Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 1

S.Ravikumar with Swami in Kodaikanal, 1992

Singing a qawwali like never before

Ravikumar sat in the bhajan hall at Prasanthi Nilayam. This was a place that was so dear to him for it held in its bosom a million of his most cherished memories - his memories with his God and Guide, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba or Swami as Ravi refers to Him. The ten avatars of Lord Vishnu seemed to look down at him from their mini altars on the northern and southern walls of the hall with the same benign attention as they had done so for the past 25 years or so. The main altar at the western end of the hall was decked and resplendent as always and the two Babas, Shirdi and Parthi, stood in calm poise in their silver-framed, life-sized portraits. The whole hall was silent as the harmonium churned out the introductory notes for the special song that he was about to sing.

A song becomes ‘special’ because of several reasons. Either the lyrics are unforgettable or the tune touches deep within one’s very soul; either it has magical memories associated with it or it has the ability to clear one’s mind completely, rendering it almost thoughtless. The song that Ravi was about to sing had all the above reasons to be called special. And yet, none of the above reasons were what made it truly special for him. The actual reason why the song was (and is) so special for him was because whenever he had sung the song, he had done so at the personal behest of his Swami! A subtle flick of His finger, a gentle nod of His head, a knowing smile from His lips or even that direct gaze of His eyes - any one or a combination of these served to indicate to Ravi that his Swami wanted him to sing that special song.

And today, it was another occasion where he prepared himself to sing that song. But Ravi was not happy! He was feeling a severe vacuum within himself. As sorrow enveloped his entire being but tears refused to flow down his cheeks because the eyes seemed numbed by shock. After nearly three and a half decades of singing bhajans and songs for his Swami, he never had thought that he would be singing on such an occasion. And that too, the special song! It seemed so unreal. He was singing ‘Swami’s song’ without any of the usual  indications from Him. But how could He give an indication? He was lying peacefully in the ice-cold casket in the very same bhajan hall which He tread energetically for decades!

The Mahasamadhi of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba had numbed Ravikumar into a state of near thoughtlessness like it had done to millions around the globe. The one whom he had considered as all, apparently was no more. But Ravi had got His indication. It had arrived very mysteriously as Ravi battled between the simultaneous experience of a longing loneliness and a serene solitude.It had arrived as a whisper from deep within, a whisper from eternity. And he had decided to sing the song before the supine form of his Swami.

“Mohabbat Ki Kami Dil Mein

Agar Ehsaas Hota Hain

Zara Jhanko To Paaoge

Ki Sai Paas Hota Hain.”

Listen to Ravikumar's soulful rendering of the qawwali

Those were the lines that served as a slow prelude to the actual qawwali that he was about to sing. He had sung this qawwali at least five hundred times before. But the meaning of the first two lines of the prelude had never hit him so hard as they did today for they spelt,

“Whenever you feel a lack of love (an emptiness) in your heart, (don’t despair), just look within you and you will find Sai there.”

If anybody (other than Swami) could 'patent' this qawwali, it had to be Ravikumar because, believe it or not, 'almost nobody' other than him has sung it in the physical presence of Swami. It was as if this qawwali and Ravi were meant to be together like a word and its meaning. And today, for the first time, Ravi was able to gauge the depth of meaning in the qawwali.

Suddenly, the next two lines seemed to flow out of him with renewed energy,

“O Karishma Ye Usi Ka Hain

Ki Duniya Khoobsurat Lagti Hain.”

“It is indeed the miracle (of Love) of Sai that the whole world feels so beautiful!”

The emptiness of Ravi’s heart slowly began to fill with Swami’s love and he sang on.

With Swami, one's heart and hands are always filled! (At Kodaikanal, 1992)

Swami’s “unexpected” entry

It was in the summer of 1978, when Ravi was a 7-year old, that his father decided to send him to Swami’s new primary school at Ooty. The letter inviting little Ravi for the entrance examination had reached their family home in Madikeri (Coorg). Mistaking this to be a confirmation of admission, his father had taken him out of his previous school and got his luggage packed for the hostel life in the Sri Sathya Sai School at Ooty.

