It is darkest before dawn: Sonja Venturi finds light and purpose in life_Part 1

"The night is darkest before dawn." This is a cliche agreed. But there is a reason why it has become a cliche!

26-year old Sonja lay in her bed, writhing in deep pain. She was feeling sick, tired and very weak. She also did not seem to have enough energy to digest the food she was eating. A lot of things can go wrong in the human body. But as Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba says, the stomach is the petrol tank of the car called the body. When that goes wrong, everything else also goes wrong. Deprived of the only source of energy for man - food, Sonja knew that she had to see a doctor.

She indeed saw, not one, but several doctors. She was a visitor at several hospitals. Multiple medical checks later, the diagnosis was incomplete and unconfirmed.

“Everything seems to be normal... nothing out of the ordinary...”

“Then why am I losing weight? Why am I unable to eat and digest anything? Why is my heart in trouble as well?”

“Errr... we could possibly do a few more tests...”

The tests themselves seemed to sap the life-energy out of her. She was now growing sick of these tests as well.

Sonja (pronounced as Sonia) Venturi, as the name suggests, was Italian by birth. Since childhood she always nurtured a passion in her heart which drove her to excellence in whatever she undertook. However, she always worked with a childlike innocence and genuine love which had not yet been extinguished by the ravages of adulthood. And that had led her to her present day condition.

Sonja’s condition was the case of an unsound body due to an unsound mind! The unsound mind was the result of her shattered faith in the world of humans and her tormented emotions from the lies and falseness of people around. Her profession seemed to teach her that a lawyer cannot succeed without becoming a liar and a woman cannot without becoming a ‘woo’man! The outright hypocrisy and subtle superficiality made her feel deeply sad. Values were apparently not valued while deceit seemed like the way of life. She had been unable to digest why the world was so fake and that manifested as severe indigestion. Her suffering body was a manifestation of a deep-seated heartache.

In other words, Sonja was a physical wreck because she was a mental and psychological wreck. And she had no clue as to where relief would come from.

The voice within

Sonja sat on the hospital bed hearing the same old diagnosis,

“There is nothing life-threatening that you are suffering from... But you will have to take medicines for a long time...”

Sonja turned away. She looked out of the window at the little garden that was beside her room.  All of a sudden, a little sound came from her heart. It was like a tiny bell ringing and Sonja heard a diagnosis that took her by surprise.

“You are your own problem”, the voice said, “It is not an illness. You are your own problem.”

Sonja realized that the voice was emanating from within her. She just knew that her problem was neither physical nor psychological. So, there was no way that any doctor’s diagnosis was going to cure her. The realization was instantaneous and the words spontaneously dropped forth from her mouth,

“Doctor, I want to go home.”

Sonja then tried to explain the reason for her decision. The elderly doctor seemed very interested in listening to her. But he appeared as if he was not understanding. He came closer and before Sonja could realize, he tried to kiss her. Sonja was now mortified. She firmly rejected him.

“No! I want to go home NOW.”

“That is highly unadvisable. There are risks...”

Sonja felt all of her strength returning for a moment that needed her to be strong. She did not want to believe anything this man said or did. She said very firmly that she was getting herself discharged. Her vehemence in itself seemed to push the cheapskate doctor away.

Sonja was out of hospital that same day. Though it was exactly her 26th birthday, Sonja did not know that it would mark the first day of a new birth for her even as she decided to meet the ‘strange woman’ that everyone used to warn her against.

Crying at the Lord's door - Vijayshree discovers the solace of her life

A single leaf of the mighty banyan

Thousands have been the teens who have had the privilege of studying as students in the educational institutions established by the Avatar on earth. Millions have been the magical moments that they have enjoyed with the Lord in human form. Infinite have been the insights that have been derived from these experiences with Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. Yet, each new episode is interesting to hear because it is unique in its unfolding. It is any surprise then, that the Lord has been described as Nitya Nootana (ever new)?

Among the billions of pages in the millions of chapters in the book of His-Story there lies hidden the soursweet experience of little Vijayshree. Though the word ‘soursweet’ is defined as ‘being sweet and sour at the same time’, there is a reason why the word ‘sour’ comes first and ‘sweet’ comes next. That is because where God is concerned, things might seem to get sour but they always end on a sweet note. That is precisely what happened with Vijayshree. This is the story of how she became a Sai-student in Swami’s Primary School.

