Desirelessness is the only way to be one with God

A desire nearing fulfillment?

It was the June of 2010 and we had just moved into our new home at Puttaparthi. A fortnight before, I had left for Mumbai seeking Swami’s permission to get my parents to settle in Puttaparthi post my father’s retirement from work. The relocation and resettlement had happened quite quickly, considering the fact that my father retired on the 31st of May. That is a story in itself and I will resist the temptation of going into it right away. But I must mention that it had all begun on the return flight from Pune to Puttaparthi after the visit to Hadshi, when Swami had asked me (about my parents) in the aisle,

"When are they coming here?"

“Swami, after father's retirement in May, they will come and settle down here itself.”

Swami nodded saying, “Santosham”. I continued, “One more thing, Swami. Mother keeps crying out ‘Swami’, ‘Swami’, ... Please grant her namaskar once when she comes to Puttaparthi. Once You speak to her, she will be so happy.”

He nodded in agreement. But then He responded with a question of His own,

"She keeps telling ‘Swami’, ‘Swami’... What about you?"

I was dumbstruck. I mumbled and fumbled a bit and said,

"Swami, You know what I feel. You are most important for me."

{For those who are interested, the entire 5-day trip to Hadshi and Mumbai has been captured in a serial blog of 11 parts. The link to the first part is given below. Each part has the link to the subsequent parts.

Hadshi-Mumbai diaries -  Part 1 - The blessing materializes. }

My parents were now settled along with me at Parthi. My desire was that Swami should grant us a family interview. I felt that would be the ultimate fulfilment for me because, in my opinion, Swami had granted me every ‘chance’ except that of a family interview. Though I never asked Him directly for the same, I always made it a point to ‘remind’ Him that my parents had arrived and settled at Puttaparthi. Nearly nine months of ‘labour’ after the first time Swami enquired about my parents arriving to Parthi, I felt that the date for my ‘deliver’ance was due! It happened on the 16th day of June, 2010.

The Governor’s visit

It was the day when the Governor of the state of Andhra Pradesh, ESL Narsimhan, had visited Puttaparthi. Before the evening darshan session, he visited the Super Specialties hospital. I thought it would be of archival interest to take pictures of the Governor’s visit to the hospital. However, it was easier thought than done. The Governor’s security team did not allow me to go through with the plan and, after taking a few pictures, I was stuck outside the hospital. Nothing I said helped my cause.

“I am a mandir photographer...” I said.

“Show us the badge which says so?”

How was I to make the security personnel understand that Swami’s smile of approval was my badge and that there is nobody who is formally appointed as a ‘mandir photographer’? I just shook my head in disbelief and walked away.

The Governor with the Director of the SSSIHMS, Dr.Safaya, in the main dome of the hospital in June 2010.

“Well, I never am keen on running behind anyone other than Swami”, I told myself, “and I have no regrets about not being allowed to photograph the governor. The focus for me (and my camera) is actually Swami!”

Within the hour, I was back in my room in Prasanthi Nilayam. It was before the evening darshan that I received a request - could a picture be taken of the Governor seeking Swami’s blessings? I smiled to myself and went to the Sai Kulwant hall with the camera. The Lord is the fruit and the world, its shadow. Chasing the shadow never yields fruit, but getting hold of the fruit also brings along the gift of the shadow!

When God grants - Three stories on God's giving

There is a reason why the greatest truths in life are communicated via stories. Stories are lapped up easily. They remain in one's subconscious even if one is unable to appreciate the lessons or insights they offer. And they come to mind at the perfect time, when one is in need of exactly those insights! So, when it comes to the question of how to make God grant us the wishes we seek, I am reminded of three stories. Actually, two of them are anecdotes and one is a story, all of them related to my Lord, Master and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. 

1. Whatever you seek of God is lesser than what He wishes to confer

When I was in my fifth standard, I got so enamoured by Swami’s darshan that I decided something very different. I told my father, 
“For this birthday, I do not want any birthday party. Just like you do, I want to shoot pictures of Swami with a camera.”

My dad smiled. He had noticed my desire for photography even as he took Swami’s pictures in Whitefield. He had, in fact, already procured a camera! He gifted me the 35mm, fixed focus, Yashica camera and said,
“Why wait till your birthday? You can take photos when we go next for darshan in Brindavan!”
I was so thrilled and thus began my beautiful journey with the camera.

Fast forward about 7 years. I joined Swami’s school and realized that I would get an opportunity to get physically close to Swami like never before. I was thrilled at the prospects that held for my photography. But I only had a 35mm, fixed-focus camera. I wished that I had a better one and since my birthday fell right in the beginning of the academic year, I thought it was time to seek another gift from my father.