Ravi’s doting mother was not at all comfortable with sending her son to a hostel. It was not as if his father was any pleased to be away from him. He felt that being in Swami’s school was the best thing that could happen to his son. The mother, however, had allowed her heart to rule over her head and was probably secretly hoping that her son is not admitted at Ooty! The family got into the Ambassador car and started the 250 km journey to Ooty. Along with them was a family friend, a staunch devotee of Baba. Enroute, they were driving through the Mudumalai bio reserve, when they saw a red color Mercedez Benz in front. Through a gap between the window curtains of Benz car, Ravi’s father espied on the orange-robed, curly-haired figure in the back seat. Realizing that this was Swami’s car, he told their driver to follow it as closely as possible, without allowing any other vehicles to come in between them!

Swami’s car took a little detour in the Mudumalai reserve and the Ambassador car followed Him to the forest lodge He drove up to. They alighted from the car and stood outside the lodge. Soon, Swami walked out and spoke to the family friend. He enquired into his well-being and the reason for his presence. On getting to know that they were enroute to the Ooty school, He said,

“I too am going there - to inaugurate the school!”
Then, He asked Ravi's father where they were coming from. The question was in Kannada and so the reply too was given in that tongue,
"From Madikeri, Swami... in Coorg."

Swami nodded. He then told them that food would be arranged for them before going back in.

Ravi’s mother whispered to his father,

“Swami is supposed to know everything. And yet He asked about our plan? He knows we are Tamil-speaking. And yet, He addresses us in Kannada?”

The father replied,
"We also speak Kannada right? How does it matter what language Swami speaks to us in?"
Soon, a hearty meal was brought to all those who were sitting outside the lodge. The only people there were the occupants of the Ambassador car. What good fortune indeed!

After their lunch was done, the family waited for Swami to leave. Not knowing the precise location of Nandanavanam where the school was located, Ravi’s father thought it best to follow the Lord’s car - a great idea indeed. (A wonderful idea for life too because, often, we are not aware of our destination. If we just follow the Lord, we can reach surely and safely!)

Nandanavanam, Ooty, in 1978. This is a picture taken by Ravi's father as he sat in the darshan lines.

Swami walked out after a few minutes. Coming straight to Ravi’s mother, Swami asked,

“Saaptacha?” (“Have you had your food?” in Tamil!)

She nodded as she exchanged a meaningful glance with her husband. Ravi was enjoying this journey which had included a nice picnic. It only got better as they drove on towards the school along the beautiful, winding mountainous road. When Ravi went in to write the entrance exam for admission into 3rd grade, his father realized the mistake he had made by getting Ravi’s transfer certificate from the previous school - Ravi was actually not assured of a seat in Swami’s school. That however, made Ravi’s mother happy for there was actually a chance for her to take back the apple of her eye home.

It was destiny that Ravi cleared the entrance exam and was selected to join 3rd grade. All the selected children gathered in Swami’s presence. Ravi had no idea that it was going to be a defining day of his life - the day when Swami would choose him as His singer! It happened so simply. From the chair, Swami looked at Ravi who was wearing a woolen skull cap to shield himself from the cold.

“Ay monkey cap!” Swami called out.

Ravi looked behind him and to his sides.

“I am calling you only”, said Swami pointing to him.

The little boy stood up in his place in the Ooty bhajan hall.

“Sing a bhajan.”

Taken aback at this request, Ravikumar sang the first-ever bhajan of his life in the Divine Presence. Closing his eyes, he sang in his shrill boyish voice,

“Bolo Narayana Jai Jai Vitthala.”

The parents were filled with joy. Ravi was also happy. The school would be beginning the next day and he was liking this place. That night he slept like a baby. However, there were two people crying in his room - his father and mother. Though they both hid their tears from the other, they were finding it hard to return to Madikeri without their beloved little son. The next morning, something amazing happened during the darshan before their departure. Swami walked up to the mother and, in Tamil, assured her,

“Don’t worry. I shall take good care of your son.”

