Take one step towards me and I shall take ten towards you

Two lads and their tears

It was late in the day and the sun was setting over the horizon in the city of Calcutta (now Kolkata), India. Two lads stood in a temple dedicated to the Goddess Kali, praying to the divine mother. Their eyes were filled with tears and hearts with aspirations. They were hoping to convey to the Mother what they wanted through the language of the eyes. But both of them were experiencing something very strange. In the presence of the Mother, though the tears continued to stream down the cheeks, their tongues did not seem to gather sufficient energy to seek what they actually desired. Instead, the tongues seemed to pray for something which was totally unexpected, but something that their heart truly wanted. The two boys indicated here belonged to two different eras separated by more than 100 years. And yet, so similar was their situation that a single paragraph could be written about their plight and duplicated to describe the other!

The first lad was the 21-year old Naren who later grew into the world-famous Swami Vivekananda. His father had suffered a sudden demise in 1884 and the burden of staving off the family bankruptcy by repaying the dozens of creditors had fallen on Naren’s shoulders. Unable to bear the burden and unable to find a good paying job, he approached his new-found guru, Ramakrishna Paramahamsa.

“Master, Mother always listens to you. Why don’t you ask her to provide me and my family with sufficient financial resources to live a happy life?”

“My child! You suffer from the false idea that I am close to the Mother and you are not. Why don’t you yourself go to her and seek what you want?”

It was this goading that had resulted in Naren standing in front of the Mother. But as he stood before Her, he felt the warm trickle on his cheeks turn from tears of sorrow and lack into tears of gratitude. Without his knowledge, his tongue sought,

“Mother! Grant me discrimination... grant me devotion... grant me renunciation...”

He walked out of the temple and his Master reprimanded him for not seeking from the Mother what he immediately needed. He sent Naren back into the temple reminding him to remain focused on his wants. However, the lad was unable to do anything different even the second time. The drama repeated for a third time too when Naren realized that the Mother’s supreme love for him had made him seek what he truly needed.

(Here is a video of the beautiful dramatization of that episode between Naren and Mother Kali by the students of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning.)

The second lad was standing before Mother Kali but not in the Dakshineshwar temple. The year too was totally different, this one being 2000. However, Saptarshi Chatterjee’s tears too were as hot and sorrowful as Naren’s when he entered the temple. He too had lost his father’s support, in a different manner though. Seeing his below average marks in the Grade 12 exams, his father had called him and told him,

“See Sapto, the way you have been faring in high school is very depressing. If things go on in this way, you will not get admission into any decently good college even! I have no money to get you an admission by paying hefty donations to these educational institutions which have become businesses today. It is good that you try to find a job and get employed next year.”

The father’s words had bred regret and struck terror in the 17-year old’s heart. With God as the last resort, he had walked into the temple of Mother Kali in the evening after school. Swami Vivekananda was Sapto’s hero and he knew in his heart that he should not ask the Mother for anything worldly. Yet, so heavy was his heart that, unlike Naren, he poured out to the Mother,

“Mother, I am your child forever. Keep me safe and happy always by keeping me close to your bosom. But also ensure that I get higher education in a good Institute.”

And he cried and cried till his tears dried.

That was more or less Sapto’s schedule almost every day.

An Institute education and much more

Naren’s story of his growth into Swami Vivekananda is well documented. Saptarshi’s journey is bound to be interesting and inspiring for the modern youth who find it hard to emulate Swami Vivekananda though they wish to do so!

Unknown to anyone, Saptarshi had something in his life that Naren never had - a girlfriend! In the teenage years, he had experienced love at first sight. So powerful was the effect that he did not know whether she was an attraction or a distraction. Nevertheless, he felt that there was atleast a great traction in their relationship. In fact, it was she who seemed to bring the solution to his problem. She informed him about a very good Institute, the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning (SSSIHL), which promised great academic adventures and degrees without charging even a single penny as fees! Sapto was instantly interested and, seeking an application, he applied to this University in Puttaparthi, Andhra Pradesh.

