Death is the dress of life

The enigma of death

It was with a heavy heart that I rode my bike to the mortuary of the general hospital in Puttaparthi. 11:30 am had been the muhurtam (auspicious time) that had been fixed for the cremation. The person who had left the earthly abode was a very dear ‘uncle’ who had showered on me love like a father. He had occupied a special corner in my heart by simply giving me a large corner of his. And he had passed away peacefully in his sleep the previous night. It was a death that happened in a moment - very easy for the departing soul but very difficult for the souls left behind; souls which were donning the bodies of relatives, friends and well-wishers. I joined at the head of the funeral procession, singing bhajans and hymns. Soon, yet another body was consumed by flames as a beautiful life completed its sojourn on earth. 

Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba often says, "Death is the dress of life". This means that 'life' is not ended by death. Death is that event when 'life' discards its clothes - the body - for new clothes. The 'old clothes' theory sounded logical till I began to wonder about infants and children that die. That would seem like a case of 'new clothes' being discarded right? Swami clarified this doubt for me through a lovely analogy from his discourse on 23rd May 2000. Swami says,

"While in Kashmir, you purchase some woolen cloth in order to stitch a suit. After return, you put the cloth in a cupboard, lock the cupboard, and then forget all about the cloth. Ten years pass and you are about to shift your residence. You are packing things for the transfer of residence. At that time, you discover the woollen cloth that you have stored away a long time ago. You regret that you have forgotten about this nice fabric all these years. That very day, you go to a tailor and ask him to stitch a nice suit for you. Soon, the suit is delivered. You wear this brand new suit and attend a wedding party. A buffet dinner has been arranged there. You bend down a little with the plate to help yourself. Suddenly you find that your suit gives way and gets a tear. [laughter]. You feel sad. You wonder, 'Brand new suit; how can it tear like this?' Yes, the suit is indeed new but the cloth is not new; it is old."

A funeral pyre on the banks of Chitravati in Puttaparthi - another dress change?

Ever since that September in 2013, I have been blessed to attend multiple funerals. 'Blessed' I say because there is something mysteriously magnificent about this enigma called death and it brings both fear and awe, dread and inspiration. While the ‘fear’ and ‘dread’ parts can be easily understood, one might wonder as to why words like ‘awe’ and ‘inspiration’ have been chosen for describing death. Smashana Vairagyam (detachment of the crematorium) is an automatic detachment that anyone attending a funeral experiences. The detachment overpowers the individual as a powerful reminder of the temporary nature of everything that we see around. In its wake, the problems that seem to torment us, differences that we promote, negative feelings that we harbour - all just melt away into relative insignificance. That is when one is lost in awe of the Creator and gets inspired to make his/her life worth something.

Of course there are other kinds of vairagya (detachment) that we automatically experience - Abhava Vairagya (detachment due to non-availability which is akin to calling grapes as sour), Prasooti Vairagya (detachment of a lady due to her labour pains at childbirth), Udaara Vairagya (detachment due to a temporary abundance which will disappear once the object of attachment becomes scarce) and Puraana Vairagya (the detachment one gets while listening to divine stories which I often experience when I pen down my articles) - but personally, I feel that the Smashaana Vairagya is the most powerful and poignant.

A Question

Every time I attend a funeral, a chain of questions form in my head.

“What kind of death do I wish to die?”

“How would I like to be remembered after I am gone?”

“How would I like to lead my life till my ultimate moment comes?”

The average lifespan of a human which is about 70 years is just a teeny weeny blip in the history of mankind. But all of us want those years to mean something - for ourselves and the world around. Answering the above three questions would also give us answers on what our lives mean for ourselves and for others. For each of the above questions, I have a little story to narrate for these are the stories I keep mulling upon when it comes to my thoughts on my death. They are powerful reminders on what we should do in life and give us a peep into the magnanimity and magnitude of God’s love.

Of course the answers to all the questions are linked to my God and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba (my Swami). And if anyone dives deep into the questions, he/she will find that the answers have to be spiritual. For, as Swami asks during the Birthday discourse on the 23rd of  November 1975,

“How can you expect anything impermanent to give joy which is permanent to you (the body and mind) who are also impermanent?”

“What kind of death do I wish to die?”

It was the day of the festival of Onam on the 27th of August, 2007. Among the devotees who were awaiting the arrival of Swami on this special day was Mr.G.K.Raman. Mr. Raman, a long-standing devotee of Swami, was seated in the verandah of the mandir by virtue of him being the Sathya Sai Trust convenor in Tamil Nadu. He was also the director of Sundaram Finance Group. He had not slept well the previous night and that was evident from his swollen eyes.