She knew that Swami was aware of her tears the previous night and thus felt a surge of relief in her heart. Imagine her thrill when, after darshan, the father came up to her and confided that Swami had told him also the exact same thing during the darshan! It was only then that they got to know about each other’s tears the previous night. And it was then that they realized that Swami would love their little Ravi like a mother and a father!

The addiction called God

Ravikumar continued the qawwali with a smile acknowledging the beautiful memory,

“Jab Se Dekha Tujhko Sai Mere

Darash Ke Pyase Naina Saanjh Savere.”

(“From the moment when I set my eyes on you Sai, they constantly thirst to have your darshan day and night.”)

Swami gifted little Ravi with a memorable Polaroid picture in
the Ooty school days.

From that day in 1978, that was what even the little Ravi realized. The school was super-fun when Swami was there. The children’s dormitory door was just beyond Swami’s and many were the occasions when they had stormed out of their dormitory in their night pyjamas to join Him for breakfast! Swami would be the indulgent mother, allowing her little ones to join in the dining session. He would serve them sometimes and always talk and interact with them. His presence was definitely an addiction, something that Ravi realized during the times when Swami was not at Ooty. It was at such times that he would miss his parents and home. So, though it was not exactly as if his eyes thirsted for Swami’s darshan, his heart definitely rejoiced when He was there. And the reason for that was very simple - Ravi was addicted to Swami and he had pledged the most special corner of his heart to Him.

“If you look to me, I look to you.”

“Take one step towards me and I shall take ten towards you.”

Ravi did not know either of these ‘famous’ quotes when he pledged his heart to Swami. But with God, it is not as if you must ‘know’ everything to achieve Him - a sincere intent will suffice. Ravi’s sincerity won him a permanent special corner in Swami’s heart. And in the bhajan hall too!

I remember an unforgettable episode that happened one evening in the bhajan hall. Those were the days when, out of the blue, Swami would walk in to the bhajan hall, much before bhajans. At that time, all the front places reserved for singers used to be occupied in a hurry by the students who would rush in to get as close to Him as possible. Of course, after the interaction and before the bhajans, Swami would go back into the interview room and the bhajan group boys would occupy their places in front. Ravi would complete his work at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Medical Sciences (he serves as a manager in Radiology there) and arrive just in time for the bhajans. So, naturally, he would miss most of these pre-bhajan sessions with Swami.

One day, when Swami entered the bhajan hall, I rushed and got myself a seat in the 4th line from Him. Swami, before beginning to speak, looked at the corner where Ravi would sit every day during bhajans. There was another student seated there - a student desirous of getting some physical proximity and interaction with Swami. He got what he desired but in a manner that nobody expected. Swami called him and said,

“Ay boy! That is Ravi’s place. Don’t sit there.”

Immediately the boy moved back and the space was left vacant!

I realized one truth that day - If I reserve a place for Swami in my life, Swami reserves a place for me in His life too! I narrated this episode to Ravi bhaiya (elder brother) and he just smiled and shrugged it off saying,

“That is Swami’s love. He is the only one who can have a special corner in His heart for each and every one!”

The first few lines of the qawwali become so easy to understand when one experiences the Divine and boundless love that Swami has.

“Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye

Chain Na Aaye Mohe Chain Na Aaye.”

(I just cannot live without Sai.Without Him, I am constantly restless, without peace.)

