Antaranga Sai - The innermost experiences of Sai student Balaramchandra_Part 2

Look for Swami within

The first year of college life was wonderful for Balaramchandra (aka BRC) as he became a regular singer in the bhajan group. But, BRC also noticed that Swami did not seem to physically respond to him as regularly as He would to other students. All messages to him from Swami were delivered in a subtle manner and BRC had to be absolutely in tune with his inner Swami to get them. One place where many such messages were delivered was in Trayee Brindavan during the Trayee sessions. BRC had already received the message that he should develop an inner connect with Swami during an earlier Trayee session.

{This episode as well as many other incidents from BRC’s life have been detailed in the first part. In case you have not read it, please do read it before reading this second part. The first part is at the link below:

Antaranga Sai - The innermost experiences of Sai student Balaramchandra_Part 1}

An year later, the time seemed ripe for yet another message. And again, it happened through another Trayee session or rather, the lack of it! Those were times when a Trayee session was considered a guaranteed event everyday at Brindavan. However, in BRC’s second year as an undergraduate, Swami did not call the students in for a Trayee session one day. The same thing repeated the next day. Now, all the students and teachers were worried. Why wasn’t Swami calling them for these most intimate and wonderful sessions.

“I have a bad cold”, Swami said. But all the teachers and students knew that it was something else also. A mere cold is not strong enough to keep Swami away from bestowing His warmth on His children!

Prayers and Sadhana intensified in the hostel. Academics and other activities took a back seat as the focus of everyone’s thoughts, words and deeds was on eliciting a positive response from Swami. The efforts were a success as Swami called for a Trayee session on the fourth day. When Swami arrived, He had a solemn look. He walked silently up to the jhoola (ornate swing) and sat on it. After a few moments, He asked,

“Swami came to Brindavan 3 days back. But He did not call you in. Do you know why?”

A few more moments of silence followed after which Swami Himself gave the answer,

“Swami is teaching you to look for Him within you...”

Whatever Swami said after that were a blur for BRC. That statement had hit his heart like an arrow would strike the bulls eye.  He knew that he would have to focus more on his internal Swami - his Antaranga Sai. Little wonder that the frequency of him singing that beautiful bhajan with the same lyrics kept  increasing.

This is a magical thing I have seen about whenever Sathya Sai speaks - each statement is meant for someone on whom it makes a profound impact and each statement has a different impact on different people! That gives us a clue as to how we can understand which part of Swami’s discourse we must follow and which is meant for the others! Further dilation on this present in the article entitled - Sathya Sai Speaks but who listens?

Tough situation or an opportunity to learn?

An year later, BRC graduated with a Bachelors degree in Commerce. He applied and enrolled for the MFM (Master of Financial Management) course at the Prasanthi Nilayam campus of the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning. No doubt he enjoyed a few interactions with Swami and got a few chances to go near Him. He also earned a nickname from Swami - ‘Parrot Voice’. His prayer was he should actually become Swami’s parrot, parroting all that He said and did! But then, like in Brindavan, a majority of his experiences with Swami were via the Antaranga pathway - the internal pathway. It was during his stint as a student in MFM that his understanding of the Antaranga Sai went up a few more notches.

Antaranga Sai - The innermost experiences of Sai student Balaramchandra_Part 1

BRC with his beloved Swami in a rare picture. BRC does not have many
pictures with Swami and reading on will tell you why...

It was a teacher of self-defence who re-introduced a young Balaramchandra (pronounced as Baala Ramachandra) to the greatest protection of his life. As a 15-year old lad, Balaramchandra (aka BRC) joined his cousins to learn Karate from a tutor who visited his joint-family home. Though the tutor took classes for only 4 days, he taught BRC (and all his cousins) about a personality that went by the name of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. He also took them all to the Sathya Sai Samithi in Thrissur and that was where BRC re-discovered the ‘Swami’ he had been introduced to as a child.

Though BRC’s grandfather, uncle and parents were devotees of this Swami, BRC had never given any special attention to Him. His was a family that had dedicated itself from several generations to Lord Sri Rama. That was why all the male members in the family - his grandfather, father, uncles, brothers - including himself had ‘Rama’ as a part of their names. When BRC was told that Swami was an Avatar, an incarnation of God, his first reaction was awe.