A concerned person seated next to him told him,

“Why don’t you take some rest today morning? You can come for the evening darshan and programme...”

“I must have Swami's darshan. Then I will go. Swami will come at 8:30. Till then I will sit - it’s not a problem”, he answered with a smile.

The person was surprised at how Mr. Raman seemed to predict the time at which Swami would come. But then, his surprise soon grew into marvel as Swami made an appearance in the chair at about 8:30am!

Swami completed the darshan round and entered the portico where Mr. Raman was seated. Even as he saw his Lord, he bent forward in prostration - or that is what his neighbors thought. A few moments later, they realized that he was not rising back and a tap on his back made him collapse completely, all in Swami’s physical presence.

What a way to say goodbye! In the Divine presence of the Lord. Mr.Raman collapses and is tended to by
several people even as Swami enters the verandah. 

Doctors - the best in their fields from the SSSIHMS - came there immediately. They tried very hard, pumping at his heart and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Swami sat watching the whole seen quite steadily. The Veda chanting continued, the mandir was agog with devotees and yet the verandah was in a state of freeze. Nobody had witnessed anything like this before. 

A file photograph of Mr.G.K.Raman and his wife with
Swami - courtesy Radiosai.

I had a camera in my hand but could not pluck the courage to go closer and take a picture. Mr. Raman weakly opened his eyelids and saw Swami briefly before closing them peacefully. Swami then asked for a glass of water to be brought. He gave it to Mr. Raman's son to offer to his father. He told the students to start bhajans and said that there would be no discourse in the morning. Mr. Raman had passed away peacefully! This whole episode has been captured in the 27th August 2007 page of the Prasanthi Diary.

Now go back and read the statement that Mr. G.K.Raman made to the concerned neighbour in the verandah of the mandir to understand its poignancy. That is how I wish my end would come to me - with my full awareness, in the presence of my Lord and Master.

“How would I like to be remembered after I am gone?”

It was in 1995 that Mr. Nandedkar came to know of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. He was attracted to Swami primarily because of Sai bhajans. “Sai bhajans” is literally a revolution that is happening in the musical and spiritual world. Sai bhajans encompass all kinds of devotion to all forms of God and also give scope for all genres of music. And that made a powerful impression on Mr.Nandedkar, a lover of music and an excellent player of the harmonium. His love for music and God found fulfillment in his devotion to Swami.

However in Abu Dhabi, where he stayed, he was not allowed to play the harmonium during bhajans because of a policy. The policy in the centre there was that unless a person was a regular for at least 3 months, he/she was not allowed to lead the singing or play an instrument. And so, he would go to any house in which bhajans were being held so that he could play and sing in the community bhajans. However, slowly, his passion and intensity paid off and he was allowed to sing and play in the centre too.

His love for bhajans became legendary. In fact, during the Akhand Bhajan (24 hours bhajan singing) he would volunteer to play the harmonium for the whole programme. One particular day in 2001, Mr.Nandedkar, was in his usual self, playing the harmonium. At one particular point during the session, he simply burst into a bhajan, singing the glory of Swami as the Divine Mother - Parthishwari Jagat Janani.

Everybody at the session swore that his singing on that day was something very special. Many were in tears following the bhajan. As the bhajan ended, many even wished that Mr.Nandedkar would continue singing and not stop at all. Like every other bhajan, the Devi bhajan also came to an end. As is the practice, Mr.Nandedkar had to hold the key for the next bhajan. But the same key droned on and on. When everyone looked towards Mr.Nandedkar, he was lying on the harmonium, a blissful smile on his face but no breath in his nostrils! He had completed his life along with his bhajan!

They say that the manner in which a person dies speaks about the manner in which he has led his life. In the case of Mr.Nandedkar, his death indicates the passion, beauty and devotion with which he led his life.

And that is how I feel I want to be remembered when I am gone - as a person who did anything he did like it was the last time he was doing it in his life! I am sure Mr.Nandedkar sang each bhajan as if it were his last bhajan and, finally, that feeling turned out to be true with Parthishwari Jagat Janani.

“How would I like to lead my life till my ultimate moment comes?”

Keya aunty has been an ‘aunty’ ever since she joined the primary school at Puttaparthi as the Hindustani classical music teacher. She has taught several batches of students including my Sai brother Amey and my wife Pooja. In fact, it was Keya aunty who was the major participant in Pooja’s heart-throbbing tryst with possible punishment.

