The story behind the 'Memoirs of a Sai Student' - Part 2

Time and tide wait for none

The blessing (or rather the lack of it) for the manuscript on my birthday was a powerful prodding for me to not give up on the idea of a book of student-experiences. By this time, Swami had blessed my parents also to come and settle down in Puttaparthi after my father’s retirement. Thanks to my parents’ presence, I was relatively freed from my daily ‘maintenance’ chores. In the free time thus obtained, I made a humble beginning for the book of my life. I had no previous experience in writing a book. I did not know where to begin and how to proceed. I knew that when God gives a task, He also gives the strength needed to achieve it. I only had to start making the efforts and things would evolve as per His plan. Thus, I opened my first-ever personal diary and read through the first twenty pages. Then, I began to write whatever I felt. The beginning had been made!

{This is the concluding part of a story that is midway through its revelation. If you wish to enjoy the full story, please start from the beginning at Part 1 in the link below:

The story behind the 'Memoirs of a Sai Student' - Part 1 }

But then, the inspiration was soon put on hold because I got pulled into writing another book. Recency effect made me start writing about the recently concluded trip to Delhi and Simla. The desire to publish a book had gotten so strong in me that my mind was offering easy avenues to complete a book. I had elaborate notes and hundreds of photos from the recent trip. So, I thought I would make a ‘quick book’ out of it! At the same time, a plethora of activities began at Radiosai for the upcoming 85th Birthday celebrations of Bhagawan Baba. I got fully immersed in the making of the “Message of the Lord” - a 30-part video-serial on the life and teachings of Swami. There was also a lot of activity on the production of the grand musical - Prema Pravaham. Added to these, a plethora of cultural programmes at Sai Kulwant hall by devotees from all over the world, kept me on my toes and I literally had no time to sitting calmly and writing a book.

A screen-shot of the second episode in the Message of  the Lord serial. The 30-part serial
has been received very well the world over and can be accessed from the Radiosai site. 

2010 was over in no time and in flowed 2011. Before I could understand the implications of the grand drama that the Lord played, Swami had left the physical. It is impossible to describe what I went through and I am sure that most readers will be able to empathise with me. My world seemed to have come to an end. Everything that I held most dear, seemed to have been cruelly snatched away from me. No amount of tears shed seemed to assuage the pain my heart was reeling under. I did not know what to do. I just cried more.

Pain-soothing balm

Swami is the most loving and compassionate one. He will Himself bear great pain but He is unable to bear the pain of those that love Him and miss Him. In His own special way, He reminded me of what I should do to get rid of the pain and vacuum that had enveloped my heart. The answer came in the form of a memory...

It was something that Swami had told us at the conclusion of an unforgettable group interview during Ramadan in 2006. It had been a very warm and lovely session and so, it was not surprising that at the end, all of us prayed to Swami that we should always be close to Him. He had smiled and said that ‘nearness’ might not be possible all the time. But He also added,

“Treasure and cherish all that you have received now. Keep contemplating on these moments and derive joy from them always. Be happy always.”

A memorable moment from the interview on Ramadan in 2006 where Swami advised us on how to be happy always
irrespective of His physical proximity.

‘Receiving’ from Swami is only one part of the blessing. Living and reliving what I have received is the way to be happy always. I had got my answer! Thus I started my blogging journey.

The story behind the 'Memoirs of a Sai Student' - Part 1

The ultimate author is God alone

The epitaph of Benjamin Franklin, the inventor who was
a printer by profession speaks of God
as the Ultimate Author!

It is almost impossible to understand how events will unfold in the future. The future is a deep mystery. It is also impossible to change the way things have happened in the past. The past is history. The present is something that I can influence. It is a gift from God. That is why it is called ‘the present’. However, it is not as if the ‘present’ is any less unfathomable than the ‘future’ or the ‘past’. Many times, I come across situations in day to day life that I do not understand; that frustrate me, irritate me, depress me and anger me. And I don’t understand why or how they are happening. While it is true that we have to focus on the present, that focus must be backed by a keen eye on the lessons from the past and a strong faith in the hope for the future. The present is, after all, the seed which has arrived from the tree of the past and is the precursor for the tree of the future.

