Missing what we want because of how we want it - God's dilemma

Seeking the magic of a Divine visit

Among the several magical memories that a Sai-student carries of life at the Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning, a Divine visit to the hostel often ranks very high. When Swami visits the hostel, it feels like the Lord wanted to call all the students for an interview but did not have an interview room as big as His heart! And so, He decides to visit the students in the hostel -  it is like a mass private interview on the largest scale! Such a visit brings many close interactions with Swami. He speaks to the students and the students express their feelings for Him through conversations, talks, short skits and songs. There are momentous materializations and rousing revelations.  A taste of such a visit can be obtained by reading the happenings during one such visit that had taken place in 2003. Each visit is unique and the ‘uncertainty’ about how it will unravel only adds to the anticipation and excitement.

The memorable Divine visit to the hostel in March 2003

Thus, every student of the SSSIHL wishes to be part of at least one Divine visit to the hostel. The students in our batch were no exception!  It is no wonder that we wanted such a repeat of history. But Swami always has His ways of refusing to make such a visit unless the boys plead hard enough. We prepared ourselves for such excuses of the Lord, and went to the mandir armed with a large invitation card. The card had many photos of Swami with the students during many previous hostel visits and the wording was this,

“Swami, our home is empty without you. Please bless it with your loving visit.”

Different gender, same scenes! Swami's visit to the girls' hostel in Anantapur brings thrill to everyone.

It was the 22nd of February in 2005. The clock face in Sai Kulwant Hall proclaimed 4:15 pm when Swami came out on His darshan rounds. As He neared us, we got up on our knees with the card and showed it to Him. He looked at the card and said out aloud,

“EMPTY.”

“Swami, it is empty because You are not there. If You visit our hostel, it will cease to be empty. It will become full!”, we answered.

Swami nodded and told us to go back and sit in our places.

Do we miss what we seek because of how we wish to get it?

There is a popular story that goes as follows.

A town gets flooded and there is water everywhere. A pious man is trapped on the roof of a building and has nowhere to go. The rising flood waters are slowly encircling the building and he has nowhere to go. But he is not at all worried. His faith in God is firm and he simply starts praying. He says,

“Dear God. All my life I have worshipped you and have had steady faith in you. Please come to my rescue.”

Within a few minutes, the waters have risen a few more meters and it is only a matter of 15 more minutes before they swallow the building completely. Presently, a boat comes by and the boatman shouts out,

“Sir! I have place for one more on my boat. Would you care to join?”

“No! You carry on and save someone else. God will save me.”

The boat goes away.

Minutes before the building is completely submerged, a helicopter comes above and, over the megaphone, a shout is heard,

“Sir! Please hold on. We shall rescue you.”

“I DON’T WANT YOUR HELP. GOD WILL SAVE ME. YOU PLEASE CARRY ON”, the man screams back.

God's delays are not denials but gateways to greater joy

“God’s delays are not His denials...”

This is a quote that I have heard a million times. Well, maybe not a million times, but it surely feels like that! It is possibly one of my all-time favorite phrases to be used while consoling someone who is in despair.

“Hey! Don’t worry. Things will sort out. God is there to help. Remember... His delays are not His denials.”

But my attitude towards the quote depends on how life is panning out for me. When things are sunny and fine, I completely trust the quote. When things go bad however, I seem to desperately grab on to the quote with the secret hope in my heart that this is only a delay and not a denial from God. The truth is whether I ‘believe’ in it or not, God definitely has the perfect timing and His delays are only to bring added joy! I know this to be true based on multiple experiences with my Swami, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. One singular experience however, stands out because it reinforces this quote with two simultaneous experiences of delays not being denials.

The Master walks into our life at the perfect time - ALWAYS!

Just like a single story of the charming Lord Krishna gets linked to so many other stories which reveal His divine facets, this incident too shall have its sub-stories. In fact, ‘deviating’ from the main story into sub stories has been termed as ‘Hari-Katha’ in India, a composite form of storytelling with poetry, music, drama, dance, and philosophy, which often runs for hours! The sub-stories add flavour and spice to the main story. So, here is one such Sai-Katha.