In Hindi, there is a popular saying which goes thus,

“Dane dane par khanewale ka naam likha hain.” (Every grain of food has inscribed on it, the name of the person who will eat it.) The saying intends to heighten the importance of destiny in one’s life. Sapto found out that, apparently, every seat in the SSSIHL also had on it the name of the person who will get it! There was no other way to explain the miraculous sequence of events that led him to get through the entrance examinations, group discussions and the interview to actually procure a seat in the prestigious B.Com(hons) course at the Brindavan campus of the Institute. He called up his dear friend back at Calcutta to convey the good news to her. She also rejoiced. He wished he could go back home to give her a hug but the joining date did not permit a return journey back home.

Saptarshi performing a mimicry for his Swami in Kodaikanal

Sapto did not realize that he had won an admission into an Institute of HIGHER learning. However, as days turned into weeks and weeks into months, Sapto came under the divine umbrella of the little orange robed figure, the Chancellor the the University, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. Each little interaction with Him, his Swami, seemed to take him a step closer towards his unconscious yet ultimate goal of ‘Higher’ learning. Like hundreds of students before him, Sapto too wanted to become a ‘form boy’, the hostel lingo for a student who got the privilege of regular interactions with the Master. In the meanwhile, he also experienced the blossoming of his hitherto unknown talents of mimicry, mono-acting and dramatics.

Turning point

Sapto had not forgotten his love in Calcutta. She too sought admission in Swami’s womens’ college at Anantapur. The two hearts seemed to have come closer. However, Sapto was still undecided on whether she was an attraction or a distraction. He took the safe route of directing all his love and feelings towards his God, his Swami. In fact, he developed an irrepressible urge to sing a Bengali Rabindra Sangeet for Swami.

It was the year first week of October in the year 2004 and Sapto, having graduated with honours in the B.Com course, had enrolled for the MBA programme at Puttaparthi. During one darshan session (when Swami moved around the entire Sai Kulwant hall, blessing devotees and interacting with them), he gave Swami a letter expressing his desire to sing a Rabindra Sangeet for Him. Swami accepted the letter. Swami looked into his eyes and asked him,

“Do you want to sing it only to me?”

It was a song of love set in a melodious tune. Sapto had no second thoughts as he nodded that he indeed wanted to sing it out only for Him. Swami smiled and called him in for an interview. Sapto was pleasantly shocked! He could not imagine that the Lord was as eager to hear him as he was to sing for him. This was the first time in four years that he was actually entering the hallowed precincts of the interview room.

Seeing Swami from so close, Sapto had no words to say. He just sat in front of Him, dumbstruck. Very causally, Swami told him something that completely overwhelmed him,

“I have seen you come to me every evening and praying for good education. Your longing for me has impressed me. That is why I gave you this chance in my institution.”

Sapto’s mind was in a tizzy. What did Swami mean by that? He got to know Swami only in the year 2000 and he had done nothing like what He had said since then.

“Swami, I got to know you only when I joined here. Before that, I did not know you”, Sapto said before adding, “even in photographs!”

“Who do you think you have been praying to near your house? You think that she is only an idol? Her heart melted for you! She told me to take pity on you and it was on her request that I took you in!”

Now Sapto was reeling. How on earth did Swami know something that he had not shared with anyone else? Even as his head was spinning, he got a scary thought - this Swami knew everything about him. Getting on his knees, in a shaky voice, he said,

“Swami, I have committed many sins in the past...”

“Past is past! Forget the past. All your sins have been washed the minute you stepped into Parthi.”

Sapto was feeling that he was in some ethereal dream. Everything was happening so beautifully. Swami continued,

“I know that the girl you love is in Anantapur. But listen to me. Her family will not be suitable and amenable to you. When the right time comes, I shall give you a good girl, a girl who loves God. Remember, don’t run for sex! Run for Sai.”

The mind was blown to pieces and Sapto felt completely blank. He did not feel the need to say anything. Swami smiled and said,

“You want to sing something right?”

Sapto was unable to answer even that question. He was absolutely tongue-tied and washed away in the floods of Swami’s omnipresence and love. Swami smiled again. He took his right hand in His left hand and placed it on His chest. He then placed His right hand on Sapto’s chest.