Singing those lines, Ravi could not help but recollect that moment of intense restlessness when Swami had calmed him, granting him the boons of fearlessness and peace.


continued in Part 2 at:

Sai Bin Raha Na Jaaye - I have no life without Sai (experiences of S.Ravikumar) Part 2


You could also enjoy these stories of Swami's other singers:

1. His singer and His song - Ashwath Narayan

2. The story of a student who won talent by loving God.

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Also explore the 40-odd 'previous articles' listed month-wise on the top right here. Another blog which I maintain with more than 225 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

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Mental peace by not being judgemental - a personal lesson from Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba Part 2

My bold (ad)venture



( The above video and the entire description below will make wonderful sense only if you are coming here after reading the first part of this experience. If you have come here directly, it is strongly recommended that you read part 1 before proceeding. Part 1 is at the link below:

Mental peace by not being judgemental - a personal lesson from Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba Part 1

The video above is the conversation described in Part 1, that took place on the 25th of September, 2009)

(Part 2 continues from here....)

The first thing that I did was to approach the person who was the master of ceremonies during Dusshera to find out who was giving him the names of the speakers. My question led me to the vice chancellor of the University. I accosted the revered Prof.Vishwanath Pandit as I was walking back to the studio. When I greeted him, in all humility and sincerity, he too folded his hands and greeted me. I was bowled over by the humility of the man who was one among the top economists in India who had taught previously at the Delhi School of Economics. In fact, the Government of India has roped him regularly into the team that advises it on the financial budget for the country and the venerable professor always has valuable points to offer it. Seeing him convinced me that the tree which is ripe with fruits always bends down in humility.

But today, the thought uppermost in my mind was about Swami speaking in the evening. Without prefacing my words with any polite statements, I came directly to the point.

“Sir, all of us want to hear Swami during the Prasanthi Vidwan Mahasabha, the Dusshera evenings.”

“Yes! That would be very nice if Swami speaks.”

“Why then do you take to Him names of speakers? Please do not do so. Tell Him that there is nobody to deliver a speech and He should speak.”

The professor kept looking at me, not saying a word. I, foolishly, got encouraged and continued,

“Is it not a crime to deprive Swami of a chance to speak when He Himself wants to do it?”

A small hint of irritation came on this noble professor’s face. Soon, it was gone and he told me calmly,

“It is best that you stay within your own limits. You do not understand many things...”

I still prodded,

“But sir, Swami wants to speak. What is the problem then?”

He just patted me on my shoulder and walked away shaking his head. I could not understand what that meant. But I was not someone to give up that easily. I decided to approach the other people on whom Swami had bestowed the honour and privilege of dining with Him every night. They would surely be witnesses to this “speaker-fixing” that took place in the evening. I went to Prof. G. Venkataraman (GV as he is affectionately called), the director of Radiosai Global Harmony.

It was while speaking to him that I got to know the reason behind the vice chancellor telling me that I did not understand many things. GV sir revealed to me that every day, without fail, the vice chancellor repeatedly requested Swami to deliver the Divine Discourse. However, Swami always asked for the names of prospective speakers. On one occasion the vice chancellor had boldly said,

“Swami, there are no more speakers.”

Swami had asked him whether he did not have the capacity to find one speaker from a whole University. Swami rued that His little expectations were also being dashed. Having no other option, to ensure that Swami did not “feel bad”, the vice chancellor was forced to mention at least one name to Swami. But, he made it a point to tell Swami that in reality, there was none to speak.

I spoke to several others too - the Registrar of the University, other prominent teachers among which was Prof.Anantaraman (the current Media Co-ordinator for the Sri Sathya Sai Central Trust). Satisfied with the multiple discussions, with a feeling that I had done what I had promised to Swami, I slept peacefully that night.

26/09/09

I had no idea that the fifth day of the Yajnam would be one of great revelation for me. In the evening, Swami completed His darshan rounds and came on the dais. Prof. Anil Kumar, the master of ceremonies, gave a summary of the day’s happenings. Then, when it came to introducing speakers, he kept absolutely silent. He told Swami that there were no speakers scheduled! I was thrilled with this.

“Anil Kumar sir knows exactly what has to be done when”, I thought.

The day’s lesson began to unfold at that moment...