She moved into her seventies and that was when she contracted cancer of the lung. But she was the least bothered. She did not take any medication or meet any doctor. She continued to sing and teach, placing complete faith in Swami. Life seemed to go on smooth for her till a fatal psychological blow struck on the 24th of April, 2011 when Swami shed His physical frame.

Keya aunty was shattered and suddenly, it seemed as though cancer was eating her away rapidly. She agreed to see doctors of all systems of medicine - Allopathy, Homeopathy, Ayurveda. Nothing helped but she was not bothered a bit. What bothered her the most was the question whether she would see her Lord once again. She kept praying to Swami,

“When will you come? When will I have your darshan again? Please lord... come to me.”

She grew weak and a nurse was appointed to assist and help her in her daily life. The nurse, Maria, felt that Keya aunty was deteriorating fast, day by day, and it would not be long before she left her physical body. So she made sure to attend to every little wish of hers. Thus it was that Keya aunty shifted from her home in South 3 (Prasanthi Nilayam) to the general hospital and then back again to her home in a matter of weeks.

Then came a day when Maria, on her way back to her home, suddenly felt an urge to visit Keya aunty. She took a detour to her room in S-3 and, when she entered, she saw that the patient was in quite a bad shape. She was silently lying on her bed, praying inaudibly. Sensing the probable arrival of the last moments, Maria and another helper girl too joined in the prayer. They began to softly chant the Sai Gayatri mantra. An hour passed this way when Maria was shaken out of her chanting by a sight that took her breath away.

As she raised her head, she SAW SWAMI - standing right in front of her. All her attention was on Swami but all of Swami’s attention was on Keya aunty. Even as He looked at her, Keya aunty’s face had a serene smile. It was amazing how she was ‘seeing’ Swami though her eyes were closed. The thought that arose from Maria’s heart was,

“Swami! How loving are you! You did actually come for Keya...”

At the very same instant, Keya aunty took two gentle puffs of air. Swami smiled. An instant later, both were gone. 20th of July 2012 was recorded as Keya aunty’s death day. But for Maria, it was the day when Keya moved from death to immortality!

That is how I wish to lead my life till my last moment arrives - in pining, waiting and loving my Lord, my Swami. I don’t know about what it will do to others, but these answers surely will make a world of difference to my life and give meaning to it.

For all readers:

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Waiting for the Lord - Ganesh's experience with Sri Sathya Sai

The story of a dancer

A beautiful idol of Natya Ganesh. 

It was a fine evening in Prasanthi Nilayam, the abode of supreme peace. It was the seventh day of March in 2007. The clock read 4:15 pm and the Vedic chants rented the air. Sitting in the first line of the Veda chanting group was Ganesh, pouring out the chants with his gun-throated voice. He was (and is to this day) a regular at the Prasanthi Veda chanting group with immense knowledge of the various Vedic hymns and incantations. He used to regularly teach students in hostel and I too had been his student for a while, learning the Vedas in the early hours of the morning.

But Ganesh was not just a master at the Vedas. He was (and is) also a class act when it came to dancing. He had learnt the art of Bharatanatyam professionally for nearly a decade and had found a very good patron in his Swami, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, when he became a student in the Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning. What started as 2-minute, solo dance performances in between scenes of a drama soon grew into full-fledged, hour-long, group dance performances in about 3 years.

A group known as the Prasanthi Dance Group (PDG) was formed and every year, new students of the Institute who wished to learn dancing and perform in Swami’s presence enrolled. Swami was the inspiration and Ganesh was His instrument as far as dancing was concerned. In just a couple of years, more than a dozen students had found fulfillment of their innermost desires of interaction with Swami via dance programmes.

Swami too took great interest in dance as He did in any other form of art that the students wished to pursue and cultivate. Soon, it became the norm to have at least one dance in each and every programme that the students put up in the divine presence. This was apart from the full-scale dance-only programmes that were put up in front of Swami under the able guidance and leadership of Ganesh. In fact, he earned the epithet Natya Ganesh or Nritya Ganesh (the Ganesh who is happy dancing), after the 15th form among the thirty-two forms of Lord Ganesha!

The reason for the elaboration on Ganesh was to ensure that the reader is able to better understand why a lad chanting the Vedas in the Prasanthi mandir was lost thinking about different combinations and movements in dance. Ganesh was lost in trying to come up with a nice choreographed sequence for the next programme, whenever that would happen. In the course of mentally choreographing, Ganesh was also thinking about the many chances Swami had given him and the students’ dance troupe. And somehow, today, among all the other moments, one particular memory kept pounding from within. That was the memory of Swami telling him and the other dancers,

“Keep practicing very well and regularly. Practice is most important.”