The present serves as a very good point in time to look back in retrospect.  Thus, any time is a good retrospection time! When done honestly and sincerely, such retrospection leads one towards recognizing the immense blessings received. It also makes one humble and grateful. More than anything else, it makes one understand that the mind is too tiny an instrument to fathom the mysterious workings of the universe, let alone God!

I say all this because today, I am introduced to people as a ‘writer’ or an ‘author’. When that happens,  I smile within myself because becoming that was not in the wildest imagination of my most distant dreams. And yet, there are two ‘successful’ books along with two ‘popular’ blogs to my credit. The ego is a very subtle and silent fellow. He has the ability to disguise even selfishness as selflessness. Then, what can I say about the easier task of disguising pride and a swollen head as gratitude and a broad mind? Many have been the occasions when a pat on my back has resulted in my head swelling up! What modern science can explain this connection between the head and the back?

The "Memoirs of a Sai Student" about which this story is all about is available on Amazon also now. Just scan the
QR code in the right-hand corner of this image to go directly and buy it!

It is at such moments that I sit back and look at my life in retrospect, to realize that it has solely been the working of my best friend, master and God rolled into one, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, all through. I am a zero without Him; but a hero when I have Him by my side. That is why, I decided to write this story - as a reminder of that truth to myself and to anyone else who might mistake me for an ‘author’ or ‘writer’.

The source of all writing content

It all started when I joined the Sri Sathya Sai Higher Secondary School in 1998. I was convinced that I would be enjoying a rare privilege - of studying under the direct guidance of Divinity. I resolved to treasure each moment that I spend in Swami’s presence. As an expression of this cherishment, I started to maintain a diary in which I would record my thoughts, feelings and experiences almost on a daily basis. I imagined how it would have been had the cowherds of Krishna’s time, the apostles of Jesus or the disciples of the Buddha had maintained daily records of the happenings with Divinity. I felt that these diary entries would be of no less significance for they concerned the Avatar of the age, my Swami. In the nine years as a student, I accumulated more than half a dozen diaries after which I shifted to virtual version of the diary in Google Docs. When Swami granted me a job at Radiosai, I got the opportunity to maintain the Prasanthi Diary section of the site, which seemed just like an extension of my diary-writing habit. Thus I had two virtual diaries to maintain - the Prasanthi Diary for public consumption and my own personal diary for my record.

What is the greatest gift in life? Life experiences of Kishore Madhamshettiwar_Part 3

The fall of 1988

Kishore’s first year as a student in MBA at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of HIgher Learning had turned out to be magnificently eventful but, as one would say in Hindi, “Picture Abhi Baki Hain (The movie remains to be completed).” His final year began in quite a dramatic fashion.

News reached the hostel that Bhagawan had sustained a mild hairline fracture in His hip. All the students were shocked to hear of this. How had it happened? Apparently, while having bath, Swami had slipped on a piece of soap. The slip had resulted in the fall, which had in turn caused the fracture. The whole hostel heard this announcement and immediately there was sorrow. Kishore wished that it was his hip that had got fractured instead of his beloved Swami’s. Naturally, there was no darshan for a couple of days. That only increased the sorrow because when one’s beloved is not well, one wishes to be close to the beloved. Distance, in such times, exponentially increases worry and sorrow.

On Cloud Nine with his Lord! In the hills of Kodaikanal with Swami, Kishore was
beginning to receive the greatest gifts of life...

When His children are sad, Swami too is unhappy. He immediately summoned all the students to the mandir. The instructions were that all of them should gather under the silver-door balcony. Once everyone had assembled, Swami arrived to the balcony on a wheelchair. Oh! What a sad sight it was and all the children let out groans of sorrow. They had never seen their beloved Swami like this. On hearing the sounds of agony, Swami also seemed to feel bad. So, what did He do? He rose up from the wheelchair and stood up with assistance from a student, Radhakrishna, who was serving Him in the residence. Slightly leaning on a pillar and placing all His weight on one of His legs, Swami stood in the balcony and blessed the gathered children below with smiles and Abhayahasta. He also asked Radhakrishna to bring a bag from which He began to pull out biscuit packets. He started to throw these biscuit packets for the children who had gathered below the balcony! The excitement and joy of His children seemed to give Him great joy too.