“I could never see Rama. How rare and wonderful it is that I have come to know of a living God!”

His second reaction could possibly be attributed to his Karma of several births because, for BRC, it was instant faith and love for this fuzzy-haired, orange-robed, moon-faced Baba. Soon, he came to know that Swami had started education institutions and he could avail the opportunity to become His student. Though it was the middle of the academic year, he tried to apply for a high-school admission. All he received was a letter of regret from the school saying that he could not be admitted in the middle.

BRC then studied with all determination and came out with flying colours in the nationwide Board Exams. He applied for the Bachelors in Commerce degree in the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning and got selected as a candidate for the course in the Brindavan campus of the University. It was the beginning of his life as a Sai Student and it was going to teach him some lessons for life!

Wrong assumptions

BRC joined the college in 1994 and the year turned out to be fortuitous for his batch. It was precisely at this time that the Sai Kulwant hall was being built at Prasanthi Nilayam, Puttaparthi, and so, Swami was at Brindavan for more than 6 months at a stretch. BRC was thrilled at this stroke of luck and he decided to utilize this opportunity to its fullest extent.

Like many of the students who join Swami’s educational institutions, BRC too had taken some things for granted. Foremost among these was the assumption that Swami talks with all the students everyday! A second thing he had assumed was that it would be all peace and comfort once he got admission because Swami was a mother, father, friend and master rolled into one. The third assumption he made was that he would start singing in front of Swami immediately. This confidence was based on the fact that BRC had a wonderful voice and was also a fine talent in music.

Very soon, BRC realised that he had been mistaken on all counts!

Always have a direct connection to God - Nikhil Koushik learns his lessons from Baba _Part 2

God sees only the efforts

Nikhil dialled his mother and sought her advice,

“Mother, Swami tells me that I need to do my sadhana before I can sing in His presence. Could you tell me what sadhana you did? What did aunt do... what did granny do?”

The mother was both surprised and happy at her son’s question. She replied,

“My child, I really don’t know what sadhana I have done. It has just been Swami’s love and grace...”

Nikhil already knew that this would be the answer. Every true devotee of the Lord credited Him for everything. She never claimed to have done anything special for she felt that it was Swami alone who is all special.

“Yes mother! Swami’s love and grace is infinite indeed... But... there must be something that you people did right. Tell me what you would do when you were not in Swami’s presence?”

“Your granny and aunt had deep love for Swami. From that sprung a commitment to put in daily efforts. They are talented of course but their efforts were so relentless that Swami would have been pleased with them even without their skill!”

{This is the concluding part of a story which will definitely make better sense and grant more joy if read after the first part. The first part is located at the link below:

Always have a direct connection to God - Nikhil Koushik learns his lessons from Baba _Part 1 }

Nikhil had his answer with crystal clarity. It was not as if some sadhana was better than the other. What mattered to Swami was sincere effort alone. That was probably the reason why it everyone is said to be equal in the eyes of God - because everyone is equally capable of putting in 100% efforts though their capabilities to produce results vary. Since God did not judge based on results but only based on efforts, each one has the equal capability to please God.

"If you look to me, I look to you."
Look at this beautiful picture. Do you think that there is a need for any intermediary between the devotee and God? Why don't
we strive for that direct connection? Why do we always want shortcuts? All it needs is effort

“Thank you mother. You are wonderful... Sairam.”, Nikhil said before putting down the phone. Now, he knew what he had to do - put in efforts, in whatever way he could.

The next morning, Nikhil was up and ready by 4:30am. Armed with a harmonium in the music room of the hostel, he began to practice chanting the Aumkaar (the ‘Om’ chant). He practiced till 5 am after which he went to attend the Suprabhatam. This effort did not remain as a one-day wonder. It became part of his daily schedule. He also put in supreme efforts to swallow his pride and ego. As suggested by Shailesh sir, he approached other singers in the bhajan group and sought their help to improve his singing. Having put in these efforts, he left the results to Swami and just prayed for an opportunity.

Within a week, Nikhil got that opportunity. With all love and humility, he sang a simple bhajan in the presence of the in-charges. What Shailesh sir told him that day has remained etched in his heart.