3-year old Vijayshree sitting beside her great-grandmother, Venkamma outside their home in
Puttaparthi. 

Vijayshree happens to be the great-granddaughter of Smt. Venkamma, the ‘elder sister’ of Bhagawan Baba. (The only reason why the relationship is in single quotes is because Swami always identifies with everyone as fellow-sparks of the same Divine Principle.) Venkamma enjoyed the privilege of personally taking food up to Swami’s room, serving Him and waiting upon Him until He finished eating. Vijayshree, barely four years of age then, enjoyed the privilege of occasionally accompanying her great-grandmother on her visits to Swami. It was in the year 1992 or 1993.

The mischief and its result

Though Vijayshree accompanied Venkamma, she never went up to Swami’s room with her. She would wait downstairs, playing by herself on the cement floor under the mighty tree that stood on the west side of the mandir then.

That day, Vijayshree was at her mischievous best and irritable worst. She began to scream and create a ruckus even as Swami was having His lunch upstairs. The shrill voice easily travelled till Swami’s ears. Even as He was about to put a morsel of food into His mouth, He stopped and asked Venkamma,

“Venkamma yevvaru anta allari cheastannaru?(Venkamma, who is making so much noise?)”

Shraddha and Saburi - Ganesh's experience about the prerequisites for devotion

The first step

Eighteen year old Ganesh enrolled into the Brindavan campus of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning for the Bachelors course in Chemistry. Little did he realize that his pursuit for higher learning would transform into a pursuit for the highest yearning and would lead him to learn the highest pursuit in life. He did not imagine that along with a 3-year Bachelors course, he was also being enrolled for a lifelong internship in internalizing Divine love.

The Summer Course in Indian Culture and Spirituality was beginning and every student joining the hallowed portals of the University had to compulsorily attend it. Thus, for the first two weeks, of his life as Swami’s student, Ganesh was showered with daily discourses of Bhagawan Baba. Apart from those, he was also blessed to hear many talks and satsangs by scholars, devotees, people of eminence, teachers and senior students of the University. What he heard enthralled and excited him. He kept awake late in the night replaying to himself all the wonderful things he was listening to.

But grasping God, Swami, by listening to narratives about Him is like trying to understand the magnificent oceanic depths by standing on the shore. While one gets a sweeping view of the immensity, to truly understand the beauty, grandeur and tranquility of the ocean, one has to dive deep into it. However, listening to a devotee extol the Lord is also akin to listening to a restaurant waiter passionately describe a delicacy. It prods the listener to quickly seek that, which is being described! That is exactly what happened to Ganesh.

The more he listened to the leelas, mahimas and experiences divine, the more he thirsted to experience Swami directly and His Divine Love. It was not a passing desire or a comparison-game where he wanted to be in the position of others. It was a genuine urge to experience the Divine acknowledgement that his Swami was omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient. And so, Ganesh began to silently yet intensely pray to Bhagwaan. Several days passed in this manner but no experience seemed to be forthcoming. One day, Ganesh just happened to come across a quote by Baba,

“Take one step towards Me and I will take a hundred towards you.”

He instantly knew what the problem was - he had not taken the first step. He prayed to Swami and immediately took a sankalpam (resolution),

“Swami, I will read the fifty chapters of the Shirdi Sai Satcharitra (the holy story of Shirdi Sai) over the next 50 days, one chapter daily. It is said that when one completed the reading of the Satcharitra, one’s prayer is answered.  All I pray to You is this - bless me with the gift of a Divine experience. I have heard several experiences from students, teachers and devotees but if you grant me one personal experience then my Faith will become firm forever!”

Ganesh wanted to give his heart entirely to Swami and wanted Swami to extend to him the same deal!!

He knew what Swami had once told a devotee in this regard. In spirit it went like this,

“If you are praying with the objective of developing faith, you are allowed to put conditions and test Me. I will satisfy all your conditions and grant you that faith in Me. But after I have satisfied all your conditions, if you put one more condition, then you will become a ‘Doubting Thomas’ for life and suffer in your self-created ignorance.”