Swami sat silently for a while. Then He beckoned to the then Secretary of the Central Trust, Sri. K.Chakravarthi. He told him to get ready with a speech. He also called for Prof. Anantaraman and told him also to speak. Before he went to the lectern, Swami gave him the instruction to speak for at least an hour!

Oh my God! Swami was the sole doer behind this whole drama!

In an instant, I realized my folly. I had got so judgemental, thinking that nobody loved Swami the way I did, that I had been blinded to the Truth. The Truth was (is and will be) that God does everything in the Universe. He is the director behind the drama of life. We are all merely actors doing our roles. Of course we have to do our roles. But, we should not entertain passions, emotions and judgement while we do so. For instance, the ‘villain’ and the ‘hero’ may appear to fight ‘on stage’ but off stage, they are friends right? They entertain no thoughts of hatred or anger. In fact, they do not entertain those feelings even ‘on stage’. They only appear to entertain those feelings because their role in the drama demands that. That is the secret behind being peaceful and seeing God in everyone.

As the magnitude of my ignorance and foolishness hit me, I just sat prayerfully throughout the one and a half hours that the two speakers took to conclude their talks. Gone was my irritation at the “ego” of the speakers. I was just lost in wonder at the perfection with which they were just performing their roles, following Swami’s words to the letter! They were as sincere in their love for Swami like me if not greater.

As the speaker concluded, Swami again started to say that there was none wanting Him to speak! This time, once again, I joined all the students in their vociferous appeal for Him to speak. But there was no irritation within me. Like a member of the audience watching a movie, I was simply enjoying the Divine Drama. It was my role to seek and plead to Swami to speak and I would do it as perfectly as the speakers who had followed His command to speak for the one and a half hours. I sat watching Swami as He said,

“Nobody even places the mikes before me.”

The crowd now joined in, shouting “Jai Bolo Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba Ji Ki Jai”, to express their desire to hear Swami speak. Swami looked at the audience and in “innocence” asked,

“What is happening?”

I got up and went to the dais.

It was deja vu for me but with a difference! This time, I had realized my folly and spoke to Swami, addressing
Him mentally as the Divine Director of the whole drama!

“Swami, everyone if requesting you to speak. That is what is happening.”

“But what can I do? There is no mike for me to speak...”

I had grown wiser by now. I smiled and told Swami,

“Swami, it is all in your hands. If you decide to speak, nobody can stop you from speaking. If you decide not to speak, nobody can make you speak.”

Mentally I told Him that He was the director of the drama.

After a few moments of silence, I bowed to Him and asked,

“Swami, do you want me to get the mikes?”

He told me to just return to my place. I took padanamaskar and did as I was told. I was happy that I could physically indicate to Swami that I had learnt my lesson. Swami received Aarthi and returned to the Residence.

Leading life without judging others

One profound thought arises in me as I think of this episode. Knowing the Truth that God is in charge, the director of everything that happens in life, is so assuring. It changes my mindset from one of irritation, frustration and anger into one of peace and joy. Can I not extend this lesson to every situation in my life? Instead of finding faults with people, with the situations or with myself, can I not calmly tell myself,

“Everything is going on perfectly as per Swami’s plan. I do not understand the ‘script’ but I have confidence in the ‘Director’. As an ‘actor’, let me do my role to perfection and not get worried or upset.”

In fact, that is the secret which Swami revealed in His dialogue on surrender.

The next day, the 27th of September, 2009, proved that once the message is learnt, the messenger ceases to exist.

Once again, Prof.Anil Kumar, introduced the day and then appealed to Swami for the discourse. Swami, on His part, beckoned to Prof. G.Venkataraman to speak. GV sir spoke for hardly 10 minutes and then, he too, requested Swami for the discourse. Swami, once again, said that He did not have mikes to speak at all! Since He was looking at me as He said so, I went up the stage. By that time however, GV sir had turned back and returned to Swami. Swami asked us, "On what should I speak?"

GV sir then broke into a 2 minute rhetoric on how Swami knew everything. He said,

"Swami there are so many new boys and it would be a gift of Grace if they could hear you."