“Dad! Here is what I want for my birthday...”
“My son. I have a plan...”
“No!”, I cut him short, “please buy me a camera with a zoom so that I can take better pictures of Swami. Please!”

I got a new camera in a month. It had a small built-in zoom that ‘brought Swami closer’ to me. Still, it was not close enough. Once the film rolls were developed and the photos were out, my mother put a dampener on me, 
“None of your photos are as good as the photos your dad has taken!”
I felt hurt and insulted. I retorted,
“That is because I don’t have a camera like him!”
 Hot tears were almost making their way down my cheeks.

With great love comes great tests - lifetime experience of Sai Krishna_Part 2

The beginning of the slide

Sai Krishna spent the days after Guru Poornima in blissful contemplation of the beautiful opportunities Swami had given him. The joy he derived from thinking about those moments over and over again never seemed to decrease. On the contrary, each time he relived the moments, the joy only seemed to increase! That was the critical difference between worldly joys and divine joys, he noted. While worldly joys reduce with the passage of time, divine joy seems to increase and mature with time!

By now, the Ramakatha had got deeply embedded in Sai Krishna’s consciousness. He could sing those songs, fully immersed in them and without bothering to look at the lyrics. Each time he sang those songs, he realized the magical poetry the lyrics contained. The repeated singing had made him transcend the level of the lyrics and rhythm into the level of feeling and experience. Lost in this bliss, everything else that was part of his daily schedule felt so mundane and unimportant. But was his bliss permanent? Had Sai Krishna developed equanimity which is the surest sign of a true devotee? Only time would tell.

{This is the second part of a compelling story. If you have come here directly, it is advised that you return after reading the first part at:

With great love comes great tests - lifetime experience of Sai Krishna_Part 1 }

It was the 7th of August in 2005 and it seemed like any other day in Prasanthi Nilayam. It was a Sunday and that meant two opportunities for darshan. Swami arrived in the hybrid Porte car for darshan and, after completing a round of the Sai Kulwanth hall, drove on to the stage. From there, He looked at Sai Krishna who was seated in the first row. (Such was the regularity with which Swami interacted with Sai Krishna and Om Prasad that they would have reserved seating in the front lines. It was a win-win situation where Swami seemed to get ‘magnetically pulled’ to these boys and in that process, the other students too could enjoy darshan, sparshan and sambhashan of the Lord.)

Swami beckoned to him and Sai Krishna rushed on to the stage, to his Lord. Swami lowered the window of the car and asked,

“Where is the other? Your brother...”

Sai Krishna turned back and realized that Om Prasad had still not arrived to the mandir.

“Swami, he must be on his way...”

Swami nodded and sent him back.

Sai Krishna and Om Prasad rush to Swami when He beckons to them from the stage in Sai Kulwant hall
on the 7th of August 2005. 

News travelled at the speed of light among the students. Even before Sai Krishna returned to his place, a few lads had sped out of the hall in search of Om Prasad. The Lord was waiting for him. Sure enough, in a few minutes, Om Prasad was in the mandir. As soon as he came, he was made to wriggle through the seated students to the second row. Swami saw that both the  boys were there and He called them on stage. He told them to sing some songs.

Sai Krishna was thrilled - another opportunity! The mikes were in place and the musical accompaniment was also ready in a few moments. The duo began to sing Telugu songs which Swami had enjoyed a lot on previous occasions. The tune and rhythm were perfect. The feelings in Sai Krishna’s heart were also at their pinnacle. However, there was a difference in the Divine Script today. In between a song, Swami just moved away from the stage, into the interview room!

This had never happened so far with Sai Krishna. He had not seen Swami get up and go midway when he had been singing. It was apparent that Swami was upset over something because, after a few minutes, a messenger came out of the interview room and told the two lads to stop singing. After that, the evening progressed as usual with bhajans at the stipulated time. Sai Krishna did not understand what happened that evening. But it changed everything in a moment. It reduced Sai Krishna from a ‘crown prince’ to a banished outlaw!

A fall that hit very hard

Everything came to a standstill from that day. Swami began to ignore Sai Krishna completely and he was at a loss to understand why. He continued to sincerely do all that he had been doing so far. His top priority was still Swami and he religiously practiced all songs regularly. Yet, Swami did not even acknowledge his existence, forget asking him to sing! Till that moment, Sai Krishna had almost felt that Swami belonged only to them. Now, he felt that everyone else except him belonged to Swami.