“What have you done? You have transformed completely the way you sing. You are fading out the ending of each line in the bhajan so perfectly. I suggest that you teach the exercises you have done to some of the other aspiring singers. I am sure they will benefit a lot from it.”

“Thank you sir... So... I can try singing in the mandir?”

“Yes, you can. Seek permission from Swami before that.”

A couple of days later, Swami called Nikhil to take his letter in the bhajan hall. As he handed the letter to Him, Nikhil sought permission to sing in His presence. Swami nodded with a smile and wholeheartedly permitted him. Nikhil’s joy knew no bounds. He knew his efforts had paid off.

Pride and Ego - not easy f(r)iends to subdue

That was how Nikhil achieved his dream of becoming a mandir singer - a dream that he had once taken so much for granted that it had almost turned into a nightmare. Reaching the top is one thing; staying there is a totally different game. While reaching the top requires intensity of effort, staying there needs persistence in the same efforts. While Nikhil had passed the test of intensity, it was probably the time for the test of his persistence.

Always have a direct connection to God - Nikhil Koushik learns his lessons from Baba _Part 1

Nikhil's grandmother and grandfather with
Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. 

Nikhil Kaushik descended from a very illustrious family. He grew as a branch on a family tree that had been nurtured and fertilised by classical Carnatic music. From a tender age of four, even as he began learning the English alphabet, he learned the notes of classical music. Since he had been endowed with a pretty good voice, Nikhil had no doubts that he was born to be a singer.

Apart from music, Nikhil Kaushik had been blessed with another, more valuable heritage. And that was the devotion towards Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba which his family had adopted for three generations before him. Both these inheritances - music and love for Swami - gelled well with each other and Nikhil found himself progressing as a singer in the Bal Vikas classes which he attended. He was a singer in every Samithi, Sai Center and programme that he was part of. He even sang in the presence of his Swami at Prasanthi Nilayam during the All-India BalVikas Conference in 2005.

It is therefore understandable that when he got admission in MBA at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning in June 2005, he had no doubts that he would be singing as Swami’s student too! One of the first things he did on joining the hostel was to approach a teacher to inform that he would like to sing bhajans for Swami as soon as He arrived from Brindavan, Bengaluru. That was when he received the first of many shocks.

A frank and ruthless assessment

Nikhil found out that there was a procedure to be followed before he could be permitted to wear the badge of ‘Mandir singer’ and sing bhajans in the presence of Bhagawan Baba. It was a 3-step process.

1. All the aspirants had to sing a couple of bhajans before the bhajan-group in-charges(teachers and senior singers) who would assess whether the singer was good enough to begin right away or needed practice.
2. Once the in-charges were convinced, the singer would have to personally seek permission from Swami to sing in His presence.
3. When he actually sang in Swami’s presence, the singer should not receive any negative feedback or signs from Swami.

Only when the three steps had been crossed, could a singer join the ranks of the Mandir singers.

Nikhil sang a very complex bhajan for the test. His idea was to bowl over the in-charges with his singing prowess. The feedback that he received at the end of the session shocked him to say the least.

“Your singing is pronouncedly Carnatic while you are attempting a Hindustani-style bhajan. Also, your pronunciation of Hindi and Sanskrit is very accented. The way you are ending each line of the bhajan is quite loud and abrupt. Practice hard for a few weeks and we shall see then... Next...”

Practice for a few more WEEKS!! Nikhil had tried to get the main in-charge bowled over but he had himself got stumped! He wondered whether the feedback given to him had been about someone else’s singing. He had been present when the others had sung and he felt that he was easily better than any other aspirant there. He had not come as an aspirant because he had no doubts about singing on the very day Swami arrived to Puttaparthi. But things were so different now. He who had never experienced failure before, had been subjected to a crushing judgement like this. For a neutral witness, it was evident that his ego was hurt but Nikhil saw it in a different light. He felt that it was a denial of something that was his, as a matter of right!

A peek into Nikhil’s glorious family tree will easily explain why Nikhil felt that it was his right to sing in Swami’s presence as His student.