A class teacher’s classy talk

It was the March of the year 2000. I was in XII grade and was preparing furiously for the countrywide Board Examinations. In India, 12th standard is a transition from high school to University and the examinations conducted by the CBSE (Central Board for Secondary Examination) are given paramount importance. For a student in Swami’s school, it was a time of another probable, terrible transition. Since Swami had not started any medical or engineering colleges and courses for chartered accountancy, those wishing to pursue these lucrative and attractive careers had to leave Swami’s physical proximity. Further studies available in the University involved only the pursuit of a Bachelor's degree in pure sciences, commerce or the arts which is considered ‘mediocre’ by many. (This is fast changing in part due to the impressive record of the Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning).

In that scenario, an informal talk delivered to us by our ‘class’ teacher, Dr.Sailesh Srivastava was vital in the enlightenment it provided. The talk lasted two hours and was delivered late in the evening in the galleries of the Sri Sathya Sai Hill-View stadium. The next day, we were to travel to Brindavan (Whitefield in Bangalore), as the school’s outgoing batch and seek His blessings.This was the practice - the outgoing students from Puttaparthi, Brindavan and Anantapur would travel to wherever Swami was and hope to elicit an interview or at least padanamaskar. The talk that Sailesh sir gave us was inspirational and full of the divine stories of Swami. He made one particular point that struck us and seemed to get enshrined in every listening heart.

He said, “Whether we stay with Swami or not, is not in our hands. If we are supposed to be away from Swami, even if we perform somersaults to stay on here, it will not be possible. If we are supposed to be here, however hard we try to get away from this place, it will not be possible. So, that is out of our hands. That is destiny. But we can decide what we feel and desire. We can have the intense longing to be with Swami always, irrespective of where life takes us. We can choose to give Swami first priority always. That is self effort. Take care of your feelings and desires which are in your control, life will take care of itself. “

At the end of that talk, everyone was wanting to be with Swami, irrespective of what they had originally desired or what their parents had planned. If fate/destiny would take them away, so be it but they would certainly not want to be away from Swami at any cost.

The rewards of the inspirational talk

Thus it was, that a bunch of highly motivated and charged up students made their way to Brindavan. In the morning, as we all sat for darshan, Swami came and made enquiries into how many of us had come and for what reason we had come. The darshan got over during which we had managed to hand over the bundle of letters that we had all written to Swami. Within a few minutes, we received word that Swami had called us all into Trayee Brindavan, His residence at Whitefield.  With great joy, anticipation and excitement we wended our way into the Trayee compound and entered the hallowed precincts of the building. The Jhoola or swing welcomed us and we sat around it. In a few moments, Swami arrived. As soon as He came into the room, He asked,

“How many doctors here?” 

Nobody raised their hands. Sailesh sir’s speech on the previous evening was obviously showing its effects. Everyone in their hearts was saying,

“Swami, we want to be with you.”

Any desire other than God is a distraction at best - Govinda's life story with Sri Sathya Sai

Destiny is another name for God’s arrangements

Govinda had a broad smile on his face as he filled the application form to enroll into the National Defence Academy. Joining the Indian army had been his only dream during the school days and he was just a step away from achieving it. The 12th grade National Board Exams had concluded and Govinda was very confident of repeating his 10th grade Board Exam performance where he had topped his school. But there was only one problem. His father, a temple priest by profession and his mother, a simple housewife, wanted him to study more and gain degrees in accordance to the traditions of the Brahmin caste they belonged to. It was obvious that they had not understood the Bharatiya tradition of caste based on aptitude and not birth. Govinda’s aptitude had always been for physical rigour, discipline and courage. Though he was born to Brahmin parents and carried the surname, Upadhyaya, the ancient Indian tradition would have placed him in the Kshatriya caste with a different surname perhaps!

He had somehow prevailed on his parents and was hurriedly filling the forms before they could change their minds. That is when his friendly neighbour, Gupta uncle walked into the house holding some other forms.

“Govind beta, take this. You should join this college. I have all the necessary forms here.”

Govinda saw the name of the college - Sri Sathya Sai Institute of Higher Learning.

“Thanks uncle but no thanks! I am joining the army...”

“This is like the army and better than it also. You just apply. The entrance exams are in the first week of May in Prasanthi Nilayam.”

“Where is that?”

“Puttaparthi... Andhra Pradesh. That is Sathya Sai’s ashram.”