“Sing now. It is heart to heart and you will get the tunes.”

Such was the surge of inexplicable bliss that Sapto’s heart began to serenade on its own! And to his great joy, Swami began to sing along! God and devotee, Master and disciple became one in that song of love. The words flowed effortlessly from both lips till the final line in the song, “Tomaro Madhuro Preme” (Your sweet love). Swami then said,

“See, how sweet My love is?”

A personal photograph overlooking the lake in Kodaikanal. 

Swami’s Vivekananda

The interview ended but not Sapto’s divine romance. He had goosebumps when Swami selected him as a principal actor for the upcoming Convocation drama on the 22nd of November, 2004. What was to be his role? Of Swami Vivekananda!!

Sapto (in turban) as Swami Vivekananda offers
a card to Swami before the Convocation drama.

The story of how the drama developed is another beautiful chapter in Saptos’ life but the fact remains that when he had to speak forcefully as the fiery monk seeking only divinity, Sapto could do it with great ease and natural flair. His pining for Swami and Swami’s reinforcing grace had indeed made a Vivekananda out of Saptarshi - a lad who was enjoying Ananda (bliss) because he had been conferred Viveka (wisdom)!

As he completed his narrative, Sapto told me,

“Aravind from that day till today I have received that Madhura Prema (sweet, divine Love) in various ways. My heart melts remembering that moment of my life as I write it to you. Whatever I have in life; am in life is because of Swami and Swami alone. Apart from pining for him (in some other form that too), I don’t know what else I have done. But what He has done and is doing, I can never repay even in a million lifetimes. I have a good family, a lovely job and everything is so smooth and fine. Even when things seem to go wrong, I know that it is just a part of His Masterplan! No complaints at all... no questions... no doubts. Just enjoying every moment that has been GIFTED!”

His narrative taught me the importance of always pining for the Lord. It also brought to my mind the statement Swami had made about the youth in modern times. That statement was made during the famous and historic discourse in 1976, in Ooty, when Swami materialized a medallion with a map of India on it.

I shall prepare individuals capable of spreading the Bharatiya culture and spirituality to the whole world. In the case of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, he had to use only one or two persons (for the fulfilment of Ramakrishna’s mission), Vivekananada and Brahmananda, who were sannyasis (renunciants). You don’t need to become sannyasis. In this particular task of Mine, I am going to use you young people in a large measure, as you are, putting you on the right path. I will use you as My instruments for doing all that is intended to be done.

Ah Swami! How loving you are! You seek nothing from us and yet promise to achieve everything through us. The modern world will surely see many Swami Vivekanandas for anyone who calls “Swami” with love and faith, you make a “Vivekananda” out of him/her.

If you enjoyed this, you may also like the following:

1. Pining for God is more important than experiences with God - a lesson from my Master

2. The final namaskar - the ultimate message of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.

3. Why visit Prasanthi Nilayam (or any pilgrimage spot) when God is everywhere? - A message from Sri Sathya Sai

4. God's pining for a devotee.

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Also explore the 40-odd 'previous articles' listed monthwise on the top right here. Another blog which I maintain with more than 200 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

Also, use the Tweet and FB buttons below here liberally to share with your friends and family! Thank you)

Destiny or Freewill - the third option by Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba

Debate Classics 

With God, there is always a third option which is completely different
from the available two options. 

There are some debate topics that are considered timeless because they seem to rage on in the hearts and minds of people with no apparent solution at hand. Like the famous question on whether the hen came first or the egg, such debate topics have no provable answer. That is the reason why they are picked for debates - because they showcase the debating skills of the participants without actually concluding anything. I remember one such debate in my college days on whether the means justify the ends or whether the ends justify the means. After an hour of grueling and intense debate, the moderator walked up to the lectern and said,

"The debate appears to have come to an end today as the allotted 1 hour is up. However, in reality, the debate has not ended. It has just begun in the minds of all that have assembled here and that should rage on till we find answers for ourselves."

