Pangum Langhayate Girim - Bejoy Misra's life experience with Sri Sathya Sai - Part 1

Journey to God

Bejoy Kumar Misra moved hurriedly on the railway station in the city of Cuttack. A cloth bag which contained a few clothes, a book and a pen slung across his body as he made his way towards the train that would be taking him to Vijaywada in the neighbouring state of Andhra Pradesh. Excited anticipation filled him because he was about to make a journey like he had never done before. Considering his circumstances, it would also be a great adventure.

Does this look like a polio-struck 70-year old to you? Living
for God has its unique way of generating  youthfulness,
energy and enthusiasm!

For starters, Bejoy was on crutches. His left leg hung limp, afflicted with polio. Having been born in pre-independent India (1943) in the economically backward state of Odisha (formerly known as Orissa), Bejoy had been struck a cruel blow by the poliomyelitis virus. He had battled it as an infant with the help of many medicines. He won the war but lost a leg in battle. As far as his memory went, he had needed support to move around. However, that was not what made this impending journey challenging. Bejoy, with his crutches, felt as normal as normal could be. His shoulders and arms had grown stout and strong and he easily moved across barriers, climbed staircases and utilized the primitive public transport India offered in 1967. The challenge according to him was the distance that had to be travelled.  

He had not travelled anywhere in a train except between Cuttack and Bhubaneswar, a distance of just 25 kilometres. He would now be travelling 32 times that distance (805 kms) to Vijaywada and that would be just one half of his planned journey! He was doing this alone with just Rs 10 in his pocket. To make matters worse, nobody at home knew what he was up to! He had gotten out of his house saying that he would be visiting a friend.

Bejoy knew that the money he had wasn’t sufficient to even buy the ticket to Vijaywada. But then, hadn’t he decided to take the leap of faith? He literally jumped into a seat in the train and settled down, absolutely unaware of what lay ahead for him. Ticketless and filled with anticipation, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and visualised his plan. He would get off at Vijaywada and take a train to Guntur. At Guntur, he would change trains to reach Guntakal from where he would catch a train to Dharmavaram. From Dharmavaram, he would travel by road to reach Puttaparthi and, the goal of his journey, Sri Sathya Sai Baba. The whole journey would span more than 1300 kilometres - a distance that Bejoy possibly had not travelled even when he put together all his train journeys so far in life.

What had spurred a 23-year old physically challenged lad to seek a 40-year old ‘Baba’? What had motivated him to embark on a journey without any preparation? How did he get the courage? All answers lay in Bejoy’s early life.

A fire rages on

Even as a child, Bejoy took great interest in the spiritual side of life; possibly the result of several previous births of yearning. Being the eldest among 9 siblings at home (7 brothers and 2 sisters), he was naturally expected to be the most responsible one. However, things in the worldly domain hardly interested him. His father was a headmaster to hundreds of children at school and to nine children at home. He was a strict disciplinarian who practiced all that he preached. For him, duty was God; work was worship. Though he expressed no outward emotion towards his children, Bejoy knew that he was a solid support in life. Being an English teacher, he inspired love for that language in Bejoy as well. Seeing Bejoy’s aptitude for the English language, he hoped that he would prove his mettle by rising higher than the father had ever done in his life. But Bejoy was least interested in a career!

He graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree with honours in Odia (his mother tongue) and great proficiency in English (his father’s tongue). But then, Bejoy, to add fuel to the scorching fire in his heart, devoured books on Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, Shivananda and Vivekananda. Gita was in his daily reading list. He hungered for more books that would satiate his innermost desire. Even among the English literature books, his favourites were those by authors and poets who had a deep spiritual side. But, however much he read, he wasn’t satisfied. Though he was always surrounded by siblings at home and friends in college, he felt lonely and had the least interest in anything.

That was when he read an article which would change his life forever! It was a piece by Dr. Sundar Rao in a 1966 edition of The Illustrated Weekly of India. (Simply known as ‘Weekly’ by its readership, this magazine which started publication in 1880 was considered to be an important English-language publication in India for more than a century. Many young students of English used it as a regular reading and guide for honing English language skills in vernacular India. It is now defunct, having closed down on November 13, 1993.)