He felt the pangs of guilt suddenly as he realized that though the dance troupe was practicing intensely before every programme, they were not training and practicing regularly if there was no programme to be put up in front of Swami. In other words, practice for the dance troupe depended completely on Swami seeking a programme in His presence. Ganesh felt that this was not what Swami meant by practice. He planned to start a regular practice schedule for all the existing and wannabe dancers, irrespective of whether there was a programme in mandir or not.

Dancing to His tunes

His train of thoughts was abruptly halted with the arrival of Swami for darshan. That is the mesmerising effect that the mere sight of Swami has on people. Ganesh continued to chant the Vedas though for that had become part of his routine. Swami completed the darshan rounds and arrived on the dais. He sat there listening to the chants that were on. After a few minutes, He looked at Ganesh. Ganesh felt his heartbeat quicken like it had happened on hundreds of occasions before. Every time Swami looked at him in the eye, he always felt his pulse speeding up. Swami continued to look at him and then, with a finger, beckoned to him to the dais.

In a trice Ganesh was kneeling on the marbled steps of the dais, lending his ear to what Swami had to tell him.

“Will you put up a dance programme?”, his Lord asked him.

“Definitely Swami. Your wish is our command. When do you want it?”

“Now...”

Ganesh was stunned.

“Swami, the boys are all seated in different places in the hall.”

“Gather them together then...”

“Swami, the costumes are in hostel...”

“I will wait here. Take your time, go and get them.” Swami replied.

The only excuse remaining now was the truth that the dancers were out of practice but Ganesh did not dare tell that to Swami.

“Yes Swami. I shall go and get everything organised for the dance...”

“And I shall sit, waiting here for you dancers”, Swami smiled.

The next half an hour was sheer madness for Ganesh. With the help of a few other students, he managed to intimate all members of the PDG to assemble in the bhajan hall of the mandir. He also rushed to the hostel with a couple of boys and raided the costumes room, picking up as many dance costumes as the boys in the group. He also picked up a handy mp3 player which was a repository of hundreds of songs. On his way to the mandir, he sifted through the different songs, trying to select a few songs for this extempore performance that Swami had asked for.

It was 45 minutes since Swami had asked for the dance programme and all the members of the PDG were ready and dressed in the bhajan hall. They thought that they should have a quick practice inside before going out but Swami sprung another surprise on them - He entered the bhajan hall.

‘Dance’ lessons from Nataraja

“Are you all ready?”

There was an excitement in Swami’s voice. On any other day, that would have thrilled Ganesh but not today. He knelt before Swami and said,

“Swami, we have not practiced. No idea how good it will be...”

Swami smiled again and said,

“This is also my leela (sport). Just watch...”

Then Swami asked,

"Why are you in a white dress when others are wearing colored dresses?"

"Swami, I did not find sufficient colored dresses. For sake of maintaining symmetry, I picked the white one for myself."

With that, Swami exited the bhajan hall from its front entrance while the dancers came out from its back entrance. Within minutes, the PDG was performing in the divine presence, in the Sai Kulwant hall. There were at least 8,000 people in the audience who felt that the dance was exceptional in its poor synchronisation - and that included the dancers themselves. Swami’s statement that it was all His leela gave them hope that something would happen out of the blue. Nothing like that happened. Twenty five to thirty minutes later, an embarrassed Ganesh told Swami that the performance was complete, though not up to His expectations. Swami smiled, blessed all of them and said,

“Practice well.”

Not one of the PDG's finest moments, but the members carried on with a smile. (Ganesh is seen here in the white dress)

Looking back to  that day, Ganesh realizes that it holds several lessons for life - lessons that go beyond simply practicing dance. For one, it taught him what it feels like to make God wait. But more than that, it taught him what it means to wait for God and how one should wait for God.

How is that? Through a simple connection, to understand which, we shall briefly re-live the story of one of the greatest ‘waiter’ for God on earth - Shabari.

Shabari’s example

In her mad love for God, Shabari runs away in the middle of her wedding to the hermitage of sage Matanga who promises her that she will attain what he heart desperately longs for. Years pass after which it is time for sage Matanga to give up his body. As he does so, he reassures Shabari,

“Continue to stay on here. The Lord as Sri Rama will visit you and fulfill your deepest desire of having darshan and serving Him.”