He moved back to his place after that. I told Swami,

"Swami you know what we need. Please speak anything."

He seemed to nod. I asked for the mikes to be brought and Swami did not seem to protest. The mikes were placed in front of Him and it was a beautiful discourse, a profound one filled with many revelations about creation and Swami’s childhood days. The day ended so beautifully.

I cannot but help thinking on the deep message that the whole experience reveals. The only way to peace and joy is to surrender and not be judgemental. All life’s experiences take on a new light when I am not judgemental. Instead of being attached and emotionally involved, if I can just be a witness in full knowledge of the Truth that God is the director, life becomes smooth and ultra peaceful.

It will be my endeavour to constantly remember this experience and lesson.

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Also explore the 40-odd 'previous articles' listed month-wise on the top right here. Another blog which I maintain with more than 225 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

Also, use the Tweet and FB buttons below here liberally to share with your friends and family! Thank you)

Mental peace by not being judgemental - a personal lesson from Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba Part 1

The problem of being judgemental

It appears as if man is a judgemental creature by nature. Having been endowed with a mind that no other creature in the universe possesses, man seems to engage it constantly to analyse, form opinions and finally pass judgement on almost everyone and everything he comes in contact with. This whole process happens so spontaneously yet unconsciously that if one were to ask someone,

“Are you judgemental?”

the answer would most probably be a negative or a “maybe I am judgemental at times". Very few actually know and have the courage to accept that they are judgemental. All the others either just lie or lack the knowledge. (There you go, I have already proved that I am judgemental!)

It seems to be a very hard task to go about the day without judging someone or something. We have opinions and thoughts about everything in life (almost). If you don’t believe me, try out this simple experiment. Just go to anybody and ask him/her a question. Just ensure that, before you ask the question, you preface the question with the phrase - In your opinion. For instance, if you wish to ask about global warming, don’t ask

“What is global warming?”

The answer that you get might be brief or even non-existent when the person just says,

“I hear a lot about it and I think it is something bad.”

Instead, just change the question to,

“In your opinion, what is global warming?”

Ah! Now you get a lot of words. In fact, there are cases of a person having an opinion about a subject though he/she has no knowledge of the subject! And this can be extended towards people too. We have opinions and pass judgement about people though we have no knowledge about them, their situations and circumstances.

Okay! So we are judgemental. Is there a problem in that? Of course there is. Being judgemental is a sure-shot path to unrest and loss of peace. A lot of energy (physical, mental and spiritual) is wasted and unnecessary conflicts/debates/arguments arise. Recognizing this, the saint, Mother Teresa said,

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

My Master and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba presents the same in the light of God,

“Sarva Deva Namaskaram Keshavam Prati Gachchati

Sarva Deva Tiraskaram, Keshavam Prati Gachchati.”

(The salutations offered to any/all beings goes to God. The criticism offered to any/all beings goes to God.)

He also goes on to state that if at all you wish to criticize anyone, it would be best to indulge in constructive self-criticism which leads to growth and betterment.

It was via a remarkable sequence of events and an unfolding of a Divine drama that I learned the importance of not being judgemental. The happenings spanned over three days - the 25th, 26th and 27th of September, 2009 - and they give a profound insight on why and how one should not be judgemental.

Beginnings of a drama

Dusshera, the festival marking the victory of Lord Rama over the demon Ravana, is celebrated annually with great fervour in Prasanthi Nilayam. It is also called Navarathri. (Dusshera signifies 10 days while Navarathri stands for 9 nights). One of the highlights of the Dusshera festival was the Divine Discourse that Swami would deliver on each and every evening, at the end of the day’s proceedings of the Veda Purusha Saptaha Jnana Yajna (a fire sacrifice for world peace that is held for seven days). In 2009, the Yajna began on the 22nd of September. However, even after 3 days of the Yajna starting, Swami had not delivered a discourse! This was quite disappointing for me and, I am sure, for all the assembled thousands in Prasanthi Nilayam. Every evening session used to have 2-3 speakers who unusually spoke for 25-30 minutes (instead of the standard 10-15 minutes). As a result, by the time the speeches ended, it was quite late in the evening. Swami would then ask the students in the bhajan group to sing bhajans at the end of which He would receive Arati, bless everyone and leave the Kulwant Hall premises.