The three lessons to keep in mind about singing bhajans

Setting for an important message

Madh Bhaktaha Yatra Gayanthi, Tatra Tishtami Narada.

(“Wherever my devotees sing, I present myself there Narada”)

The Lord presents Himself wherever His glory is sung. 

This is the beautiful assurance that God in the form of Lord Vishnu conveyed to the devotee in the form of sage Narada when asked,

“Lord, what is your permanent address?”

My sweet Lord, Bhagawan Sri  Sathya Sai Baba, has taken that statement several notches higher in intensity by stating,

Madh Bhaktaha Yatra Gayanthi, Tatra Sthapayami.

(“Wherever my devotees sing, I install myself there!”)

There is definitely many things magical about singing for the Lord, the most prominent one being that the Lord Himself (Herself/Itself) seems to look forward for the same! And it is in this context that I vividly recall a conversation with Swami that happened on the day of the Ganesha immersion festival in Prasanthi Nilayam in 2009. It was just a brief interaction and an apparently casual conversation. But as with all interactions with the Lord, it has so much to offer to us especially with regards to singing for the Lord. Just keeping it in our heart and contemplating on it over and over again will reveal fresh and multiple insights.

The students’ hostels at Prasanthi Nilayam had got transformed into hives of buzzing activity as all of them were busy putting finishing touches to their respective chariots and palanquins. They had been working for the past couple of days on creating these vehicles which would be used to carry the Ganesha idols for immersion at the end of the Ganesha Chaturthi celebrations.

A sample of 4 among the two dozen or so chariots and palanquins that lined up in the Sai Kulwant hall that day. 

It was sheer joy for me to go around on my new TVS bike taking photos of all these chariots and palanquins. Having covered the procession as it made its way towards the mandir, I rushed to Sai Kulwant hall just before Swami arrived for darshan. It was about 5pm.  He was received at Yajur Mandir by a procession of little Ganeshas from the Primary school and the Vedam group with the Poornakumbham. Swami entered the Sai Kulwant Hall and moved past the magnificent array of chariots. He blessed them and the 'makers' too with His benediction and smiles. Many brought forward plates with prasadam and fruits which Swami blessed. It took about 20 minutes for Swami to move past all the chariots and arrive on stage.

The blessings of pain - Amey's experience with Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba

The need to ‘love God’

It was during a session at the 39th Annual State Conference of the Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organization in Odisha that a young man got up and asked a question,

“How can we love and worship God when we are ourselves in such pain and need? Isn’t it true that we can focus properly on spirituality only if our needs are met and pains assuaged?”

Even as this question was asked, I began to ponder about it. It is so natural that this question arises. In fact, Swami Vivekananda is quoted to have said,

“Don’t teach spirituality to a hungry man.”

Roti, Kapada and Makaan (food, clothing and shelter) are recognised as the basic needs without which, one cannot think of one’s mental and emotional needs also. That is what the famous Maslow’s hierarchy of needs also states powerfully - that human beings are motivated by a hierarchy of needs. It is only when the needs that constitute the lower levels are satisfied that a person thinks about fulfilling higher level needs. This theory is represented by a pyramid as shown below.

Maslow's hierarchical pyramid of needs.

Physiological needs are the physical requirements for human survival which include food, water, clothing and shelter. Safety and Security needs include personal security, financial security, health security and a safety net against accidents. Love and Belonging needs are covered in belonging to some societal group, a family; having friendships and intimacy.  Esteem needs present the typical human desire to be accepted and valued by others. It is only when all these four are met and achieved that a person contemplates self-actualization, which is defined as achieving one’s full potential. Different individuals perceive this fifth need differently and it can get expressed as professional excellence, being a perfect parent, artistic magnificence and so on.

With that in mind, we get back to the question,

““How can we love and worship God when we are ourselves in such pain and need? Isn’t it true that we can focus properly on spirituality only if our needs are met and pains assuaged?”

If we delve a little deeper, we realize that loving God, as a need, works in a way more mysterious and subtle that all the five needs mentioned by Maslow. And to make that clear, it would be apt to narrate a life-experience of Amey Deshpande. Amey is not a person needing introduction to a regular reader here. He is a dear Sai-brother of mine, who has been involved in several of my experiences with Swami (Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba) including the one in which Swami accepted me as His best friend. I have earlier penned down how he took a step towards Swami and was blessed with a beautiful assurance. I have also written about his most painful experience when he got thrown out of Swami’s school - a case of things having to go horribly wrong before being set aright. In the same vein, here is another educative experience of his.