I must confess that living with my Master, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, and experiencing His divinity, I have got my answers to several such debates which rage in the inner recesses of one's being. The question of means v/s ends has been amicably resolved with the experience of Mr.Pushkaraj Gumaste. Another debate that raged on within me till recent times was the timeless classic on whether one is governed by destiny or by one's efforts. The destiny v/s freewill debate has been battled out in many bustling classrooms, on daises and stages of different levels and even on television shows. However, while everyone has a point of view and fiercely argues for it, even to this day not many can claim clarity on the subject. Nobody is convincing enough for us to accept completely, without reservations.

Would it raise eyebrows if I were to claim that this debate too has been resolved in a beautiful manner for me by my Swami? The answer arrives via the experience of Prof.Raghunath.N.Safaya in the early 1980s with 1983 being the most probable year of happening. It was narrated to me by one of the first students of the revered professor, Sunam Gyamtso. Sunam's account gave me a very unique answer for this question of freewill v/s destiny and, more importantly, filled my heart with a lot of cheer. Without further ado, let me spread and share that same cheer to all the readers.

A very different teacher in the class

That eventful day in the spring of 1983 is unforgettable for Sunam. He was sitting along with his classmates, awaiting the beginning of the Philosophy class. The lecture was to be delivered by Prof. Raghunath Safaya. He was a stickler for time and was never late for class. Today, however, seemed to be a rare exception. He walked into the class after a good five minutes of the bell being rung. And even as he walked in, he seemed to be quivering and quaking. The students looked at each other. They knew that something was amiss. Did they spot a few tears behind those thickset glasses that the professor wore? Was there a faint quiver in his voice when he wished the whole class 'Good Morning' and 'Sairam'?

Prof.Raghunath Safaya in a group photograph with Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba and other teachers in the foyer
of the college building. He is seated to the extreme right of Bhagawan. To his left is Gangadhar Shastry. To Swami's
left is Kirti Ravel (Hindi) and to his left is CLN Murthy. To extreme left of Swami is Kuppuswamy beside whom 
Sandeep Shastri is kneeling. 

A brief history of the revered professor is in order here. Prof.Safaya was well-versed in his subjects and was a master in philosophy and history. His hometown was Chandigarh in North India and he had traversed hundreds of miles to serve as a teacher in the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning. Previously, he worked at the Teachers' Training Institute at Chandigarh. His greatest passion, hobby and love in life were astrology and palmistry. That was something that he had inherited from his ancestors, all of whom had been respected for their knowledge of the way in which the planets and stars in the skies along with the lines on one's palm influence one's life.

And so, Prof.Safaya was the owner of a set of heavy books on astrology and palmistry which had arrived into his hands like an heirloom. He often fascinated his students with his knowledge of these sciences which seemed to be far greater than his knowledge of history and philosophy too. In fact, his faith and confidence in these sciences was also far greater than his faith in Swami.

According to him, Swami was a very wonderful and evolved human being who was spreading goodness in society - nothing more, nothing less. That was what had attracted him to Him and he tried to imbibe as much goodness from Him as he could. Swami, on His part, seemed very happy with the professor's efforts. He appreciated them and Prof.Safaya often got interviews.

Sunam and his classmates knew that today was another such day when the professor had received an interview with Swami. But never before had they seen him in such a state of overwhelming emotion. What had transpired today?

A ruler of lines falls in line with the rules of the ruler

Prof. Safaya himself narrated the powerful happenings of the morning. Swami had called him in for an interview. He entered the interview room and for the first few minutes, the interview went along the lines of the previous interviews. Swami asked him how things were going, how the students were and so on. Then, out of the blue, Swami told him,

"You seem to have great faith in the predictive sciences of your forefathers. That overpowers even your faith in God's strength! Do you believe that commensurate to your surrender, I will take care of everything for you?"

