By giving we receive - Sai teaches me the generosity paradox

The Generosity Paradox

It is by chance that I came to know of the existence of the Generosity Paradox. By definition, a paradox is a statement that is self contradictory because it contains within itself, two parts which are both true and yet, cannot otherwise be true at the same time. The Generosity Paradox states that the more we give, the more we will receive. By spending ourselves for others’ well-being, we enhance our own well-being. In other words, this means that by holding on possessively to what we currently have, we lose out on better things that we could have gained.

Both are true... Yet both are false - A Paradox!

It is easy to understand why this is called a paradox. Logic states that when we give we lose what we are parting with. On the other hand, by holding on we continue to possess what is valuable for us. That is the cold logic of a zero sum game - when some one gains, the other has to lose. Logic does not allow for a win-win situation because the material universe is finite. How then does generosity/kindness/goodness work?

It is interesting to note that the answer is simple and it has sound logic backing it. I discovered this answer for myself by travelling through the lanes and by-lanes of my memories that have been neatly recorded in several personal diaries. Needless to say it involves an experience with my Master and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.

The ‘handkerchief chance’

During the late 90’s and early years of the new millennium, Swami used to bless the students with one special kind of chance - the handkerchief chance. Unlike the years before and after, 1997-2001 saw Swami walk alone during darshan without anyone following Him. He would collect and carry all the letters which devotees offered on His own. Thus, when He materialized vibhuti (holy ash) for any devotee, any student (of the Sri Sathya Sai school or college) in possession of a handkerchief could run up to Him and offer the same for Him to wipe His hands on. Naturally, the student who was seated closest to where the materialization happened was in the best position to avail this ‘handkerchief chance’! I was a regular to leap at this chance and often carried two handkerchiefs daily to mandir. In fact, my first, memorable interaction with Him was also through this kerchief chance.

Scanning through the pages of my diary, I understand that the 21st of December, 1998 was special for me because I got this handkerchief chance with Swami. What I realize today is that it was also a chance for me to experience the generosity paradox firsthand.

As always, I reached the mandir and scoured the devotees’ sitting areas for whom I felt might get vibhuti from Swami. This was like picking a ticket for a lottery because several other students with handkerchiefs in their pockets too would be on a lookout for probable places where they could avail the ‘handkerchief chance’! I finally settled in front someone who seemed lost in meditation. I felt that Vibhuti might be gifted to him as a fruit of his sadhana. Isn’t it amazing how we are constantly evaluating and judging people!

Soon, the music filled the air and the beautiful form in orange came floating into the hall. It took about fifteen minutes for Swami to come near where I was seated. He paused for a while and looked at me. Then, moving over to the opposite side, he crossed my meditating man. A couple of feet ahead, He paused again and spoke to someone. The way He took a step behind and held out His right palm, I knew that He was about to materialize something - vibhuti mostly. I tensed my muscles, ready to sprint on confirmation of the vibhuti. The next second, I was off.

A 'handkerchief chance' that was captured by a camera. The camera was a cheap one but it
captured an invaluable memory.

Swami distributed the vibhuti He had just created to several people seated there. After that He turned to me, took the handkerchief, wiped His hand thoroughly and walked on throwing the kerchief back at me. I put the kerchief into my pocket and, from my other pocket, pulled out small sheets of paper. I distributed these to the blessed ones to safely store their gifts of grace in. That was when one of the devotees, a westerner, asked me for one more sheet of paper. I was surprised but I gave it to him nevertheless. He shook his head to say no and again asked me for something, pointing to my other pocket. I realized that he was asking me for the handkerchief! I just smiled at him and ran back to my place.

When God grants - Three stories on God's giving

There is a reason why the greatest truths in life are communicated via stories. Stories are lapped up easily. They remain in one's subconscious even if one is unable to appreciate the lessons or insights they offer. And they come to mind at the perfect time, when one is in need of exactly those insights! So, when it comes to the question of how to make God grant us the wishes we seek, I am reminded of three stories. Actually, two of them are anecdotes and one is a story, all of them related to my Lord, Master and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba. 

1. Whatever you seek of God is lesser than what He wishes to confer

When I was in my fifth standard, I got so enamoured by Swami’s darshan that I decided something very different. I told my father, 
“For this birthday, I do not want any birthday party. Just like you do, I want to shoot pictures of Swami with a camera.”

My dad smiled. He had noticed my desire for photography even as he took Swami’s pictures in Whitefield. He had, in fact, already procured a camera! He gifted me the 35mm, fixed focus, Yashica camera and said,
“Why wait till your birthday? You can take photos when we go next for darshan in Brindavan!”
I was so thrilled and thus began my beautiful journey with the camera.

Fast forward about 7 years. I joined Swami’s school and realized that I would get an opportunity to get physically close to Swami like never before. I was thrilled at the prospects that held for my photography. But I only had a 35mm, fixed-focus camera. I wished that I had a better one and since my birthday fell right in the beginning of the academic year, I thought it was time to seek another gift from my father.

“Dad! Here is what I want for my birthday...”
“My son. I have a plan...”
“No!”, I cut him short, “please buy me a camera with a zoom so that I can take better pictures of Swami. Please!”

I got a new camera in a month. It had a small built-in zoom that ‘brought Swami closer’ to me. Still, it was not close enough. Once the film rolls were developed and the photos were out, my mother put a dampener on me, 
“None of your photos are as good as the photos your dad has taken!”
I felt hurt and insulted. I retorted,
“That is because I don’t have a camera like him!”
 Hot tears were almost making their way down my cheeks.