Yearning to Learn; Learning to Yearn

An evergreen song - Ek Radha Ek Meera

There is a popular Hindi song comparing the love of two devotees of Lord Krishna, Radha and Meerabai. These two are possibly among Krishna’s greatest devotees. The first few lines go like this:

Ek Radha Ek Meera, Donon Ne Shyaam Ko Chaahaa
Antar Kya Donon Ki Chaah Mein Bolo
Ek Prem Diwaani Ek Darash Diwani

{Radha and Meera, both desired for Krishna.

Tell me what is the difference in their desire?

While one longed for His (physical) love, the other sought to see Him (darshan). }

What makes the song interesting is that Radha was a contemporary of Krishna while Meera lived in an era thousands of years after Krishna’s physical passing. In fact, everything about their lives is different - totally. And yet, what is common is that both achieved their ultimate goal of union with their beloved. That should be an inspiration for us because it shows no matter how different we are in the way we love God, we all are equally capable of achieving Him. What matters is how we yearn for Him ALONE. There are many instances of yearning for God being more important than experiences with God and this post will be an extension of those thoughts.

Hear the beautiful song in the golden voice of Lata Mangeshkar.

Personally, the song brings solace to my heart that pines for and misses the physical form of my Sathya Sai Krishna, my Swami. It encourages me to keep the flame of yearning going with the oil of devotion till the wick of my body burns away. It soothes me with the assurance that though all do not get the opportunity to be a ‘Radha’, everyone can grab the opportunity to be a ‘Meera’.

Every now and then, it is not uncommon for me to feel a spiritual void, a disconnect with my Swami within. At such times, I try to focus on Swami in everything I do. Like a faithful dog, I stand barking at the door of my Master, refusing to lick the juicy tidbits He throws me because I know that when all else fails, He will surely come out of the door and pat me. It is one such experience post the ‘Mahasamadhi’ of Baba that I would like to share.

The void

It had been several weeks since Swami had come in my dreams. It had been nearly a month since vibhuti manifested in the altar at home. Of course, my work at Radiosai involved seeing videos of Him, hearing His discourses and thinking about Him. And yet, I was feeling a void. I realized that while with yearning and personal sadhana, work becomes worship, without them even worship becomes a work! Thus I felt that I need to pine more for Him.

I confided into my wife, Pooja, and told her that I was missing Swami a lot.

“It was so easy when He was here. Why did He have to leave?” I asked her rhetorically.

“Swami knows best”, she replied before encouraging me, “the very fact that you are yearning for Him is a blessing from Him. Be grateful and keep praying.”

“Sane advice indeed but it does not help my crying heart...”

“If you love Swami, instead of just feeling for Him start doing something for Him”, she egged me on.

“I am doing many things right...”

“But you still are not satisfied” she cut me, “then do more for Him. See, I am planning to do a week long Sai Satcharitra reading.”

“Where do you have the time?”, I asked wonderingly because she would have to manage our daughter Bhakti at home apart from the 7 hours she would have to put into the work-from-home job.

“I will make time...”

By giving we receive - Sai teaches me the generosity paradox

The Generosity Paradox

It is by chance that I came to know of the existence of the Generosity Paradox. By definition, a paradox is a statement that is self contradictory because it contains within itself, two parts which are both true and yet, cannot otherwise be true at the same time. The Generosity Paradox states that the more we give, the more we will receive. By spending ourselves for others’ well-being, we enhance our own well-being. In other words, this means that by holding on possessively to what we currently have, we lose out on better things that we could have gained.

Both are true... Yet both are false - A Paradox!

It is easy to understand why this is called a paradox. Logic states that when we give we lose what we are parting with. On the other hand, by holding on we continue to possess what is valuable for us. That is the cold logic of a zero sum game - when some one gains, the other has to lose. Logic does not allow for a win-win situation because the material universe is finite. How then does generosity/kindness/goodness work?

It is interesting to note that the answer is simple and it has sound logic backing it. I discovered this answer for myself by travelling through the lanes and by-lanes of my memories that have been neatly recorded in several personal diaries. Needless to say it involves an experience with my Master and best friend, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba.