With great love comes great tests - lifetime experience of Sai Krishna_Part 1

The beginnings of a divine romance

The summer vacation had just been declared for all the students of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning in 2005. Unlike any other place on earth where such a declaration is met with great cheering, Prasanthi Nilayam seemed to be witnessing an atmosphere of mixed emotions. Well, that was the case at least for a few students like S.V.B.S.Sai Krishna.

On one hand, the summer vacation promised a lot - a relief from the rigorous rigmarole of reading writing and arithmetic, a break from books and a distraction from discipline - that anyone would look forward to enjoy once in a while. Thus, it was no surprise that more than three fourths of the hostel had been emptied of the students who resided there. On the other hand, the summer vacation meant a physical separation from Swami (as the devotees endearingly call Bhagawan Baba). This was unthinkable for some of the students and, again, it was no surprise that the remaining quarter of the hostel had ‘sacrificed’ their vacation to be with Swami. (The single-quotation mark on the word ‘sacrifice’ is because of the prevailing myth that one has to sacrifice something to get God!) Sai Krishna was one amongst that quarter in the hostel.

Two weeks into the vacation, news arrived which further divided the hostel into four more quarters. This was the announcement that Swami would be leaving for Kodaikanal on the 19th of April. It was a known fact that He would definitely pick some students to accompany Him for nearly a month’s stay at the hill station. Who would be on ‘The List’ which would dynamically vary every day? Sai Krishna, like all the other students who had stayed back for the vacation, wanted to be a part of that list. He knew that if he didn’t manage that, he would have to physically miss his Swami for at least a month. He did not want to ‘suffer’ that fate.

The 17th of April saw Sai Krishna achieve boundless joy as he was informed by a teacher that his name figured on the List! It was a dream come true for him and he immediately called his parents to inform them of his great good fortune. Thus, on the 19th of April, Sai Krishna also took to the skies along with his Swami, headed southwards towards the state of Tamil Nadu. 

The bhajan-singing duo with Swami in Kodaikanal. To Swami's left is Sai Krishna and to His right is Om Prasad. 

There is an advantage of being a bhajan-singer in Swami’s entourage. It is like being a part of a select group within a select group. Sai Krishna was a singer and he got many opportunities to sing bhajans and songs in Swami’s presence. That Kodai trip in 2005 turned out to be a turning point in Sai Krishna’s bhajan-singing ‘career’ and relationship with Swami. He realized that there was nothing about him that Swami does not know and yet He loved him without any bias. This could not be anything short of pure, selfless, divine love! Swami gave him so many opportunities to sing. In fact, teaming up with Om Prasad, Sai Krishna became part of what could then have been considered as “Swami’s favourite pair”. Among the many songs they sang, Swami seemed to have a particular liking for the ‘Ramakatha’, the story of Lord Rama in song form. There is the Telugu version of Ramakatha as sung by the twin sons of Rama, Lava and Kusa. Om Prasad and Sai Krishna seemed to have become the twin sons for Sai Rama!

May 7th saw the Kodai trip conclude but it was just the beginning of the divine love-shower that Sai Krishna was about the receive from the Avatar of the age.

In the spotlight...  

Love is possibly the least understood, most misunderstood and possibly most overused of all terms. It is often confused with infatuation, attachment, lust, and liking. Let us ask ourselves of things/people we love. Ten years later, when we ask the same question of ourselves, will the answers remain same? To understand that, let us look back at things and people we felt we were in love with ten years ago. Today, do those things or people hold the same grasp over our hearts? This is the reason for cases of broken hearts,  unrequited love and pain. When the difference between infatuation/attachment and love becomes clear, we understand better what we should seek in life. We also come to know that it can only be sought from the Divine. Why this sudden emphasis on what love is? Sai Krishna’s story will explain this as it unfolds. 

Having experienced Divine Love in Kodaikanal, Sai Krishna decided that he wanted nothing else as desperately as he wanted to bask in the sunshine of Swami’s Love and Grace. On His part, Swami also continued to shower Sai Krishna with many opportunities. The biggest among them came two months after the return from Kodaikanal. On the 11th of July 2005, Swami made a surprise visit to the Institute auditorium. All the students and teachers flocked to the auditorium to enjoy this unexpected bounty. Swami seemed to be searching for someone. When He saw Sai Krishna, He beckoned to him.

“Sing the Ramakatha”, He commanded.

It had been a ‘normal’ day of classes so far and Sai Krishna was not ready. He had been blessed with the opportunity to sing for Swami in the mandir just the previous day. So, he did not expect to be singing again so soon!  He also did not have the lyrics sheet of the Ramakatha with him. The Ramakatha is fairly complicated and consists of five different songs. Sai Krishna did not know the lyrics by heart so far.