It was a memorable session which ended happily for everyone. Having granted cheer and showered blessings, Swami went back to His room on the first floor.

A day later, Swami left for Whitefield, Bangalore, to take complete rest as ‘advised’ by the doctors. Puttaparthi had lost its greatest charm and Kishore seemed to have lost the very purpose of becoming a student in the Lord’s university. Every activity at Puttaparthi used to be like a sweet dish. All those sweets had become insipid because the sugar was missing. And all because of a ‘piece of soap’!

Kishore’s heart was heavy with sorrow as he set out for jogging and morning exercises. Sometimes, all that the perseverance of faith requires, is the intensity of emotion to fructify it. Kishore’s emotion coupled with Swami’s will was about to grant him a gift greater than any that he had received so far.

{This is the concluding part of a thrilling story. In case you have arrived here directly, it is strongly recommended that you read the first two parts before proceeding here:

What is the greatest gift in life? Life experiences of Kishore Madhamshettiwar_Part 1

What is the greatest gift in life? Life experiences of Kishore Madhamshettiwar_Part 2 }

Fury and fire

As he completed his jogging, he circumambulated the huge Ganesha statue in front of the Higher Secondary School building. Then, he stood in front of it, offering his salutations. That was when his emotions broke all barriers and came surging out. What happened next is so drastic and dramatic that we need to pause here.

What is the greatest gift in life? Life experiences of Kishore Madhamshettiwar_Part 2

A God who is also an intimate friend

Having experienced Swami’s omnipresence, omnipotence and omniscience, Kishore instantly accepted Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba as his Sadguru and God. The prophetic words of his Guru, Malhari Baba, seemed to have fructified - Sathya Sai is the Paripoorna Avatar (the Absolute Descent). It is wrong to compare Him to Rama or Krishna because such a Descent has never happened nor will it happen... When the time comes, you will meet Him...

On September 24th, 1987, a holy Thursday, a National Symposium on Values Orientation in Higher Learning had been scheduled at Prasanthi Nilayam and several Vice-Chancellors and prominent Indian educationalists would be participating in it.  

A file photo of Swami delivering a discourse during the National Symposium on Values Orientation in Higher Learning.
Several Vice Chancellors of Universities attended the same.

Preparations for this symposium were on in full steam and Swami personally supervised every aspect involved. The MBA boys got the privilege of assisting with the preparations. A few days before the D-Day, Kishore was enthusiastically digging pits for the poles which would hold up buntings and other decorations. He was in the grounds adjacent to the college building. It was hard work and he was sweating it out. His clothes were almost dripping wet and were soiled with mud. That was when Swami’s car entered the Institute premises. All the students seemed to line up to enjoy this unexpected bounty. But not Kishore! He was a strict believer in duty being God and, so, he continued digging. From the corner of his eye, he could make out Swami’s car halting near him. The window went down and Swami asked,

“Kishore Kidhar hain (Where is Kishore)?”

{Who is this 'Kishore' to whom reference is being made? If you are wondering this, it is evident that you have missed reading the first part of this story. Come back here after having read that for a more fulfilling reading experience...}

Apparently, Kishore was quite a common name and another student with that name stepped up. Swami immediately said,

“Tum Nahi! Varanasi Kishore... (Not you! The Kishore from Varanasi)”

Kishore stopped digging now. His wife, Gargi, was from Varanasi and the couple had stayed for 3 months there before joining Swami’s University. So, he was sure that Swami was now referring to him. He moved reverentially towards Swami’s car.

“Tumhara Wife Kidhar Hain (Where is your wife?)”

The students from all the campuses had arrived to Prasanthi Nilayam for the symposium. So Kishore said,

“Swami, wife is here...”

“Wife ka naam kya hain (What is your wife’s name)?”

Kishore felt embarrassed to take his wife’s name in public. This is the Bharatiya Maryada (Indian respectful tradition where the wife and husband do not take each other’s name in public). But Swami prodded him on,

“Bolo... Bolo... (Tell... tell...)”