The ‘handkerchief chance’

During the late 90’s and early years of the new millennium, Swami used to bless the students with one special kind of chance - the handkerchief chance. Unlike the years before and after, 1997-2001 saw Swami walk alone during darshan without anyone following Him. He would collect and carry all the letters which devotees offered on His own. Thus, when He materialized vibhuti (holy ash) for any devotee, any student (of the Sri Sathya Sai school or college) in possession of a handkerchief could run up to Him and offer the same for Him to wipe His hands on. Naturally, the student who was seated closest to where the materialization happened was in the best position to avail this ‘handkerchief chance’! I was a regular to leap at this chance and often carried two handkerchiefs daily to mandir. In fact, my first, memorable interaction with Him was also through this kerchief chance.

Scanning through the pages of my diary, I understand that the 21st of December, 1998 was special for me because I got this handkerchief chance with Swami. What I realize today is that it was also a chance for me to experience the generosity paradox firsthand.

As always, I reached the mandir and scoured the devotees’ sitting areas for whom I felt might get vibhuti from Swami. This was like picking a ticket for a lottery because several other students with handkerchiefs in their pockets too would be on a lookout for probable places where they could avail the ‘handkerchief chance’! I finally settled in front someone who seemed lost in meditation. I felt that Vibhuti might be gifted to him as a fruit of his sadhana. Isn’t it amazing how we are constantly evaluating and judging people!

Soon, the music filled the air and the beautiful form in orange came floating into the hall. It took about fifteen minutes for Swami to come near where I was seated. He paused for a while and looked at me. Then, moving over to the opposite side, he crossed my meditating man. A couple of feet ahead, He paused again and spoke to someone. The way He took a step behind and held out His right palm, I knew that He was about to materialize something - vibhuti mostly. I tensed my muscles, ready to sprint on confirmation of the vibhuti. The next second, I was off.

A 'handkerchief chance' that was captured by a camera. The camera was a cheap one but it
captured an invaluable memory.

Swami distributed the vibhuti He had just created to several people seated there. After that He turned to me, took the handkerchief, wiped His hand thoroughly and walked on throwing the kerchief back at me. I put the kerchief into my pocket and, from my other pocket, pulled out small sheets of paper. I distributed these to the blessed ones to safely store their gifts of grace in. That was when one of the devotees, a westerner, asked me for one more sheet of paper. I was surprised but I gave it to him nevertheless. He shook his head to say no and again asked me for something, pointing to my other pocket. I realized that he was asking me for the handkerchief! I just smiled at him and ran back to my place.

The handkerchief-mischief of my sweet Swami - 3 episodes of insight with Sri Sathya Sai Baba

If we take any aspect of Swami’s (Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba’s) physical life, we see that it has changes according to the time, place, person and situation. The way He grants darshan, for instance, changed from walking among a few dozen people in a small hall to walking in a disciplined gathering of thousands (with music backing) to personal appearances at the homes of the devotees themselves currently! And in between this spectrum of three distinct points that I have mentioned are many other intermediate stages. Each of these stages have their own speciality.

During the late 90’s and early years of the new millennium, Swami used to bless the students with one special kind of chance - the handkerchief chance. Before I proceed to narrate three interesting stories, let me explain this 'kerchief chance'.

Unlike the years before and after, 1997-2001 saw Swami walk alone during darshan without anyone following Him. So, He would collect and carry all the letters which devotees offered on His own. Thus, when He materialized vibhuti (holy ash) for any devotee, any student in possession of a handkerchief could run up to Him and offer the same for Him to wipe His hands. And I was one among the many students who decided to build a relationship with Him through this ‘kerchief chance’! In fact, my first, memorable interaction with Him was also through this kerchief chance.

Now, we are ready to enjoy three little episodes that hold a significant message for all of us.

Whenever Swami materializes vibhuti, it is a source of joy not only for the recipient but to everyone, all around!