“Swami, my book is in the hostel. Can I please go and fetch that?”

“Where is your brother?”

Swami was obviously asking about Om Prasad.

“Swami, he is not feeling well. So he is resting in the hostel.”

“Okay. Go, get the book and return soon.”

What does God seek from us? A messiah's story

Are we really ready to do anything for God? Ready to be like this sheep that has climbed
on to the Kjeragbolten in Norway?

This is probably one of my favourite stories. It is so full of intrigue and suspense in the beginning; yet so simple and profound in its ending. I have heard it only once but I have narrated it a hundred times at least. And each time I narrate it, it fills me with new vigour, enthusiasm and direction. It is the a story about a messiah - a messiah who wanted to retire!

The first time I narrated this story was in Swami’s presence on the 29th of July, 2005. I keep narrating this story many times. And that is to keep reminding myself more than anybody else of what Swami wants from me.

Without further ado, here is that story. 

A messiah who wanted to retire

There was this messiah who lived in a village. He was a tremendous source of help and inspiration for the villagers who sought his wise counsel for almost every problem. He sought nothing himself and selflessly gave of himself to the people, whenever they needed him. Everything seemed to be going well when, out of the blue, the Messiah made a startling revelation.

“I am ready to announce my retirement now,” he said much to the shock of all the assembled villagers, “I have been preparing for this moment and ultimately, it has arrived.”

“No! You cannot do this. Please do not leave us...”
“What will we do without you? Whom shall we turn to for succour and solace?”
“How can a messiah retire? What do you mean!”
“Why do you want to retire? Have we failed you or disappointed you in any way?”

The messiah smiled within himself. As usual, men made their own audacious assumptions and theories. The assumptions may vary in nature and scope, but they all are tinged to varying degrees with selfishness. Everyone wanted him to stay for reasons that meant a lot to them - not him directly! 

“Every person in every occupation enjoys a retirement. I am only seeking mine! Is that not fair enough?” asked the messiah with a smile. 

That was an argument that none could refute. But still, how could they live without the services of their messiah? Looking at the whole situation objectively, the people realized that their domestic problems could be solved through discussions with each other. Financial advice could be sought from some money-lender who still had scruples left. Health matters could be taken up with a doctor. But what about matters relating to the spirit? Spirituality, though very ‘important’, is never ‘urgent’ and thus gets neglected till times such as these. Now that the messiah was about to retire, spirituality seemed to gain urgency too along with importance. 

And so, they all pleaded with him,
“How will we remain in touch with God if you retire?”
“Please, if you must retire, then ensure that we will be in touch with God in some way at least.”
“Tell us what we must do so that God is happy with us always...”
“Yes! Tell us the one ‘most important’ thing that God wants us to do...”

“Yes! Yes! Tell us that ‘one thing’ which God wants from us”, everyone chorused.

The Inconvenient Truth - Are we ready to accept and live by it?

If I 'declare' my oneness with God...

It has been quite some time now that I have been writing articles based on the inspiration in my heart. I have received a lot of love and gratitude for the same. People thank me for providing many solutions and I write back to them telling that it is the Lord they must thank and not me for He is the inspiration. They are happy with my response and I am happy with their response. There is a reason why I am bringing this up now.

Just imagine, if today, I were to proclaim,

“I am God. What I speak is the Truth and what I do is Dharma. And that is why you find solace and solutions in what I write, for what I write is Absolute.” 

I would be considered as pompous and as someone at the zenith of ego and blasphemy. People would get ticked off and maybe even stop reading what I write. What I write is the same but whether I put it in ‘humility’ or ‘pride’ makes a lot of difference apparently! I too, therefore, choose to write in ‘humility’ for I seek my readers support and agreement. And this is where I face the Inconvenient Truth.

Please allow me to elaborate.

It was on the 20th of October 1940 that a young boy in a village that had been described as ‘a stone’s throw from Stone Age’ sat on a rock and proclaimed himself to be God. He said,
“Oh mind (people)! Incessantly meditate on the feet of your Master. That alone will aid you across the ocean of worldly existence.”

Manasa Bhajare Guru Charanam
Dusthara Bhavasaagara Tharanam

That was how Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba began what He called His mission. And the followers and devotees started flowing. Along with these followers and devotees also came the critics. The critics could not simply stand the ‘fact’ that a human is God! They felt that it was a pompous boast.

Looking back at the life of Baba, I feel that if only He had called Himself a saint or a man in touch with God, the critics would not be so many in number or so vehement in their venom. Even if He had said that He is one with God for He realized the Divine, people would have been less critical. But that was not to be so! In fact, Swami went a step ahead to say,
“I am God. And if you seek within you will realize that you too are Divine.”