The professor was taken aback. The question was direct and almost in his face. However, it was not easy for him to instantly transform his reverence for Swami into implicit faith. He had heard about the power and grace of God, but wasn't it this very Swami who had gifted him with an emerald ring to wear? Emerald was his lucky stone and green, his lucky color. Having adhered to such talismans of luck Himself, how could Swami ask him to give up all that he had learnt as ancestral wisdom? Little did Prof.Safaya realize then that with God by his side, even misfortune could become a good-luck talisman - that is the capacity of Divine power.

Swami continued to taunt,

"Professor, your sciences can only predict. Can they help you intervene if something is unfavourable?"

Prof. Safaya knew this to be the truth. Though astrology and palmistry suggested some remedial measures for impending 'disasters', he knew that none of these remedies were foolproof.

Swami now did something that he had never imagined. Calling him closer, He held both his hands. Slowly, Swami brushed His palms over the professor's upturned palms. Then He told him,

"Tell me, what does life hold for you?"

The professor looked down at his palms. Having seen them every day of his life, he actually had no need to do that. He knew the contours on his palm by heart. The lines were etched in his memory stronger than they were on his palm. It was only out of respect for Swami that he looked at his palms. He was in for a shock.

Amid tears, the professor told his philosophy class students,

"When I looked, I did not find a single line on my palms. They had been wiped clean - no trace of even the faintest etch!"

The power of surrender

As the class listened with bated breath, the professor continued his narrative. Swami stood smiling in front of him, apparently enjoying the professor's discomfiture and shock. Prof. Safaya just broke down and Swami lovingly patted him.

"Don't worry about anything. Once you surrender to me, I shall take care of everything."

The professor fell to his knees and touched Swami's feet. What he had thought as impossible had actually happened - his reverence for Swami had transformed into implicit faith in a moment!

"Yes Swami! Yes Swami! I believe that commensurate to our surrender, you take care. Complete surrender means a life completely taken care of!"

Swami smiled at him again and touched his palms again. The lines were all back again - to the last detail! The professor was overwhelmed at the presence of this Master who could wipe out and re-draw the lines on his palm at will.

"You have nothing to worry when I am shouldering your lives. Just surrender, that is enough."

The interview was complete after that. Swami opened the door and let the professor out. It was time for his class in the Institute and Swami knew that he was a stickler for time. However, the dialogue on surrender had been so powerful that the professor decided to temporarily suspend his punctuality.

Instead of walking to the Institute, he walked straight to his room. He gathered his precious heirloom - all the thick books on astrology and palmistry. He bundled them all up in a big cloth and carried the bundle out of the room. He walked to the large ground-level well that was located behind the planetarium beside the Institute building. Without further thought, he just dumped all the books into the well. Then, wiping his tears, he walked to the waiting class.

Destiny or Freewill

"Dear students", he told them, "trust me, the science of astrology and palmistry are nothing compared to Swami's grace and power. I feel so redeemed today."

As I heard Sunam recounting the greatest philosophy lesson of the professor, I got my answer to the destiny and freewill debate. So, is it destiny of self-effort finally? My answer is - Who cares? I know for sure that Swami's grace is more powerful than my destiny, more effective than my efforts. And so, when presented with the choices, I go for the third option. As martial artist David Carradine says,

"There's always a third way, and it's not a combination of the other two ways. It's a different way."

And that way, for me is surrender. Swami has also given an elegant, practical way to practice surrender. If I can just follow that, it will be enough. The debate will cease and it will not matter to me whether it is destiny or my effort that is affecting me because I will have something far more powerful taking care of me. That is the way I shall go about in life now. And now, Swami's quote on destiny and self-effort gains greater meaning for me

"What you meet in life is destiny. How you meet it is self-effort."

If you liked this, you might also enjoy the following:

1. The powerful attraction between goodness and godliness - a professor's experience.

2. Waiting for the Lord - a dancer's experience with Sri Sathya Sai.

3. How Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba helped me in my career choice.

4. Death is the dress of life. 

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Also explore the 40-odd 'previous articles' listed monthwise on the top right here. Another blog which I maintain with more than 200 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

Also, use the Tweet and FB buttons below here liberally to share with your friends and family! Thank you)

Desirelessness is fearlessness - an experience with Sri Sathya Sai that left an indelible mark on me.