Mischief should only bring joy and no pain - Episode 1

It was one hot afternoon in the holy hamlet and all of us students were assembled in the Sai Kulwant hall by 3:15 pm for darshan. I got a chance to be seated in the first line and since I had a handkerchief in my pocket, I feverishly hoped that Swami would create Vibhuti for some devotee who was seated near me. I could see another boy who was also cuddling a handkerchief in his pocket. If Swami created vibhuti at little distance away from me, then the ‘kerchief chance’ would fall in that other boy’s ‘territory’! And so, I was hoping that it would happen close to me!

I scanned out the faces of devotees with the hope of being able to locate one who might be in ‘distress’ and thus deserve the materialized vibhuti. Today I realize that all these efforts are so foolish but those were my ways then. And almost every other kerchief-chance-seeking-lad had similar ways. 

Darshan began. The gentle music floated through the air and the Lord floated into the hall. He seemed to glide so beautifully. One would find it hard to believe that He was actually walking - the full-sized robe made it seem like He was skimming over the land surface. When He was just a few feet away from me, He materialized vibhuti for a devotee. It was in my ‘territory’! I was overjoyed! I rushed to Him with the kerchief. 

He took the kerchief from me and wiped His hands. Then, instead of throwing back the kerchief to me, He threw it down. It fell down straight on His lotus feet. I thought that I would wait till He moved ahead and then pick up the kerchief before returning to my place. And then, the unexpected happened!
As Swami walked ahead, I saw that there was no kerchief on the ground! I wondered as to what had happened? Had some devotee taken the kerchief as a token of Swami’s blessings and grace? It was very much possible - in the bygone days, people used to collect the sand on which He walked as a treasure! I began to scout the devotees quickly to see who had taken away ‘my’ blessed kerchief. Even as I searched desperately for about 9-10 seconds, I saw smiles blossom on the faces of many devotees.

I looked up and saw Swami at a distance. He was about 10 feet from me. He turned around, smiled and gently shook His foot. As He walked on then, I saw the kerchief neatly deposited on the floor. The mischievous Swami had held the kerchief with His foot and had carried it away! Now, a smile blossomed on my face too. I walked the ten feet, picked up the kerchief and returned to my place.

The beauty of His mischief is that it never hurts anyone - it makes everyone around happy. How wonderful if all our mischief too can be that positive and beautiful?

The gift of the holy ash is to remind us the transience of everything worldly. From dust we have come; to dust we shall return.

Love God's uncertainty, even when things seem to go wrong - Episode 2

On another occasion, the ‘kerchief-chance’ competition really had heated up. It was a session when two of us with handkerchiefs were sitting side-by-side. Just like any devotee who wished to give a letter could get a letter, any student who wished could get a kerchief. There were no restrictions. (In fact, many devotees too would get handkerchiefs with the hope that they would be able to beat the student and offer the same to Swami!) Thus, I knew, if Swami created vibhuti I would have to be really quick to outrun my ‘competitor’.

That is the beauty of being with Swami. Competition gets created for who can get first to the Lord - a far better alternative to the rat races that exist for money, position and fame. 

Swami came for darshan. As He came near where we were seated, He began to talk quite a lot with a devotee. Now, this meant that there was a high chance of that devotee getting vibhuti. My muscles tensed and I saw my ‘competitor’ tense his muscles too. He was sitting by my side and I could feel his muscles tensing! 
“I have to be real quick if I have to get this chance”, I thought.

And then, Swami slightly moved and began to encircle His palm. Ah! That is a sign that He is materializing vibhuti. Even before He could create the same, I got up and rushed to Him with the handkerchief. I had beaten my competitor who was still sitting. With jubilation at this victory and the anticipation of the ‘kerchief-chance’ with Swami, I went to Him.

What an anti-climax it was!

Swami did indeed wave His palm. But instead of the fragrant, grey ash, out came an emerald-studded ring. Even as He placed th ring on the devotee’s finger, He seemed to look at me questioningly. It was as if He was asking me,
“Why did you come running here?”

While a ring instead of vibhuti may make the recipient smile, it made me, the 'giver of the kerchief' feel embarrassed! 

Since Swami is a strict disciplinarian, I got so scared. I returned back to my place at double the speed at which I went to Swami. Everyone there were smiling and laughing. It was with great relief that I saw my fear turn into a joke and I too joined in the laughter.