An artist's depiction of Shabari serving her dear
Lord Rama. 

Thus Shabari continues to live alone in the hermitage. She is filled with great joy at the prospects of seeing her Lord. So she wakes up early everyday wondering if that would be the day Sri Rama would arrive. She completes all her chores and starts making the place ready for Sri Rama's arrival. She collect fruits and berries for him to eat if he did come, removes the thorns, weeds and stones along the path that he would trod so that her beloved Lord wouldn't be hurt. She does this for more than a decade with the same sincerity and love.

Finally, Lord Rama arrives to her hermitage with his brother Lakshmana. Having ‘practiced’ for this day for almost a decade, everything goes perfectly as planned for Shabari. She invites Him to her hut. There, she decides to offer the sweetest berries to Rama. So, she tastes each berry before giving it to Him. Lakshmana is scandalised by this. However, Rama is an epitome of peace and love as he partakes the berries and blessed Shabari. Once the Lord does so, Shabari is liberated. Rama then tells Lakshmana,

“Dear brother! Nothing that I have ever eaten in life could equal these berries offered with such devotion. You taste them and then alone will you know the ‘sweetness’ they contain.”

Waiting for the Lord - what it means?

For a moment, just imagine that Shabari got disheartened midway and stopped doing her daily routine. What would happen when Lord Rama arrived at the hermitage? Just imagine, what would have happened if, just one day before the D-Day, Shabari had said, “Enough is enough”?

Lord Rama would be at her doorstep and what would she say?

“Lord! You are just a wee bit late... I am sorry nothing is ready.” OR

“Oh Rama! Till yesterday I did everything perfect. Today I am not ready for you; please give me some time.”

Nothing - the months and years of sincere work before that day - would matter then right? And that would be because when it mattered the most, Shabari would have failed in her duty.

On the face of it, this may seem unfair. But does not an athlete prepare for years to run his/her best race, whenever that may happen? Does not an entrepreneur keep attempting and trying hard in quest for that break which opens up a world of new opportunities? Don’t we insure our property and lives, paying out large sums of money in spite of not knowing when death or loss may occur? Whenever it comes to things we are not sure about, the solution we adopt is that of being sincere and regular in our efforts. Why not have the same attitude when it comes to waiting for God too?

There is another reason why we should adopt this attitude while waiting for God. Unlike the wait of an athlete, entrepreneur or insurance buyer, the wait of a sincere seeker is ALWAYS rewarded. So, it makes a lot of sense to have faith, patience and perseverance in our efforts of waiting. Inculcating these virtues is sure to bring boundless joy to us, like it brought Shabari. It will also ensure that we do not get caught unawares like Ganesh and his troupe.

Ganesh learned this lesson that day - Do whatever Swami says with utmost sincerity. That in itself will bring the greatest rewards one can ever hope for. Even though Swami ‘caught’ the PDG unawares, He did that as His leela. There is no doubt in that because He gave the PDG many more opportunities to perform in His presence and the PDG lived up to ‘His expectations’ each and every time, thanks to their continuous and incessant practice.

Before concluding, it must be said that even the ‘embarrassing’ performance on the 7th of March 2007 won the PDG accolades from everyone as

“The dance group members, intent on pleasing Swami alone, performed in spite of being given no time for practice without caring for the fact that they would not be able to put up a good programme. They were least bothered by what the world would think of them. Their only intent was pleasing Swami.”

“So”, as Ganesh concludes,”it was a win-win situation where we learned a lesson and everyone else too learned a lesson. At the end of the day, all were happy and so was Swami.”

Hearing Ganesh’s narrative, I was just lost in admiration for Swami. How He strives to teach a lesson and ensures that the ‘students’ progress well! He inspires, then evaluates and finally congratulates too. He is like a mother, beaming happily when the child recites a rhyme successfully. The only difference is while there is the reason of relationship in a mother’s love, there is no ‘rhyme’ or reason in the Divine Mother’s love.

I understood a little better, the meaning of Swami’s statement,

"I am Nataraja - the dance master, the first among dancers. You are all dance pupils. I alone know the agony of teaching you each step in the dance!"

Thank you Swami for your love and patience. We will surely learn the ultimate dance that you are teaching us. And for that, we will keep dancing to Your tunes.

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Another blog which I maintain with more than 200 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com. You may visit that at your leisure. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

Also, use the Tweet and FB buttons below here liberally to share with your friends and family! Thank you)