All these were new words for Govinda. He had not heard the term ‘Sai Baba’ in his life so far. He knew of some Babas near his hometown, Dehradun, and assumed that this Sai Baba also must be a wandering renunciate like them.

“But I have my NDA exams in the first week of May.”

“Just do as I am telling you. This will be the best decision of your life.” Gupta uncle was persistent.

“This is what you should do - study. Please do this instead of becoming a Kshatriya”, the parents pleaded.

Out of respect for the very loving Gupta uncle and to please his parents Govinda agreed to fill the forms. To his surprise, his favourite Mathematics teacher also egged him to apply in the Baba’s college in spite of having no information about him.

For the first time in his life, Govinda decided to step out of his home state of Uttar Pradesh and travel more than 2000 kilometres to the state of Andhra Pradesh. Before he left, Gupta uncle gave him a filled rucksack which contained several pairs of white dresses along with other essentials that he would need for a year! He also gave him Rs. 15,000 before bidding him all the best. His parents gave him an additional Rs. 5,000.  Thus it was that in the first week of May of the millennium-changing year 2000, Govinda found himself in Puttaparthi, to write the entrance examinations for the BSc degree.

A ‘hot’ welcome

Puttaparthi was an immediate put-off for Govinda. It was simply too hot for him in sharp contrast to the cool Dehradun climate. Added to that, it was a ghost-town (as Swami was in Brindavan, Bangalore, in the month of May 2000). He was accommodated along with three others from the states of Himachal Pradesh and Bihar. These three would always have Sai Baba’s name on their lips and would keep studying for the exams. Govinda thought they were crazy. He had decided not to study one bit so that he would flunk the exams and go back home. Little did he know the power of the destiny-strings with which the Lord beckons to a devotee!

God's PUSH is always for the greater good of the individual

How many times do we go through something in life, wondering why that is happening to us. We are convinced that life would be much better if things proceed in the manner of our thinking. Hours, days, weeks, months or (sometimes) even years may pass. One day, suddenly, looking back on those very same episodes in life, we are grateful for them because they have made us what we are today.

In matters concerning Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba, my God, Master and best friend, I always felt that I wasted those ten-odd years of my life during which I did not know Him. I used to wonder how much better life would be if only I had come to Him earlier. Today, in retrospect, I am simply happy because I am convinced of God’s perfect timing which I have experienced and understood multiple times. Of course, there are still those instances where I do not understand why something is happening. I try to tell myself in complete faith that things are happening in the best manner possible - only that I am not yet aware of the significance and beauty of the Lord’s action. That is the secret of surrender.

Let Go... Let God

A big opportunity and an even bigger challenge

In 1994, I had wanted to study in Swami’s school but was not getting admission at Puttaparthi. I was told that I could apply in the Puttaparthi school only for grade 11. Desperate to be in His school at any cost, I had got myself admitted at the Sri Sathya Sai Vidyapeeth in Calicut, Kerala. I was in 8th grade in 1995 when I was presented with an irresistible offer after I won the Hindi elocution competition.

“Would you like to deliver a speech in Hindi for the festival of Onam in Sai Kulwant hall, Prasanthi Nilayam, in Bhagawan’s divine presence?”

I was thrilled. I would have been ready to memorise and deliver a speech in French also if it was in Swami’s immediate presence! I nodded and jumped at the opportunity.

The opportunity was also a big challenge. My Hindi was (and is) at best average. The elocution competition victory was simply an ode to my memorizing skills and definitely not a confirmation of my mastery over India’s national language! So, I decided to use the same technique as the elocution competition for this speech also - I decided to learn it by-heart!

I had two months to prepare and I requested my Hindi teacher to write down the entire speech for me. Then began the act of ‘mugging’, the colloquial term at school for committing something to memory!  Weeks of labour and hundreds of rehearsals later, I had become adept in my speech. In fact, if someone woke me up in my sleep and uttered “Aum Sri Sai Ram” - the first line of my speech - I could simply rattle out in the next 7.5 minutes my entire speech with the voice modulation and body language! I was quite well prepared for Onam in the Divine presence.

In order to justify some of the feelings I went through later, I must give a brief background of the atmosphere in my school which was also called Sri Sailam.

A picture that fills me with nostalgia today - the bust of Swami in the 'Mantapam' welcoming everyone into Sri Sailam.