“Love my uncertainty”, Swami says. 
We love it only when we get unexpected bounties, but can we love it even when things seem to go wrong?

God has a plan for us and that is all we need to know - Episode 3

This time, Swami created vibhuti for a student. Three of us students rushed to Him with a handkerchief. Each one of us had started off at the same time and though each one saw the others, nobody wanted to give up. And so, all three of us kneeled before Him with our respective handkerchiefs. Now, it looked real funny! And we were wondering as to what He would do.

I secretly hoped that He would simply wipe His hands on all the three handkerchiefs being offered. In that way, everyone would be happy. But what Swami told was totally the opposite. He told all of us to put the kerchiefs back in our pockets! When I was hoping He would bless all the three of us, He seemed to have decided to bless none of us!

Even as we put the kerchiefs into our pockets, came the unexpected master-stroke. It was one such occasion where Swami's uncertainty brought joy with certainty! 



Swami told each one of us to stretch out our hands and gave us also the same vibhuti which He had materialized! We were pleasantly shocked. Presently, a fourth student came to Swami with a handkerchief and Swami wiped His hands on that! The fourth guy was also thrilled at this unexpected bounty. 

God’s plans for us are always way better than our plans for ourselves. If only we can hold on for that extra bit longer, we will enjoy His love and grace in a greater measure!




If you enjoyed reading this, you will also enjoy the following articles of a similar nature:

1. Vibhuti manifestations: Sathya Sai keeps up His word and His pranks too

2. God's sense of humour - incidents with Sri Sathya Sai.

3. Sai Humour: Speech bloopers in the Divine Presence of Baba

For all readers:

(If you enjoyed this and wish to subscribe to this blog, please go to the right hand side and choose the last 'box' which says subscribe. Another blog which I maintain with more than 200 articles on it is at http://aravindb1982.hubpages.com. If you wish to be added to my mailing list, please email me via this page with the subject "ADD ME TO MAILING LIST".

Also, use the Tweet and FB buttons below here liberally to share with your friends and family!

Thank you)

The story behind the 'Memoirs of a Sai Student' - Part 2

Time and tide wait for none

The blessing (or rather the lack of it) for the manuscript on my birthday was a powerful prodding for me to not give up on the idea of a book of student-experiences. By this time, Swami had blessed my parents also to come and settle down in Puttaparthi after my father’s retirement. Thanks to my parents’ presence, I was relatively freed from my daily ‘maintenance’ chores. In the free time thus obtained, I made a humble beginning for the book of my life. I had no previous experience in writing a book. I did not know where to begin and how to proceed. I knew that when God gives a task, He also gives the strength needed to achieve it. I only had to start making the efforts and things would evolve as per His plan. Thus, I opened my first-ever personal diary and read through the first twenty pages. Then, I began to write whatever I felt. The beginning had been made!

{This is the concluding part of a story that is midway through its revelation. If you wish to enjoy the full story, please start from the beginning at Part 1 in the link below:

The story behind the 'Memoirs of a Sai Student' - Part 1 }

But then, the inspiration was soon put on hold because I got pulled into writing another book. Recency effect made me start writing about the recently concluded trip to Delhi and Simla. The desire to publish a book had gotten so strong in me that my mind was offering easy avenues to complete a book. I had elaborate notes and hundreds of photos from the recent trip. So, I thought I would make a ‘quick book’ out of it! At the same time, a plethora of activities began at Radiosai for the upcoming 85th Birthday celebrations of Bhagawan Baba. I got fully immersed in the making of the “Message of the Lord” - a 30-part video-serial on the life and teachings of Swami. There was also a lot of activity on the production of the grand musical - Prema Pravaham. Added to these, a plethora of cultural programmes at Sai Kulwant hall by devotees from all over the world, kept me on my toes and I literally had no time to sitting calmly and writing a book.

A screen-shot of the second episode in the Message of  the Lord serial. The 30-part serial
has been received very well the world over and can be accessed from the Radiosai site. 

2010 was over in no time and in flowed 2011. Before I could understand the implications of the grand drama that the Lord played, Swami had left the physical. It is impossible to describe what I went through and I am sure that most readers will be able to empathise with me. My world seemed to have come to an end. Everything that I held most dear, seemed to have been cruelly snatched away from me. No amount of tears shed seemed to assuage the pain my heart was reeling under. I did not know what to do. I just cried more.