Softly and hesitantly, he said,

“Swami, Gargi...”

“Sharm Nahi Aata Itna Logon Ke Samne Wife Ka Naam Leta Hain (Are you not ashamed to tell your wife’s name publicly in front of so many people)?”

Swami began to smile and Kishore realized that it was a sweet prank that his Chancellor was playing on him. Looking into each other’s eyes with the deepest love was so magical. Kishore understood that Swami was Sadhguru and God no doubt, but He was much more also.

“Gayatri... Gayatri... Gayatri...” Swami said before driving away and Kishore was left wondering as to what He meant. 

Whatever He might have meant, Kishore knew that he had fallen in love with God. He wanted only Swami and nothing else.

{Much later, in 2007, Kishore had visited a Nadi reader. This was the Agastya Nadi and while identifying Kishore’s leaf, the reader got all details right. Kishore was impressed. The only error came when the reader said,

“Your wife has two names...”

“No way! She has only one name as far as I know...” Kishore had replied.

“Here it says she has two names... Gargi and... Gayatri. The latter is a name bestowed by God.”

No word of Sai is ever in jest! }

Seeking direct Upadesh (Instruction)

Kishore was desperate to get some Upadesh from Swami - some spiritual instruction which he would strictly adhere to. In order to be ready to receive it, he prepared himself thoroughly. He would never speak unnecessarily. He would mind his own business and not interact with anyone when there was no need. Gossip, timepass, idling time, mocking and back-biting were words completely absent in his dictionary. Added to this, in just a span of a few months, he seemed to have developed an irrepressible desire to serve Swami in any way possible. The symposium gave many such opportunities.

What is the greatest gift in life? Life experiences of Kishore Madhamshettiwar_Part 1

An ‘accident’al realization

Kishore Madhamshettiwar rose from his bed early in the morning and began to get ready for the 350 km drive from Moga to Delhi. It was early in March 1986 and this would be a defining trip in the 27-year old’s life. He had received a marriage proposal and this would probably be one of his first visits to his to-be bride’s home. Two of his juniors from work (Kishore was heading the Condensed Milk Division of Nestle in Moga) also wanted to go to Delhi and they would be joining him for the journey which would be made in Kishore’s faithful Fiat car.

(Those were the days when car-choice in India was restricted to either the Fiat or the Ambassador. The former was the “small car” and the latter was the “big car”!)

The Fiat or Premier Padmini on the left was the small car while the Ambassador on the right was the big car in those times. 

Before setting out on the journey, Kishore entered the building adjacent to his house. This building had the honour of acting as the residence to Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba when He visited Moga in 1973 and had been converted into a shrine since then. (Sai Blossom has created a memorable DVD of this 1973 trip under the title - Love Flows North. ) Kishore wanted to pay his respects before the journey.  It was not as if Kishore was a devotee or follower of Baba. However, his family Guru, Sri Malhari Baba of Chandrapur (Maharashtra) had told him,

“Sathya Sai is the Paripoorna Avatar (the Absolute Descent). It is wrong to compare Him to Rama or Krishna because such a Descent has never happened nor will it happen... When the time comes, you will meet Him...”

It was out of implicit obedience to his Guru that Kishore paid his respects to Baba before embarking on the journey.

The only picture of Malhari Baba which I could procure. This is from the letterhead of a letter written to Kishore
by Malhari Baba. More about the contents of that letter will come later...
(Malhari Baba left his body on the 21st of March, 2011)

The drive was smooth and comfortable. Within a couple of hours, the Fiat car crossed Ludhiana, the first milestone on the road towards the national capital. That was when the speeding car swerved and toppled into an accident. Like some fighter jet, the car did a complete canopy roll but miraculously ended up upright on the road. Kishore turned to look at his juniors. They seemed fine except for the look of horror on their faces. They were staring straight at him, at his profusely bleeding head!

In the melee that had ensued during the canopy roll, Kishore’s head had apparently been struck by something hard which had caused it to open up and gush forth blood. He was rushed to the nearest hospital. The doctor glanced at him and exclaimed,

“Is this a human being or a living ghost? He is in terrible shape...”