An irresistible invite

The Root Cause for all fear!!!

It was sometime in the March of 2009 that my Sai-brother Amey came to me with a proposal.(I am using that term Sai-brother for two reasons -

1. to show that Amey and me are not related directly.

2. to make it clear that in spite of being from different families, we are near-siblings, definitely brothers in some previous birth!)

“Aravind, this summer I will be going to Singapore to spend a few days with my sister and her family. Would you like to come along with me?”

Having never stepped out of Indian shores in my life before, I was instantly tempted at this invitation. It got me excited and Amey immediately saw the gleam in my eyes. To further goad me along the invitation, he said,

“See, it is not just like a ‘fun vacation’. There is a nice Sai Center and the devotees there always look forward to any student who visits Singapore. Since you have promised Swami that you will share all your experiences, it would be very nice if you can do the same there...”

I still had not spoken any word. My conscience did not seem to say anything against the proposal. But my mind was protesting furiously.

“You have no idea of the costs involved Aravind. You will not be able to afford even the ticket to get there. Don’t get over-excited...”

I think that either my face is very transparent or Amey is a very good ‘Aravind-reader’ because his next statement was,

“I already have a booked ticket for you. Don’t worry about it at all. It is really nothing. I am very eager that you should speak to the people there. It will also be fun for my nephews to play with two uncles rather than one!”

Finally, I spoke,

“Wow Amey! This is exciting. But, I am not sure...”

“You ask Swami”, he interrupted, “and then take a decision based on what He says. Then it will be fine right?”

That was real good advice from a big brother. I had a smile on my face. I agreed to his idea and then tried hard to suppress the thrill and joy that was coursing in every sinew of my body.

A desire gets overwhelming

Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, my dear Swami, says that everyone must place a ceiling on desires. Desire is the root cause of all worries and troubles. In the Bhagwad Gita, in the 62nd and 63rd verse of Chapter 2, Lord Krishna says:

“While concentrating on the objects of the sense (sight, smell, touch, taste, hearing), a person develops attachment to these sense objects. Such attachment gives rise to desires. (Non-fulfillment of) These desires lead to anger. From anger arises delusion which leads one into confusion. In that confusion, one loses one’s ability to discriminate after which it is total ruin.”

The desire to go to Singapore in the summer became overwhelmingly dominant within me. I thought of seeking Swami’s permission for the same but how was I to do it? I wrote a letter to Swami saying that I had got a chance to go for a ‘nice vacation’ in a few months time and that I sought His blessings for the same. The wordings were purposely vague because I felt that Swami may not like me taking up ‘foreign travel’. The 2nd of April, 2009 witnessed a very emotional and love-filled programme by the devotees of Odisha. Such was the atmosphere of love that was created that I felt it to be the appropriate moment to hand over my letter to Swami. I felt that Swami would accept anything offered to Him when such an ambiance had been created!

(Isn’t it funny that the mind continues to delude even when one is aware of Swami’s reality? That is possibly the power of Maya!)

I was shooting with a video camera on stage that day. As Swami received Aarthi and was being wheeled out from the dais, I gently offered the letter to Him. Much to my joy, He accepted the letter and went on. I was so happy. Immediately after the programme, I called up Amey and told him that Swami seemed to be fine with the Singapore trip. He was also happy as I was. However, he did not share my secret worry and sorrow - that I had hidden some things about the trip from Swami because I was fearful about His response for the same.

Cause for my fear

On several occasions, Swami has exhorted on the importance of being loyal to one’s own country instead of running away to some foreign country and seeking asylum there.

“A seed must sprout and grow into a tree wherever it is planted” - and so, Swami even resolved that come what may, He would never leave Puttaparthi. He would always reside in Puttaparthi which is His home. The Lord’s word holds good for all ages because it is beyond the limits of time. And so, even to this day, in spite of the physical departure, I am convinced that He is present in Puttaparthi. One just has to visit the shrine in the holy hamlet to feel the Presence. That is not an ordinary presence; it is the Omnipresence! Of course water is available wherever we dig deep but one can get sweet water at the surface itself when one is at a lake or pond. The Avatar’s place of physical residence is one huge ocean of such sweet water. Why spend hard efforts digging when it can be easily obtained at certain places? Thus the need to visit Puttaparthi I feel.