However, Ganesh had not made a prayer with this intention to test Swami, challenge Him or sign a contract with Him. It was simply a humble plea of a boy who was thirsting to taste the nectar of His Divine Love and was ready to do anything for that sake.

A new dimension - the story of Adam Ant in Flatland

Fine in Flatland

Flatland was home to billions and billions of ants of all kinds - large ants and small ants, black ants and red ants, running ants and flying ants, biting ants and stinging ants. However, apart from being the biggest ant colony in the universe, there was something else unique about Flatland. As its name suggested, everything there was absolutely FLAT - in just two dimensions. Not that it mattered to the ants. They went about their daily life without being affected in the slightest manner by the fact that their colony was flat as flat could be.

After all, the only directions that matter for an ant are forward and backward; left and right, right? An ant never knows or understands the concept of above and below. Even when it seems to be climbing ‘up’ a wall, as far as it is concerned, it is moving forward and has options to move in three other directions - right, left or backwards after executing an about turn!

And so, the Flatland ants were as happy as happy could be with their two dimensional world.

Among the other billions there, lived Adam Ant. Adam was the most determined, dedicated and dutiful ant in Flatland. Attending to his duties sincerely, he was also ever ready to lend a helping hand to anyone that needed it. It was this trait of his that made him meet Mendik late one evening.

It is difficult for us on Eath to imagine Flatland... But we must definitely try so that we appreciate the story.

A friend in need

“Help me... Please help me...”

Every ant heard the cry but they were all too busy to notice. It was only Adam who paused to see who was seeking help and why. He looked to his left and right. Everything seemed fine. Shaking his head, he began to walk away when he heard it again,

“Help me.. I am in pain...”

Adam looked ahead of him. He just saw the behind of the ant ahead of him. He turned around only to come face to face with the ant behind him. Where was that cry coming from?

He stepped out of the line and looked all around. Nobody seemed to be in pain or distress. As he turned to join the line, he heard that voice yet again.

“Don’t leave me like this...”

Now he grew all antsy. He had searched everywhere. There was only one place from where the cry could be emanating from - within him. But could that be the case? Adam closed his eyes and sought to discover the origin of that voice.

“Who is this?”

“I am Mendik... Mendik Ant.”

“But where are you? I can’t see you anywhere...”

“Oh! What shall I say? Though you cannot see me, I am everywhere!”

“What?”

“Hold on... Just a moment now...”

Then and there, right in front of his eyes, Adam saw the miracle. A fellow ant materialised right before him, from thin air!

Quantity of money vs Quality of money - Prof.Sudhir Bhaskar's experiences with Sri Sathya Sai

Prof.Sudhir Bhaskar with his Swami in the Kodaikanal hills.

Noble money or noble wealth?

In a world which seems increasingly susceptible to corruption and dishonesty, the terms “tainted wealth” or “tainted money” are often encountered. These terms carry stigma and a definite negative connotation whenever and wherever they are used. In fact, the Bible has a proverb which says,

“Tainted wealth has no lasting value.”

Does that mean that ‘tainted’ money holds any less value than ‘just money’? Come on, lets face it. Whether money is ‘tainted’ or not, it’s value remains the same right? There is this famous anecdote of a college lecturer holding up an American dollar note and asking,

“Who wants this dollar bill?”

Several students raise their hand. Seeing this, the lecturer furiously crushes the bill and asks again,

“Who still wants this bill?”

The hands continue to remain raised.

“What if I do this?”

He throws the bill to the floor, stamps it, soils it and then holds it up, all dirty and crumpled.

The hands continue to be held high because irrespective of what is done to that piece of paper, the fact cannot be changed that it is worth a dollar.

However crumpled or stained, a dollar is worth a dollar! 

What we are talking about here is not the physical ‘taint’ on money, but a moral one. Therefore, quite obviously now, ‘tainted money’ refers to money or any other form of wealth that is gained through unscrupulous means. This could be earned as blatantly as demanding a bribe to do one’s duty or as subtly as pocketing a currency note lying lost and neglected on the road. Blatant or subtle, discovered or hidden, dishonesty is dishonesty because the individual indulging in it is definitely aware. Such acts ‘taint’ the money with their dishonesty.

