he went to seek Swami’s blessings during darshan. Swami came straight to him and asked,

“Did Nityanand come to your room?”

“Yes Swami.”

“Good. Today is your interview. Don’t worry.”

Swami then walked away.

The only answer Swami sought from him was
whether he was happy!

Gangadhar was soon facing an elite interview panel. Even as the first question was posed by Dr.Jayaram Reddy, Dr.Bhagawantham interjected,

“Mr. Gangadhar Shastry, please do not answer that question. I have specific instructions from Swami to ask you only one question. Can I pose that question now?”

“Yes sir. Please”, said Gangadhar readying himself with the answer - that he was ready for any strict discipline and regimen if it meant that he could continue as a teacher in Swami’s University. But the question simply floored him and filled his eyes with tears.

“Swami asks whether you are happy with us and would like to continue with us?”

Gangadhar could not speak. With tear-filled eyes, he just nodded in reply.

“Swami is very happy with you. You can go. You are appointed.”

And that was the episode after which Gangadhar realized that he was with the most powerful yet most loving force in the Universe. He realized that God would never let go of the good and that made him resolve to never let go of goodness all his life.

Today, with deepest love and sincerest gratitude to Swami, he serves as the joint-director of the Prasanthi Nilayam campus of Swami’s University.

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