Kishore did not understand what the doctor was talking about. He was feeling no pain. However, it was evident that he had suffered severe loss of blood. The hospital did not have the necessary facilities for complex surgeries. Without anesthesia, the doctor patched in fifteen stitches to stop the bleeding.(If a stitch in time saves nine, the doctor surely saved Kishore at least 15x9 = 135 stitches!) The doctor also pumped his body with 2-3 bottles of blood.

“You should rush to AIIMS (Delhi) or CMC (Ludhiana) for further treatment. What I have done is only a stop-gap one”, he told Kishore when he sat up on the hospital bed.

Kishore decided to disobey the doctor because he was not feeling “even a pin prick of pain”! What could be so serious but so painless? He decided to head to Delhi - not for the hospital but for the work he had set out upon. It was the pleas of his juniors that convinced him to turn back home. By that afternoon the Fiat found itself parked in Moga and Kishore entered his house. His sister’s siesta was broken and she came out of the room, rubbing her eyes.

“Brother, I had a very strange and vivid dream... Oh my God! What happened?”

“It is nothing much. There was a little accident and I got a small head injury”, Kishore replied, not wanting to create tension at home over something that was not even hurting him. “But tell me, what was the dream you were speaking about?”

Now the sister smiled. She said,

“You say it is a small injury. Listen to my dream... It’s amazingly connected.”

Then she began narrating the dream

A huge mountain had collapsed on Kishore and he had got buried under the huge debris. Out of nowhere, Sathya Sai Baba had arrived. Instantly, He dug through the debris and excavated Kishore who seemed absolutely unhurt. Baba now raised him up by the hand and poured life into the lifeless body. Baba then told Kishore,

It is darkest before dawn: Sonja Venturi finds light and purpose in life_Part 2

A new ‘career’ for Sonja

Every life has a divine destiny to fulfill. The goal is pre-determined. It is only the paths that vary. There are numerous ways to climb to the peak of a mountain but the peak itself is one. The path that Sonja had to take to fulfill her divine destiny was that of music. She could feel it, not just in her bones, but deep within in the core of her heart. That also, was Swami’s gift to her.

She realized that she was being inspired from within to exude music. It was now time to channelise them into words and tunes.

Sonja continued visiting Prasanthi Nilayam, Puttaparthi as often as she could. After her ‘angels choir’ experience, her ear and heart began to get more and more attracted to bhajans. 

{This is the second part of story which will make better meaning and sense if you read it after reading the first part. If you have come here directly, you could visit the link below to read the first part.

It is darkest before dawn: Sonja Venturi finds light and purpose in life_Part 1 }

Though the tunes won her over, she struggled to grasp the words. Again, Swami came to her rescue gifting her a Bhajanavali (book of bhajan lyrics) through a friend. Now, Sonja could get some idea of the lyrics and sing along the bhajans. She really loved this way of praying and found it easy to connect with her Swami in this manner.

Once back in Italy, she did something she had never done before. She picked up a harmonium and began to play on it. She tried singing the bhajans she had heard in Prasanthi Nilayam. Having enjoyed the bhajans there so much, she attempted to create her own abode of peace in the confines of her home. Even as she put in efforts to sing bhajans, Swami gifted her with a second present!

While the first gift had been the music ‘processor’, the second gift was an ‘output device’. Without her knowledge and in a most miraculous manner, Sonja noticed that the voice emanating from her throat sounded so different from what it had been all her life! It was no longer her voice but a different one, perfectly suited to singing! Sonja was surprised and wondered what had happened. Was she dreaming?

A friend walked into the room and exclaimed,

“What a voice  that is!”

There was nobody else singing but Sonja.

“ Oh my God! How beautiful you sound!”

Such was the beauty in her voice that Sonja had no doubts that it was Swami. How else could someone with zero music-training and zero voice-culturing create music and sing so well?