An ‘ill-fated’ Sunday-morning bhajan session

After losing his seat in Swami’s school in 8th grade, Amey had tried hard to get back into the school in 11th grade. Since that had not happened, he had tried getting admitted into the BCom course at the University. That too had not happened. So, he enrolled in the Sheshadripuram College at Bengaluru (Bangalore then) and graduating in honours with a BCom degree, Amey got employed at Hewlett-Packard. He also became a Seva Dal volunteer at Brindavan, Whitefield. He has been blessed with a wonderful voice and it is not surprising that he soon became a lead bhajan-singer there. Every Thursday and Sunday, when the Bangalore Seva Dal got the opportunity to lead bhajans, Amey was in the forefront.

A silent service revolution sweeping Odisha

The Conference in Odisha began after pinning the
"Chief Guest" brooch to a picture of Bhagawan
Sri Sathya Sai Baba. I found it very subtle and beautiful. 

The call and a calling

I received a call from an unknown number in the middle of December 2014. The voice identified himself as Mr.Jagannath Rao, the State President of the Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organization in Odisha.

“Mr. Aravind, we are having a State Conference from the 16th to 18th January. Could you be our guest for the Conference?”

“It would be my pleasure sir”, I replied, “let me know the topics and the itinerary for the same.”

A minute later, the call had concluded and soon, I received the suggested themes for the talks:

1. Service: A journey from Unity to Divinity
2. Sai’s footprints in the sands of time (which we must emulate and follow).

My mind raced back to the day in January 2009 when Swami, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, had blessed me with my first opportunity to visit Odisha. I had visited Odisha then as a journalist to cover the magnificent housing project, which Swami had announced out of the blue during the Dusshera celebrations in Prasanthi Nilayam. {That is a fantastic story in itself and has been captured in Episode 3 of another article.} During that visit, I got many glimpses of the immense love that Swami was showering on the flood-affected people of Odisha. For, what did Swami have to gain, by serving people who were thousands of kilometers away and would not be be able to return His favour in any manner? I understood better what Swami means by saying that there is no reason or season for love. I updated myself with everything about that housing project, because I felt that it would be best to remind the people of Odisha about the immense blessings that had received from the Lord. This was the theme which I weaved both my talks around - how one could serve Divinity by serving one’s family, society and nature in a united manner.

Prepared and excited about the visit, I boarded my flight to Bhubhaneshwar from Bengaluru on the 16th of January, 2015. It was nearly 4 pm when I had refreshed myself at Bhubhaneshwar and was ready to set out to the Nehru stadium in Bhadrak, the venue of the State Conference which was about 130 kilometers away. Along with me in the vehicle were also Sri Nimish Pandya, the National Vice-President of the Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organization and Smt. Kamala Pandya, his wife. We enjoyed a nice satsangh along the 3-hour journey which seemed to get over in no time. Having checked our baggage into our rooms, we arrived at the venue.

The first sight itself took my breath away!

An experience of God

At the entrance was a beautiful replica of the grand Gopuram in Puttaparthi! It was made mostly from cloth and it stood tall like a beacon for those seeking Swami’s love. It was by the side of this Gopuram that our car halted. Eager to photograph this structure, I jumped out of the car, totally unprepared for what lay in store for us. A band struck up a merry tune and almost a hundred children began to chant, “Welcome... Welcome...” A fast-paced song was being sung in the background and a lady began to wave a lamp in welcome. But there was something else that swept me off my feet - literally!  

A magnificent Gopuram welcomed all participants to the Nehru Stadium in Bhadrak. 

The decorated dais which bore the flag-pole.

Dozens of people began to fall at my feet. I saw that they were falling at the feet of Nimish uncle and Kamala aunty too and they too, like me, were having a hard time fending off these people.

“Please... no... no...Noooo....”

“Prostrate only to Swami... it is enough...”