Not much attention is paid to the second sentence though it is the 'longer' of the two. That’s because that is the Inconvenient Truth which demands too much if we accept it. The first sentence however is scrutinized and criticized, often quoted in isolation and, again, is not accepted for that too is the Inconvenient Truth!

This has been the case from times immemorial...

Even Jesus was not spared from stoning because
of 'blasphemy'. 

Jesus' experience stating the 'inconvenient truth'

Jesus was in the Temple walking up and down the Portico of Solomon. It was the Feast of Dedication in Jerusalem. Someone among the crowd asked him, “Are you the Christ (The Lord)?”
Jesus replied, “The Father and I are one.” (John 10:30)
Hearing this, some of the people picked up stones to throw at him. Jesus asked them,
“I have shown many good works from my Father; for which of these are you stoning me?”
(John 10:32)
“We are stoning you not for doing a good work”, they replied,“but for blasphemy; though you are only a man, you claim to be God.” ( John 10:33)
Jesus answered them,
"Is it not written in your Law, 'I have said you are gods'? (John 10:34) If he called them ‘gods,’ to whom the word of God came—and Scripture cannot be set aside (John 10:35)

Why then do you say, ‘You are blaspheming’ because I said, ‘I am God’? Truly, I am God and you too are God.”

The story behind the 'Memoirs of a Sai Student' - Part 2

Time and tide wait for none

The blessing (or rather the lack of it) for the manuscript on my birthday was a powerful prodding for me to not give up on the idea of a book of student-experiences. By this time, Swami had blessed my parents also to come and settle down in Puttaparthi after my father’s retirement. Thanks to my parents’ presence, I was relatively freed from my daily ‘maintenance’ chores. In the free time thus obtained, I made a humble beginning for the book of my life. I had no previous experience in writing a book. I did not know where to begin and how to proceed. I knew that when God gives a task, He also gives the strength needed to achieve it. I only had to start making the efforts and things would evolve as per His plan. Thus, I opened my first-ever personal diary and read through the first twenty pages. Then, I began to write whatever I felt. The beginning had been made!

{This is the concluding part of a story that is midway through its revelation. If you wish to enjoy the full story, please start from the beginning at Part 1 in the link below:

The story behind the 'Memoirs of a Sai Student' - Part 1 }

But then, the inspiration was soon put on hold because I got pulled into writing another book. Recency effect made me start writing about the recently concluded trip to Delhi and Simla. The desire to publish a book had gotten so strong in me that my mind was offering easy avenues to complete a book. I had elaborate notes and hundreds of photos from the recent trip. So, I thought I would make a ‘quick book’ out of it! At the same time, a plethora of activities began at Radiosai for the upcoming 85th Birthday celebrations of Bhagawan Baba. I got fully immersed in the making of the “Message of the Lord” - a 30-part video-serial on the life and teachings of Swami. There was also a lot of activity on the production of the grand musical - Prema Pravaham. Added to these, a plethora of cultural programmes at Sai Kulwant hall by devotees from all over the world, kept me on my toes and I literally had no time to sitting calmly and writing a book.

A screen-shot of the second episode in the Message of  the Lord serial. The 30-part serial
has been received very well the world over and can be accessed from the Radiosai site. 

2010 was over in no time and in flowed 2011. Before I could understand the implications of the grand drama that the Lord played, Swami had left the physical. It is impossible to describe what I went through and I am sure that most readers will be able to empathise with me. My world seemed to have come to an end. Everything that I held most dear, seemed to have been cruelly snatched away from me. No amount of tears shed seemed to assuage the pain my heart was reeling under. I did not know what to do. I just cried more.

Pain-soothing balm

Swami is the most loving and compassionate one. He will Himself bear great pain but He is unable to bear the pain of those that love Him and miss Him. In His own special way, He reminded me of what I should do to get rid of the pain and vacuum that had enveloped my heart. The answer came in the form of a memory...

It was something that Swami had told us at the conclusion of an unforgettable group interview during Ramadan in 2006. It had been a very warm and lovely session and so, it was not surprising that at the end, all of us prayed to Swami that we should always be close to Him. He had smiled and said that ‘nearness’ might not be possible all the time. But He also added,

“Treasure and cherish all that you have received now. Keep contemplating on these moments and derive joy from them always. Be happy always.”

A memorable moment from the interview on Ramadan in 2006 where Swami advised us on how to be happy always
irrespective of His physical proximity.

‘Receiving’ from Swami is only one part of the blessing. Living and reliving what I have received is the way to be happy always. I had got my answer! Thus I started my blogging journey.