But hey! What do you expect me to do with a currency note that I find on the road which belongs to nobody? You want me to walk away? How is picking it up being dishonest? What should I do then?  Well, those are nice questions to think about and I would definitely be enlightened by any and all the answers which the reader can post in the comments section of this article.

I shall not go into that answer here because I want to think about something that is quite the opposite of tainted money - what I would like to call as noble money!

What is noble money?

Building on the flow so far, just as ‘tainted money’ is morally inferior money, ‘noble money’ is  morally superior money. Therefore, though there is no such proverb in the Bible, intuitively there seems to be a provision for this statement,

“Noble wealth is of ever-lasting value”.

Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, my best friend and master, offered tremendous insights into the nature and power of ‘noble money’. That becomes crystal clear when we understand the amazing correlation and connection between two experiences of a professor from the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning.

“Do you work commensurate to your salary?”

The blessing came out of the blue for Prof. Sudhir Bhaskar
and he began to walk behind Swami, to assist Him, during
the darshans in Prasanthi Nilayam.

It was the 10th of June in 1993. Prof. Sudhir Bhaskar was seated in the portico of the mandir in Prasanthi Nilayam. Alongside him were a couple of other senior professors from the Institute. They had all come to seek blessings from Swami to start two new courses in the University - MFM (Master of Financial Management) and MTech (Master of Technology in Computer Sciences).

Swami arrived for darshan from His new residence space at the head of the Poornachandra Auditorium. He completed the darshan rounds and walked up to the three professors seated in the portico. He saw the proposal and plans for starting the two new programmes in the University and blessed them. After that, in an unexpected shower of divine grace, He looked at Prof.Sudhir Bhaskar (SB) and Prof.G.V.Prabhakar Rao (GVP) and told them,

“You two, come behind me...”

That was the beginning of the greatest opportunity of SB’s life. He began to assist Swami, walking behind Him, carrying the letters He had taken, ensuring a smooth and disciplined darshan session, keeping the interview room ready, carrying messages from Him to several administrators/devotees and so on. He enjoyed this beautiful and bountiful seva opportunity for more than a decade! That 10th of June marked the beginning of this divine period.

That day, Swami returned to the portico and, in front of everyone in the portico, asked SB,

“How much salary are you getting?”

SB was taken aback. He did not know what to say. Should he just state his salary? Or should he tell Swami the truth that the actual salary he received was His love and his peace of mind? He just kept silent instead. Then, Swami asked another question,

“Are you working commensurate to the salary you are drawing?”

Once again, SB kept quiet.

Swami left it at that and walked away.

Antaranga Sai - The innermost experiences of Sai student Balaramchandra_Part 2

Look for Swami within

The first year of college life was wonderful for Balaramchandra (aka BRC) as he became a regular singer in the bhajan group. But, BRC also noticed that Swami did not seem to physically respond to him as regularly as He would to other students. All messages to him from Swami were delivered in a subtle manner and BRC had to be absolutely in tune with his inner Swami to get them. One place where many such messages were delivered was in Trayee Brindavan during the Trayee sessions. BRC had already received the message that he should develop an inner connect with Swami during an earlier Trayee session.

{This episode as well as many other incidents from BRC’s life have been detailed in the first part. In case you have not read it, please do read it before reading this second part. The first part is at the link below:

Antaranga Sai - The innermost experiences of Sai student Balaramchandra_Part 1}

An year later, the time seemed ripe for yet another message. And again, it happened through another Trayee session or rather, the lack of it! Those were times when a Trayee session was considered a guaranteed event everyday at Brindavan. However, in BRC’s second year as an undergraduate, Swami did not call the students in for a Trayee session one day. The same thing repeated the next day. Now, all the students and teachers were worried. Why wasn’t Swami calling them for these most intimate and wonderful sessions.

“I have a bad cold”, Swami said. But all the teachers and students knew that it was something else also. A mere cold is not strong enough to keep Swami away from bestowing His warmth on His children!

Prayers and Sadhana intensified in the hostel. Academics and other activities took a back seat as the focus of everyone’s thoughts, words and deeds was on eliciting a positive response from Swami. The efforts were a success as Swami called for a Trayee session on the fourth day. When Swami arrived, He had a solemn look. He walked silently up to the jhoola (ornate swing) and sat on it. After a few moments, He asked,

“Swami came to Brindavan 3 days back. But He did not call you in. Do you know why?”