Anyway, coming back to the point, Swami has always been a strong proponent of staying within the boundaries of one’s nation and working for it.

“When there is so much work to be done in your country, why do you think of going to others’ countries?” He would often ask.

One part of me was saying,

“It is not as if there are no people in India who would love to listen to experiences of Swami. Why then do you want to go to Singapore?”

Another part of me was saying,

“If there was a need for you to speak in India, Swami would have brought that proposal to you. It is Swami who has brought the Singapore proposal to you and you should accept it right?”

I did not know which voice I should listen to. This much was true that I definitely wanted to go to Singapore. That is why I thought I would get permission from Swami. Though I had got it, it was only for a ‘nice vacation’ and not for a ‘trip to Singapore’. That guilt ate into me.

It was more of a conscience-easing exercise when I handed over a letter about a 'nice vacation' to Him.

Desirelessness is fearlessness

My ticket to Singapore was booked for the 15th of May 2009. The 13th day of the month dawned. I was definitely excited but somewhere deep in me was that gnawing feeling that I had tried to ‘hoodwink’ Swami. Of course He knows everything. He was aware of my trip to Singapore and my attempted ‘camouflage’. The gnawing feeling asked me,

“Why then do you not tell facts as they are to Swami?”

I had no answer. My condition was like that of the narrator of Edgar Allan Poe’s Tell-tale Heart. In an attempt to assuage this feeling, I wrote another letter to Swami. But even as I was writing this letter to Swami, the thoughts of Swami saying ‘No’ for the trip came up. I got a bit fearful and, once again, avoided mention of any ‘foreign’ terms in the letter. I just wrote that it would be an 8-day break near the sea-shore. I sat with a nervous prayer for darshan that day.

As Swami came on the gents’ side of the hall, my heart began beating more and more rapidly. A few feet before reaching near me, Swami accepted two wedding cards from a student. He seemed to be studying them when He came right in front of me. I offered my letter to Him. Now, instead of taking my letter, Swami dropped one of those wedding cards into my hands. I did not understand what that meant. But that was it. He just moved on. The boy who had offered the cards to Swami came to me immediately after the darshan and asked me to return his ‘blessed’ card. I was in a confused state and so I just returned the card to him. Nothing else happened on that day.

I carried the same letter on the next day too, fully aware that I had only about 24 hours to get the permission. I was desperate that Swami accept the letter from me on that day. I had no idea about the little drama that would ensue that day. Swami completed the ladies’ side and moved into the gents’ side and within minutes, was near me. As He neared me, He looked at me and flashed a beautiful smile. I was so happy. Things seemed to be taking a positive turn finally. Presently, He picked a small packet of vibhuti from His lap. I was sure that He would throw that to me as a sign of His blessings. Now my heart became light. However, as He threw that packet, the direction went ‘awry’ according to me. The lad seated beside me thrust out his hand and caught it in mid-air, inches away from my palm. Swami passed by us.

I looked with surprise as the lad. It was a teacher from the Higher Secondary School. He was so happy. He told me that a wedding proposal had come for him and he had prayed to Swami to guide him. This vibhuti packet, he felt, was Swami’s way of showering His blessings on him. That story was so moving that I did not have the heart to tell him,

“Hey! But that packet was meant for me. You hijacked it midway.”

Though he was happy and I let him remain so, I was in deep desperation now. I did not know what to make of this whole episode. Swami had definitely smiled at me and, I was sure, wanted to give a vibhuti packet to me. But ultimately, the packet had ended up in someone else’s possession. Was that a blessing given or a blessing withdrawn at the last moment? I wasn’t able to comprehend. The session in the mandir was soon complete and I was back in my room.