The speeches being delivered were so unusually long that on the third day of the Yajna, Swami asked the final speaker to conclude his talk as it was getting late. Swami lovingly told him that he would give him a chance to conclude on the next day! Sitting in the front lines of the hall and witnessing this assurance from Swami, I could not help get overwhelmed at His love and kindness. At the same time, I was thrilled by the next statement that Swami made. He said,

"Tomorrow, I will speak."

The time was 6:40pm and it appeared to be the only reason why an otherwise ‘eager’ Swami was not delivering His discourse.

On the fourth day of the Yajna, something interesting happened. It was the 25th of September and the master of ceremonies introduced 3 speakers for the evening. I was seated in the second line right in front of the dais. Even as the speakers were introduced, I felt disappointed within. I thought,

“Oh no! Not again! I hope that these speakers realize the truth that everyone here is waiting to hear Swami and not them. They better conclude in 10 minutes so that there is sufficient time for Swami’s discourse.”

The first speaker started off his speech offering his salutations to Swami. It was the same person whom Swami had promised a second innings in lieu of the abrupt conclusion of his speech on the previous evening. I realized that the original number of 2 speakers had been increased to 3 because of Swami’s promise the previous evening. However, the statement from Swami that He would also speak kept me in an anticipatory frame of mind. I was waiting for the speeches to conclude.

Judgemental nature kicks in

Once the first speaker crossed the 20-minute mark, I got a bit irritated. My judgemental mind kicked in automatically. Adding fuel  to this fire of irritation was the fact that the second speaker too proceeded beyond the 20-minute mark! I began to mentally rant,

“This is really unfair for Swami! He had clearly expressed His desire to speak yesterday and none of the speakers seem to care even the slightest for it. They just go on and on in their swollen egos. Why don’t they just stop speaking and allow Swami to deliver His discourse? They claim to love Swami but do not care for His wishes and desires!”

Thus, I mentally branded all the speakers as egotists who did not care for Swami in the least. At that point in time, I did not feel in the slightest that I was being judgemental and critical. I felt that anybody with the slightest feeling for Swami would empathise and agree totally along my line of thinking. Well, for that matter, will the reader who has come up to this point of the narrative also not tend to agree with me? If not, I am sure that what happened next will surely get you to empathise and agree with me. If even after reading the next paragraph I don’t win you over to subscribe to my line of thinking, I guess this article is definitely not needed for you in terms of the lesson it conveys. You can however, still read it to enjoy a nice story! :)

As the third speaker was speaking, Swami placed His head upon the palm of His right hand and began to look at me. Our eyes met and Swami kept looking at me. I was almost about to get up to ask Swami whether He wished to convey anything. He smiled and looked away. I relaxed my tensed calf muscles. even as that happened, He began to look at me once again. My focus on Him was so intense that I was deaf to whatever the speaker was saying. And then, He signalled to me!

With a gesture of helplessness, shaking His head and hands, Swami indicated to me that He never gets the chance to speak. I was so moved at “His plight”. Though the speaker was speaking, I slightly raised on my knees, folded my hands and gesture-communicated to Swami that He should speak. He again made a gesture of helplessness. My blood was boiling now. I felt that the whole world was so selfish when it came to Swami. By now, almost everyone in the front rows came to know of “Swami’s predicament”. This was evident in what happened after the speaker concluded the talk.

Swami told the students to sing a couple of bhajans after which He received Arati. As is the practice, the prayer for universal peace - Samastha Lokaha Sukhino Bhavanthu - was chanted thrice before the session ended. Swami sat silently, gazing at the audience. Many of the students in the front rows (me included), filled this silence with a plea,

“Swami, you should speak.”