A few more moments of silence followed after which Swami Himself gave the answer,

“Swami is teaching you to look for Him within you...”

Whatever Swami said after that were a blur for BRC. That statement had hit his heart like an arrow would strike the bulls eye.  He knew that he would have to focus more on his internal Swami - his Antaranga Sai. Little wonder that the frequency of him singing that beautiful bhajan with the same lyrics kept  increasing.

This is a magical thing I have seen about whenever Sathya Sai speaks - each statement is meant for someone on whom it makes a profound impact and each statement has a different impact on different people! That gives us a clue as to how we can understand which part of Swami’s discourse we must follow and which is meant for the others! Further dilation on this present in the article entitled - Sathya Sai Speaks but who listens?

Tough situation or an opportunity to learn?

An year later, BRC graduated with a Bachelors degree in Commerce. He applied and enrolled for the MFM (Master of Financial Management) course at the Prasanthi Nilayam campus of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning. No doubt he enjoyed a few interactions with Swami and got a few chances to go near Him. He also earned a nickname from Swami - ‘Parrot Voice’. His prayer was he should actually become Swami’s parrot, parroting all that He said and did! But then, like in Brindavan, a majority of his experiences with Swami were via the Antaranga pathway - the internal pathway. It was during his stint as a student in MFM that his understanding of the Antaranga Sai went up a few more notches.

Antaranga Sai - The innermost experiences of Sai student Balaramchandra_Part 1

BRC with his beloved Swami in a rare picture. BRC does not have many
pictures with Swami and reading on will tell you why...

It was a teacher of self-defence who re-introduced a young Balaramchandra (pronounced as Baala Ramachandra) to the greatest protection of his life. As a 15-year old lad, Balaramchandra (aka BRC) joined his cousins to learn Karate from a tutor who visited his joint-family home. Though the tutor took classes for only 4 days, he taught BRC (and all his cousins) about a personality that went by the name of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. He also took them all to the Sathya Sai Samithi in Thrissur and that was where BRC re-discovered the ‘Swami’ he had been introduced to as a child.

Though BRC’s grandfather, uncle and parents were devotees of this Swami, BRC had never given any special attention to Him. His was a family that had dedicated itself from several generations to Lord Sri Rama. That was why all the male members in the family - his grandfather, father, uncles, brothers - including himself had ‘Rama’ as a part of their names. When BRC was told that Swami was an Avatar, an incarnation of God, his first reaction was awe.

“I could never see Rama. How rare and wonderful it is that I have come to know of a living God!”

His second reaction could possibly be attributed to his Karma of several births because, for BRC, it was instant faith and love for this fuzzy-haired, orange-robed, moon-faced Baba. Soon, he came to know that Swami had started education institutions and he could avail the opportunity to become His student. Though it was the middle of the academic year, he tried to apply for a high-school admission. All he received was a letter of regret from the school saying that he could not be admitted in the middle.

BRC then studied with all determination and came out with flying colours in the nationwide Board Exams. He applied for the Bachelors in Commerce degree in the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning and got selected as a candidate for the course in the Brindavan campus of the University. It was the beginning of his life as a Sai Student and it was going to teach him some lessons for life!

Wrong assumptions

BRC joined the college in 1994 and the year turned out to be fortuitous for his batch. It was precisely at this time that the Sai Kulwant hall was being built at Prasanthi Nilayam, Puttaparthi, and so, Swami was at Brindavan for more than 6 months at a stretch. BRC was thrilled at this stroke of luck and he decided to utilize this opportunity to its fullest extent.

Like many of the students who join Swami’s educational institutions, BRC too had taken some things for granted. Foremost among these was the assumption that Swami talks with all the students everyday! A second thing he had assumed was that it would be all peace and comfort once he got admission because Swami was a mother, father, friend and master rolled into one. The third assumption he made was that he would start singing in front of Swami immediately. This confidence was based on the fact that BRC had a wonderful voice and was also a fine talent in music.

Very soon, BRC realised that he had been mistaken on all counts!