Sonja now began to interpret, rearrange and shape various bhajans using the inspiration in her heart. The bhajans acquired the romantic hues of Italy - full of deep-seated passion, love and energy. Those bhajans became Sonja’s prayer, meditation and offering to Swami and her Krishna. By now, Sonja had become divinely obsessed with these two forms of Divinity - Swami and Krishna.  She would laugh and cry, playing the piano and singing. This would be her way to celebrate and her way to battle loneliness. She realized that every emotion and feeling that arose in her heart expressed itself through this music that Swami had gifted her. And every emotion - good or bad; happy or sad - got sanctified because it was offered to Swami.

Divine confirmation of the story so far

The blessing of music seemed to be building up for a crescendo as Sonja made a trip to Brindavan, Whitefield in Bengaluru. The Italian group was called into Trayee Brindavan for an interview.

It is darkest before dawn: Sonja Venturi finds light and purpose in life_Part 1

"The night is darkest before dawn." This is a cliche agreed. But there is a reason why it has become a cliche!

26-year old Sonja lay in her bed, writhing in deep pain. She was feeling sick, tired and very weak. She also did not seem to have enough energy to digest the food she was eating. A lot of things can go wrong in the human body. But as Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba says, the stomach is the petrol tank of the car called the body. When that goes wrong, everything else also goes wrong. Deprived of the only source of energy for man - food, Sonja knew that she had to see a doctor.

She indeed saw, not one, but several doctors. She was a visitor at several hospitals. Multiple medical checks later, the diagnosis was incomplete and unconfirmed.

“Everything seems to be normal... nothing out of the ordinary...”

“Then why am I losing weight? Why am I unable to eat and digest anything? Why is my heart in trouble as well?”

“Errr... we could possibly do a few more tests...”

The tests themselves seemed to sap the life-energy out of her. She was now growing sick of these tests as well.

Sonja (pronounced as Sonia) Venturi, as the name suggests, was Italian by birth. Since childhood she always nurtured a passion in her heart which drove her to excellence in whatever she undertook. However, she always worked with a childlike innocence and genuine love which had not yet been extinguished by the ravages of adulthood. And that had led her to her present day condition.

Sonja’s condition was the case of an unsound body due to an unsound mind! The unsound mind was the result of her shattered faith in the world of humans and her tormented emotions from the lies and falseness of people around. Her profession seemed to teach her that a lawyer cannot succeed without becoming a liar and a woman cannot without becoming a ‘woo’man! The outright hypocrisy and subtle superficiality made her feel deeply sad. Values were apparently not valued while deceit seemed like the way of life. She had been unable to digest why the world was so fake and that manifested as severe indigestion. Her suffering body was a manifestation of a deep-seated heartache.

In other words, Sonja was a physical wreck because she was a mental and psychological wreck. And she had no clue as to where relief would come from.

The voice within

Sonja sat on the hospital bed hearing the same old diagnosis,

“There is nothing life-threatening that you are suffering from... But you will have to take medicines for a long time...”

Sonja turned away. She looked out of the window at the little garden that was beside her room.  All of a sudden, a little sound came from her heart. It was like a tiny bell ringing and Sonja heard a diagnosis that took her by surprise.

“You are your own problem”, the voice said, “It is not an illness. You are your own problem.”

Sonja realized that the voice was emanating from within her. She just knew that her problem was neither physical nor psychological. So, there was no way that any doctor’s diagnosis was going to cure her. The realization was instantaneous and the words spontaneously dropped forth from her mouth,

“Doctor, I want to go home.”

Sonja then tried to explain the reason for her decision. The elderly doctor seemed very interested in listening to her. But he appeared as if he was not understanding. He came closer and before Sonja could realize, he tried to kiss her. Sonja was now mortified. She firmly rejected him.

“No! I want to go home NOW.”

“That is highly unadvisable. There are risks...”

Sonja felt all of her strength returning for a moment that needed her to be strong. She did not want to believe anything this man said or did. She said very firmly that she was getting herself discharged. Her vehemence in itself seemed to push the cheapskate doctor away.

Sonja was out of hospital that same day. Though it was exactly her 26th birthday, Sonja did not know that it would mark the first day of a new birth for her even as she decided to meet the ‘strange woman’ that everyone used to warn her against.