There was no response from Swami and He continued to sit silent. Gathering courage, I got up and walked up to Him on the dais. Surprisingly, Swami did not protest or tell me to sit down. It was as if He was expecting me to go to Him on the stage.

I thought of expressing the feelings in my (and everyone's) heart as I went up the stage...

Folding my hands, I knelt before Him. I offered a prayer on behalf of everyone in the hall,

“Swami, please, speak to all of us Swami.”

Immediately, Swami flared up with irritation. He said,

“It is late already. So how can I speak?”

“Swami, at least tomorrow? There is no need of anybody else. Only you speak - that is enough.”

“How can I? I am presented with a big list of speakers beforehand.”

“Swami, for tomorrow, there is no need to entertain anyone’s list of speakers. You  just speak and that is enough.”

“Tell all this to your teachers (and not to me)!”

I nodded in complete agreement. I turned and pointed out the entire audience to Swami saying,

“Swami all are here only to hear you speak. There are here for you only and not for anyone else.”

At this point, another student, B.Prabhakar, took courage and came up the stage. He said,

“Swami, it is our desire that we hear the ceaseless flow of nectar from your divine lips.”

Swami smiled and patted him.He looked at both of us. He appeared to have ‘calmed down’ as He said,

“See, today my voice is not good. I shall speak tomorrow.”

Resolve

My mind rushed back to its thoughts and feelings a few minutes ago. I was thinking that it was high time to silence the ‘selfish’ speakers. I wondered who it was that ‘pressurised’ Swami to cede to speeches in spite of everyone’s wishes and His own wish that He speak!I wanted to spoil the ‘speakers’ party’ the next day. There was silence as we sat near Him. I wanted to tell Him that any session becomes complete and fulfilled only when He speaks. In Telugu, the word for fulfillment is Poornam. However, so many thoughts were going on in my head that when I spoke, instead of the words Poornam, I pronounced it as Poornahuthi (the final offering made to the Yajnam.)

“Swami, only if you speak then it becomes Poornahuthi.

Swami smiled and corrected me,

“Poornahuthi is several days later!”

So I asked Swami,

“Swami shall we make an announcement that you will speak tomorrow? That will make everyone rejoice!”

"No! I will speak only to the children!"

When I did not get Him the first time, He repeated it for me. I nodded, thinking that, out of His great Love, Swami was not wanting to embarrass those egotists by making their ‘selfishness’ public! It was indeed His great Love. What I did not realize was that rather than preventing embarrassment to the egotists, Swami said that to ensure that I would learn a very important lesson about not being judgemental. And that lesson would inspire me to see God in everyone at a practical level rather than just at a purely theoretical level - a lesson which would explain the significance of Shakespeare’s opening lines in a famous poem. 

All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts.

B. Prabhakar too joined me on the stage after a while! :)

But all that would happen over the next two days. Right now, I was waiting for the session to complete so that I could go and speak to some of the teachers as Swami had indicated. I decided that I would even speak to the vice chancellor and other elders if need be. What did I have to fear or lose? Swami had given me the instruction and I would just be doing His bidding. Knowing that one is doing the Lord’s bidding  is enough to instill absolute fearlessness in the heart.

“Truth has no fear. Untruth and falsehood shivers at every shadow”, says Bhagawan.

In fact, fearlessness is one of the foremost traits of a devotee because it is only God who can confer such fearlessness. That is echoed in 27th name of the Sri Sathya Sai Ashtotram,

Aum Sri Sai Abhaya Pradaya Namaha. (Salutations to Sri Sai whose Grace rescues us from all fears and grants us security from all harm.)

With this resolve to take some of the most important people head-on in a matter which was so important to Swami and all the devotees, I returned to my place in the hall as Swami retired for the day.

to be concluded in the second part posted at the following link:

Mental peace by not being judgemental - a personal lesson from Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba Part 2

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