Pain-soothing balm

Swami is the most loving and compassionate one. He will Himself bear great pain but He is unable to bear the pain of those that love Him and miss Him. In His own special way, He reminded me of what I should do to get rid of the pain and vacuum that had enveloped my heart. The answer came in the form of a memory...

It was something that Swami had told us at the conclusion of an unforgettable group interview during Ramadan in 2006. It had been a very warm and lovely session and so, it was not surprising that at the end, all of us prayed to Swami that we should always be close to Him. He had smiled and said that ‘nearness’ might not be possible all the time. But He also added,

“Treasure and cherish all that you have received now. Keep contemplating on these moments and derive joy from them always. Be happy always.”

A memorable moment from the interview on Ramadan in 2006 where Swami advised us on how to be happy always
irrespective of His physical proximity.

‘Receiving’ from Swami is only one part of the blessing. Living and reliving what I have received is the way to be happy always. I had got my answer! Thus I started my blogging journey.

It is darkest before dawn: Sonja Venturi finds light and purpose in life_Part 2

A new ‘career’ for Sonja

Every life has a divine destiny to fulfill. The goal is pre-determined. It is only the paths that vary. There are numerous ways to climb to the peak of a mountain but the peak itself is one. The path that Sonja had to take to fulfill her divine destiny was that of music. She could feel it, not just in her bones, but deep within in the core of her heart. That also, was Swami’s gift to her.

She realized that she was being inspired from within to exude music. It was now time to channelise them into words and tunes.

Sonja continued visiting Prasanthi Nilayam, Puttaparthi as often as she could. After her ‘angels choir’ experience, her ear and heart began to get more and more attracted to bhajans. 

{This is the second part of story which will make better meaning and sense if you read it after reading the first part. If you have come here directly, you could visit the link below to read the first part.

It is darkest before dawn: Sonja Venturi finds light and purpose in life_Part 1 }

Though the tunes won her over, she struggled to grasp the words. Again, Swami came to her rescue gifting her a Bhajanavali (book of bhajan lyrics) through a friend. Now, Sonja could get some idea of the lyrics and sing along the bhajans. She really loved this way of praying and found it easy to connect with her Swami in this manner.

Once back in Italy, she did something she had never done before. She picked up a harmonium and began to play on it. She tried singing the bhajans she had heard in Prasanthi Nilayam. Having enjoyed the bhajans there so much, she attempted to create her own abode of peace in the confines of her home. Even as she put in efforts to sing bhajans, Swami gifted her with a second present!

While the first gift had been the music ‘processor’, the second gift was an ‘output device’. Without her knowledge and in a most miraculous manner, Sonja noticed that the voice emanating from her throat sounded so different from what it had been all her life! It was no longer her voice but a different one, perfectly suited to singing! Sonja was surprised and wondered what had happened. Was she dreaming?

A friend walked into the room and exclaimed,

“What a voice  that is!”

There was nobody else singing but Sonja.

“ Oh my God! How beautiful you sound!”

Such was the beauty in her voice that Sonja had no doubts that it was Swami. How else could someone with zero music-training and zero voice-culturing create music and sing so well?

Sonja now began to interpret, rearrange and shape various bhajans using the inspiration in her heart. The bhajans acquired the romantic hues of Italy - full of deep-seated passion, love and energy. Those bhajans became Sonja’s prayer, meditation and offering to Swami and her Krishna. By now, Sonja had become divinely obsessed with these two forms of Divinity - Swami and Krishna.  She would laugh and cry, playing the piano and singing. This would be her way to celebrate and her way to battle loneliness. She realized that every emotion and feeling that arose in her heart expressed itself through this music that Swami had gifted her. And every emotion - good or bad; happy or sad - got sanctified because it was offered to Swami.

Divine confirmation of the story so far

The blessing of music seemed to be building up for a crescendo as Sonja made a trip to Brindavan, Whitefield in Bengaluru. The Italian group was called into Trayee Brindavan for an interview.