My last hope now was to get a dream in which Swami would indicate to me whether I had His blessings or not because I am convinced that dreams about Swami are 100% true. That, however, did not happen and I woke up to the sunrise on 15th May with a feeling of dense darkness within me. I went about my morning ablutions in a mechanical fashion wondering what I should do. A taxi had been booked for the afternoon and there was no guarantee of morning darshan. It was only on some days that Swami would arrive in the morning for darshan. The only way now was to wait till evening darshan I felt. But that would surely mean missing my flight. I had not confided my dilemma to even Amey and so, I felt very lonely.

As I was completing my bath, my roommate Dhananjay knocked hurriedly on the door.

“Aravind, Swami is about to arrive for darshan.”

That was such a welcome message. I hurried through the motions of getting ready. The tension of the past few days was so much that it had reached breaking point. And at that breaking point, came the insight.

I pondered as to why I felt so nervous in telling Swami about my trip to Singapore. Simply because He might get upset and tell me not to go. But if Swami tells me not to go, is that not for my good? Then, why was I feeling so fearful? It was because I had already ‘decided’ that I wanted to go. I was so desirous of my trip to Singapore that I did not seem to care about what Swami felt. I wanted my desire fulfilled at any cost and did not want any obstacle to even. I had begun considering Swami as an obstacle instead of my guide! That is what desire does - destruction of one’s discrimination as Lord Krishna puts it. And it arouses the fear of non-fulfillment of the desire. All that one has to do to become fearless is to give up the desire.

“So what if Swami tells me not to go to Singapore? It is for my good and I will accept it.” I thought to myself and immediately felt the darkness lift from in front of my eyes. With a light heart I seemed to be even able to run faster towards the mandir. I went into the bhajan hall and wrote a fresh letter. This time, I wrote everything as it were - that I was going to Singapore on a paid ticket for eight days.

Keeping an eye on one's desire is a always a cause for fear.

Fearlessness and joy - gifts of Swami’s Abhayahasta

After a few interviews in the morning, Swami was moving towards the dais outside for the bhajans. He saw me at the bhajan hall entrance and asked me what was up.

Me: Swami, this evening, I am supposed to leave...

Swami: To where?

Me: Singapore Swami....

Swami’s eyes opened up wide and He exclaimed, “Singapore?”

He opened my letter and began to read. I was surprisingly calm. I was ready for anything He said.

“How many days?” He asked.

“Swami, 8 days”, I replied.

He pointed out to the same thing that I had written in the letter also. Then, He looked at me questioningly. I felt He was asking me,

“Do you want to go?”

This was the test of the learning I had received just minutes before. I went close to Him and said,

“Swami, if you tell me to go, I shall go. Otherwise, I shall stay here.”

Swami went back to reading the letter. He then looked at me and nodded.

“Go and return soon.”

“Swami please give me prasadam (A devotional offering made to God that is later shared among devotees as a sign of Divine benediction. But in Swami’s case, it was vibhuti which seemed to be the deal-sealer for any question!)”, I said.

Swami nodded gently. Usually, when He did that, an attendant student would get the basket of vibhuti packets from the interview room from which Swami would give a few to the person seeking prasadam. The attendant student did not notice Swami nodding and so, I told him,

“Get vibhuti.”

He was shocked at me giving him an instruction. He looked at Swami who now smiled and told him to get the same. A few moments later, Swami was giving me 3 vibhuti packets and also a lovely padanamaskar. I had joy in my heart and in a few hours, was on my way to the Bangalore airport to catch my flight to Singapore.

Swami asking me how the trip to Singapore was on my return after 8 days. 

That was how my first ever overseas trip materialized with a very important lesson for me - desires are the root cause for fear. Be desireless; be fearless. That is the message of Swami’s Abhayahasta (literally translates into ‘the hand the confers fearlessness’) blessings. That is the blessing we must seek when Swami raises His hands to bless us:

“Lord, grant me fearlessness. Grant me desirelessness.”

And when we think deep, we will realize that we are asking for the same thing, twice!

If you enjoyed this, you will also enjoy the following:

1. The importance of being good. 

2. An amazing experience with Sathya Sai and the Suka Nadi.

3. The final Namaskar - the ultimate message. 

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