“Sairam... Sairam... what is this you are all doing...You are overdoing it...”

We tried our best but could not stop everyone. We rushed towards the entrance and headed towards the dais because it looked like the only way to save ourselves from these feet-seeking enthusiasts. Just entering the hall, my jaws dropped again. As if the Gopuram was not enough, the main mandir of Prasanthi Nilayam too had been replicated in thermocole and cloth to serve as the dais.

“Swami, I think I can feel a bit how You felt when You came for darshan daily”, I told Swami within myself.  

God is always the first priority in life_ the life story of Bal Vikas student Raja

A story of devotion at first sight

Raja was born as Arun Patra in Koraput, Odisha to middle-class parents. He had several siblings who had graced the world before him and so, he felt that he was part of a joint family though technically it was a nuclear one. Mischief seemed to be deeply ingrained in his genes and the mother found it very hard to contain it. At her wit’s end, not knowing how to discipline her Raja, she enrolled him into a bi-weekly class which aimed to inculcate discipline, duty and devotion in children. She did not have the slightest idea about the origin and inspiration behind the ‘Bal Vikas’ classes but was happy that there was some creative outlet for the tremendous physical and mental energies that her child possessed. No doubt, her life changed after that. However, even in her wildest imagination she had not dreamed about the way it would change her Raja’s life.

Raja's life changed forever because of the Bal Vikas classes. It got him close to the goal of his life, his love and his Lord,
Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. 

The Bal Vikas classes struck a magical chord in young Raja’s heart. The ten-year old was fascinated by the stories that his Guru Matha (teacher-mother) at Bal Vikas told them. His heart seemed to be soothed by the Sanskrit chants that resonated in these classes while his mind was filled with deep questions about the meaning of life. These were questions that even his mother would have never imagined, let alone Raja; but then, his mother was not a student at Bal Vikas! More than anything, Raja developed a keen interest in the fuzzy-haired, oranged-clad ‘Baba’ who was his Guru Matha’s god. Though she always encouraged the children to pray to the God that they had been told to pray to at home, she was devoted to Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.

“Mother, why does she worship a living person as God?” Raja asked one day.

His parents were devoted to another Guru and the mother felt that the time was ripe to pull little Raja also into line.

“God is the only one who always lives and never dies. We also worship our Guru as God...”

“Is there a difference between Gurus?”

“Er... I don’t know... but our Guru is a great one. You should meet him...”

“That is what Guru Matha says about Baba. In fact all the children are going to Puttaparthi in South India for a holiday with her to Baba... Can I also go?”

The mother was silent now.

“Please mother. All my friends are going. I also want to go.”

Thus it was in 1983 that Raja made his first trip to Prasanthi Nilayam in Puttaparthi. He had his first darshan of Bhagawan Baba. By the end of the trip, Baba had become Swami for him. He was delighted and was certain that he would be setting foot on Prasanthi soil many more times in his life. His parents back in Odisha, however, were dismayed. They felt that their Raja had strayed from the path.

God gives what we want so that we want what He has come to give

The parents were determined to pluck Raja out of the clutches of “some Baba” and they took him out of Bal Vikas. But they were unable to take the Bal Vikas out of him! Raja kept in touch with all his Bal Vikas mates and he found himself falling deeply in love with Swami. By the time he reached the age of 18 when he could legally decide for himself, he had enlisted himself as a youth member in the Seva Dal (Volunteer) brigade of the Sri Sathya Sai Seva Organisation.

With all sincerity and devoted hardwork, Raja became popular with many of the people administering the ashram. He spent a couple of years working directly under the Karma Yogi Colonel Jogarao. In 1994, he was one among a trio to get posted at Bhagawan’s new residence in the Poornachandra Auditorium. Though he was very happy at this opportunity, it was not meant to be! Sri Chiranjeevi Rao, another able administrator, asked him to be at his beck and call. Sri Chiranjeevi Rao was always at the beck and call of Swami and he wanted someone sincere and well-acquainted with people in the ashram to assist him. Sri Rao was known to be a very strict person and everybody feared working with him. But not Raja! He was ready to do anything for Swami. So, he gave up his posting at Bhagawan’s residence to assist Sri Chiranjeevi Rao.